Taxing Queries
"What's the first order of business?" O'Malley asked, taking a seat in Mayor Mare's chair.
"Getting you settled." Gary said as he lightly pushed O'Malley off of Mayor Mare's chair.
"What do you mean?" O'Malley asked with a yawn. "Don't tell me you're going to assign me somewhere in the city."
"No, I am simply going to write you in the books as a citizen of good standing." Gary huffed. He opened Mayor Mare's desk and reached into it and pulled out a small, leather-bound book. He put it on the desk and opened it, then began slipping through the pages. "Here we are. New resident. What is your name?"
"You know it." O'Malley mumbled.
"Formalities and regulations tell me I have to ask you that."
"You're listening to their laws?"
"Until it suits me me not to." Gary shrugged, then pulled the book an inch closer. "Now, your name?"
"O'Malley."
"Come now, you can choose any name you wish." Gary insisted testily. "I would suggest something less conspicuous."
"No foolish mark, no hair on my boy, and you're telling me to not be conspicuous?" O'Malley scoffed, rolling his eyes. "It does not matter what my name is, just as long as I have one that doesn't change."
"Good point." Gary sighed, writing O'Malley's name down in the book. "Age?"
"Perhaps if I say I am several hundred years old, these idiots will believe I am immortal!" O'Malley said, laughing darkly.
"Twenty-eight it is." Gary said, writing in the book again. "Profession?"
"Super villain?" O'Malley proposed.
"You might need something better than that." Gary muttered, tapping the quill against the book.
"I see." O'Malley said, pausing to think for a few seconds. "Super mega villain?"
"Smaller. Perhaps something nonthreatening."
"World leader." O'Malley said with a small smile.
"Better, but I think you should move away from the whole ruling thing." Gary said, rubbing his temple.
"You decide what I do then if it's so damned important!" O'Malley snapped irritably
"How about evil custodian?" Gary suggested seriously.
"Evil custodian?" O'Malley asked, raising a brow. This made Gary rather annoyed, and O'Malley saw this. "I'm trying!"
"No. You're not." Gary disagreed. "Look, you're not getting the point. It has to be something a shisno could handle."
"Like?"
"I don't know, the only shisnos I've seen do anything are the Mayor and the Apples." Gary sighed, looking around the Mayor's desk0.
"How about between jobs?" O'Malley asked. "That way when people ask me I can say that, because I'm working here temporarily until a position of power opens up. Because it's true! Nobody will expect the truth!"
"Good enough." Gary grunted, eyeing the page he was on. "The rest is unnecessary information, so we can just say that you'll fill the rest out later when it's required."
"What if that fool of a Mayor shows up?" O'Malley inquired hesitantly.
"You haven't even met her yet..." Gary said quietly.
"Are you saying she isn't a fool?" O'Malley asked, brow piqued.
"No more so than any other shisno." Gary chuckled. "Besides, she's a politician. She won't show her hand until we're all in."
"I see." O'Malley examined the book. "So this has every resident of this town, hm?"
"Yes. From All Aboard, the town's resident train conductor to Zippy, the near blind mail delivery stallion."
"Ah, so it does have the idiotic mail service ponies." O'Malley said, leaning over the desk. He then lunged onto the table, trying to grab it. "Give it to me."
"Why?" Gary asked, pulling it away from him.
"I have a score to settle with one of the ponies here."
"Already? And only one?" Gary said, laughing sarcastically. "You are a miracle worker. That's why I need you to listen to my plan."
"Give me that book and I will help you!" O'Malley hissed, grabbing for the book again.
"Intriguing offer." Gary said thoughtfully. "Who are you looking for?"
"A horse named Derpy or something equally offensive."
"Ah yes, she is the accident prone one I've been hearing so much about." Gary chuckled bemusedly, turning the chair around to open a filing cabinet. He flicked through it idly, then pulled out a thick folder and threw it on the table. "Damages to the city, complaints about being late, damages to others, damages to private property. She had a rather large file. It'll be tough for you to beat."
