Date Twenty-Eight - Closed Encounters
Cheerilee plunged her muzzle into the bouquet and inhaled deeply. The flowers rich scents were intoxicating. "How did you know hydrangeas were my favorite?" Grinning, she took a bite and chewed happily as she interlocked her leg with Caramel’s. Unhurried, they strolled casually down Ponyville’s main street.
Caramel shrugged, a blush creeping into his cheeks. “Actually, I didn’t. I just asked Lily to put together the best arrangement that she could manage.” He scratched behind an ear. “When I told her who it was for, she said that she’d try to make it extra nice for you.”
“Well, she did!” Cheerilee replied, picking out a chrysanthemum and popping it into her mouth. “It’s delicious!”
“I, uh…” Caramel cleared his throat looking away. “I felt like after last time—”
Cheerilee bumped the stallion with her hip, shooting him a warning glance. “Hey, we agreed. No talking about the past.”
“But—”
Cheerilee dragged Caramel to a stop. “Look, it wasn’t your fault. Stop beating yourself up about it.” Cheerilee reached for him, touching his cheek lightly. “You can’t let a couple of bad experiences bring you down.” She gave him a smile. “Trust me on that one.”
“I know, I know,” Caramel said, nodding. “I just… well…” Caramel shuffled from hoof to hoof uncomfortably. “It’s just that I, um, really l-like you. A-a lot. And, uh I haven’t exactly shown you my best…”
Cheerilee put a hoof over his mouth. “Shh. It’s all in the past.” Edging closer, she tilted her head toward the stallion, her eyes coquettish. “And if you really feel that way about a mare, you should show her…”
Caramel cheeks moved from pinkish to a blazing beet-red, but he leaned in eagerly…
“Sheesh, get a room, you two!” Rainbow called out, laughing as she flew overhead.
Nearby, Applejack whistled, fanning herself with her hat. “Atta boy, Caramel! Hoo-ey! Y’all’re makin’ me a little warm over here!”
Caramel scowled at the farmer, his face flaming. “Applejack!”
Applejack laughed and threw a wink over her shoulder before trotting after Rainbow. “Good luck, cuz!”
Cheerilee sniggered, covering her mouth with a hoof. “Maybe we should get a move on, huh?” Taking another bite of the bouquet, she elbowed Caramel in the ribs. “So where are we going, anyway?”
Flustered, Caramel tried to collect himself. “Um, well… there,” he answered, pointing to the theater across the street. “I mean, I wanted to take you in there." Caramel pinched the bridge of his muzzle, squeezing his eyes closed. "I mean to see a movie," he said with a sigh.
“Smooth,” Cheerilee replied, laughing gently as Caramel grimaced. “C’mon! Let’s go.”
~~~
“What do you mean ‘closed?’” Caramel said, frowning. “It’s Friday night! How can you be closed?”
Third Reel pulled off his glasses, polishing them against his worn tuxedo jacket. “Our projector caught fire today. It happens sometimes. A film gets too action-packed or steamy, and the old boy just rolls over and gives up the ghost.” The unicorn shrugged, offering an apologetic smile. “It’s never adapted to modern tastes.”
“Are you kidding me?!”
“Caramel, it’s okay,” Cheerilee said, pulling on his leg. “It’s not his fault. Look. Sugarcube Corner is right across the street. Let’s just get something there and talk.”
The stallion scowled at the theater one final time, then allowed himself to be pulled across the street. Cheerilee bit her lip, trying to keep from laughing. Poor Caramel was muttering a continuous stream of opinions about shoddy maintenance standards and inattentive owners.
Cheerilee added an extra spring into her step, gripping Caramel’s leg tightly. “Oh, stop grousing! This will be perfect. We’ll have a chance to—oh!”
Sugarcube Corner’s door flew up, missing Cheerilee by less than an inch. “Now, careful with those!” Filthy Rich called out as he held the door for a seemingly endless parade of assistants. “I don’t want even a speck of icing out of place.” Turning, he stuck out his hoof, then retracted it. “Well, hello th—oh, it’s you.”
