Sweetie's Letter
“Hay! What happened to you?”
Little Rainy Day peered up from the book he was reading, and poking her head over the garden fence was the prettiest unicorn he had ever seen. She had a white coat of fur, a pink and purple mane and startling green eyes. He blinked. He looked over his shoulder to make sure there was nopony else that she could be talking to, but all he saw were piles of boxes sitting in the sunlight, waiting to be carried into the house.
“Were you in an accident or something?” she asked, trotting into the garden. “What's wrong with you?”
“Um, it’s n-nothing. I mean... three broken legs, a sprained wing, a cracked rib and a chipped tooth. Oh, and my skull’s a little fractured. Also, I’ve got to take eight pills a day ‘cos the doctors say one of my cuts was infected.”
“Ouch!” said the unicorn. “No wonder you’re in a wheelchair.”
Rainy Day smiled weakly. "I was trying to fly so I... might have jumped off a cliff...”
The unicorn grimaced, but then to his surprise, she giggled. “You jumped off a cliff even though you can’t fly? Ooo, you’ve just got to meet my friend, Scootaloo! She’s going to love you," she said, admiring his bandages. "How do you push yourself around with just one hoof?”
Rainy Day’s heart beat fiercely against his chest; he couldn’t remember any filly being so friendly to him. “I can’t push myself. My dad has to.”
“So does that mean I'm not going to see you in school?”
He nodded. “I’m supposed to stay in b-bed 'til my legs get better. It’s only because my bed hasn’t been moved in yet that I’m in a wheelchair.” Gulping, and delicately avoiding her gaze, he lifted up his good hoof for her to shake. When she took it, a marvellous shiver ran up his spine. “My name's Rainy Day,” he said, almost sounding embarrassed by it.
“Nice name! I’m-”
“Sweetie Belle!” sounded a stern voice, making Rainy Day flinch in his chair. Sweetie huffed as an extremely fussy looking unicorn appeared by the fence.
“That’s my sister,” Sweetie whispered, before turning to the unicorn and saying: “Rarity! Guess what? He was fighting a bunch of dragons, and that’s how he got like this! Then he was hoof wrestling with an Ursa Major, and then he beat up a hydra single-hoofed!”
“I... I did?” said a confused Rainy Day.
Sweetie Belle winked at him. “Play along. It’ll be fun,” she said out of the corner of her mouth, her words making the fur on the back of his neck stand on end for reasons he couldn't quite grasp. There was just... something about her voice that made him want to listen to her all day long...
This had to be a dream; what pony wanted to talk to him? His coat was grey, his mane was white and boring, and his eyes were plain blue. There was no doubt about it: he was a thoroughly unremarkable pegasus. Yet here he was talking to Sweetie, and the way she smiled made something stir deep inside of him. Suddenly, he wanted to ask her to stay there for the rest of the afternoon...
Rarity was distinctly unimpressed with her sister’s lie. “Young lady, you should not believe everything you’re told. Now come along. Mother and father are going to be here any minute, and you still have packing to do.”
Rainy Day’s gaze caught Sweetie’s, and his cheeks turned so warm that he was confident you could skewer a marshmallow, hold it to his face and watch it roast. “See you later,” Sweetie said, winking at him. Without another word, she followed her sister to the big house across the road.
Rainy Day’s book remained unopened on his lap. Somehow, he didn’t feel like reading anymore.
You were never too far away from a cliff, in Canterlot, and there was one in particular that Rainy Day was very fond of. It was a little outside the city walls, and was surrounded by trees and thick bushes; it was the perfect place to gaze over Equestria and lose yourself in daydreams. A few days before moving to Ponyville, he had gone to wish the cliff goodbye, totally obvious that he was being followed.
“Whoever heard of a pegasus who couldn’t fly? Freak!”
He stood by the edge of the cliff, a November wind blowing ominously, and he was encircled by five of his classmates. They were all unicorns. Maybe it had something to do with him being the only pegasus in class, but these five had always made it their duty to transform his life into a living hell.
“I can fly j-just fine,” Rainy Day lied. “If I wanted to, I could fly all over Equestria.”
“Prove it,” the biggest unicorn spat, gesturing at the cliff. The pegasus gulped.
“Um, can’t I just-”
“What’s the matter?” the unicorn sneered. “Afraid you’ll end up like your mom?”
Rainy Day stamped his hoof. “H-hay! Don’t you dare say anything about my mom!”
The unicorns burst out laughing. Rainy Day's body filled with adrenaline as he inched back towards the cliff, hot tears forming in his eyes, his heart racing and his mind cloudy.