"I'll beat that record later, for now I just have to take her out of the way." O'Malley snarled as he snapped the file off the table to look through the info. "Lived in Cloudsdale, moved to Ponyville, had dozens of jobs..."
"Then given mail delivery by the city to prevent damages." Gary smirked, leaning back in the chair. "But that didn't stop her. If you do somehow manage to take her out of the way, her legacy will remain."
"I'll beat it." O'Malley vowed.
"I know you will. I simply think it'll take time. And as long as she's around, it will be difficult for you to be feared."
"Did your plan entail me killing her?" O'Malley asked curiously as he finished flipping through the folder.
"No, because you were not going to strike fears in others."
"Then what were you going to have me do? Plant flowers?" O'Malley laughed harshly.
"We've been over this, these shisnos are an unpredictable bunch in a way. Sort of annoying." Gary shook his head in disappointment, then smirked at O'Malley. "I won't tell you any of my plan unless you accept it."
"If you tell me where that infernal pegasus is I will agree to anything." O'Malley growled.
"Hm. First you need to prove you're willing to work for me." Gary said as he grabbed the folder and the book and put them away.
"What would you have me do? File taxes?" O'Malley scoffed.
"Not quite. Though it does involve taxes, it also involves something that suits you rather well." Gary chuckled, pulling out a form from a separate filing cabinet.
"And that is what, exactly?"
"Tax collector." Gary said, pushing a sheet towards O'Malley, who glanced at it curiously. "That is a list of places that owe money to the town. It will be up to you to get the money from them."
"By any means?" O'Malley asked, beginning to smile brightly.
"Well, the town says you shouldn't." Gary said, and O'Malley's smile turned into a sad frown. "But it doesn't say you can't."
"Lovely." O'Malley said sincerely, grabbing the form. "Where shall I begin?"
"Wherever you please. You could visit the bigger ones to intimidate the smaller ones. That would make it easier on you. Or you can do it the way I predict you will and pick on all the small shisnos. It won't be easier, but it will be more fun."
"Say no more." O'Malley said, folding the form on the table, then began looking for a place to store it.
"Hold on." Gary said, walking towards a closet by the front door. "You will need something to hold that, as well as perhaps something to cover up your lack of a mark. Maybe some tools of persuasion."
"Tools of persuasion?" O'Malley asked gleefully, running up to the closet. "Are there blowtorches in there? Perhaps a hacksaw?"
"No, none of that." Gary chuckled, throwing a pair of bags with a leather strap connecting them at O'Malley. "Use that to cover up your behind."
"What about the tools of persuasion?" O'Malley asked, slowly putting the bag on his back.
"Here." Gary said, tossing a badge and a pair of dark glasses to O'Malley.
"These are tools of persuasion?"
"Yes. Not having a mane will work in your favor. Shisnos fear change, as well as things that look different. Now I may not have a mane, but my voice does not instill any ill feelings. Yours is stronger. Hiding your eyes will intimidate them, and the badge shows you have power." Gary said, closing the closet shut, but not before grabbing another piece of paper. "Here is a map to the town, major locations are written out on it. Try not to lose it, we don't have many."
"Very well. These fools will come to realize my power soon enough. For I am O'Malley, the feller of trees." O'Malley said as he put the map in his bag with his badge. He stared at the door and slowly put the glasses on. "Collector of taxes."
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Well done, nice profile pic btw.
and now the drinking begins
O'Malley has best titles
Is O'Malley actually starting to get funny?
I wonder how badly he'll do at this?
1227804
Omega, feller of trees and collector of taxes.
I think he's going to like working for Gamma.
Great. I always knew that O'malley and the Equestrian Revenue Service were in it together
YEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!
I will read no more if u do anything to derpy. Darkwing you better not touch even one hair on her
Is it me or anyone else when O'Malley talks, I imagine Docs possessed voice speaking?
Prediction for the first house O'malley visits:
*knock, knock*
"Yes, may I help you?"
"Pay the city it's taxes or <insert overly dramatized threat about gore and death here>!!!!"
The age segment of the chapter was hilarious
Also, the tax collector thing's making me think of the one episode of Dave the Barbarian where they discover their own version of the internet
Great a Tax Collector, the Epitome of True Evil!!!!
