This was a short reply to a challenge of "do it better yourself" when I complained of the 319 "Cupcakes" copies people made, and told them to be more original. So I created this in a "See? Not that hard.". So, if you want to read some random unspecified torture fic, then go right ahead, otherwise, look for a story that better suits your preferences.
This contains slightly "mild" torture. Nopony dies, but it leaves some injuries that would heal in at most ~a month.
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It was alright.
Only notable error I see:
“N-no! I mean, I totally trust you! You’re the element of loyalty, why would you lie?”
Either Pinkie's in complete hysterics at that moment, or the author made a slip.
It's good I suppose...
Don't get me wrong I love horror as much as romance.
keep up that fantastic writing of yours
292822 Whops, derp. Okay that was quite a big slip up on my part heh.
She could very well be in hysteric as well thou xP
292990 Thanks. It was mainly just a semi-prove-a-point fic thou.
That was quite good. A bit violent and gory, but who doesn't love that every once in a while? Much better than Cupcakes on a child-friendly rating, and I'd say that it definitely deserves a thumbs up and
The Scoot of Approval.
293472 Thanks. And yeah, it was a bit to prove that you don't have to kill to be "dark" as well.
My moustache and I applaud you. Very well done.
293623 Thanks. Far from a fic I am pleased/proud over having done thou heh.
Gore Fics are a bit like Clop Fics: Most people don’t read them because the story is so great. In Clop Fics people want to see Ponies fuck, in Gore Fics people want to see how ponies get dismembered in bloody and gory ways.
That’s why it’s always: “Pony X is crazy because nobody loves her/ her friends said something rude/ she forget to put out to light before she left home and starts to kill one or more ponies in her secret torture basement.” Nobody cares if a character is OOC as long as the blood flows. There may be exceptions but that’s the basic of most Gore Fics.
You tried to make something different instead of writing another Cupcakes. Well I think you succeeded. But like you said, too, it’s not a masterpiece of writing.
AJ is pretty OOC, but that’s nothing unexpected in such a story. However, you could’ve given us more information about the prank Pinkie planed and made AJ use such drastic measures. Sure we get some hints but that’s all. Also I would’ve liked it if you had shown us some scenes in which AJ tried to talk some sense into Pinkie. In this story it looks like torture was her first idea.
If she would’ve tried some different approaches first and failed then it would’ve made more sense to use the heavy guns. Not that this would’ve justified her treatment of Pinkie. She seriously injured Pinkie and was willing to go even further by crippling and/ or killing her just because of some annoying pranks. I doubt that they just can go back to normal and Pinkie will try to stay away from AJ for the rest of her life.
295648 To an extent, I will agree with you. I almost always read stories for the story. If it is grossly ooc or makes no sense, I won't like it. Romance Reports is a great example. I blends story in with sex, heck, many even skipped the sex to read more story, but problem there being that there was story, IN the sex scenes as well xP
While I didn't put much, or any effort in this one to "make sense", I personally prefer them to stay close to ooc and have a logical reason. I'm sure the majority just wants to see blood flow, but that is them, with their simple superficial minds xP
But yeah, it was just made to make an exception/point that people didn't have to keep making cupcakes v 72. There was other options to take. The quality is well, bellow my average I think. Not that my average is very good to start with heh.
And lets see, if I recall right when I wrote it. Pinkie has planned to pull a huge prank on some important pony/visitor from out of town. (possibly Celestia) that,or someone suggest it could be a prequel to cupcakes where they (somehow) find out about Pinkie starting to slip, and "corrects" her before she gets anywhere. And I know it looks like torture was her plan all along, but if I recall, I was playing a bit with the "Apple Mafia" joke at the time, so either she had had talks with Pinkie, or went straight to the point to prove that "Don't even fucking dare go there, next time you won't even get a warning."
