Date Twenty-Six - A Moussed Connection (Guest Chapter by Seether00)
A guest chapter written by Seether00
The date was going well…
Suspiciously well.
“What’s the matter, babe? You look a bit on edge.”
“Oh, nothing.” Cheerilee wiped the frown from her face. “Just… Let’s say my last few dates have been interesting, but not a good way.”
“What happened? You get mugged?” Gilda said with a chuckle.
“No. Held hostage.”
That got a raised eyebrow. “Seriously? Huh. Well, you don’t need to worry about that anymore. Not while I’m around.” Gilda proudly brandished her talons. “Not while I have these babies.”
Cheerilee sipped from her glass of red wine and smiled at the large griffon hen seated across the table. She had to admit, Gilda certainly was physically attractive with a deep chest, broad shoulders and an impressive wingspan.
To be honest, Cheerilee had considered giving the dating scene a break, but Raindrops had pushed her to “think outside the box” or in this case, outside the species. Also, she’d mentioned something about talons being the best thing for those hard to reach areas. There’d been no time for further elaboration as Raindrops had merrily pushed out the door.
Cheerilee hadn’t expected Raindrops to set her up with Gilda of all creatures. The rowdy griffon hadn’t exactly left the best of impressions the last time she’d visited Ponyville. All previous blind dates being such “winners”, she had fully expected the encounter to immediately end with some rude comments, followed by a return home to her reliable tub of superswirl-fudge ice-cream. Her dates so far had never made it to dessert.
To her surprise, she’d encountered a well groomed griffon standing in her yard, wearing striking purple eyeshadow with a bouquet of roses, and a reservation for two at the new Prench-Griffish restaurant in town.
“I’ve never actually been to a Griffon restaurant before,” Cheerilee admitted. She looked, a bit perplexed, at the menu card. It was written entirely in Griffish and Prench. The restaurant itself was all candlelit tables and fancy linens. All the staff appeared to be griffons. The few ponies appeared to be like herself on dates with griffons. As one such couple passed her table on the way towards the exit, Cheerilee couldn’t help but note the odd, uncomfortable expression on the pony’s face.
“Don’t worry ’bout it, babe,” Gilda said. “I’ve already ordered the choicest grub they have to offer. Trust me. You’ll love it.
And indeed she did. The wine was excellent, and the first appetizer of mushroom duxelle on a thick slice slice of toasted Prench bread was both rich and delectable.
But Cheerilee’s eyes were on the true prize of the night. Carried aloft by a waitress towards another table, she beheld a wondrous sight: A pair of tall glasses filled with the darkest, creamiest, most glorious, most holy chocolate mousse she had ever seen. A mousse deserving of such worship, she could almost hear a choir raise its voice in song.
Wiping away a tiny string of drool, she made a vow.
Come what may, as Celestia as my witness, I shall make it to dessert!
Their own waiter arrived shortly to serve the next appetizer course. He brushed away the few crumbs on the tablecloth with a fine comb before lifting the cloche.
“Potato mousse topped with caviar and truffle.”
The tiny ring of mousse was light and creamy. Cheerilee wasn’t sure about the little black beads on top. They were salty but enjoyable.
“This all seems very expensive,” she said.
Gilda waved away her concern. “It’s cool. Being a courier between Equestria and the Griffon Eyries is a sweet gig. I fly all over the world and get paid a bundle of cash doing it. Beats a teacher’s salary any day… Not that there’s anything wrong with teaching kids, I mean.”
Cheerilee giggled at the griffon’s flustered backpedaling. The blush surfacing through her feathers made her look cute. She took another sip of wine. “Don’t worry about it. Celestia knows, nopony ever became a millionaire from teaching. It sounds cliche, but I do it for the children.” She noted her glass was now empty. “Though sometimes they do test my patience.”
“Your soup course, madams. Prench Onion soup with Gruyere cheese.”