Those bastards will never take me alive!!
i48.tinypic.com/jfvl9w.jpg
I thought O'Malley was evil before but now.
"Collector of taxes."
... Taxes... The only thing you can't avoid... Even dying won't absolve you of taxes! O'Malley has definitely become the worst villain in Ponyville and he doesn't even realise it!
In the end a "YEEAAAAAAAAH" is running in my head
".......For I am O'Malley, the feller of trees." O'Malley said as he put the map in his bag with his badge. He stared at the door and slowly put the glasses on. "Collector of taxes."
buck that is funny
1228085
Only title missing is "Lord of the Dance."
Question. now that season ten has gone on for a while, are you regretting killing Carolina at all?
1227913
You aren't alone!
1228472
Nope. Plus there's always that spooky talking leather-bound deus ex machina in case I need him.
Ohohohooo, shit, I can't wait. Btw am I the only one who can't search things up on fimfiction? Its like I'll search something up in that little browsing bar they have there, but it just turns into a Google search instead of searching the index of this site.
Btw Darkwing, really loved reading up to this point, but if you so much as lay a hoof, flame, rocket, or blade on ONE FEATHER of Derpy's wings I WILL HUNT YOU DOWN!
I WILL WATCH YOU!
...And then I'll pay a homeless man to take a dump in your sink...
1228512 lol this is true>>1228515 i have that too
1228528 At least I'm not the only one. Not being able to search the site for other stories is slowing beginning to drive me up the wall. Now the only way I can access new stories is through the the little list of famous ones they have cycling in the corner.
1228343 yep
1227827 He'll do brilliantly, get money from everypony who owes it. And he'll be angry at the lack of violence needed to do it.
1227913 I think of all the AI's with their respective voices, except O'mally, I think of him with possessed Docs voice
1228539You know that's what its supposed to do right it just searches it and adds fimfiction to the end.
When I see that this only has 301 views, and 1154 likes, I feel like I'm looking up the stats for a YouTube video.
xDD oh god this is gunna be good lol
Does anyone else remember that tax collecting job in Skyrim?
O'Malley collecting taxes... oh dear..
This is what I see O'Malley doing at the first place:
i.imgur.com/SqFwn.gif
1229155 No, I didn't sense It wasn't like that before, and naturally I'd think somethings wrong.
1230851
More or less.
1233417 ahh, yes that explains why she specifically stated:
"Yeah, but after that ya did somethin' ya knew Celestia wouldn't like, and that's not like ya one bit." which in context means almost immediately after Caboose dies this happens.
wait, i am arguing with the writer.... never mind
also, if that's the case then this is what she said/meant "Twi, you should let Pinkie's potential love interest stay dead, let said pony be miserable, and prevent the
plotstory line from developing passed, Caboose died.so again, Applejack = true
bluered, redeither way, i think less of her, which puts her, below Jar Jar Binks on my list of not very enjoyable characters, which is a difficult feat.
Kudos
O'mally the tax collector
gary the assisstant
Its really lots of fun to play with the AIs huh? :D
COllector of Taxes... LOL
1227866
aww that what i was planning on saying >.>
''...''
i was scrolling down a few reactions and not i did not saw the reaction, till your popes up
but can argue tough, nice reaction v-_-
Tax collectors should be trusted by no-one!
especially malevolent and violent ones...
1227988
Dsney?
AHHHHHHHHHH-
Wait old or new disney evil?
Tax collector? Genius!!!
Theives guild if I'm not mistaken... FOR THE GLORY OF SKYRIM!!!
:1230096
But... he... hates... TAXES! ALSO, TEXAS!
1489909 True that! Taxes you are mine. Muhahahahahhahahaaaa
2247528
I wonder if he's more fearsome than the IRS?
O'Malley, Feller of Trees and Collector of Taxes.
Lol I love it when O'Mally says these sentence:I am O'Mally ----- of -------
OMG! This is bad
LOL the ending! I..CAN'T..STOp..LAUGHING!