Ch.04
“SISTER! WE MUST SPEAK WITH THEE!” Luna shouted as she barged into her sisters quarters.
Celestia, who was seated by her desk with her back to Luna immediately started scrambling. She avoided turning around and was clutching something tightly to her chest,
“Oh hi Luna. Give me 5 minutes i’ll be right out,” she said in a small, nervous, voice.
“We shalt wait in thine sitting room. Do not tarry sister, this concerns our subjects safety,” Luna turned to leave but Celestia called to her in a meek voice,
“You didn’t see anything, did you sister?”
“Nay, we did not see thou playing with thine dolls again.”
“good, good”
Her sisters ego intact Luna trotted to the fancifully decorated sitting room. She plopped herself down on an extraordinarily fluffy chair with an audible sigh. She started rubbing her temple with her forehooves, trying to think how to explain the situation to her sister.
The clacking of Celestia’s ponyshoes broke Luna from her thoughts.
“Now Luna, what do you need to talk about?”
Even though it was the last thing the princess wanted to do, she managed to pull herself from the snares of comfiness the chair had wrapped her in.
“Sister. We need thee to understand one thing, if we fail our subjects in managing this correctly they shall die.”
Celestia’s stance shifted slightly, not enough to be directly noticeable, but it was enough for Luna to know Celestia was serious.
When Celestia spoke her voice was low, her normally soft voice was in stark contrast to the dangerous tone she held now.
“I am listening.”
Luna licked her lips, “Sister, what is thine opinion on aliens.”
Celestia was quiet for second before her eyes lit up in fury.
“THIS IS A POOR EXCUSE FOR A PRANK SISTER!”
Luna immediately stepped closer to the live explosive that was Celestia.
“Nay sister, we do not jest! Look into our mind, see that we speak nought but the truth!”
Celestia’s eyes narrowed as she stared at her sister right in the eye. After a tense moment her horn lit up in a golden aura. She touched her horn to her sisters, and immediately memories began flooding into her.
She saw the entirety of Luna’s experience the previous night. Everything from receiving Twilight’s letter to her return to the palace.
The image of the rust colored, metallic, lethal looking object was seared into her brain. There was little doubt in her mind that its only purpose was to kill.
“Mine reaction was much the same sister,” Luna said softly.
“SERGEANT!” Celestia barked
Immediately a royal guard stepped into the room, “Yes your majesty?”
“Put the guard on high alert. I want everypony who can wield a weapon to have one. Is that understood?”
“Yes your majesty. What is the reason that I should tell them?”
“None save that I order it,” Celestia said, her voice harsh.
The guard pony visibly blanched, seeing the princess in a mood like this usually didn’t end well for any pony.
“Yes your majesty” He said as booked it from the chamber.
Celestia turned back to her sister,
“What can we do sister? a military action against it will be in vain, despite our ponies training.”
“I believe sister, that the only thing we can do is hope that it bears us no ill will. For if it does, even with our combined might and the elements, i shudder to think of the damage it could do to our subjects. Even if we do destroy it in the end.”
Both sisters let out a collective sigh.
“I’m going to send the elements to Twilight and her friends. Hopefully they’ll give them some form of protection.”
Luna nodded, and both sisters sat in silence for a long while, Conjuring up scenario after scenario of cities, towns, and villages being burned by fires from the sky.
****
“The last thing I want to do is to invade them Aura.” Keyan said, “Maybe we should find out what city is their capital and decloak above them and say hello.”
“I do not suggest that course of action sir. As the appearance of a fully armed warship above their leaders would not lead to favorable diplomacy.”
“I know Aura, that was a joke. But they know I’m here. Its only a matter of time before they send something to check me out.”
“They do not appear to have the technology needed for space flight.”
“No but they have “magic” that has to account for something.”
Aura was silent, much longer than the computer ever was before,
“I will have to redo my calculations sir. But preliminary estimates show that that is a possibility.”
“Whats the status on a wormhole?” Keyan asked, trying to get his mind of the ponies walking around on the planet below him.
“No signs of wormholes have been detected. Nor any lingering readings, save for the one that you entered through. It appears that you will remain here for the foreseeable future.”
“And the mineral, gas, and ice reports?”
“They indicate an average distribution of standard types. Nothing remarkable sir.”
Keyan let out an aggravated groan, “Shit, stuck here and its not even a good bookmark to sell.”
“Sir, if you do lead other capsuleer’s to this system, it is highly likely that the first thing they would do is subjugate the natives.”
