• Member Since 7th Sep, 2013
  • offline last seen Dec 26th, 2015


I've survived The Princess Promenade. Multiple times. Beat that.


When Princess Celestia calls Princess Twilight over to Canterlot to 'talk', Twilight knows something's up. She brings her friends, but Celestia requests and audience with Twilight. Alone.

Celestia explains about the great alicorns of old, and how an alicorn's spirit is different from other ponies'. Alicorn spirits live forever, but they need a host once their original body dies.

One of the hosts were in that room.

Follow Princess Twilight as she goes on a quest of self discovery... to defeat the greatest villain of them all.

Chapters (11)
Comments ( 57 )

All right, let's read this...
After: Pretty good stuff here.
1. No need to tell the readers what Twilight looks like: We already know.

2. Actually, I think her Element of Harmony is her crown; they're both crowns.

3. "This Recording..." Well, I know that you said it's based off of the Kane books, but what would they have recorded it with? Maybe you could say it's a book for future reference? A history book? I'm not sure if they have tape recorders in the show, do some research. But then again, it's just me but some people gripe about that kind of stuff. Your call.

4. "...Energy into my magical unicorn horn..." Yeah, because it's not obvious unicorns have magical horns...

5. "...Then read it aloud to Spike..." Isn't it the other way around? He writes and reads the letters to Twilight from Celestia?

6. If Celestia wanted then all to come to Canterlot, why didn't she just write that? I mean just implying that Twilight would bring the girls could have ended badly if Twilight had went by herself. But then, you would have to make sure that you remove Twilight asking her friends and simply saying "Come with me if you want to live." Ok, fine, not really. Just along those lines.

7. "...Crush on the snow-white unicorn..." I think it would be simpler just to say "unicorn", because what other unicorns does he have a crush on?

8."15 Lemon Surprise muffins!" Usually preferable to write out the numbers in any situation.

9. "...she said with her Southern accent." I think you could just put "accent", or just remove that all together, for there is no need to say that when you made it obvious through her speech.

10. "...but I ignored her. [Yes, you did!]..." Huh? In the Kane books, I don't remember exactly, but didn't the sister introduce that two people were recording, and who they were? Who's the other person? Spike? Zeratul?

11. "It was his problem if he wanted to be her servant." Well... isn't he already Twilight's servant? Is she jelly? Not sure if it's an error, but I just felt like pointing that out.

Well, overall I didn't see any grammatical issues, so good with that.
If you need anything else, just ask!

Best of luck, feel free to delete this when you're done.

Well, for the recording issue, she's doing it on a magical device. They have tons of seemingly modern gadgets like DJ Pon 3's turntables, and the spotlights for the fashion show, etc. I just assume that they have something like that in Equestria, too. :twilightsmile:

Also, I'm thinking of doing it where Twilight is recording it with the other five sitting around her, so they will switch with the mic every once in while. So basically, the narrator is the pony who was the most important character of that time in the plot, kind of like in Rick Riordan's The House of Hades.

Finally, for her saying what she looks like, she doesn't know she's in a cartoon. She's just sending it out to whoever needs it, and they may not know what she looks like.

Thank you! :pinkiehappy:

I see what you did their with the lemon surprise muffins. Sure hope you don't run out.

Me likey. Continue as soon as you can, please!

3408551 I'm already a quarter way done with Chapter 2. I'm glad you like it! :pinkiehappy:

This sound like the movie host :applejackunsure: if this is I will enjoy it :pinkiesmile:

:rainbowkiss:So far so awesome. You even got the recording banter down, I bet most people would forget that. I can't wait until we find out why they're recording this. If you know the books as well as I do (and I know you do), that means I'm sticking with this thing. You're not going to shake me from this ride anytime soon.:ajsmug:


I don't think the framing device adds anything. It only slows things down. Just write the story; don't constantly inject comments into the narrative. Comments are our job.

Also, you ought to improve your spelling and grammar. "Draconequus" isn't spelled "Draquonicus", you mixed up "their" and "they're":

they're souls last even longer

and your dialogue punctuation is wrong in a few places. For example, this:

"That's right, Twilight," Celestia looked down at me with those calm, pink eyes.

should be this:

"That's right, Twilight." Celestia looked down at me with those calm, pink eyes.

Note the period instead of a comma, since the part about Celestia looking down isn't a dialogue tag.

hmm, i haven't hard of any books, but i may have to look for them... and this is an extremely interesting concept, i will keep this under a watchful gaze and await its next coming :D

Lemon Suprise Muffins!?!?
*Starts crying tears of joy*
This story is so beautifull!

Hey just so you know,
Rainbowdash is worst pony.
*Sits back and waits*

3422659 I'm not going to react to that. Yep, not going to react...:pinkiecrazy:

Yesssss my child...
*Rubs his hooves together evily*
Let your hatred fester and spread.
Join us....we have muffins:pinkiehappy:

*Insults a ponies favorite character*
*Gains that pony as a follower*
You ponies are so full of love and forgivness its almost sickening.
But then again, its just more for me to eat!

I wonder what rainbow tastes like?
*Looks around at all the ponies giving him strange looks*
What did i say?

Oh god!!
I can never watch a Skittles comercial with a straight face again!
*Thinks back to the most recent skittles comercial*
Skittles, French the Rainbow!
*Shivers in disgust*

Ooh, it's getting even better. It's not too often where the main villain is Deity Alpha. Now I'm wondering how Cadaeaence could fit into this. And maybe Discord, can't have too much Discord.

Comment posted by That_G3_Obsessive deleted Nov 2nd, 2013

3422770 I recently remembered they have something about what rainbows taste like in the show! check it out:

you've had my curiosity, now you have my attention.:trixieshiftright:

"If I hadn't chosen you as my host, you would look like this." Fidelita's horn glowed magenta, and she conjured up an image of a hot pink pony with a royal blue mane and tail, with three hot pink lightning bolts on her flank.
"You would've been named Firefly, and you still would've been able to fly fast, but not even close to what you are capable of now."


Gah! Why is this story so awesome??? :raritydespair:


3474289 You know what I don't get? Why I have to sit through LA class learning how to write stories when I could be writing stories! :twilightoops:

3480078 so true I have to sit through classes like literature and composition and have to write three page essays about things like patriotism and reality tv :pinkiesick:

It's spelt draconequus (or dragon-horse in latin) and the plural is draconequi

Whew, at first I thought you were going to reference THAT GAME, but then it was just a bunch of captives.

Well, what do we have here? A human who is living in the Everfree Forest, how odd...though, I got a slight feeling they might not be in their world anymore, but I can't be sure. This is going to be interesting, that for sure, at least.

Strangely, despite knowing this person has hair on his head and possibly younger (no evidence of this, though, just a guess), for some odd reason, I was getting a familiar vibe to this person: Farmer Brown. I don't know why, to be honest... I guess I am just being silly.

oh how wonderful a HiE
this can only end well

want a cookie that I injected love into?

Interesting, I wonder if there'll be some kind of liberation. Either way, I hope they show up later.

Can't honestly say I'm surprised that Bad Guy is the princesses' dad, though the fact that saying his name is bad enough to attract attention is certainly reminiscent of Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings.

It's always nice to see an update from this story.

4049676 I'll be trying to do extra long chapters to make up for it. :twilightsheepish:

Please update this story is so interesting :pinkiehappy:

This has real potential keep it up.

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