Choking Up
Lightning flew through the cold night sky, Helia and Airheart not far behind. The three kept calling out to one another, working together to gather up as many clouds as they could over the wide Ponyville weather area. Their collection had been growing all night long, the task made frustratingly slow by a list of new rules Rainbow had thrown their way for the night. They worked to guide one last, thick cloud over the town, joining it with all the others they’d been gathering.
“Alright, I think that’ll do.” Lightning flew high to analyze the white blanket below. “Come sunrise the ponies will have a nice fluffy pile of snow to play in. Good work, girls.”
Her wingponies landed atop the clouds and shared a weary hoofbump, mist billowing up from their mouths. “That’s what I call a productive night,” Airheart declared, dropping onto her back with a relaxed smile.
Helia shivered and her wings fluffed. “And a cold one. I hope we don’t get too many of these night shifts.”
“We get what we get.” Lightning landed close by and shivering at the chill of the clouds on her hooves. “’Course, a couple weeks ago I’d have been furious about it and all these crazy rules. I’d swear Rainbow just made them up.”
Helia hopped and hovered, rubbing her shoulders with another shiver. “Do we have anything else we need to do tonight? ‘Cause if not I’d really like to bury myself in some warm blankets.”
Lightning chuckled and waved an indifferent hoof at her. “Nah, Cloudchaser’s team is supposed to drop the snow. Our part’s done.”
“Good, I’m outta here.” Helia flew a quick circle over her squadron-mates heads. “See ya tomorrow, girls!” She was gone, diving through the cloud and out of sight.
Lightning rolled her eyes with an exasperated smile. “She is such a wimp.”
“But she gets the job done,” Airheart reminded her with a long yawn. “I guess we should head back to our respective places, too.” She raised a hoof and waved, sinking backwards into the cloud. “See ya, LD!”
No, not yet; Lightning came forward and caught Airheart’s tail in her teeth, but she had already dropped below the clouds and tried to fly off. Lightning was nearly pulled through the fluff, but was able to hold on.
Airheart poked her head up out of the clouds. “Hey, what gives?”
Lightning spat the tail out and made a gagging sound. “Pony hair is not tasty and I do not recommend trying it.”
Airheart giggled, setting her elbows on the cloud as if it were a countertop and resting her cheek in a hoof. “You should try Rainbow’s tail; I have it on good authority that hers tastes like candy.”
“Really?” Lightning thought on this with a dubious frown. “Says who?”
“Applejack.”
Lightning blinked, thought on this news and shook her head. “I’ll take her word for it.”
Airheart grinned with a shrug. “Just thought I’d pass along the info. So what’s up?”
The question was out, and Lightning found herself caught without words. She blushed; this was a topic she’d been trying to achieve for some time now, ever since her talk with Rainbow. Yet now that the opportunity was here… “L-let’s head to the ground where it’s not so cold, huh?”
“Oh, uh… okay.”
Lightning led the way with a slow, quiet glide over the town. She knew she was leading Airheart away from her home… but Lightning needed a moment to think. This was something she wanted to do right, and she probably wouldn’t be able to if she just blurted it out.
They landed in the park near the center of town, encased in a deep darkness as the overcast sky permitted no moonlight. Neither of them had spoken on the way down, and when Airheart landed she had a concerned frown.
“Lightning… is something wrong?”
Lightning chewed her lip and hesitated. After a moment she tilted her head towards the town. “Let’s walk. We’ll head to your place while we talk.”
Airheart raised an uncertain eyebrow, but did as she was told. She kept a wary eye on Lightning as they moved at a slow pace. “You’re starting to worry me, LD.”
Lightning heaved a long sigh. “Sorry… It’s just that this isn’t my strong point. I need to get something off my chest.”
A long, uncomfortable silence passed between the mares, interrupted only by the quiet crunch of not-quite brown grass beneath their hooves. Lightning realized that she was thinking too much; about Airheart, about Keen, about her future. She wasn’t used to considering so many things… and she hadn’t decided if she liked it.
“So how’s the training going?”
Lightning blinked, her thoughts jarred by the unexpected question. “The training?”
Airheart was watching her, face solemn but soothing. “An icebreaker.”
The lead pony frowned and thought on this, then slowly smiled in appreciation. “The training… well, I don’t know yet. I’ve only been at it for a few days.”
“So no telling if it’s helping?”
“Uh-uh.” Lightning flexed her wing to its full span and cringed at the tight feeling in her side. “It’s too early to tell.” A cold wind blew under her exposed side, making her shiver and quickly refold the wing.