“Yes. Yes it is,” Cheerilee replied. Nearby, Caramel shivered. It seemed that the temperature had suddenly plunged.
“Well, allow me to get out of your way, Cheerilee. I know how choosey you are about every little thing.” Filthy curled his lip, staring down his nose at Caramel. “I can see it’s only the, ah, best for you.” Filthy snapped his hoof at his assistants and trotted on. “All right, hurry it up, you guys.”
Caramel arched an eyebrow at the mare. “What was that all about?”
Cheerilee stared daggers into the back of the rapidly disappearing business owner. His large entourage struggled to keep pace, huddled together like a ragged flock of ducklings. “Let’s just say that you’re ten times the stallion that creep is.”
Caramel pushed the door open, holding it for Cheerilee. “You went out with that guy?”
The mare sighed, wondering where to even begin. “Not exactly. He asked me to apply for a marefriend position a while ago. Then he followed it up with a twenty-five page negative performance evaluation of my ‘interview.’ He had it couriered to my house.”
Caramel’s eyes grew large. “He did what?!”
“I know! Ugh, it was—”
“Oh, I’m sorry, you two,” Cup called out, trotting out from the kitchen, “but we’re closed.”
Cheerilee pointed to the sign on the door. “But it says you’re open for another three hours.”
Cup trotted over, flipping the sign around. “Well, usually we are, but Filthy… did you two see Filthy?”
They nodded, both pursing their lips.
“Well, apparently Diamond Tiara’s having a sleepover, and she wanted some goodies. He bought out the whole shop!” Cup shrugged, spreading her hooves helplessly beside her. “We don’t have a crumb left.”
The three ponies jumped as a piercing wail rose from the kitchen, followed by uncontrolled sobbing.
“Dear me!” Cup said, trotting behind the counter once more. “This is a little tough for Pinkie. She’s never seen the bakery like this, and I can’t get us any more flour until tomorrow! I’m afraid she’s in for a… a rough night.”
The pair watched as the Cup grabbed a pair of galoshes and a rain slicker from somewhere under the counter. Slipping into them, she grabbed a rubber hat from a nearby hook and jammed it onto her head. “If you could be a couple of dears and make sure the door is securely shut on the way out, I’d really appreciate it!”
Taking a deep breath, Cup steeled herself and opened the kitchen door to a gale of tears. Leaning into the wind, she forced herself in, inch by inch. “It’s okay, Pinkie!” she yelled, her voice nearly lost in the heart-broken wailing. “We’ll make more tarts tomorrow!” Straining, she yanked on the door, struggling to close it.
The pair stood blinking as the door closed.
“Well,” Caramel said, finally breaking the stunned silence, “maybe dinner?”
~~~
“I’m so sorry, but we’re closed.”
Caramel slapped his hoof over his face, grinding his teeth. “It’s Friday night!” he growled. “This has to be the busiest night of the week for you!”
The manager nodded, slowly walking forward and forcing the pair out of the restaurant. “Normally, yes, but it’s a holiday.”
Caramel glared at the stallion. “What are you talking about? It’s not a holiday!”
Cheerilee cleared her throat. “Well, actually it is, but only for mules. Today is the first day of Assover.”
The stallion beamed. “That’s right! It officially started fifteen minutes ago.”
Cheerilee and Caramel glanced at each other uneasily, each wondering if the other would ask.
“But, um…” Caramel said, licking his lips nervously, “you’re… not a mule.”
The manager chuckled, shaking his head. “Oh, I’m converted. Married into it, you see.”
Cheerilee and Caramel sighed together as the manager shut the door. The snapping bolt had the sound of finality, but both refused to give in. “Dancing?” Cheerilee finally offered.
~~~
“No! No way!” Caramel began to gallop toward the stream of ponies erupting from the nightclub. “This place isn’t closed, is it?”