Then again, he had wings, did he not? How hard could flying actually be? Rainy Day had never attempted it before- not seriously anyway, the idea was much too frightening- so how did he know that he couldn’t do it? He shut his eyes. If he pulled this off, what a perfect way it would be to say goodbye to Canterlot: showing up the very unicorns that had made his life so miserable! Picturing their stunned faces, he heard a fierce voice inside his head: do it for Mom, it told him.
He stood tall, flapping his wings in preparation. He got ready to leap.
“Ten bits says he crashes,” said one of the unicorns loudly, catching Rainy Day off-guard. He stumbled. He flailed his legs as, horror-struck, he realised he was falling, that his wings seemed to had frozen, and that the wind was rushing past his face and the ground was getting closer and closer...
Tap. Tap. Tap.
Rainy Day woke up with a start; it was a full minute before he was willing to accept that he was safe in his new bed, in his new home. “Just a dream,” he whispered to himself. In the moonlight, he stared at the photograph of Mom on his bedside desk, reaching out his good hoof to stroke her mane.
Tap. Tap. Tap.
He gazed through the window beside his bed; it sounded like somepony was throwing stones at the glass.
“I’m tellin’ ya Scoots, ya got the wrong one. And why y’all throwing stones? This here house only has one floor. Can’t we just look through the window?”
The voice belonged to a filly with a thick country accent. It had come from outside.
“You’ve got to throw stones,” came a second voice which Rainy Day guessed was Scoots. “That’s the way you’re s’posed to do it; everypony knows that.”
The first filly sighed. “Ah still don’t see why this couldn’t wait ‘til morning.”
Rainy Day’s stomach squirmed unpleasantly. Were they thieves, bullies, vandals? However, before he had a chance to shout for Dad, a third voice pushed everything into place, making him queasier than ever: Sweetie Belle’s. “Let’s try another window,” she said. Upon hearing her speak, the little pegasus found it remarkably easy to imagine her sat on the end of his bed, peering at him with those green eyes of hers...
Despite being alone, Rainy Day blushed.
Pressing his face against the glass, he spied the unicorn standing in the garden with two of her friends. One was a pegasus. The other was an earth pony with a bow in her mane and a bulging saddlebag on her back. Wondering what was in the bag, he opened the window for them.
“So you’re Rainy Day, huh?” said the pegasus. “Sweetie Belle’s been going on about you alllll evening. I think she’s got a crush on you!”
“Hay, shut up,” Sweetie hissed. "Rainy, I told my friends that you were stuck in bed and stuff, so we’ve come to cheer you up.”
“Y-you have?” he said. His heart skipped a beat, and for a moment, he was grabbed by his imagination. Imagine holding her hoof like grown-ups did on Hearts and Hooves Day! Imagine sitting with her by the cliff!
“Are you alright?” Sweetie Belle asked, a puzzled look on her face. Rainy Day wiped the sweat off his forehead.
“N-never better,” he said. “Do you wanna come in? I can’t get out of bed so you’ll have to come through the window. Oh, plus Dad’s asleep, so you’ll have to be super quiet as well.”
Soon, the three fillies were in his room, and they were bathed in the soft glow of his bedside lantern. “The name’s Scootaloo,” said the pegasus, shaking his hoof.
“And I’m Apple Bloom,” said the earth pony. Rubbing her hooves together as though in anticipation, she reached into her saddlebag. “So which here balloon d’you most like the look of? We got pink, we got red, we got-
Rainy Day waved her quiet. "B-balloon?”
Sure enough, she had pulled out a selection of four balloons for him to choose from: one pink, one red, one orange, one yellow.
“It was Sweetie’s idea,” Scootaloo explained hurriedly, but Sweetie Belle cut her off.
“It was all our idea. We thought that since you can’t walk, then you could write a letter, tie it to a balloon, and that way it’s like there’s a part of you flying over Equestria. The three of us are going to do it too. It’ll be like a race to see who can get the furthest!”
Scootaloo pretended to retch at the mushiness of this plan, but Rainy Day beamed; no matter how firmly Sweetie insisted they were all responsible for it, something in the way she spoke made it clear that the idea had been hers and hers alone. “I like red,” he said at last. “Mind you, I don’t have any paper or anything.”
“Way ahead of ya,” said Apple Bloom, retrieving a couple of pens from her bag, along with writing paper, envelopes, and four postcards with the stamps already stuck on them. “With these here stamps, there ain’t no excuse for a pony to go ignoring us.”