Airheart studied her with a frown. “LD… do you really think you can make it into the Wonderbolt Reserves?”
Lightning’s ears folded back at her wingpony’s tone. “I have to try. I’ve longed for this my entire life. It’s not the main squadron, but I’ll take it.”
“But what if you overdo it? What if…” Airheart averted her eyes. “Oh, listen to me. I shouldn’t be bothering you about this.”
A tight feeling clutched Lightning’s chest as she paused and stared at her wingpony. She knew exactly what Airheart meant, and it hurt. Not because of the tone… but because she felt responsible. Airheart finally noticed she was walking alone and turned to her with a hesitant expression. She actually seemed scared, and that only made Lightning feel worse.
This was the main reason Lightning had brought her here, but now that the chance had come…
“What’s wrong?”
Lightning sat, head bowed as she struggled to get the words out of her throat. Why was it so ridiculously hard? But at last she blurted it out:
“I’m sorry!”
A long, tense silence. Lightning’s eyes went to her hooves, to the grass, to the road… at last they rolled up to Airheart.
The wingpony had her locked in a startled gaze, head leaning back and ears low. “For what?”
Lightning’s jaw dropped, but her surprise faded quickly. She smiled and shook her head with a small chuckle. “That’s just like you, Air. Why do ya have to be so bucking ‘good?’”
Airheart scratched her head with a blush. “I don’t understand.”
“You were nice to me.” Lightning turned her head away with a weak smile. “Back in Appleloosa, you were the only pony who really gave me a chance. Then I moved to Ponyville and you’ve done nothing but offer advice. All I ever did was be a jerk...”
Her wingpony considered this with a sad frown, sitting heavily in the grass. “You’re going through hard times. I’m trying to help.”
There it was again; always such ‘good’ intent. Lightning let out a deep sigh, her hot breath fogging up in the chill air. “I wish I was more like you. Being ‘good’ has never been my strong point, though.”
Airheart let out a small gasp and took a step closer. “What do you mean? You are good, Lightning.”
“Am not.” Lightning pawed at the grass with a pout. “I’m a jerk. I get that. I’m not a good pony, not really. If I was…” She fidgeted, the words once again proving difficult.
“You’re working hard for Keen, aren’t you?” Airheart took another step closer, lowering her head to try and catch Lightning’s eyes. “How can you say you’re not good?”
Lightning turned away from those encouraging blue eyes. “A good pony wouldn’t have let you take the blame for what happened in the cold front.”
Her wingpony blinked, sitting up straight once more. “The cold front?” She thought for a couple seconds, eyes rising to the overcast sky in thought. Then they widened, and Airheart wilted. “Oh… the cold front. C-come on, LD, you know that was my—”
“Shut up.” Lightning shot her a fierce glare that silenced the pony and had her sinking even lower. “That was my fault, and don’t you dare say otherwise.”
“B-but… I… it was me who…” Airheart looked away with eyes closed tight.
That familiar spark of anger hit Lightning as she grabbed Airheart and forced her to her hooves.
“Why are you acting scared? You didn’t do anything wrong. I was the one who rushed in without thinking. I always do that, and I nearly got you killed because of it.”
Airheart wouldn’t meet her gaze. “B-but if I had just done as you said and stayed out of the clouds…”
Lightning growled and caught the distraught mare’s cheeks, forcing her to meet her eyes. “You were doing exactly what a wingpony is supposed to do. I wasn’t behaving like a proper lead pony. A squadron is a team effort, and I wasn’t being a team player.”
She turned away, the feelings of guilt hitting hard as the memory of Airheart’s near-fatal plummet invaded her mind. “I really bucked up my job that day. Worse, I let you take the blame.”
Airheart set a hoof to her shoulder. “Please don’t say that. I deserve the—”
“Oh, for buck’s sake!” Lightning jerked away from her wingpony’s touch. “Would you please stop being so nice and just accept my bucking apology? I mean seriously, would it kill you to at least acknowledge that I screwed up? You ‘good’ ponies with your damn kindness and intentions. Stop worrying and let me take the Celestia-be-damned credit!”
Airheart backstepped with wide eyes. “B-but… why do you want to?”
Lightning chewed her lip as she considered the question. “Because… you don’t deserve the blame. I let you take it because I was afraid. I didn’t want Keen to see me as I am. So I… I didn’t say anything.”
“Lightning!” Airheart was at her side, ears low as she tried once more to look her in the eyes. “Keen wouldn’t think any less of you, surely.”