“Yeah, they just shut it down,” a passer-by said, dragging his hooves glumly. “The owner said that the health inspector came by on a surprise visit. They posted up some notice about the music and drinks grossly exceeding the fun maximum.”
Cheerilee closed her eyes, taking a moment to collect herself. “Are you saying that this place was shut down because the party was just that good?”
Looking over his shoulder, the stallion sighed and nodded. “Yeah, it was really off the hook. It was bound to happen at some point.”
Caramel stomped a hoof. “This is ridiculous!” Grabbing Cheerilee’s leg, he began pulling her back the way they’d come.
“Hey, slow down!” she called, struggling to keep up. “Where are we going?”
“Look, the Quill and Sofa shop is still open!” Caramel answered, pointing to the store.
“So what?”
“We’re going somewhere tonight if it kills me!”
~~~
“Oops. Closed, you two. My wife just had our first foal! Have a cigar!”
“My chakra been misaligned all day. The spiritual energy's just all wrong. Normally I’d still be open, but, you know… auras!”
“Nope, I’m retiring. Decided just ten minutes ago.”
“Sorry, we’re closing. I’ve got a hot date tonight!”
“Well, I just saw everypony else closing up shop and thought it must be the thing to do. Have a nice night!”
~~~
Caramel and Cheerilee sat on a park bench, staring out at Ponyville as the lights of the town’s businesses winked out in rapid succession. Occasionally, one of them would open their mouths to say something, but then close it again, realizing that they had no reasonable explanation. Little by little, the street around them fell into darkness.
Caramel inched his hoof along the bench, letting it come to rest beside Cheerilee’s for a moment. When the mare didn’t move away, he tentatively took her hoof in his own. “Cheerilee, I just want to tell you—”
“Do you want to go back to my place?” Cheerilee said, looking down into her lap.
“Well, I… uh,” Caramel replied, his mouth rapidly drying. “Uh, sure, if that’s okay with you.”
Cheerilee gave him a small smile. “Well, at least it won’t be closed.” Hopping up, she pulled him up, refusing to release his hoof. “C’mon, I’ll make us dinner. It’s just on the other side of the park.”
“That’s sounds great!” Caramel replied, his heart beginning to quicken.
Together they trotted, then galloped, pounding their way through the park. As they crossed the bridge that ran over Ponyville’s stream, the echoes from their hooffalls clattered into the darkness. Without the background din of Ponyville’s nightlife, their sprint sounded like an stampede.
“Halt!” a voice rang out. “Just what do you think you’re doing?” Standing at the foot of the opposite side of the bridge, Officer Turnkey glared at them. Beside him, several officers held hammers and small signs mounted on long, wooden stakes.
Cheerilee sniffed, tossing her head. “Not that it’s any of your business, but we’re going home.”
“Not on this bridge, you’re not,” Turnkey growled, grabbing a sign from his subordinate and turning it for them to see. “You see this? ‘Bridge Closed For Repairs’ it says. And here you two are, running around on it like you don’t have a care in the world!”
“Well, you should have put a sign on this side of the bridge if you wanted ponies to stay off!” Caramel snapped, his eyebrows slamming together. “If you’d move out of the way, we’d get off of it!”
“Sorry. No can do,” Turnkey said, crossing his legs. “I’ve got orders not to let anyone walk on this bridge. You two will just have to stay there until the repairs are done.”
“Get out of my way, you nutjob!” Caramel said, his jaw jutting forward. He let go of Cheerilee’s hoof and started toward the end of the bridge.
“Oh, ‘Willful Disobedience of the Law’, eh? We’ll see about that.” Turnkey and his officers spread out, cracking their hooves.
“No! Wait! Wait!” Cheerilee through a leg around Caramel’s shoulder, hoping that the legendary Apple stubbornness wasn’t as strong in his line. “We’ll just go back the other way.”