“Ughh, I hate having a conscious in this galaxy sometimes. I won’t sell the damn bookmark. Divert the rest of the probes from their current cycles, I want everyone of them searching for a wormhole.”
“Very well sir.”
*****
“So Applejack, darling, why do you think that Twilight wants us all to come to the library?” Rarity asked as she trotted along the road.
“Ah don’t rightly know Rarity. Ah hope nothing bad happening.”
“Oh i do too, it would be positively dreadful if we had to up and save the world again. I have a reputation to maintain. I can’t leave my clients orders unfinished for weeks on end again.”
Applejack rolled her eyes, “Well, Ah reckon if it was something awful Twilight would have told us first.”
“I suppose that is true,” Rarity concurred as they trotted up to the library door. With a rather ladylike knock, Rarity rapped on the door.
It was opened by Fluttershy.
“Oh.. Hi girls, glad you could make it,” The timid mare said.
“Oh Howdy Fluttershy, Ah didn’t know you were already here.”
“Well I was in the market when Twilight found me, so I just came straight here.”
Twilight then decided to make her appearance.
“Oh hey girls! I’m glad you could come so soon.” She said cheerfully.
“Ain’t no problem Twilight. Now what's the problem you called us down here for?”
“Come on in and take a seat, what I’m going to tell you is going to change the way you look at the world.”
Applejack nudged Rarity with her hoof, “Maybe she found something better than reading?”
The two of them chuckled at the joke before following Twilight into the library. They saw Rainbow Dash lounging on one of the chairs scattered the library and she waved a hoof in greetings.
“So Rainbow, darling, do you happen to know what this is about?” Rarity asked.
Rainbow chuckled nervously, “Yea, but I’m going to let Twilight break the news on this one though.”
Suddenly Pinkie popped of somewhere, “HEY GUYS! AREN’T YOU EXCITED TO FIND OUT WHAT THIS IS ABOUT!”
Jumping slightly in surprise Applejack responded, “Whoa Pinkie Calm down, do you know what this is about?”
“Nope. I came here about an hour ago because I felt somepony watching me and thought that Twilight could help me find out who. But when my gut told me the pony was really really high in the sky Twilight got really quiet and looked absolutely spooked!”
Rarity and Applejack exchanged a look,
“Alrighty then Pinkie, Ah reckon we just have to wait for Twilight then.” Applejack concurred as they each took a seat.”
The conversation soon dissolved into idle chatter about the weather, upcoming events, etc. It died of quickly when Twilight and Fluttershy entered the room, a tray of drinks and snacks floating in the air next to them.
Fluttershy meekly took the last remaining empty chair, forcing Twilight to sit on the couch next to Rainbow. Pinkie Pie caught Twilight’s gaze and waggled her eyebrows. Twilight blushed.
Gathering her wits again Twilight cleared her throat.
“So girls, First of all, what are your opinions on aliens?” She said seriously.
All of them but Rainbow Dash stared at her like she had two heads.
“Twilight?” Applejack asked, did you get a knock to your noggin last night or something?”
“I think Applejack has a point darling, please don’t tell me you called us down for something to do with something as impossible as aliens.” Rarity stressed the last word, disgust evident in her tone.
“I agree Twilight,” came the meek voice of Fluttershy.
Pinkie clacked her hooves together, “So that's who was watching me. It wasn’t a pony at all! what a plot twist!”
“Listen girls. I know it sounds far fetched, but yes I did call you here to talk about aliens.”
“Twilight, Ah’m sorry but I got apples to buck, I ain’t got no time to waste,” she made a move to stood up but Rainbow shouted,
“Sit down Applejack, she’s being serious.”
Rainbow’s voice took a rather harsh tone and it successfully cowed Applejack into sitting back down.
“This is really hard for me to explain girls. Just let me show you alright?” Twilight asked.
After everypony nodded their heads Twilight’s horn started glowing. Suddenly a projection leapt from her horn onto the wall.
Everypony in the room was silent as they stared at the image of the rust colored object.
“What in the hay is that?” Applejack asked.
“ALIENS!” *GASP* “I HAVE TO THROW A WELCOME TO EQUESTRIA PARTY!” PInkie exclaimed levitating a few feet above the floor.
Applejack yanked her back to the ground,
“That girls, are the aliens.”
“Oh Celestia! Out of all the possible things, THIS. IS. THE. WORST. POSSIBLE. THING!” Rarity exclaimed. “You think aliens would have at least some sort of sense of fashion! I mean look at those harsh lines, and that color.” She shuddered on the last word.
“I think it looks pretty bad flank.” Rainbow Dash offered her two bits.