Lightning grimaced and gazed up at the dark clouds overhead. Could she explain the horrible feelings she had? The churning of her stomach every time she came home? The nagging worry, the hesitation, the uncertainty? Was it something she should share?
She winced at the unfamiliar touch of her friend’s hoof. Airheart leaned a little closer, her eyes filled with worry. “What’s wrong?”
She didn’t want to say it… but she worked her lips and forced the words out.
“Keen’s mad. I don’t know why, but she hardly talks to me anymore. It’s been going on for a few days now, and I…” She sucked down the rising feeling in her throat and closed her eyes tight. “I don’t know what’s wrong. I don’t know what to do…”
“Oh…” Airheart drooped as she studied her lead pony. “I see. So you think taking the blame for that will really help?”
“I don’t know,” Lightning confessed, rubbing her eyes and turning away. “That’s not really why I apologized. I really did do a bad thing, and I w-wanna make it up to ya. I d-didn’t mean to bring K-Keen up…”
Damn it, why was she choking up in front of Airheart? Lightning felt as if she were struggling to keep a dam from breaking, and the stonework was falling apart too fast for her to keep up.
She heard Airheart sigh. “Sounds like you’ve got more important issues than the cold front.”
“N-no, that’s not…” Lightning fought to steer the conversation. “I didn’t ask you d-down here to talk about K-Keen. This is ab-bout… th-this is… about…”
Lightning tensed as she felt Airheart’s wing folding over her shoulder. Her temper flared and for a moment she considered knocking the pony away. She felt an urgent need to do so, to snap and hit her wingpony as hard as she could! But when she looked into those kind, worried blue eyes…
“Oh, come on!” She jerked away and covered her face in her hooves, entire body shaking as she resisted the emotions. “I don’t want to b-be like this! I’m s-supposed t-to be the tough one…”
“Come on, LD,” Airheart whispered into her ear. “Talk to me. I don’t have a kid, so I don’t know how much advice I could offer… but you’ll feel better if you just talk about it.”
A feeble laugh worked its way out of Lightning’s throat. “Th-there you g-go, being nice again… J-just give m-me a moment…”
She sucked in a deep breath… and held it. Her eyes went to the clouds as she focused and kept her lips firmly closed.
Airheart walked about to give her a questioning look, but Lightning raised a hoof before she could speak. Longer… the tears in her eyes would not win! Her cheeks puffed out as she worked to keep from breathing. Longer… longer…
At last she could take it no more; she let out a gasp and sucked in air. She sat there for several seconds, letting her breath recover. The steam billowed from her lips and nostrils as if she were some sort of living engine as she offered a weak smile to her friend.
“There… much better.”
Airheart raised an eyebrow. “That’s an interesting way to do it.”
Lightning chuckled and rubbed the moisture from her eyes. “Something I learned long ago. You f-forget to cry when you’re desperate for air.”
Airheart gained a solemn frown. “I think it would have been better if you’d just let it go.”
“I am not going to cry in front of my friends.” Lightning raised her head in a proud pose. “I have a reputation to maintain.”
“But it isn’t healthy.”
Lightning rolled her eyes. “You sound like Matron.” She winced at the title. “Well, the Matron I used to know…”
Airheart lost her solemnity, ears perking at the name. “Who’s Matron?”
Another wince. “Y-you don’t need to know.”
“Lightning.” Airheart leveled her with a bemused look that Lightning was fairly sure she’d never seen on the pink pony’s face before.
Lightning shifted under those surprisingly harsh eyes and rubbed her foreleg. “What?”
“Don’t ‘what’ me,” Airheart countered, her voice uncharacteristically firm. “You asked me to join you for a walk so we could talk, but you’re not talking.”
A blush hit Lightning’s cheeks. “I… no, I just wanted to apologize. That’s all…”
“You did, and I accept.” Airheart’s gaze didn’t budge. “There’s more going on here. You need to talk about Keen with somepony and I think you know that. If you really didn’t want to talk about it, you’d have already flown off.”
Lightning chewed her lip, unable to meet Airheart’s piercing eyes. “Y-you think you know me so well, huh?” Airheart didn’t respond. “I… I don’t know what to say about it. I don’t even know if it’ll help…”
“Who is Matron?”
Lightning glowered. “Why do you wanna know about Matron?”
At last Airheart’s heated stare broke, her head dropping as she sighed. “Come on, LD, please? I want to think that I helped you out tonight. So I’m picking this Matron pony; maybe she’s not important towards the Keen issue, but I’m determined to get something out of you.”