“No, I’m afraid you won’t,” Turnkey said, pointing behind them. They both turned in time to see an officer hammer one of the signs into the path. With a bored expression, he adjusted it to sit perfectly perpendicular to the bridge, and then trotted away.
“That would be illegal,” Turnkey finished, narrowing his eyes.
“That’s it, I’ve had enough!” Caramel launched himself at the wall of troopers, dragging Cheerilee behind him. “Get out of my way!”
~~~
Cheerilee tilted Caramel’s head into the light, lightly touching the mouse that was growing beneath his eye. She whipped her hoof away as he hissed.
“Well, you shouldn’t have charged them!” she said, throwing her hooves up and wincing as they slammed into the roof of the paddy wagon.
“I didn’t think they’d actually try to stop us,” he muttered, looking away.
“Well, you figured wrong, didn’t you, buddy,” Turnkey said, smiling. Reclining in the front bench, he twirled his enormous key ring in one hoof, thoroughly enjoyed the scraping sound the keys made as they spun.
“Look, are you going to take us to jail or what?” Cheerilee spat, glaring at the officer through the metal grating. “We’ve been sitting here for hours!”
“No can do, filly,” Turnkey said, whistling. “Jail’s closed. Renovations.”
Caramel and Cheerilee banged their heads lightly against the wagon’s dirty walls, each privately wondering where they had gone wrong in their lives.
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wha wha wha wha
TROLLESTIA!!!!!!
Best thing ever.
And soooooo close. So so so close!
~Skeeter The Lurker
4071881 Yes, I imagine by 500 dates in, that it's going to be exactly like this. The world will have gone completely mad as it tries to wrap itself around her ever-increasing vortex of romance-induced terror.
4078295 Maybe Celestia is behind this all. Maybe she is...
Who else has the power? Discord? Sombra? Derpy? The world waits to find out.
4078299 The Mulish religion is one that I will be saving for further exploration. I loved that when it came to me.
Haha! They both are like bad luck magnets! At least Caramel ends up with someone down the road.
4078340 It's funny what sticks. To me, Caramel has been a hard luck character since he screwed up in Winter Wrap-Up. There's no real reason that I feel like he ought to be a perpetual misfit since that point, but I do.
4078343 Gotta admit it. I loved Assover and the while Mulish religion idea. I'm going to be using that in the future.
Caramel is just so good to her. Which makes the fact that he's seen with a girlfriend later on (in the Hearts and Hooves Day episode, no less) just so, tragic.
Don't, show that one. Please please please don't show the date where Caramel gives up on Cheerilee altogether. That's too cruel, even for this story.
Cherilee should start using these powers for evil. "Im looking for a date in your town tonight, though for the right price I could be convinced to look elsewhere.
Cheerilee and Caramel are the unluckiest couple in the world.
You know I think there might be something wrong here.
Or the story took a very creepy turn
4078451 I don't think so. When you have a bruise that fills with blood and swells, it's called a mouse. He got beat up by the cops and so he has one.
Still rooting for you Caramel!
4078467 I usually call that a goose egg, but maybe that's only on the dome of the skull.
4078391 Well, this story is a comedy, even if it's not ha-ha-hilarious all the time. That seems like a topic that is a little too weighty for this. Could be a spin-off story, though…
Oops. Double comment.
4078518 You seem very optimistic. I like that.
4078520 I think a mouse has to specifically be under the eye.
4078467
I did not know that. It makes far more sense than a rodent type mouse growing from him.
I'm now reminded of Steins;Gate
Next date; Turnkey takes Cheerilee out for a night on the town whilst she tries and fails to get the keys to cuffs.
Good thing the Ponyville belltower is closed tonight. Cheerilee probably has some 'party supplies' stashed up there by now.
All right, that was hilarious.
4078402 Someone make a fanfic of that, now! I wanna see it!
4079249 She would, but Pinkie's always up there ringing that bell now...
4079341 Glad you enjoyed it!
4078343 He saw the opportunity and took it.
I want to see an "Alternate Reality" Caramel x Cheerilee shipfic :P Seeing as in the true reality of realities it'd never work out.
