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Protect Celestia1,762 stories ·1,945 members
This absolutely demands a cute category.
Celestia finds a very young Twilight outside her room. Not knowing who brought her here, the Princess cares for her until a new family can be found. However, the Princess is oblivious to twilight's past, and the truth may have scarred Twilight for life...
This story was a suggestion by Celestia's Paladin
Artwork is by Dream Whisper, who also pre-reads occasionally.
Thanks you guys sooooo much!
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can you make more chapters for this story so we can see Twilight grow up and who ever is her new family and with Slice of Life in it
I'm thinking this needs to be tagged alternative universe since it's well established in the show cannon that Twilight has a family.
Other then that this is very cute. Filly Twilight is indeed best filly.
I have i one shot you should write,
Its about a changeling whose best friend,
Fred the muffin,
Is stolen by derpy and is about to be eaten,
Can mr changeling sneak into pony ville,
Find and rescue fred before he is eaten,
While avoiding the many dangerous ponies that live in town?
3406828 He only does one shots I'm afraid.
3406871 ok
3406875 Feel free to make your own expansion of this. Just give this guy credit.
3406871
Looks like someone didn't read the author's notes
3406892 i don't want to
3406896 was it me
3406828
I could do that possibly. It'd make for a good storyline. Ill think about it
3406912 ok
Awww, adorable
Really, it is very adorable. Sometimes, the mood gets taken out a bit by direct comments to the reader, but that is a lesser flaw. Overall, the story conveys a sweetness and yet holds open any followup for the next chapters
-> Write, you fool (Much better)
Yep, I am looking forward to what is going to come next as chapter 2 is just another number, isn't it?
Just take us into the lands of sweetness and delight once more, if you please
You see what I did there with only using Twilight smileys?
Do a one shot where Twilight gets sick (very sick) and Celestia freaks out and gets super depressed and spends all her time with twilight(hardcore run-on sentence)and it turns out twilight wasn't deathly ill at all. Feel free to change it up as you please.
3406998
I would actually like to see the inverse of that. Celestia gets ill and Twilight spends all her time trying to make her feel better. There would also be some space for some feels from Luna's side.
3406912
Thank you for the great fic I look forward to reading more.
I've made up my mind: Yes, I will extend this story. Thank you all for your support! Seeing all the positive feedback made me happy, and inspired me to continue with this story.
3406845
I never said she didn't... Or rather wouldn't. ~ hint hint~
3407154 yay
and yes Twilight is cute 
Hnnnnnnnrr, heart attack!
3407470
AAAH! Are you ok?
I won't be until I get more chapters... 3407499
3407531
Yes sir/ma'am!
I've actually already started 2
I ish Sir, though even if I used my real name, Tyler, people would still be confused on my gender
3407549
3407553
Ah. I didn't want to accidentally offend you
That exploding noise you just heard was my heart
Though I should be able to revive myself for chapter two
I just realized....THIS IS MY LITTLE DASHIE IN EQUESTRIA AND WITH TWILIGHT
Hmm...I shall be waiting for the next chapter...
3409138
Sorta. That wasn't the original inspiration, but when I was writing it, I realized it reminded me a lot of MLD.
Can't...hold in...must resist!
*Sees filly Twilight*
Aww, what the heck! D'AAAAAWWWWWWWW
3409200
As will I.
3409735
Ohmygoshohmygoshohmygosh!!
That is soooo cute!!
Well I'll be watching this to see if enough cute can be created to break my stern face.
Hasn't happened yet, but I have hope for you.
3410273
Challenge accepted!
nice star wars reference by the way.
when will chapter 2 come out
3413168
Maybe Wednesday, but no promises.
I have to put together a presentation for school so I'm going to be a bit busy. Ugh.
3413332 ok
So cute I wish Celestia can keep her.
3413794
Yeah, I tried talking to her about it but she's too busy. No worries though, it won't get any less cute!
I like the idea, but I do see some problems with it at the moment.