“Yeah, but it wouldn’t matter if they did,” said Scootaloo as she started to write (If you’re reading this, you’ve discovered the most awesome letter in Equestria). "It's obvious I'm gonna win either way."
Apple Bloom narrowed her eyes at Scootaloo (I come from the best apple farm for miles around). "Mine’s gonna go the furthest, y'all wait and see. Ah bet it makes it all the way to the Mild West.”
“Well mine’s going to get to the Art-hoof Circle,” Sweetie Belle chimed in (Do polar bears have cutie marks?).
Apple Bloom shook her head. “Yeah, right. How far d'you reckon your one’s gonna make it, Rainy?”
Rainy Day looked up at the mention of his name, and was startled to find Apple Bloom standing right beside him. She was sneaking a look at his letter.
My name is Rainy Day. I am 8 years old. I feel like the luckiest pegasus in Equestria and it’s thanks to my new friend Sweetie Belle. She’s the loveliest unicorn that I’ve ever ever ever ever-
“What’s he wrote?” Sweetie asked. The colour drained from Rainy Day’s face as it dawned on him how the letter must have sounded. His mind went into overdrive as he thought of how she was going to react, of how awkward this was going to be...
But even as his mouth quivered from fright, Apple Bloom winked at him. “Y’all ain’t gonna believe this: he’s gone and written that whoever gets it should say they’re from Shanghay jus’ so it looks like his balloon’s gone the furthest!”
Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo looked up from their letters. “That’s cheating,” Scootaloo snapped.
Apple Bloom laughed. “Ah shucks Scoots, ah was only joking. He’s just wrote that he’s from Ponyville, is all.”
“Why did you do that?” Rainy Day whispered in Apple Bloom’s ear once the others had resumed writing. Apple Bloom raised an eyebrow.
“What d’you mean, ‘why’d ah do that?’ What was you thinking ah was gonna do?”
There was a pause. “... Th-thank you," he whispered, and he meant it. "I don’t know many ponies as nice as you.”
A smile broke out over her face. “You’re a weird one, ya know that, right? No wonder Sweetie was so concerned. She said she knew ya needed friends the second she laid eyes on ya.”
So Scootaloo hadn’t been lying: Sweetie Belle had really been going on about him all evening. The knowledge of this made Rainy Day happy in a way he had never experienced; casts or no casts, he felt ready to dash from here to Canterlot, and then come back and do it all over again!
Once the balloons were tied and the letters attached, the four ponies sat on the bed, watching their messages climb up into Luna's sky to join the stars. Or rather, the fillies watched. Rainy Day didn’t pay any notice, because Sweetie Belle’s leg was brushing against his, and it was making his heart pound...
The realisation came from nowhere. It was so alarming that it made him gasp.
He had a crush on Sweetie Belle!
A week later, Apple Bloom became the first to get a response.
“Tacky?” Apple Bloom said, pacing around Rainy Day’s bedroom. “Tacky? Who cares what the balloon looks like? Ain’t these ponies got a heart or nothin’?”
“You should’ve gone for the orange one when you had the chance,” Scootaloo jeered, resisting the urge to laugh.
Apple Bloom threw herself on the bed and groaned into a pillow. Rainy Day, for his part, wished he knew the right words to tell her, that special line that would make her happy again.
Happy like the way that Sweetie Belle made him feel.
He had tried so hard this past week to shove the feelings out of his head, but it was hopeless; his crush persisted, and Sweetie was on his mind morning, noon and night. Was this normal? It would’ve been easy to tell himself otherwise, except the previous night, whilst sorting out the last moving box, he had found one of Mom’s old romance novels. Curiosity had gotten the better of him. Although the book had been filled with the sappiest nonsense imaginable, he had nevertheless stayed up half the night devouring it, unable to tare his eyes away...
“I’m eight,” he had told himself. “Colts don’t get crushes, and that’s that.”
He had then shoved the book under his mattress, spending the rest of the night tossing and turning in bed, reminding himself that colts didn’t get crushes, they didn’t get crushes.
A week after that, Scootaloo became the second to get her postcard. Once she managed to decipher the appalling hoofwriting, she became so excited that it was a wonder she ever calmed down enough to share it with anypony.
“How come ah get Snooty Crust and Jet Boredom an’ you get four of the Wonderbolts? That ain’t fair!”
Scootaloo smirked at Apple Bloom. “It’s plenty fair; my letter must have been awesomer than yours. Wait ‘til Rainbow Dash sees this. I can’t wait. I can’t wait!”
“The rain looks like it’s clearing up,” said Sweetie Bell as she peered out of Rainy Day’s bedroom window. “Maybe we could go and look for her? Oh, but, Rainy...”