Lightning debated herself on the matter. Matron was such a tender topic, but if talking about her would get Airheart off her back…
At last the lead pony sighed and turned away. “Matron was a headmaster at my… my orphanage. Her name was Peace Spring, and she was the closest thing I had to a mother.”
“’The closest thing?’ Was she mean or something?”
“No!” Lightning shook her head forcefully. “She was one of the nicest, kindest ponies I’ve ever known! Me and the other foals loved her. She was a little too kind, actually… grated on my nerves as I got older. But for all the trouble I caused and all the times I got dragged into her office by the cops, she was always forgiving.” Lightning bowed her head, a strange combination of shame and love filling her.
It was several seconds before Airheart spoke.
“So what happened to her?”
Lightning cringed at the pain in her heart. “I… I don’t know. Did she die? Or was she turned into a… a…”
She didn’t want to say it. The idea was too horrible to contemplate.
Airheart’s hoof was back on her shoulder. “LD?”
This time Lightning touched the hoof, grateful for the tenderness. “I hope Matron died. I hope they killed her and took her place. That’s so much better than thinking that her mind was… that she was…” Goddess, she just couldn’t say it. “It’s no wonder Keen was so terrified.”
She heard Airheart take in a slow, ragged breath. She looked to her wingpony and saw the horror in those blue eyes. “LD… are you saying what I think you’re saying?”
She was in danger of crying again. Lightning quietly worked to keep her head as she gazed at the grass around her hooves.
“They wiped them all out, Air. Matron, that old goat Mountain. All the foals. All my little friends… even my… my p-precious cousin colt…” Crap, why did she have to mention Gulfstream? It was too much; she turned away from Airheart and covered her face in her hooves once more, determined not to let her tears be seen.
“By the Sun, Lightning. I... I’m so sorry.” A pair of legs wrapped about Lightning’s waist, warm wing engulfed her shoulders. “You can’t hold something like that in. Please, just let it go.”
“N-no!” Lightning forcefully rubbed her moistened face, pressing so hard her cheeks hurt. “I-I won’t…”
“I won’t tell anypony,” Airheart whispered. “I promise. So please stop pretending. Please.”
She didn’t want to. She fought it, she really did… but it was too much. Lightning began to weep, a quiet but intense act that rocked her entire body. She clutched at Airheart’s hooves on her chest as she sobbed, the harsh memories of smiling young faces coming unbidden to haunt her tormented mind. She wept and wept, forgetting where she was or what she was doing. She just kept thinking on her little foal friends, the ones that would never laugh, never cheer her on, never dream of being Wonderbolts, never grow up. Every fresh face, every barely-recalled laugh stung worse than the last one…
Worst of all was the memory of Gulfstream. She saw him, over and over again. Wishing her good luck as she left for the Academy, flying circles around her when she finally got back, the pride in his eyes as she lied about her successes… that horrible, horrible discovery at the bottom of a cold, dark well.
Her colt. Her precious, precious cousin colt…
Coming out of her breakdown was a gradual, difficult process. When she was finally able to recall her surroundings she found herself leaning back heavily against Airheart, who was still clutching her close. She blushed and wiped her face with a leg.
“Not a w-word to anypony about this, ya g-got me?”
Her wingpony let out the tiniest of sighs. “Whatever you say. Feeling better?”
Lightning pulled away and lay on her belly, jumping a little at the chill of the dew in the grass. “I… calmer. I’m calmer.” She couldn’t bring herself to look at her friend. “Th-thanks…”
“Anytime.” Airheart walked over to lay beside Lightning, her expression worn. “So… how does Keen fit into all this?”
Lightning considered keeping quiet. Hadn’t she bled out enough for one night? Yet, as she gazed at her wingpony’s hooves in miserable contemplation, she realized that there was no point in holding back. Airheart already knew more than any other pony in this accursed town… except Fine Crime. She might as well finish.
“The orphanage burned,” she whispered, setting her chin to the grass. “With it went my entire family. Keen’s the only one I was able to save.”
“Good Goddess…” Airheart shook her head, setting a hoof atop one of Lightning’s. “I… I can’t imagine what that must have been like. Why haven’t you told anypony?”
Lightning sneered through the pain. “I don’t want their pity, and I don’t want them to look at Keen as a victim. She’s been so afraid, Air. If they treat her like that, if they feel obligated to help her ‘cope’, she may never learn to handle herself.”
“But she’s only a child.”