Let's start with the technical stuff: You should proof-read/edit your work more thoroughly. Right now, it contains mistakes that are easily avoidable (stuff like your/you're). Correct usage of commas seems to be a problem, too, even though I'll readily admit that my sense for correct comma placement in the English language may be off, so I'd advise you to get a second opinion on it. I would also suggest to use monikers like "Twi" only in speech and not in your text. Lastly, exclamation marks are no pack animals.
So much for technical problems, let us talk a bit about content. First at all, your portrayal of Celestia appears very strange to me in the sense that she is much to casual in my eyes, which is especially visible in her way of speech. Celestia, as protrayed in the show, seems to be very formal in it--I cannot image her speaking like this:
Don't take me wrong: I have no problem with a less formal Celestia in the privacy of her own rooms, but this does seem to be a stretch. After a thousand years (give or take a few centuries), her somewhat "regal" speech patterns are probably deeply ingrained.
Staying with Celestia, she is taking this event much too casual. Somepony put a filly (or foal? Giving Twilight's approximate age might help clear up any confusion I currently have about this) in front of her door (in the middle of the castle, nonetheless!) and vanished--and Celestia gets back to sleep? While I understand her taking the filly into her bed, laying down to have a nap beside her does not appear to be logical or reasonable to me. I'd have expected her to call for servants/guards in order to investigate the situation, intercept possible parents at the castle doors (after all, they just placed her there a few minutes ago and might not even have had the time to leave the castle yet) or do something else. Right now, she pretty much found a lost filly, shrugged it off like an everyday event and got back to sleep (after explicitly stating her pity for the parents--one might wonder why she does not act upon it, it's not as if she couldn't).
Anyway, the point is: let her do something about it. Cuddling with Filly!Twilight might be nice, but pretty much incomprehensible in the given situation.
Which brings me to Twilight. I have problems to determine her approximate age. From some of your descriptions, she seems to be a reasonable far developed young filly (like when she is trying to wake/play with Celestia or when she's using magic of all things), from others she seems to be a small foal, probably not even born too long ago. As one might expect, both possibilities are pretty much exclusive, which makes sections written in one protrayal clash horribly with ones written in the other. For example, if Twilight is pretty much an almost newborn foal, using magic would pretty much be a no-go (unless the Cake twins are the rule for newborns) and her somewhat intelligent approach of waking Celestia is far too complicated for such a young pony. On the other hand, if she is a bit older, I cannot see her not breaking down due to the simple fact that her parents are gone while she's in entirely foreign surroundings. Think of little children losing their parents in the mall--they usually do not take it as good as Twilight does here. Although, this might be explained as a temporary situation--Twilight could still think her parents could return any moment and might have her breakdown a bit later.
To sum things up: I like the idea and Filly!Twilight/Momlestia is cute as always, but right now, the writing has some lightly annoying technical issues and a bunch of content-related problems that should be addressed ASAP.
3415852
Noted, and will apply. Thank you for taking the time to say all that
that ok and they is only person that dislike this story lol
I think foal and filly are two different age groups. So the question is is Twilight a foal or a filly? I'm leaning towards the latter.
3441093
I'm pretty sure a foal is the general term for a baby/young pony, while filly and colt are terms for young mares and stallions, respectively. I personally think of foals as like the Baby Cakes, while filly would be more like CMC age.
3441093
I thought filly meant female in general? I've seen filly used to describe mares and foals.
But if you're implying that foal=baby and filly=kid:
Twilight is a filly, as she can use limited magic and is pretty smart. Reasons for confusion are (hopefully) debunked in Ch.2.
3441143 I thought so because of the cover image.
3441170
Ah. Keep in mind, I did not make the cover image, and Dream Whisper didn't have many guidelines. Sorry for the confusion.
Ehhhhh, adoption.
3441243 Oh yeah I forgot about mentioning that. That statement probably prompts an "Alternative Universe" tag or a retcon.
Actually I just made a mistake
I thought this was another story taht was about Twilight's teachings lol. But yes AU Tag should be there regardless. 3441248
Oh okay fiiiine, I'll add an AU tag lol