The three fillies looked at the colt stuck on his bed. “I’ll be fine,” he sighed. Then, with a promise that they’d be back, they hurried off to go and find Rainbow Dash, leaving Rainy Day to glower at his casts.
Somepony knocked on his door. “Sweetie Belle?” he asked hopefully.
“Not quite,” said Dad, walking into the bedroom. “Hay. You seem down. Is your wing acting up again?”
The little pegasus shook his head. Dad sat on the bed, his gaze drifting over all the signatures on Rainy's casts; they were all from the three fillies, and at least four of them belonged to Sweetie Belle.
“... It’s not girl troubles, is it?” he asked.
“If it was,” Rainy whispered, “you wouldn’t think that was weird or anything, w-would you?”
“Rainy Day, you can tell me anything you want and I'll listen to you. Although, you should know that your mom was the one who was good with this stuff. Just... bear that in mind."
They both glanced at the photograph on the desk. “Right,” said Rainy Day. “Mom. Yeah."
Three years.
That's how long it had taken for life to regain a sense of normality. Yet, when Rainy Day least expected them, little moments like this one would sneak up on him, and they always stung so, so much. He knew it was silly, but he wished bitterly that he had somepony to talk to about his feelings for Sweetie Belle; or to be exact, somepony who understood. Two weeks was a long time to go without telling anypony about a secret crush.
Dad put a wing around his shoulders. “Look here, we made just fine after Mom. Once you’re free of that cast, your problems won't seem so bad. You’ll see.”
A fortnight later, and on the type of day best enjoyed curled up in front of the fireplace, Sweetie Belle’s postcard arrived in the mail.
Sweetie and Rainy Day were alone in his bedroom. “W-why did you give him your sister’s address?” he asked. Sweetie Belle’s cheeks turned a pale shade of red.
“Um, well, just in case I was staying over at the boutique.” A light snowfall tapped against the window, and Sweetie Belle sighed. “Also... I thought that it meant that when I got it, I could run over and you could be the first pony I’d tell!"
Just like that, Rainy Day felt the most wonderful warmth in his hooves, like they had been dipped in a hot bath. The sensation travelled up his body, and when it reached his head, it made him feel as light as the feathers on his back. Did her words mean what he thought they did? Between her being in school, his constant doctor’s appointments, and Scootaloo and Apple Bloom always coming to visit, this was the first time since meeting that they had been on their own together. After a month to think about it, Rainy Day had no doubts about his feelings for her.
Sweetie Belle was looking at him expectedly, her face a portrait of hope.
“Sweetie, I...” But she was staring him in the eyes, and his heart was thumping, and his stomach felt like it was trying to jump into his mouth. “W-when do you reckon my postcard’s going to get here?” he said at last, his voice faltering.
"Oh. Soon, I guess."
Her smile fell.
Outside, the snowfall was growing heavier and heavier, and soon afterwards, Sweetie Belle went back to Rarity's. Rainy Day lay on his bed, wishing that he could bite off his casts and give himself a good, hard kick.
“Why do I always mess it up?!” he hissed to himself, anger flowing through his veins. But he didn’t have an answer to this.
It was still dark when he woke up, and a glance at his clock showed it to be almost three in the morning.
... Something was different.
He wasn't sure how he knew, but the world had changed and everything felt peaceful. A green glow was lighting up his room. His eyes widened as he looked through his window and saw vast ribbons of light dancing in the night sky; they were the same colour as Sweetie Belle’s eyes. When he glanced at his legs, he gasped loudly, because his casts and his bandages had vanished. He was healed!
“Oh wow,” he whispered, finding that he could stretch his wings once again. They didn’t even hurt. They didn't even sting!
Leaping out of bed, he stood trembling on his rug, tears trickling down his face; he was crying from happiness. He took a step forward, then another, and then he was trotting, running, galloping through the house. How fantastic it was to run! After weeks of being confined to his bed, this was the greatest feeling he had ever experienced.
Sweetie Belle!
What was to stop him from rushing over to the boutique that very instant? Maybe she’d invite him inside, or perhaps they could gaze up at the ribbons of light and hold their hooves in silence; there were so many possibilities. But first: “Dad! Dad, I’m better! I’m all better!”
Beaming, he kicked open the door of his father’s bedroom.
The bed was empty. Dad wasn’t there.
Aware of how each and every breath he took misted in front of his face, Rainy Day crept over to his father’s bed and prodded the sheets. Outside, Ponyville had vanished; when he looked through the window, he could only see stars, and the house was surrounded by those magnificent streams of lights.