Melted cheese oozed down the sides of miniature crocks. Puncturing the top layer with a spoon yielded toast soaking in a dark, salty broth accented by generous quantities of sweet onions.
As much as she enjoyed it, Cheerilee couldn’t quite place the flavor—nothing like the vegetable soups she’d eaten in the past.
“Caesar salad.”
Gilda dug into her plate with gusto as Cheerilee frowned. Intermixed with the more familiar ingredients of lettuce, croutons, and cheese were what she swore were…
“Gilda, are these fish?”
“Anchovies, yeah,” Gilda replied. She speared one of the tiny fish and swallowed it with a satisfying slurp, making the teacher to cringe.
Okay, Cheerilee, calm down. She’s a griffon. You’re probably the first pony she’s taken on a date. She probably doesn’t know any better. Think of it as an educational experience.
Out of politeness—but really more about the all consuming need to make it to the all important mousse—Cheerilee cut a teeny-tiny piece of fish, surrounding it with as much lettuce and dressing as possible. The horrible smell entered her nostrils as she slowly brought the fork to her mouth.
She suppressed a gag when the anchovy hit her tongue.
By The Sisters! It tastes worse than it smells!
For next few minutes, she poked at the salad.
“Something wrong with the food, babe?” Gilda asked.
“Nope, nothing wrong at all,” she lied, taking another bite. Both smile and grimace fought for dominance. “So, Gilda,” Cheerilee said, moving the subject away from the food. “Am I the first pony you’ve dated.” By the sour look on Gilda’s face, this was a sore subject. “Oh, I’m sorry. We don’t need to talk about it if you’re uncomfortable.”
“No no.” Gilda stabbed a crouton. Hard. “It’s not like I took a month of unpaid vacation to see her, or flew all the way across the continent. Nope, it’s totally cool. Just like it was totally cool how she made a fool out of me in front of all her new pals and kicked me the curb. Yeah… It’s cool. I’m not bitter. I’m not bitter at all.” Her plate looked more like a crime scene at this point, anchovies torn into little pieces. “But enough about my ex. How about you?”
Cheerilee chewed piece of lettuce. “I dated a prince once.”
Gilda raised an eyebrow. “That actually sounds pretty awesome.”
“He left me stranded at sea.”
“...Okay…”
They were saved from more awkwardness by the timely arrival of the next course.
“Escargots à la Bourguignonne.”
Cheerilee stared at the trio of shells on her plate. “Gilda,” she asked. “Your ex. Did you happen to take her out to Griffon restaurants?” She watched as her date insert a long tined fork into one of the shells.
“Sure. She couldn’t get enough of the stuff, actually. Why?”
“No reason.” Okay, Cheerilee. If another mare can do it, so can you. You’re supposed to be open-minded. Just taste one. Don’t think of them as one of those slimy gastropods that ruins your garden. Think of them as… Well I don’t know. Just don’t imagine snails!”
Duh, hey, Miss Cheerilee!
“Arrggh!” Cheerilee pushed the plate away. Her screech drew a few stares from the other tables.
“Whoa!” Gilda reached over to grab her hoof. “You okay?”
“No! I mean yes!” Cheerilee tried to get her breathing under control and push the dopey face of Snails out her mind.”
Gilda sat back down with a frown. “Oh I get it. You don’t like the food, do you?”
“What? No! I am really enjoying it, honest. Look.” As the griffon watched, she grabed her fork and teased the snail out of it’s shell. She tried not to gag as she brought the morsel to her lips.
On the outside she said, “Mmmm, delicious.” On the inside, however:
Eww eww eww! It’s like eating a warm gummy bear! A gummy bear soaked in garlic-butter!
Her facade almost cracked when she felt the snail slither down her throat.
Well, that’s it. I’m never going to be able to look at Snail’s cutie mark same way ever again. At least Gilda looks happy. Maybe I can make this work. Huh, how does she smile with a beak?
The errant thought was filed away for later. She swallowed the last escargot just as their waiter arrived with the second to last course.
