• Member Since 5th Mar, 2012
  • offline last seen Apr 24th, 2018

Maxis122


T

A story about a man and a pony who meet and gain a strong relationship between each other. Along the journey they meet other people and they are faced with challenges.

Picture by Petirep (which is also where the inspiration for the story came from) : http://petirep.deviantart.com/art/Fallout-Rainbow-Factory-Credit-Slide-282816786

Chapters (4)
Comments ( 12 )

Good chapter but, it has a rough beginning and many typing errors which make it harder to follow the story. About 3/4 of the way in it smooths out though and you can then understand where the story's going.

Also as a side note, when describing people you should refrain from saying the same word for everyone. Ex:"John beheaded the first sword man and joined blades with another. Then he kicked that man and stabbed a chainsaw man, following through with cutting another swords man in half." Instead say it like: "John beheaded the first swordsman and joined blades with another. kicking him out of the way, John stabbed one of the other two who were wielding chainsaws, following through with cutting the other swordsman in half."

Otherwise, great beginning, like where its going so far!

297327 Thanks for the help! :3 I'll look into that and I hope you enjoy the rest of the story. Again thanks for being nice to me, unlike the others.

I just read the rest of the story, it's not bad. It has a solid plot and it's easy to place yourself in the situations faced by the characters. Although it felt like it could of been a few chapters longer, perhaps explaining the connection between John, Marcus and, why Marcus wanted Applebloom anyway.

There are some grammar and spelling errors in the writing but, nothing to completely derail the flow of the story.

Overall, well done!

300692 Once again thank you for the feedback and I hope you enjoyed the story!

This story was very great. Very few grammar flaws that I could see, but I could care less for grammar :twilightsheepish: . Anyway, everything seemed to flow greatly, but only one suggestion. Put a bit more detail into the combat, it seems like the whole time John and Andrew were slaughtering the guys without any effort. I hope to see some sort of sequel to this, explaining when they get to "the new land" and how its in the same dimension/universe. Good day, sir. :moustache:

310140 Yeah, the point was that the people they were killing were not well trained and yes there is another story coming in the future. It's good that you enjoyed this story :3

Good good I like this story so far.

Ooh is it:scootangel:or:rainbowderp:or:derpytongue2:please be:derpyderp1:

I very much enjoyed reading this story. It was worth my time, the story was exactly how envision a relationship between applebloom and a human would be. You wrote an extremely great story. My only complaint is that is that the story is not finished, which it deserves to be.

Me encantó, pero me quedó la duda de si toda Equestria fue transportada o sólo algunos ponys.

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