Then a voice made him jump. “Don't you know that Dad doesn’t like being woken up at daft o’clock in the morning?”
Rainy Day knew who that voice belonged to, although that didn't mean he believed he was hearing it.
“... Mom?”
She was sat on the bed. Her white fur was exactly the way he remembered, and her mane was bushy and blue, and her eyes were full of love. Rainy Day lowered his head. “T-this is a dream, isn’t it?” he asked.
Mom smiled. “Well duh! But so what? Pretty awesome dream if you ask me; the northern lights were a cool touch."
“The... what?”
Mom rolled her eyes. “You’re dreaming about them. How can you not know what they’re called? How come you’re just standing there? Come and give me a hug.”
Rainy Day gaped at her. It was like the past three years hadn’t happened, and she was still with them, smiling that mischievous grin of hers. No longer caring if this was a dream or not, he threw his hooves around her, burying his face into her mane and relishing the feel of it.
“So what’s all this I hear about a girl?” she asked, her voice packed with excitement. Rainy Day gave her a frail smile.
“I’m eight. That’s grown-up st-stuff.”
This answer, however, didn’t satisfy her. “You little ladies’ stallion, you! Rainy Day, I’m being serious. I know this is bothering you, and if it makes you upset, it makes me upset. What’s wrong? You never used to be this shy.”
He flapped his wings slowly from nerves, because Mom was right. He had always been solitary; nonetheless, it was difficult to believe that the old Rainy Day would ever have had trouble confessing his crush to Sweetie Belle. On the other hoof, the old Rainy Day could also never have imagined Mom would be taken away from him, drifting out of his life like a balloon on the wind...
“I’m scared it’ll freak her out,” he whispered at last. “It's been ages and ages since I had friends. I don't want to lose them."
“Rainy Day,” said Mom, sounding more serious than he had ever known her to be. “You are my son, and as such you will never have any trouble making friends; but only so long as you keep telling yourself that. And man, chill out! You’re gonna be all better soon, so be happy. She's obviously a very caring ‘lil filly. If you tell her you have a crush and she doesn’t feel the same way, then whatever; she’s not gonna stop being your friend. But if you tell her and she does feel the same way, then... well...”
Rainy Day looked up at Mom’s cheerful face. “Don’t be shy, Rainy. Don’t ever be shy.” Glancing around, she lowered her voice to a whisper. “Besides, there’s no way Sweetie would turn you down. Know why?”
Rainy Day shook his head. Mom looked around once more as if to check they were properly alone. “Lean closer,” she said. “Closer. Really, really close. Listening? I’m only gonna say this once.”
His ear was right against her mouth, and he was giddy with anticipation. Whatever Mom was about to say, he was certain that it was going to stay with him for the rest of his life...
“Chicks dig scars,” she whispered.
Rainy Day burst out laughing, because what in Equestria had he been expecting? That death would somehow make Mom take life seriously? Fresh tears rolled down his face as Mom grinned and winked at him.
And then he woke up.
The sun was shining and the world was silent. Rainy Day stared at the ceiling. It had all felt so real, as though he’d really had his face pressed into Mom’s mane...
With a sigh, he turned around to go back to sleep, but then perked up when he spotted two items propped against the photograph of Mom. One was a note from Dad saying he was next door. The other was his postcard.
Was it the fact that it had been written in crayon that made Rainy Day raise his eyebrows? Perhaps it was because it hadn’t been stamped at the post office... Whatever the reason, he found his gaze being drawn away from the postcard and towards the boutique visible through his window.
Be happy, Mom had told him. Something else as well, what had it been?
Don’t be shy. Don’t ever be shy.
In years to come, Rainy Day would often wonder if Mom had genuinely cared about him confessing his crush to Sweetie Belle, or if, rather, she had only been using it as an excuse to help him break free of his shyness.
Mom was dead.
Yet why should that mean she wasn't still there, helping out in every moment of his life?
With Celestia as his witness, he was going to show Sweetie Belle his postcard, and he was going to do it this very instant! Whispering a small “thank you” to the photograph, he held the postcard between his teeth and glared at his casts; before he could tell himself that this was a bad idea, he lowered himself out of bed and stood on the floor.
“Arrrg!”
Blinding pain shot through his hooves, but the thought of Sweetie Belle gave him the strength to keep going. He dragged himself to the front door and then he walked into the snow. You're almost there, he thought to himself. Another few steps...
His vision swam. His legs felt as though they were on fire, but the second he reached the doorstep, he rang the bell. He was greeted by a horrified Sweetie.