I know it would make more sense, but like said, it was partially jury rigged to start with heh. And in my logic, killing her would only be last resort. But to my defense of "just because of some pranks", this is Pinkie we are talking about, imagine her on a constant pranking spree for a few months. She would get most ponies ticked off. Anyhow, as said with her being scared of her, see it as a passive bonus of me being a female haha. Males are more direct and physical in their "pain", females are generally known to aim for mental tormenting. Most wounds can heal, mental scars stay. Compare a "and then she died" ending to a "and then she had constant nightmares for several weeks before just going over to being a nervous wreck for a couple of months before being able to properly suppress it. I won't lie when I say I could easily make a story that would make cupcakes seem weak (heck, it is pretty weak tbh, just aiming for shock value), as well as being IC and greatly psychologically tormenting, especially for the one that doesn't get injured at all. I likely won't however, as not even I want to write it, it's to gruesome, especially since none dies in it. Plus, I' far from good enough to write it properly enough. But yeah, gore fics are a very special genre.
Don't undersell the gore fiction in FIM; After all, what about Cheerile's Garden? I still think that one takes the cake. That, or Flutter. Both impressive works. ;)
315687 Well, I can just say that I've seen allot of rather generic "shock value" stories in the gore fiction.
I am aware that there are good ones, but like said, like with many genres, there's "the few really good ones".
Haven't read those thou.
Really? You're missing out! Cheerilee's garden was phenomenal. I particularly like Flutter, although I don't think it's on FIMfiction. But I totally get what you mean.
315818 Mind giving a quick resumé of both? xP
Rather busy atm, but might make time to try and read if they sound intriguing enough.
Cheerilee's Garden:
When Cheerilee gets assigned to a new class of problematic students, she slowly slips into a depression. Can a special talent go away? She has always loved what she does, but these students are unreachable. With the school play coming up, she slowly comes to the conclusion that it is not her, but the students, who are the problem, and comes up with a sinister way to trim these "weeds" from her garden of "blossoming" students.
fLuTtEr:
When Fluttershy stumbles across a small animal in a field during the dead of winter, she immediately tries to save it, but gets stung by a small barb from inside the furry thing instead, and passes out. Waking from a hospital, she feels fine, and goes home. After awhile, she feels strange and suddenly finds herself giving birth to a small white bundle of cat/pony like fluff. She is overtaken with affection for this strange thing, but has no idea what chaos it will wreak on her life, and the future of ponyville.
Cheerilee's Garden is a fantastic grimdark gore fic, but if you're not into supernatural-based fics, fLuTtEr may not be your cup of tea. Both are highly recommended, though.
Cheerilee's garden is relatively short; fLuTtEr is pretty godamn long.
316472 Hum, can kinda guess what happens in both of them. At least the garden one. The other I can guess the majority of. (have to say the start seems a bit to random for my liking, but it works due to being fantasy.)
Would have to discard flutter I think, mainly due to the premise of it being long, and as said, don't got to much time or motivation to read with.
The garden I might give a watch. Even if it sounds like it'd take a "overly unnecessarily elongated path" (I think that is a word) or a "skipping the option to "remove the thorns from the rose" direction". I actually think I'll searching for it here. (if it was on FiMF) And I hope the "these things" made any sense, kinda late atm, and a bit tired heh.
(althou, that said, not knowing which of the ~3 plausible ways I can see her take, it's leaning towards the one that involves killing for the sake of extra gore. But I could be wrong and it could be the "other" path, I would likely have taken if I'd written a similar thing.)
And ah: Thanks for the resume's. Much appreciated.
Cheerilee's Garden is here on FIMfiction, and no, I don't think it's too long (Not sure if that's what you're asking.) It's a shame about Flutter, but I can totally understand why you might pass on that one; It's a long time investment, and there's even an equally long sequel in production. I bet you might be able to guess the barest sense of where Flutter heads, but it is so artfully convoluted and involved that it would probably surprise you; Part of the reason I enjoyed reading it, since I'm not usually a fan of extra-fantasy in a cartoon fiction.