Lightning jerked her hoof away and leveled Airheart with a glare. “That’s exactly what I don’t want to hear. I’m trying to give her the support she needs, but she should not be babied through this! She can’t spend her whole life afraid, she deserves better than that.” She turned her head away and rested it back in the grass, a deep frown on her lips. “She doesn’t need coddling. That kind of treatment will cripple her for life.”
Airheart sighed, a long, remorseful sound. “That’s a very delicate balance you’re talking about, LD.”
She wilted. “I know. Keen’s gotten better around other foals, but I don’t really know if it’s because of anything I’m doing. That’s one of the reasons why it’s so important I get into the reserves.”
Airheart cocked her head with an uncertain frown. “The Wonderbolt Reserves? What does that have to do with anything?”
“It’s a cushy job,” Lightning declared with authority. “Think about it. Reserve ponies drill every day, but only for a few hours, and they’re on call to replace the main squadron whenever needed, which isn’t often. That means more time to spend with Keen.”
Airheart’s frown intensified as she considered the points. “But you’re spending so much time training for it that you’re hardly spending any time with her now.”
“I know. It’s a sacrifice, but look at the benefits!” Lightning rolled onto her back and gazed up at the overcast sky. She sucked in a deep breath, smiling softly as she envisioned her future. “If I could get in, everything would be right. I could spend more time with Keen and my paycheck would get a boost right when she’s ready to start school. I could get everything she needs; a nice home, a far better education than I could have dreamed of and all the books she could possibly want!
“And I get to be a Wonderbolt.” The thought was as sobering as it was exciting. “When that changeling caught me, I thought that dream was over. But it’s still there.” She slowly raised a hoof, reaching for some unseen wonder in the heavens. “It’s right there, Air. I’m a hard worker. If I try hard enough, maybe I can overcome this bum wing. Maybe I can still be a great pony. M-maybe I’ll really deserve to be on this team.”
Airheart’s head had been low as she absorbed Lightning’s words, but at that last phrase her ears perked. “This team?”
Lightning blushed and glanced away. “I mean… forget it. Slip of the tongue.”
She hadn’t thought of Luna’s team in some time. She hadn't forgotten it, but with her mind so focused on the day-to-day grind she'd simply left it in the back of her mind to fester. Now that she was out here in the darkness with the topic at hoof… suddenly it was back at the forefront of her mind.
Life hadn’t changed since she’d met Princess Luna with the others. Everything was normal. No, not ‘normal.’ She was trying to raise a foal and that was by no means normal for her. But she hadn’t been called upon to do anything yet… and she suddenly wondered if she ever would be.
Her thoughts were interrupted as Airheart nudged her shoulder. She looked up to find the mare smiling down at her.
“You know what? For just a moment there, you actually started to sound like a mother.”
Lightning’s cheeks burned. She abruptly rolled back onto her stomach and emitted a weak cough. “Y-yeah right. I’d make a crummy mom.”
Airheart was beaming, which didn’t help Lightning’s cheeks. “I don’t know, it sounds like you’re making progress. I bet Keen sees it, too.”
A prick of pain hit Lightning’s heart, her blush faded in an instant. “I… I don’t think so. I wish I knew why she was so upset.”
“Have you tried talking to her?” Lightning shook her head. “Why not?”
“Because I’m—” Lightning clamped her mouth closed and averted her eyes… but then sighed. Why was she still trying to avoid talking about this stuff? Then again, why was she letting it all out in front of Airheart in the first place? She eyed her wingpony, whose disappointment was clear in her long frown and downcast eyes.
She heaved another one of those long, unpleasant sighs. “…because I’m scared. What if she tells me something I don’t wanna hear?”
Airheart caught her eyes, the tiniest of relieved smiles on her lips. “How are you gonna solve the problem if you don’t talk to her?”
“I don’t know.” Lightning kicked at the grass. “She really likes Fluttershy, though. S-sometimes I… I wonder if Keen wouldn’t be better off with her.”
Airheart’s eyes went wide. “That doesn’t sound anything like the Lightning Dust I know. What happened to your confidence?”
Lightning snorted. “Yeah, confident, that’s me! So confident I keep rushing into things. That’s why I nearly burned down Appleloosa, why I almost got you killed in the cold front. Even Keen’s falling victim to it! I went all in, I didn’t do anything right, the orphanage burned. Did I learn my lesson? Buck, no! I just decided to take care of Keen, without thinking about it, without considering the consequences! And here I am, bucking up all over again. Keen deserves better than a ‘confident’ screw up like me.”
“Lightning!” Airheart move close and leaned in to look her lead pony in the eye. “You’re not a screw up!”
Lightning sneered and stood, turning away with a huff and a frustrated flick of her tail. She started to walk away; this conversation had gone on long enough.
