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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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To fast for me, but keep it up anyway you have the foundations for a good story here
slow it down
Hooray for ADD! I could follow this story perfectly.
Suck it normal people!
I'm keeping an eye on this.
Way too fast.
Why did she not notice all the blood and brains on his jacket?
Why was there no context to this story? We know literally nothing about Anon, not his thoughts, not his background, nothing. Even if you asspull background through memories or flashbacks we were given far too little information even for the first chapter.
Add some more filler, this is literally what would happen if you removed all the meat to the story and just left the dessert, except it makes you sick afterwards because you got too much sugar with nothing else. I mean you don't need to reach Naruto levels, but this is a bit extreme. Sorry Naruto fans, but you suck.
My opinion alone might not be that important in the long run, but I think a lot of what I am saying would be the general consensus. I will give this another chance but if the next chapter starts with Anon in Celestias throne room and he becomes her personal assassin within the chapter I will stop following. You need to slow this right down.
3452701 agreed heavily.