319668 (Firstly, don't expect to good grammar or sense, I wrote when a bit woozy heh) Well, I read/skimmed through it and as I expected, it took the "easy" way of out random gore. And even through I skimmed, I have to say the "detailed parts" (I actually read more closely) felt rather odd, I couldn't get a good grasp of the Scootaloo scene, like, what exactly she was in, and how it worked, and where Cheerilee got it from. I mean, I read it a few times, but yeah, I couldn't really understand how it worked. Might not have tried hard enough to understand it thou. But yeah, it was rather good written, but it had many cliche moments and aimed for "shock and awe", not on Cupcakes level, but it leant there quite allot. Would have found it much more interesting if she took the diabilical/devious path instead of snapped/insane. Since it really had the "I asked you nicely to stop without putting much effort in it, so now I've had enough, and taking the most extreme measure from using one of the least extreme is the only way to go! Plus, ignoring actual promises she'd very likely actually keep" (if that made any sense xD)
Since tbh, it would have been really interesting to read about what my AJ/Pinkie story touched, (although it didn't do it to well tbh, or went very far xP) having Cheerilee break down, dominate, then control her students with fear and an iron hoof. And of course nopony would believe the children with their "wild imagination". Cheerilee is such a nice pony, that they even would dare suggest such things are just ridiculous, and they should be ashamed. But yeah, it's kinda like porn, rather mindless, and if you are onyl after more graphic visual stuff, that type works better. (it had some odd descriptions at times thou imo. Like the tomato juice one.)
So yeah, from what I read so far, it just throws gore in there "for show". There was quite a few odd section (like the Cupcakes double self-wetting. She emptied her bladder, then pissed herself because of it... yeah, makes total sense. In this one it was Scoots being crushed, yet having time to see the machine "come crashing down", yet she was lodged stuck by it pressing her down. It's like "She saw the knife at her throat come rushing towards her", and that her eye made it, those quite easy "pop". That one might could work thou. But yeah, it had to little continuity or relevance to be interesting. It was just Cheerilee killing ponies in questionable ways without anyone noticing in any ways. And ofc, going fully mental without a very decent reason. I only bothered to read around half, skimming several drawn out parts. For those wanting to just read about torture and gore, it's probably a rather good story. But it was lacking to much for me to find it a good story. (I'm a bit picky when it comes to gore xP) Plus, she pretty much killed more then half of her class. And the near last scene was just odd, especially since none noticed it. And overall: Overly sound proof walls and uninhabited areas. So meh. If I'd rate it, it'd be between ~1-2, for just gore fanatics, maybe ~3-4. It had to many holes and illogical parts to be any good. It had potential, but took the boring/easy way out imo.
Anyhow, what goes for Flutter, I can just guess it involves the things rapidly(?) growing up, murdered ponies start popping up, she slowly finds out it's "her babies", she has hard to stop them as they're "her babies" and etc. And it'd mainly be about them or her seeing them maim and murder ponies in gory ways? Possibly that she starts to help/clean up after them or so. Or turns into something similar herself. If I'd have more time and will, I might have tried reading it, but I found gardens to be rather dull as well, then again, I never spent to much motivation on reading it, partly since I got close to none heh. But yeah, I generally place a standard on a "story motive" or "interesting plot". Stuff like Cupcakes failing it hard, just a very simple "I gut ponies and turn them to cupcakes, for no discernible or logical reason, and for no reason either, I also torture them in the process. And yell stuff at them, alongside being a pussy myself, yay" (ok, even bad explanation for a caricature/sarcastic explanation, but w/e xP) and I know mine don't fall very well at all on "story" either, but I at least tried to hint towards a point or reasoning behind it. Althou, with them being examples as said, that area was sadly not in focus. And I trailed of allot here ^^' But yeah, if you feel like revealing the whole story of flutters in a "wrap up", that could be nice, since it'd prolly be the only way I could "read it" in. Anyhow, I went on long enough here, hope I managed to make any sense.
"Anyhow, what goes for Flutter, I can just guess it involves the things rapidly(?) growing up, murdered ponies start popping up, she slowly finds out it's "her babies", she has hard to stop them as they're "her babies" and etc. "
Surprisingly, that's how I thought it was going to go down, too; It sort of does at first, but takes some surprising turns that, at first, seem a little OOC for Fluttershy, but it's explained so well pretty soon that it actually feels pretty believable.