Before she knew it Airheart was in front of her, pulling her into a tight embrace.
“You’re not a screw up. You saved Keen and me! Everything you’ve ever done was with the best of intentions. I could tell, it’s one of the reasons I like you so much.”
Instinct told Lightning to push her away, but even as she pressed her hooves against Airheart’s chest she found she couldn’t bring herself to do so. Why did this damn pegasus have to be such a good pony… and why did Lightning have to like it? She didn’t want to like it…
“Good intentions don’t make up for a history of failure, Air…”
“But they have to count for something,” Airheart whispered, still holding tight. “I’ve been listening to you talk about her. You gush, Lightning. You won’t admit it, but you love that filly.” Lightning’s cheeks burned as her wingpony stepped back to offer a proud smile. “Making the wrong decision doesn’t make you a bad parent.”
That stung, and Lightning didn’t even know why. She bowed her head with a dejected sigh. “I’m not her parent, Air.”
“Are too.” Airheart nudged her shoulder encouragingly. “You’re just scared, LD. It’s natural. You’ll see; next month you’ll be all beaming and proud and getting along fine! Trust me.”
Lightning looked at her friend, considering her for a few seconds. At last she gained a weak smile. “You have got to be the nicest pony I’ve ever met.”
Airheart’s cheeks flushed as she offered a nervous giggle. “I took lessons from Fluttershy.”
A long pause as Lightning stared. “…really?”
Her wingpony facehooved before breaking into loud laughter. “Come on, Lightning, was that an honest question?”
“Oh...” Lightning rubbed the back of her head with a sheepish grin. “But seriously, thanks Air. You were right, it helps to talk. You really have been a far too kind to me.”
Airheart recovered from her giggles and offered a charming smile. “Sometimes we all just need to be shown a little kindness.” She winked and turned away, walking towards the park’s exit. “That one I really did pick up from Fluttershy.”
Lightning smiled after her. It was so strange; she wasn’t used to having a real friend. Airheart was too nice for her own good… but maybe she needed somepony like that in her life. Perhaps it was simply one of those things she’d been missing. Ever since she’d first left the orphanage and Matron…
She shook her head with force. Choosing to think about Matron right after she’d finally cheered up was the epitome of a bad idea! She trotted after Airheart, catching up to her as they exited the park.
“Look, I kinda feel like I owe ya.”
“Of course you don’t.” Airheart rolled her eyes with an amused smile. “We just talked.”
“Then forget the talk,” Lightning pressed. “How about the work? I’ve figured out the system, and I know you’ve been suffering ‘cause I kept hogging all the action.”
“Oh…” Her wingpony glanced away with ears tucked. “It’s no big deal…”
Lightning bumped her shoulder just hard enough to make Airheart look her in the eye. “It is a big deal! Rainbow told me about everything you’re trying to do for your family, and there I was making things harder for you. Even after all that, you keep being nice to me.” Airheart blushed and glanced away again. “Ya gotta let me make it up to ya. Come on, there must be something I can do.”
“Oh, I don’t know…” Airheart scuffed the ground. Lightning leaned close to give her an imploring look that made her wingpony cringe. “I didn’t think you could do that so well.”
Lightning blinked and stood straight. “Do what?”
Airheart gave a sheepish smile and set her hooves to either side of her eyes. “The ‘Eyes of D’aww.’”
Lightning cocked her head. “The eyes of whatnow?”
Airheart chuckled… then raised a hoof with wide eyes. “I’ve got it. I know what you can do.”
Lightning took an eager step forward, wings spreading just slightly. “Yeah?”
The raised hoof lowered to press against Lightning’s muzzle. “You’ve got to talk to Keen.”
Lightning’s excitement faded in an instant as she dropped to her haunches. “What?”
“Talk to Keen,” Airheart repeated. “About what’s going on. Figure out why she’s so mad.”
Lightning fidgeted at the combination of worry and confusion battling for control of her mind. “B-but… how does that count as me paying you back?”
“You asked me what I’d accept.” Her wingpony raised her muzzle high with smug smile. “That’s my answer. You’ve got a week.”
Lightning raised an eyebrow. “A week? Or else what?”
Airheart turned away, head still raised. “Or else I don’t accept your apology.”
Lightning’s shoulders sagged and her jaw dropped. “Air… are you serious?”
“Well, not as serious as I’d like to be.” Airheart gave a wry smile over her shoulder. “I’m too nice to not accept your apology. But you do need to talk to her, LD. Fix the problem between you two and I’ll consider us even.”