“Rainy! What are you doing out of bed?!”
“I got my p-postcard,” he said. He was almost breathless from exhaustion, and he let the postcard drop to the floor. “I wanted you to be the first to see it.”
She shook her head. “Rainy, you look like you’re going to collapse! I was going to come over. You should’ve waited.”
A second of silence followed, a thousand unspoken feelings floating in the air between them... then Rainy Day did something which he could never explain even to himself: he leant forward and kissed her on the cheek! It was only a small kiss, lasting for the most fleeting of seconds, but it was enough to make his body flood with ice, make his fur stand up and make his eyes widen from shock. Aghast with himself, he drew back.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry! I don’t know what came over me! I didn’t mean to do that, I-”
Sweetie Belle put a hoof on his mouth, and before Rainy Day knew what was happening, she leaned forward and kissed him on the cheek as well. All of a sudden, the little pegasus couldn’t feel the agony in his legs.
Sweetie liked him.
Sweetie liked him!
The memory of standing by the cliff appeared in his mind. “If I wanted to, I could fly all over Equestria,” he had told to the bullies, and who knew? Maybe soaring through the air was one of the most amazing sensations imaginable... Regardless, Rainy Day was sure there was no possible way that flying could ever compare to this.
“You look like you need to sit down,” Sweetie said, and her tone was soft. “Do you want to come in? Rarity was about to make some tea.”
He nodded. Feeling like the luckiest pegasus in existence, Rainy Day limped into the boutique and Sweetie Belle shut the door behind him. The postcard lay forgotten in the snow.
At the same moment, over a thousand miles away, the red balloon floated above the frozen wastes of the Art-hoof Circle, caught in a breeze and drifting further and further north. It was much deflated, having been in the air for an entire month.
And the letter was still attached to it.
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Ooo, A Sweetie Bell romance. My interest is peaked!
This story can only be described as, "D'awwwww!" Seriously though, this was a nice short fic that gave me a warm feeling inside. Kudos.
Eenteresting... veeeery eentersting... TRACKED!
D'awwwwwwwwwww
Wow, wow, this is now my #1 favorite short fic. I really have no criticism on this one. I love the use of the postcard illustrations. Usually (in my opinion) illustrations distract from the story, but in this case I think it added a lot to actually see them. Bravo.
Thumbs up and can't wait to see what else you write.
Yay, comments!
318090 Glad it made you feel that way
318097 318199
318774 Thank you so much- I couldn't have hoped for a better comment than that!
There gonna be any follow up to this?
I meant that to look pleading.
319684 I wasn't planning on it, but I'm very flattered that ponies want me to carry on with it. We'll see. In the meantime, I've got other stuff planned
That was nice!
332034 Thanks!
The ending made my heart explode. You get a star, thumbs up, and watcher.
333407 And to think I was convinced that everypony was going to hate this story! Thank you so much, this comment's really made my day
You know what this is? This is heart warming.
Im serious. Holy hoof and horsefeathers, this is good.
This is so cute. Warms my heart right up.
sequel?
It seemed really, really quickly paced. I feel you could have extended some scenes to add more romantic tension. This was a pretty good well written story besides that and ill be waiting for your other work
Saw this on EqD, read it, and went... DAWWW
Perhaps you should continue.
You have melted the collective's heart. ponychan.net/chan/themes/src/131405565382.png
Saw this on EQD, and wow! There are just so many d'aww moments, I don't even know where to begin!
First off: So. Adorable.
This has to be the sweetest little one-shot I've ever read, and you had me smiling the whole way through. 
I loved Rainy Day from the get-go, and just everything about this fic was awesome! Your characterizations of the Cutie Mark Crusaders were spot on, and your writing style flows smoothly, without a single hitch. It truly was a very enjoyable read. 
Insta-fave!
D'aaaaaaw
Short, sweet, no gaping flaws. Approved.
Though I do have to wonder... art-hoof? Seems like a bit of a stretch.
339595 Thanks!
339616 I grew quite fond of Rainy Day and his mum when I was writing this, so I may well write about them again. Otherwise, I wasn't planning a direct sequel... although I'm really thrilled that ponies enjoyed this story enough that they're asking for one, so thanks for the comment!
339619 When I write, I tend to write loads and loads and loads... and then suddenly lose all confidence in it and cut it down to within an inch of it's life
. It's keeps my stuff from getting too wordy, but on the other hoof, it also means that a lot of what I write is too fast paced for it's own good. Still. I'm glad you liked it, and thanks for watching me 
339714 Check yo inbox
339770
339775 That's exactly the kind of comment that makes writing fanfic worthwhile! Also, thanks for the watch
339823
339837 Egh, don't remind me! I put it in there on the assumption I'd think of a better name for it later, and then sort of just... forgot. If that sounds like a lame excuse, that's because it is, but unfortunately it's also the truth
. I can always change it in the future, mind.