“Peas and Carrots.”
Well that sounds normal.
The waiter lifted cloche. “Sweet-butter poached lobster tail topped with peas and carrots.”
Oh c’mon! I know it’s a different language, but how does that even make any sense!
At this point it became clear. Whatever force governing her life was actively trying to prevent her from getting through dinner, thus to the all important chocolate nirvana.
Gilda pursed her beak. She looked a bit put off when Cheerilee started laughing. “Umm, babe? What’s so funny?”
Cheerilee returned a smile and dug in. “I was just thinking how funny it is that words and phrases can mean completely different things in other cultures. As a teacher, I find it fascinating.” She ignored the soft pillowy texture of the lobster’s flesh. She ignored the sickening sensation of it sliding down her gullet. She even ignored the meek butter-colored voice scolding her in a firm but polite manner for eating the flesh of an innocent little crustacean.
Shut up, Fluttershy!
“Yeah, I guess,” Gilda replied, scratching back of the her head. “I’m not much of a bookworm, to be honest.”
They made small talk for a few minutes and the table was cleared for the final course. Cheerilee rubbed her hoof together. She had nearly done it. A dinner date almost complete. And what was this? She could hear the choir raise their voices once again as the waiter returned.
Two sacred vessels were placed on the table. They were even more beautiful close up.
“Mousse Au Chocolat served with wine-poached black cherries and toasted almonds. Bon appétit.”
“It’s...” A tear ran down her cheek. “It’s so beautiful.” She almost regretted ruining such perfection. Almost.
A perfect dimpled portion of rich dark chocolate mousse stood proudly in the tall martini glass. Cherries glistened seductively; their juices swirled into the chocolate in a dark red ribbon.
Oh yes! Come to momma!
“Well well. Look who has the guts to show her beak.”
Cheerilee lowered her spoon and slowly turned towards the noise. She watched Rainbow Dash, wearing a blue dinner gown of all things, march over to their table and get right in Gilda’s face. Another dark feathered griffon, wearing a party dress, followed closely behind. She covered her eyes with a claw, clearly mortified.
“I thought I told you never to show your face here again, Gilda.”
“Hey! Watch it, dude!” Gilda pushed Dash away and stood up. Both unfurled their wings. Cheerilee scrambled to prevent her glass from tipping over. “It’s a free country, Rain-blow. No one, especially not a mangy traitor, tells me what to do!”
If Cheerilee remembered her lessons on pegasi culture correctly, there was going to be a fight. She pulled her glass closer.
“Ha! You haven’t changed a bit, Gil-Duh. Still blaming everypony else but yourself for your own screwup. I don’t know what line you fed Cheerilee here— no offense, Cheers—but I’m not gonna stand by and watch you con some gullible pony—again, no offense, Cheers—into thinking you’re something other than a big fat jerk. So why don’t you make like a tree and get outta here?”
Splat!
Noooo!
Indeed, running down Rainbow's noggin in a river of chocolate and cherries was Cheerilee's dessert.
“Oooh, that’s gonna leave a stain.” Gilda smirked and dipped a talon into her ex’s mane, tasting it. “Gotta say this, Dash. You’ve never tasted better.”
There was still the glass mean for Gilda left. One last chance for the sweet chocolatey taste of victory. Cheerilee lunged across the table with her spoon.
Just one taste!
But…
Splat!
“Nooooo! Why?” Cheerilee wept.
Gilda slowly wiped the chocolate from her eyes. "Cute. Real cute, Dash." Growling, she pounced.
Griffon and pegasus wrestled. Each in their prime, powerful muscles rippled and flexed beneath their sleek fur, drawing appreciative gasps from the nearby diners, who cheered when tables were broken and laughed as both dresses were reduced to ribbons dangling off the pair’s heaving, sweaty bodies.
“I outta clip your tail-feathers, you two-faced backstabber!” Gilda squawked, wrapping Dash in a headlock.
