Street Mule

Octavia was having a normal night after finishing up one of her Solo's. Then she found a mare on the street bloody and broken. Now how will she react when this mare flips her world upside down.

Chapters (1)

Comments ( 19 )

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DarkHiro7

DarkHiro7 #1 · Mar 5th, 2012 · · ·

A few spelling errors, but not bad, looking forward to seeing more

Gabriel LaVedier

Gabriel LaVedier #2 · Mar 5th, 2012 · · ·

Oooh. Dramatic Octy/Scratch. I love it. Good work. Just needs better paragraph breaks. Each speaker needs their own paragraph when speaking.

Darkdrake

Darkdrake #3 · Mar 5th, 2012 · · ·

Very interesting. I wan't more.

You do, however, make a number of spelling, grammar, and tense errors. They get a bit distracting at times. Also, your wording flows very nicely, but you have the occasional sentence that feels awkward.

Also, someone correct me if I'm wrong, but I believe one only ever has one IV in. I hardly have expertise in that area, but it was my impression.

The Writer of Fate

The Writer of Fate #4 · Mar 5th, 2012 · · ·

A few issues here and there, but nothing that you wouldn't be able to catch with a little proofreading.

Professor Coruptus

Professor Coruptus #5 · Mar 5th, 2012 · · ·

Hmm, good start. Will definitely be tracking and awaiting more.

ek91

ek91 #6 · Mar 5th, 2012 · · ·

Usually Vinyl/Octy fics start with them meeting in a bar,
good to see someone come up with something different and original, tracking

punisher143

punisher143 #7 · Mar 8th, 2012 · · ·

292328
Huh, that's actually pretty true. Even I'm guilty of that. But, as we all know, bars are a perfect place to meet people.
Consider this tracked.

Scully

Scully #8 · Mar 8th, 2012 · · ·

This story is very interesting but the fact that it is riddled with errors makes that enjoyment somewhat slim. So I'll hold my rating to see if you improve.
nice Idea tho.
Also when a new pony speaks he/she gets a new paragraph don't have them in the same paragraph it just be comes a jumbled mess.

Kagitaar

Kagitaar #9 · Mar 9th, 2012 · · ·

I'm going to be honest with you, I nearly quit at the backstage bit due to the huge and varied amount of errors; this needs a couple more passes to smooth out of the rough edges. That out of the way, I like the concept and I'll track, but remember to edit.

DaMagiks