339905
well I do NOW!
d'awwwwwww.
339905 Funnily enough, I got the idea for this story whilst watching that film. I don't know if I succeeded or not ('cos I mean, man, Up is an absolute masterpiece), but with the ending where the balloon's floating over the Arctic Circle, I was trying to create a similar sort of feeling to the last shot of Up, where you find out that the house has landed right where it was supposed to, yet none of the main characters know about it...
Ah sorry, I'm starting to ramble. I'll stop now!
339945
The ending was just too good! Great fic!
Nearly sentences before the dream scene, an enigmatic feeling overcame me. I can honestly say, I've never felt anything like it. An almost erie sensation, yet warm and endearing. Its probably related to me being tired, but it still scarred the stuffing out of me.
As for the story itself, fantastic premise and execution. Imagining it all had me spilling over with chuckles and innocent childhood memories.
Thank you for this beautiful experience.
340010
340114 What a lovely, lovely comment! Thank you!
The amount of adorable in this story is inconceivable. Bravo! And the use of the postcard images was a great touch. Multimedia! :)
Well, I hope you're happy, Lucky. You just gave me diabetes with this sweet little story.
Oh man, it's almost 5am and I've gotta be up at 9! Totally worth it to see all these comments coming in mind
***
340159 I'm really glad somepony mentioned the postcards. Those took so much longer to do than I thought they would!
340178 I'm happy alright. Very happy
It was okay. Though, I have some problems with the story like sentences that could be better rephrased.
My biggest peeve though, is that Rainy Day was cut straight to Carousel Boutique in mid paragraph. Right after he's grunting “Arrrg!” in pain when he steps down from his bed, he's already there, just a few steps away. I think that needs to be lengthened in detail and separated by a page break to him arriving.
Haven't had a fanfiction give me such feels in a while. This is just wonderful. At times, I was happy, then I was sad, then I was happy again!
Stop playing with my emotions and take my love!
So Good!
Want More!
So much "daaaaaw"
This was excellent. Sweet and light as a glass of lemonade.
I am a little confuzzled, tho--- I infer is it supposed to be that Sweetie Belle wrote the fake card, but it's not really made explicit.
I tried to fight the cute. Failed.
Very nice. I d'awwed. : )
Some notes:
“Mother and father are going to be here any minute...” – Father should be capitalized, since it's being used as a name.
“...attempted it before- not seriously anyway, the idea was much too frightening- so how...” – Those should be em dashes (–) with no leading or trailing spaces. Hyphens can't be used parenthetically. (Also, em dashes are used to indicate a hard cutoff in dialogue or thought, so they should replace the hyphens in lines like “Um, can’t I just-”)
“...his wings seemed to had frozen...” – That should be “have frozen”. Alternatively, just “seemed frozen” works too.
“...pushed everything into place making him queasier than ever...” – That should have a comma: “...place, making...” Alternatively, “...place and made him queasier than ever...”
“...imagine her sat on the end...” – Should be “sitting”. If you want to preserve the past tense without rearranging the sentence, then a different verb should be employed, such as “perched.” – N.B. I looked this one up after I noticed that you used it again later, and discovered that it's an idiom from England. In American English (and other forms of English?), that phrase jumps out as looking wrong.
“What’s he wrote?” – Should be “written” or “writing.”
“Shanghay” – Nice. : D
“Ah shucks Scoots...” – The typical spelling of that is “aw.”
“...unable to tare his eyes away...” – That should be “tear”.
“...said Sweetie Bell as she peered out of...” – Typo on her name.
“Look here, we made just fine after Mom.” – You're missing a word after “made.” Made do, made it, or alternatively, got by.
“...ribbons of light and hold their hooves in silence...” – That reads as though they're each holding their own hooves. I recommend either “hold hooves” or “hold each other's hooves.”
“Her white fur was exactly the way he remembered...” and “...make his fur stand up...” Edit: oops, missed one: "She had a white coat of fur..." – Horses have a coat made up of hair, not fur.
“...drifting out of his life like a balloon on the wind...” – Do ho ho, I see what you did there.
“...caring ‘lil...” – The way I've always seen that written is li'l.
“...he leant forward...” – This is a Britishism; that form of “lean” has almost disappeared from American English, so it looks strange. Also, a few lines below this, you say that Sweetie “leaned forward”. Since you're using both forms anyway, I would recommend standardizing on “leaned.”