You know, despite the sudden rash of closings around Ponyville, technically Cheerilee and Caramel had a rather good date. All the chemistry appears to be there. I am still waiting for Cheerilee to go on a date with a Diamond Dog (who happens to be a wealthy mining magnate).
I cannot help but imaging the pegasus cherry sales pony from Putting Your Hoof Down saying this.
Piccy
Somewhere, somedraconequus is laughing - Discord, in other words. I can't imagine how something like this could happen purely by coincidence.
Assover...
MILK SHOT OUT MY NOSE AT THAT, YOU SICK HILARIOUS BASTA
D! IT GOT ALL OVER MY FATHER, AND I HAD TO EXPLAIN WHY!!!
Me gusta.
4078327
images3.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20110929145960/nonciclopedia/images/8/8b/Kyubey_trollface.jpg
Oddly enough, this felt like one of the better dates she's had.
This is the point where I lost it, and from the look of things so did Caramel.
4081422 Well, she did get to spend some time with Caramel, at least. Not sure it was quality time, but time nonetheless.
4079705 I can't help it! I was born to ruin Cheerilee's life!
4080054 Well, I hope that means it's working. I feel like a large portion of this story depends on people wanting to see Cheerilee actually succeed at some point, so it's encouraging when I hear people actually say that.
4080236 That would be a hilarious choice for a new age practitioner!
4081147 But... Discord is still trapped in stone. Though someone did point out that he can do anything, really. Time travel isn't out of the realm of possibility.
4081208 I'm going to take this comment and frame it!
4081280 I still haven't seen that series. I did watch a bit of it on YouTube the other day, just so I'd understand what the hell that thing was and why it wanted people to make wishes.
Then it get shot the hell up by this girl with a handgun...
Way to kick misfortune up another notch. I'd hate to see Cheerilee's luck on Friday the 13th. ...Well there's an idea...
And you know what they say, Caramel... fourth time's the charm.
4082045 I think if she goes out on Friday the 13th, she might break reality. The bad luck axis might be so bent that it would loop back around to good!
Holy shit everything is closed not just the stores but the prison as well.It seems as if the whole Universe is against her or she's just having some extremely bad luck that won't seem to go away lol
4081988
That would be Homura-chan.
*grumbles*
... their perfect for each other.
This was hilarious!
Been thinking about a few more possibilities for this
The one that got away: Cheerilee goes to the ocean to get away and meets someone while swimming only to later find out he's a Seapony
Discord: The CMC got him loose, perhaps while he was free and the elements were busy or after he reforms he decided to 'thank' their teacher for bringing them there that day
Dream date: a date that actually goes well, until Luna shows up revealing it is a dream, or treating her dream like her personal soap opera
-either that or a bad date that turns out to be a dream and her frustration that even in her dreams her curse persists
Secret Admirer gone wrong: either the letters were meant for someone else or from an unwanted source, Depry Mail services strikes again
Movie Concept: Got this idea form an old movie whose title escapes me, you have two school age kids ones a genius and the other a troublemaker, the genius created a machine that affects aging (I think he meant it as a means of ending world hunger by quick aging plants) the troublemaker uses it to age himself into an adult to escape their rules and ends up dating his hot teacher, in the end he returns himself to normal but in a twist the teacher reduces her own age and the genius becomes her substitute
-I figure you could do something similar with a spell from Twilight
Magical Mayhem: A mistake spell from Twilight brings oh say that horse head statue from the library to life, (Cheerlie can keep thinking her date looks familiar) and she either interrupts the date to return it to normal or the spell wears off at the worst possible moment (sort of a build on the orange frog incident from “too many pinkies”
I was a little disappointed this chapter didn't feature an alien abduction and dinner date, but there may be time for that later.
What I was thinking when the guy mentioned
over: "Huh. He doesn't look Mulish."