Ponyville & Other Poems

by AugieDog

27 - From Scratch (limericks)

"If you wish to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first invent the universe." — Carl Sagan

"Not a thing out of place: that's the key!"
Twilight nods and quite elegantly
Lifts a spoon in the glow
Of her magic to stow
It away in its drawer. "Do you see?"

Pinkie blinks with a noise like a frog
Croaking deep in a big hollow log.
"Are you sure? 'Cause it looks
Like it ought to be books
In your kitchen! Your knives are agog!"

"They're a what?" Twilight asks with a glance
At her drawer where no knife is askance.
"All confused!" Pinkie waves
Every hoof. "Like they're slaves!
They need freedom to sing and to dance!"

With a clearing of throat, Applejack
Gives a shrug: "Well, you do have a knack
For arranging things, Twi,
But for making a pie,
There's a couple of tools that you lack."

"Fair enough." Twilight ruffles a wing.
"That's the spirit I'd hoped you would bring
When I asked if you two
Could describe what you knew
About baking: the zip and the zing."

***

Pinkie says, "For the zip, you need zest.
Either lemon or lime is the best.
And for zing, you can't beat
Adding sugar and heat
To the mix. That's the things I'd suggest."

"It's the crusts," AJ starts to explain,
"Where the magic begins." "You're insane!"
Pinkie spins with a shout.
"It's the filling! I doubt
There's a pony that crusts entertain!"

"I'll admit to a mite of surprise,"
AJ says as she narrows her eyes,
"When a pony who bakes
All them cobblers and cakes
Doesn't know without crusts, there's no pies!"

"You and me!" Pinkie stomps on the floor.
"If a bake-off you want, say no more!
You got clocks? They'll get clean!
I'll be snarling and mean,
And I'll show you a thing! Maybe four!"

Applejack gives a laugh. "Then it's on!
Starting now, we can bake until dawn
Making pies by the stack,
Then we'll take 'em out back
And have judging in booths on the lawn!"

***

"We'll do what?" With a leap, Twilight whirls
In distress while she's crying out, "Girls!
"Simmer down! Why the fight?
I mean, baking all night?
That's as nutty as presents from squirrels!"

"Au contraire!" Pinkie raises her snout,
Takes a sniff, and then coughs it back out.
"When we're baking, we live
To the fullest and give
Of ourselves in all truth and no doubt!"

Twilight gapes, watching Applejack nod:
"Happens sometimes your thinking gets odd
When you're deep in the dough,
But she's right. All we know
Is in baking: the pure and the flawed."

Like a statue in some city park,
Twilight stands. Then she gives out a bark:
"The philosophy! Yes!
If my baking's a mess,
It's because I've left that in the dark!

"It's the process I've plain overlooked
Until now!" Twilight claps. "I've been hooked
On the final result
Like some musty old cult!
It's the journey that turns raw to cooked!"

***

"Just remember," says Pinkie. "To bake,
You must open your mind, no mistake,
To the wonders around:
Ev'ry smell, ev'ry sound,
All creation in pie and in cake."

"Mostly pie, though." And Applejack winks.
Pinkie scowls: "Just 'cause nopony thinks
That a pie can contain
So much hidden terrain
While a cake is all layers. It stinks."

With her quill scratching furiously,
Twilight ponders aloud: "Let me see...
There's creation and pie
And there's cake and— Oh, my!
The complexities flabbergast me!

"But the thing that I'm sure I can tell—!"
Twilight flares up her horn, gives a yell,
And the air splits in two,
Swirling green, white, and blue.
"See? A recipe's just like a spell!

"All the pieces you must put in place
With a touch that's as gentle as lace!
Till at last—!" But a crash
And a huge pulsing flash
Leaves the three of them floating in space.

***

Utter blackness extends on all sides;
Cold and empty, sheer silence abides.
In the glow of her horn,
Twilight's stricken, forlorn:
"I destroyed it!" She cowers and hides.

Gentle hooves touch her back. "It's OK,"
Counsels AJ; she goes on to say,
"Mass destruction's a crime
We commit all the time
When we bake. Don't get carried away."

"That's the thing," she hears Pinkie Pie add.
"At the start, you're just gonna bake bad.
Blast the whole universe?
Eh, it coulda been worse.
But we're experts, so stop being sad!"

Looking up, Twilight blinks through her tears.
"Have you done this before?" "Through the years."
Pinkie shrugs. "Now and then.
Maybe eight times or ten."
"It's a sinch," AJ says. "Lose them fears."

Twilight stares as her earth pony friends
Plant their hooves in the blackness. The ends
Of their manes start to fly
Like a wind's passing by;
The surrounding air buckles and bends.

***

"Start anew." With a nod, Applejack
Nudges Pinkie and says, "Wheat'll crack,
Turn to flour you can mix
With your short'ning to fix
Up a crust not too hard or too slack."

"Then the filling," says Pinkie, all grins.
"Whether fruity or veggie, it wins
When it holds up the crust
Like a partner in trust,
And together, the magic begins."

"Which is you," they both say as they turn
Facing Twilight. "To heat but not burn,
Let the love in your heart
Give you somewhere to start.
Take it slowly and gently: you'll learn."

As they hold out their hooves, Twilight stands;
With a shiver, she gives the commands
To her horn that it light,
Then she holds her friends tight.
In their warm, sweet embrace, Twilight lands.

It's the kitchen again. "Oh, hooray!"
Twilight shouts. "What a strenuous day!"
AJ snorts. "It ain't through;
We've our contest to do!"
Twilight smiles. "I'll just watch. That OK?"

Comments

[j-grizz]

Wow

[AugieDog]

5670639

In Equestria:

When your souffle falls, it can be a legitimate disaster...

Mike

[Sobriquet]

Excellent poem. I simply adore limericks.

[AugieDog]

5673223

Thanks!

I was shocked when I realized that more than a quarter of this whole poetry collection is made up of limericks. I always thought I was more of a sonnet guy, but turns out I'm not!

Mike

[Soge]

I really like the poem. However, I have to make an effort not to skip the "X says" parts, since that messes up the meter.

[paintom_phan]

I can't not read these aloud. One of these days, I'm gonna have to do a reading for Youtube or something. These are too much fun to read.
5674881 And for the record, limericks are probably my favorite kind of poem, so you can keep them coming.

[AugieDog]

5675799
5682366

Thanks!

Yeah, I can only recommend reading them out loud in the character voices, preferably while riding some form of public transportation. I find that helps with the meter, at least.

Mike

[sopchoppy]

Smiling all the way through

[SongCoyote]

Oooh, this one was delightfully sneaky! It started out as a fun, silly contest between friends, then became even sillier with Twilight destroying the universe... then it hit right in the heart with how they put it together.

Truly masterful - and yes, inspiring! I must create more!

Light and laughter,
SongCoyote

[AugieDog]

5785754

Thanks!

I figured if the Carl Sagan quote at the top is true, why not the obverse as well--if you want to create the universe, first you've got to bake an apple pie...

Mike

[Dj-pon-3-]

[PresentPerfect]

Now you're just showing off. :V

[AugieDog]

9775194

It seems to me:

That I wrote most of this while I was in San Jose, CA, attending the furry convention Further Confusion where I met Horizon for the first time. I have vague memories of ordering oatmeal every morning in the hotel restaurant and scribbling limericks in my little notebook for a couple hours waiting for the convention to start up...

Mike