“Twilight, do you know what they are here for?” Applejack asked.
“No.” She zoomed in in the image, slowly panning across it.
“It appears to be fairly large. At least 2-3x the size of the palace in Canterlot, maybe more. Luna, who was here last night, fears that their purpose here is to invade. But I have seen no signs of any weapons.I just see multitudes of these domes.” She focused in on one of the items in question.
“Well, could something come out of them?” Rainbow asked.
Twilight’s eyes suddenly opened wide, “Of course! They could possibly be damaged if left out. But if they are weapons that means…” Her eyes grew wider, “than maybe they did come to invade. Look at how much of them there are!” The view quickly shifted from dome to dome.
“Calm down Twilight!” Rainbow rushed and shook her panicking friend.”If they wanted to invade, they could have just done it when the first got here. Why wait? and why send only one?”
Twilight took a few deep breaths, “I suppose you have a point Rainbow.”
“So, what are we going to do Twilight?” Applejack asked.
“Luna was here last night and shes talking to Celestia now. We should expect an answer soon.”
Rarity suddenly realized something, “Has anypony seen Fluttershy? She seems to have disappeared, the poor darling must be frightened.”
The others quickly scanned the library and spotted the cowering mare on top on a bookshelf.
She let out an eep as Twilight’s magic levitated her back to the ground.
The friends moved to comfort their friend but were interrupted by a flash of golden light.
They ponies all turned their heads to find Celestia standing their regally, a smile on her face.
“PRINCESS!” Twilight squealed.
“Hello everypony, hello Twilight. As much as I wish that I could stay and talk with you all I must return to Canterlot.”
“Does it have something to do with the aliens princess?” Pinkie asked while bouncing in place.
“Ah, I take it you have told your friends Twilight?”
Twilight nodded.
“Good, now I don’t have to explain why I’m leaving these with you.” She said as the chest containing the Elements of Harmony floated into their field of vision. “This does not mean that it is inevitable that you will have to use them, it is merely a precaution.”
“Of course Princess. But what are you going to do?”
“Me and sister have agreed that contact is inevitable, but we do not know whether to wait for them, or to let them make the first move. Luna says we should go knock his door and say hello, but I don’t think that is a good decision.”
“So you have no idea?”
“No, unless something happens that is out of our control, I think we will let them make the first move.”
*****
Meanwhile, Mr. Cake was having a rather difficult time changing Pumpkin Cake’s diaper. The little filly was giggling as she kicked her hind legs and squirmed away from her dad’s grasp. Suddenly her dad’s hooves clamped down, halting her movement.
Right on que her horn blazed up and a bolt of energy flew from it. Luckily its course wasn’t into anything valuable as it shot straight out the window into the blue sky above.
Wow, that was a doozy!” Mr. Cake exclaimed, thankful he didn’t have to write any apology letters for property damage.
****
“Sir, probes are due to return in 5 minutes. Prepare for decloaking.”
“Alright, go ahead.”
Keyan was currently sitting in the unused bridge section of his ship, the regular crew would use this as a base of operations, if he had one. He watched as probes appeared on the radar display.
Without warning through one of the bridge he saw a laser burst from the planet. It missed his ship by a wide margin but still caught him by surprise.
“Aura, what the fuck was that!?”
“Appears to be an unrefined form of the “magic” they have. It seems to be an accidental discharge of some sort.”
“So they’re not trying to blow me out of the sky.”
“No sir”
Keyan leaned back in his seat, thankful that he wasn’t being purposely shot at. He looked back at the radar display and counted one missing probe.
“Aura, where did probe 24 go?”
He looked out the window and saw an object start entering the upper edge of the planets atmosphere.
“Tell me that's not it!” He cried out in a frustrated voice.
“It appears that it has been hit sir, the chances of this happening were below .001%.”
“What the fuck do I care!? Where is that thing going to land!?”
“Calculating sir.”
A holographic display opened in front of him, showing the disabled probes descent path.
“My calculations predict that it will impact just outside the town we are orbiting.”
The capsuleer ran a hand through his hair.
“What are the odds they think we are shooting at them or something?”
“Rather high sir.”
“dammit… anything we can do?”
“It appears the radio on the probe is still functional. It is possible it will survive the impact. If it does, I suggest explaining the situation.”
“So this is first contact then? A disabled probe crashing right outside their town. Possibly causing extreme property damage and killing a few?”
“Yes Sir”
“Well shit”
Just realized something happened with google drive and the version I posted is not he version the Veemon edited. Do not bash his skill as an editor. I'l leave this version up and re-post this when the problem is resolved.