“But I won’t.” Lightning rolled her eyes and blew air from her closed lips in an exasperated display. “You ‘good’ ponies. Fine, if that’s what you want, but this does not make us even, ya get me?”
Airheart set a hoof to her own chest and regained that haughty air. “I am the one who was wronged, so I will be the one to make that decision.” Then she yawned, effectively ruining the posh imagery. “In the meantime, it’s probably closing in on time for Princess Celestia to raise the sun and we have work in the afternoon.”
Lightning waved a dismissive hoof. “Yeah, yeah, time for bed.” Then she did something that she knew would surprise the pony: Lightning gave her a hug. “Thanks, Air. Really. It’s nice to have a real friend for a change.”
Airheart was stiff as a board… but then relaxed and returned the hug. “Wow, LD, this isn’t like you at all.”
Lightning pulled back and struck a proud pose of her own, blatantly ignoring her red cheeks. “Don’t hold your breath; it was a one-time thing.”
Her wingpony chuckled. “A moment of weakness?”
“Something like that.” Lightning grinned and waved her off. “Now go on, before ya get me all sappy again!”
She stood outside the cottage door, hooves locked to the dirt as she stared at the solid wood. A sick feeling kept Lightning’s stomach churning. Even so, she knew she should get it over with. Airheart was right; they needed to have this talk… but Lightning didn’t want to have it. She gazed up at the early afternoon sky, which was still thickly overcast with clouds that constantly dropped a thin haze of snow over the town. She didn’t have much time before her next shift.
Heaving a long sigh, she struggled to raise her hoof and knock. She had to wait only for a few seconds before Fluttershy appeared at the door with a beaming smile. “Good afternoon, Lightning! Ready to pick up Keen?”
“Y-yeah.” Lightning tried to sound positive. “Did she have a good night?”
“Oh, the best! We read bedtime stories and enjoyed a nice slumber party with all our friends.” The foalsitter offered one of those sickeningly-sweet smiles she often acquired when talking about her time with Keen. “How about you? Your snowfall came out wonderfully, if you don’t mind my saying so. I bet Rainbow’s impressed.”
“Impressed?” Lightning looked up at the sky once more, watching as a single tiny snowflake floated down to melt on her muzzle. “I guess… I mean it’s just a little snow.”
“It’s the first snow of Winter,” Fluttershy corrected knowledgeably. “That’s actually an important job; it signals in the start of the seasonal calm and officially ushers in the Winter Vacation. It’s supposed to be nice and light; it’s traditional.”
“Oh.” Lightning sat and scratched the back of her head with a curious frown. “That explains all the rules Rainbow made me recite…” She abruptly realized that last night must have been something of a test. Fluttershy wasn’t a weather pony, but if she was filled with praise… did that mean Lightning had passed?
Then again, pleasing Fluttershy and pleasing Rainbow were two entirely different beasts.
“Don’t worry, I’m sure Rainbow will love it.” Fluttershy looked over her shoulder and into the cottage. “Keen! It’s time to go.”
Lightning’s ears perked and she looked past Fluttershy. It was several seconds before the filly appeared, trudging along with her tiny saddlebag and her head hanging low. She looked to Lightning with a pout; it might as well have been a knife to Lightning’s heart.
Even so, Lightning forced a smile to her lips and waved. “H-hey, Little Bolt.”
Keen nodded. “Hey, Lightning…” She looked to her foalsitter and offered a weak smile of her own. “Thank you for another fun night.”
“It was my pleasure,” Fluttershy declared, accepting the filly’s hug with a grin.
Lightning saw the eagerness in Keen at that moment and felt her entire body sag… but she forced herself straight again as soon as the two parted. “Come on, kiddo; we better not keep Twilight waiting. Thanks again, Fluttershy.” She dropped to her belly in anticipation, but Keen made no attempt to hop on her back. There was an unpleasant tightness in Lightning's chest as she watched her walk past with eyes locked forward.
She caught Fluttershy’s uncertain frown and promptly stood. “I’ll be seeing you around.”
“Of course.”
Lightning moved to catch up to the filly. For a little while they walked along the snow-coated path into town. Keen wouldn’t look at her and Lightning’s anxiety grew with every step. She needed to say something!
“S-so… you had fun?”
“Mm-hmm.” Keen’s solemn frown didn’t budge, nor did her eyes.
Lightning cringed; strike one.
They walked on in silence, Keen seeming determined to ignore her guardian and Lightning struggling to find some courage. She told Airheart she would talk to the kid, she just needed to do it! But first she had to break this ice that had formed between them…
If only she knew why there was ice between them in the first place!