And yeah, you've got valid points there for Cheerilee's Garden. I really did mean it was great for the gore genre.
325240 As said, will prolly not get around to reading, so might as well spoil if you feel like it's worth telling
(likely in a PM thou)
But hum, kinda neat to hear it'd have a twist at least. Most manage to be predictable, but it's nice to hear there's still some out there that is doing non-generic stuff.
And yeah, it was rather good for "random, technically generic gore with little reason and a 'villain' that gets away scoot free" fic. And I need to become better at quotation explanations xD
This I was able to read! I tried to read cupcakes (one of them) once and I have (or had) an extremely weak stomach. Was queasy while reading this, but from what I read in the comments the cupcakes story would end with myself being disappointed. My darker half would've thought it interesting to see Pinkie only leave her victims with a scar. On that note, I was hoping that this would be of two other characters, not Pinkie or Rainbow. Clearly this would be difficult. Still an interesting end. Eventually Pinkie would learn to cope with the nightmares, but it would take a chunk of valuable time. I also got an idea from this, but it would be letting an extremely dark portion out of myself. I also have troubles with writing detailed stories. Hmmm... I'm going to sleep. I've been up way too late now.
P.S. Sorry if it seems like I'm self pitying myself. I likely am as I've noticed it is an extremely bad habit I have, and I do apologize for such behavior.
~Edit
You actually have a few paths Pinkie could take here. She could eventually go insane with the fear of being tortured by Apple Jack and want her to suffer an equal amount, or possibly just slowly go insane to escape fear. In another alternative, she could do what I'd expect; make herself believe it was a nightmare and that she just shouldn't pull the prank on whoever it was. I'm assuming zone of the Princesses. Maybe a very high ranking official that could benefit the Apple Family business. Those are a few possible paths. If I had the time I'd try and figure out how the rest would go for sure, but knowing Pinkie, you can never be sure of anything. In some episodes she almost seems to teleport by bouncing. That is all. This is one of the few gruesome stories I am able to read, at least right now. In the future I may think that this isn't gruesome whatsoever. I'm done now. That's all.
3863191 Nice to hear that, I think xP Personally found cupcakes to be really "meh", the first version of it was really sloppy, and only aimed for jump scares per se. The revamp did a little better in terms of spelling and story. And personally find the concept of her either just scarring, or heck, even just sexually abusing (the "just" in terms of "generic concept", cept it would've been unique as she's female) And yeah... can say it's rather bland that almost all can only go with one type of char for these things. Always Pinkie being mental, always Rainbow being the victim. It's really meh imo. Not that hard to come up with something new.
And eh, it's fine. We all got our issues.
And I know, this, like most my stories, have potential to go somewhere. But this is a very old story of mine, and I've almost quit writing as a whole tbh.
And okies. Can say this was a relatively "light" version. I also have a few other "dark/gruesome" stories. I even have the only cupcakes based fic in which Pinkie dies, in cupcake esque manner.
Nice fic, though if we'd known more about what Pinkie was planning to do that caused Applejack to go to such extreme measures, and especially for Rarity to go along with it, it'd be better. Though obviously it had to be something pretty bad, otherwise no matter what Applejack told her Pinkie would've gone running to the police to have them both put away. But apparently Pinkie didn't want the authorities involved. Still it'd be better for the reader to have more insight in the story itself. That way you won't find yourself explaining your thoughts in the comment section. Good story overall though. It was well written. Just left me wondering why until I read your explanation.
316472 I would like to read Flutter. I tried to find it but I couldn't. Can you give me a link to the story?
5614745 Man, barely recall what was in this tbh xD
And unless I recall wrong, it's mentioned in the description of the story that it's a bit of a "fuck cupcakes" work, so to speak. I don't recall too well tbh... but I think it was supposedly hinting towards that. Or something.
Still, nice to hear this apparently was decent. Was done very early in my career or what to call it.