3435435
Bug? report it
I found something strange when Rarity said "Oh god out of all the possible things" it should be "Oh Celestia".
Well then.. in all honesty I clicked on this story thinking "an Eve/MLP crossover this is going to be so bad I have to read it"... but I ended up liking it.. I hope to see more chapters in the future!
3436102
Fixed, thanks for pointing it out
3436301
Thanks man, always good waking up to some positive energy. I should be able to get another chapter up by late today or tomorrow so pay attention for that.
i saw a few spelling errors, you should do a quick scan to fix that
lol
There never is an easy way to tell people there is an alien warship doing the backstroke above their houses.
they took it rather well.
So many problems here.
Yeah, the princesses can't read minds. I've seen this pop up several times in stories and, sadly enough, those stories tend to use it when the author is too lazy to actually have the characters discuss the event in question. It's also a major cop-out.
I'm getting sick of the way this story is portraying the princesses as idiotic warmongers. Seriously? "There was little doubt in her mind that its only purpose was to kill?" Why? Why do they make this completely retarded assumption? Aren't these ponies Luna and Celestia? They certainly aren't acting like it right now. Why do they immediately assume the only point of the ship is to kill? Did exploring not occur to them? Did literally nothing else occur to them? How do they even know it looks like it is only meant to kill? They obviously don't have any clue what it can do, so why make that assumption? Why go into this with the intent to attack and start a fight with something they just said they couldn't beat. Why are the princesses in this story so ridiculously stupid!?
All caps is bad enough, but bold as well? That's just an annoying eye-sore more than anything. Not only that, but it's not written correctly. Every word from this to thing is all caps and bolded, meaning she's putting the exact same emphasis on every single word, which would just sound weird.
Huh, that was completely pointless.
Oh wait, it actually hit a probe. You know, that's actually worse than it being a pointless moment. You're telling me that the shot fired from that baby not only managed to leave the atmosphere, but also hit one of the small probes? That was the most contrived thing I've seen in a very long time.
Instead of having that completely contrived, suspension of disbelief breaking occurrence be what gives him the idea of using the probes for first contact, why not, oh I don't know, let him come up with that without the completely contrived, suspension of disbelief breaking occurrence?
I'm sorry for my criticism, since I do think the story has an interesting premise, but the actions of some of the characters along with the rather poor dialogue, poor writing choices (all caps, bolded words, etc.), and multiple contrivances means I'm just going to probably stop here. Good luck with the rest.
3667366 Greetings, my fellow comrade of critism. Normally I would have stopped reading this story, but for some reason, I am attracted to stories where is "first contact" involved.
Also, I am a huge fan of Goonswarm. ^^
This story's has an interesting premise to it, unfortunately in terms of the story's practice of words, grammar, and sentence structure it's very...difficult to process.
The user TheArchive explains the problem(s) of this story very well (link to his comment for reference, 3667366). Already this story has had copious amounts of deus ex machina plot devices that fail to provide any sort of suspense or the progressive, natural advancement towards the character's generation of an idea. Also, to deviate slightly, I must ask the question as to why deep space probes (although custom, as you say but nevertheless still under scrutiny) come with built-in speakers when there is no medium in space for such a speaker to operate in?
The caps within your dialogues can quickly get very annoying, and they did. Shouting is a very powerful response, even in writing, but the usefulness of using all caps is something to be used with very strict guidelines and not every few paragraphs, should there be paragraphs. And the use of bold with caps...poor use, to place it simply. The use of descriptions can also be a great tool, yet it seems to be very reserved in this story and not offering a full glimpse to the ship, the planet, and the inhabitants of both.
Speaking of the inhabitants, I cannot place scrutiny upon the character known as Keyan, but I can place scrutiny upon your depiction of MLP characters. To paraphrase TheArchive once more, the characters seem highly OOC, especially the princesses. Quick to conclusions, almost wanting war against Keyan is very poor portrayal. I won't delve futher into this, as I am prone to out-of-character slip-ups every now and then, but always return to the character's canon characteristics.
I believe I've covered all I wanted to. Again, I say this story has a very interesting premise to provide, but the practice left it highly lackluster. With its multitude of problems, I'm sorry to say this is my stop on the metaphorical train that is your story, and I must bid farewell.
So I guess we are to expect them thinking they are under attack after the probe crashes. While ignoring the fact no follow-up "attacks" are incoming.
I see your Spaceballs reference.
SPACEBALLS! THE MOVIE