“Art-hoof” – You use a hyphenated form in the text and no hyphen in the postcard. To my eye, “Arthoof” looks awkward, but less awkward than “Art-hoof” does, so I recommend standardizing on the postcard's form. (Also it's harder to change the postcard than the text, heh.)
339954 I felt you pulled it off brilliantly, and you used the power of allusion beautifully.
340244 I can't really argue with that- I'm always worrying that my writing is too fast paced. And thanks for being honest
340323 But playing with ponies emotions is sooo much fun!!
340518 Sorry man, I wasn't planning on continuing with this. But thanks for the comment!
340699 ... and yet so little time...
340719 Yeah, you got it right
. Originally, Sweetie actually told him that she was the one who wrote it, but when I read it back it seemed really blunt and forced to me- hence why I changed it.
340808 Sorry about that. I'd pay for your hospital bill, except the cute ran away with all my money
(ack, lame joke! I'm so sorry).
341031
340977 Wow! Thank you so much, you didn't have to do that
If I've learnt anything from writing this story and trying to get it posted on EqD, it's that I should really, really get someone to read through my stories first instead of trying to go it alone. It's not because I'm convinced my writing's so good that I don't need any help (far, far from it), but rather I can just be so painfully shy sometimes, even when I'm on-line. By any chance, would you be interested in proof-reading for me? If you don't want to, that's completely and utterly fine -- either way, you've already been so helpful, and I wouldn't want to think I was wasting your time. Plus I'm pretty sure there's a pre-reader group that I can join
You know, I didn't know that 'leant' was a Britishism, and it makes me wonder if there's any others in there which I might not be aware of. I made a concession for 'Mom' (here in Britain it's spelt 'Mum'), but I guess I'm going to have to really get to grips with American English if most of the people reading come from America...
I definitely agree with you about 'Art-hoof Circle'. I put a hyphen in there because I was worried that ponies might pronounce it 'Arf-hoof', but really, the more I think about that pun, the dumber it seems anyway. I'm going to have to think of a new one
Thanks again
341267 I'd be happy to. I enjoy editing, not least because it's highly educational for me.
I haven't read a Sweetie belle romance, especially with OC. But that was a really sweet and well-written story ;)
ALL OF MY dawwwwwwwww
Wow. This seems a notch above the rest. I loved the little postcards. Everypony is characterized really well. Rainy Day is about as well developed as can be expected from a story of this length, and there definitely seems to be room for more in his character if you give him another story. Top marks on all of that.
The quality of writing is really good as well. Nowhere did I feel like the writing was holding anything back. No typos I noticed, sterling stuff all the way through.
All in all, a great job from a critiquing standpoint. If you would like, I can take a closer look and find some improvements to make, but this is solid enough that I didn't notice anything my first readthrough.
Does Rainy have a cutie mark yet? I didn't see any reference to one, so I assumed not. That will be an interesting story, but one that can't really be written yet, I suppose? Not without a time jump, and it'd be easier to wait for the CMC's to get theirs. I don't know, you probably already have a few ideas of what to do with the characters.
Thanks for a good story!
341553
Ok...FiMFiction's commenting system is just weird...
And a three, a two , a one everybody with me now. HNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNG.
and now you've gone and given everyone diabetes. Any who wonderful story and I hope to see more from you in the future.
Very well written. Heh... it reminds me of a few years back in middle school... wait... that was only 3 years ago...
Anyway, I hope you add a few more chapters to this, as that ending allows for it to continue without having to re-write the last paragraph. 5/5 stars, and a Hoof Up (including tracking this story), and if you need time, I'll invent a time machine or something else that's near-impossible.
Yeah, this story is that well-written.
341267
Yeah, I'm the shy type too, although I usually put on a show of bravado, so just looking at me wouldn't exactly show my lack of confidence.
If I applied myself and actually worked on a story, it'd be worthy of having readers... and I wish I could realize that putting yourself out there for criticism as well as compliments is actually very healthy and important. Meh... I just need to man-up...
Also, I don't care if you use a more European English dialect (specifically British), but it'd probably be a good thing to make it easier for those (I'm American as well, don't get me wrong.) extremely picky American readers if you'd make it more "American" English correct. Trust me, people try to find a way to criticize over the smallest of things...
Probably why I won't write a fan-fiction until I have more self-confidence...
that was so cute i got diabe-HGGGNNN
Writing a letter, tying it to a balloon, and seeing where it goes is an AWESOME idea!