“Go lay an egg, birdbrain!”
Cheerilee watched in silence. She didn’t get up. She didn’t make a sound. She didn’t even flinch when Gilda bodyslammed Rainbow Dash through the table. Not even when Rainbow wrapped her hooves around her opponent in a bear hug. Nor when they started making out.
She did wish they’d stop licking chocolate mousse off each other, though.
Cheerilee sighed out in despair and raised a hoof. “Waiter, check please.”
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NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! NOT THE DESSERT!!!
What an ending!
Well, at least SOMEONE got a happy ending. Maybe that griffon RD was with would be willing for a rebound date?
I can only imagine that Rainbow Dash's griffon date has almost as horrible luck with romance as Cheerilee does.
Hmm...
That gives me yet another idea for a guest chapter...
Dat ending...
I got nothing!
~Skeeter The Lurker
Wow, that was cruel. Poor Cheerilee
Aw damn. I feel Cheerilee's pain in this one. I'm like that with Creme brulee. Can't get enough of the stuff.
Some day, Cheerilee. Someday.
Hopefully...
(Gasp) WE NEEEEEEED TO HAVE A CHAPTER WITH DOCTOR WHOOVES!!!! DALEKS, SILENCE, WEEPING ANGELS, I CAN SEE IT NOW!!!!!
Nor when they started making out.
someone up there must really, REALLY hate her...
Come on! Gilda and Rainbow Dash getting back together during Cheerielee and Gilda's date?!
I'm really not sure if this wasn't some elaborate prank on Glida's part. If it was, it was an expensive one.
I wonder if she's really that ignorant about Ponies and their approach to meat or if she's just so arrogant she doesn't care very much. I'm betting that Rainbow just quietly set the meat aside and didn't comment on it. Glida strikes me as being somegriffon so totally self-absorbed that she wouldn't notice.
Obviously Cheerilee needs to add 'persons with crazy, obsessive exes' to her list of dates to avoid like the plague!
Damnit, Dash.
Is this why we don't have hippogriffs? Are griffons really that blind to a pony's dietary choices? I heard somewhere that a pony would eat meat if they're given it, but they're not really supposed to.
Then again, Dashie didn't seem to have a problem with it (according to Gilda), so what do I know?
Gosh darn it. This chapter made me starve. I love all those foods. Well, maybe not the anchovies. Poor Cheerilee.
I've heard of Friendly's Happy Ending Sundae, but that's ridiculous...
4046133 YES YES YES YES YES YES *deep breath* YYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! but obviously with him and Derpy hooking up at the end ^^
Poor Cheerilee, felt every minute of that, somebody buy the poor dear a dessert finally...
4045624
Yes! Steal Rainbow's date, Cheers!
4046590
Or maybe Rainbow didn't mind!
Out of curiosity, do you have any particular rules when it comes to guest chapters, as in, can just any oik off the street fling one at you, or do you only offer invites?
Cause I had this idea...
4047687 I'll PM you.
4046590
Actually, one of the ideas thrown around was to make it one elaborate prank by Gilda and Dash to see if they could get Cheerilee to eat disgusting things. I couldn't do it. I am not that mean.
4047031
Neither of them have any patience.
4045784
Glad someone got it. +1 for you, Mcfly.
4046053
In my defense, I considered letting her have a consolation dessert, but then... Nah, it's Cheerliee's Thousand. No cheers for Cheerilee allowed.
4034807 That would be interesting, but not all of the mane six would probably swing that way. And as of last chapter Rainbow Dash might be taken.
*Snerk* Bravo. *laughs and applauds*
30.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lax4bqzBZu1qa54hvo1_400.gif
God I love pointing out references with gifs
This is officially the best chapter all because Gilda's in it.
26/26
On a roll.
Sheesh, this is just sad!
Back to the Future reference!! Nice!!
Aww, poor Cheerilee...how darest thou make me read this chapter before lunch?