They passed into the town and still there was silence. Lightning ground her teeth; she needed to say something! “You nap with any of the bears today?”
Keen didn’t miss a beat. “The bears are hibernating right now.”
Strike two. Keen’s tone was so harsh Lightning felt as if she was being lectured. “Oh… hehe… right.” What a stupid question.
Which provoked a oddly horrifying thought: did Keen think her stupid? She was a very bright filly, and Lightning knew she was a not bright mare. What if the filly didn’t respect her because of that?
Well… it would make sense. Maybe that was what was wrong. Maybe Keen didn’t respect Lightning. Nopony could blame her for it; Lighting hadn’t done much so far that was worthy of respect. She wilted, her legs dragging through the snow as she considered the possibility.
She couldn’t know for certain unless she asked. Lightning opened her mouth to speak… but couldn’t conjure any sounds. She closed her mouth, swallowed, tried again. Nothing. She felt so lame; here she was, a full grown mare known for her aggression and leaping headfirst into trouble, and she couldn’t even face a filly!
How pathetic was that?
The Golden Oaks Library was coming into view. She was running out of time! She needed to talk, to fix this situation. She’d promised Airheart as much. If she could just get them started…
But when she looked upon Keen her mind went blank. All she could see was that adorable little pony, with her long white mane and tail lightly bouncing to her steps and that tiny horn barely poking through the fringe… and she was terrified. Not talking was bad, but talking could be worse. What if Keen didn’t want to live with Lightning anymore? The thought nearly knocked the air out of her lungs, and she wobbled a bit in her attempt to recover.
Keen didn’t even notice.
They were at the library’s front door, and Keen wasted no time knocking. Her tiny hoof couldn’t make a loud sound against the wood, but it still made Lightning wince.
Come on, say something!
The door opened to reveal Spike, who greeted them with a warm smile. “Hey Lightning, hey Keen. You ready for more lessons?”
Keen’s ominous nature faded instantly. “Yes! I’ve been practicing a lot, just like Twilight asked.”
“Come on in.” The dragon stepped aside and waved at the interior. “Twilight’s been looking forward to today’s lesson!”
It took all the willpower Lightning could muster: “K-Keen?”
The filly, halfway across the threshold, came to an abrupt stop. She made no attempt to look at Lightning.
Lightning fumbled with her lips, trying to form the right words. “B-be good, okay?”
The filly said nothing, and after a couple seconds entered the library. Spike gave Lightning an apologetic, worried look. “Umm… See you later, okay?”
The door closed softly in her face, and she lowered her head in defeat. “...strike three…”
Despondent and feeling like a failure, she turned away from the door… and found herself touching muzzles with Fine Crime. She bounced back with a surprised cry. “Don’t sneak up on me like that!”
Fine said nothing. He didn’t seem to even acknowledge their momentary closeness. His eyes locked with hers, he lowered his head… and a puff of black smoke appeared between them. When it faded there was a small scroll hovering in the air.
It had the sigil of Princess Luna.
“Time to work.”
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Pfft
People like Airheart bother me. Don't get me wrong, they are great generally, but I can only take so much sympathy before I feel like a burden and want them to leave me alone. It might be a product of being more or less self reliant for the majority of my childhood, but I like to take responsibility for actions both good and bad when I know they are of my doing, someone else stepping in to take the blame bothers me. Same goes for people who would steal the fame, but that is not what an Airheart would do so it's less relevant.
The other point being, I don't like being told everything will be ok, because there is usually a good chance it won't be. Take the facts, both good and bad, and come to a logical conclusion, do what you can to maximize your chances and don't get false hope. Both prepare for and expect the worst. I don't want someone coming through with mushy emotions and giving out false confidence. Maybe it works better for others but it irritates me.
So in other words I'm like Lighting here but I've managed to avoid a total breakdown so far (for better or for worse).
Regardless this story so far has made me much more fond of Lightning, the characters feel real and give out plenty to relate to. Keen is a really smart kid, maybe a little too smart, but I don't have much expiriance with 5 year olds so I can't make educated observations.
I think Lightning might be better as a big sister than a mother. She done goofed where Keen Arrow is concerned when she was still wrapped up in her stubborn foolish pride and unrelenting anger at the world, herself, Rainbow Dash, The Wonderbolts, Changelings, and Rainbow Dash (not necessarily in this exact order).
Airheart, as someone else mentioned, she is a very sweet mare, but to some it might grate on some people.