- Member Since 11th Jul, 2012
- offline last seen May 5th, 2023
fallen starr
How can I be home and still feel out of place.
fallen starr
Joined 11th Jul, 2012 ·
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*Rides in on his muffin mobile*
Whats up silly ponies,
Im here to spread the ....joy...of....muff...ins?
*Sees three crying fillies hovering over their dead friends/siblings*
Uhhh...
Herehavesomemuffinsgottagobye!
*Tosses some muffins out the window and speeds away*
Er, well... It kinda doesn't have any impact without context. I'm a lot more interested in what happened, truthfully. Sorry.
your thinking what I'm thinkin?
Aww, apparently I'm lovely!
Happy to help.
3402917 Yes, that is something that I also felt when I read the story. I agree that it would be nice to learn about the rest of what happened, and I do prefer longer stories, but this was certainly a nice little story for what it was.
Interesting, though maybe a prequel is in order. Also, thanks for making me depressed for the rest of the day.
Sorry, but this setup hasn't worked for a year because people think it's an instant feels button to get tears out of a thousand words.
It.
Doesn't.
WORK.
You have too little setup to make me give a damn, and too short of a story to draw even the slightest hint of emotion out.
It's "Oh Noes! The EoH were killed! The CMC discuss it in 5 paragraphs! The CMC get over it in 3 and go home! The Endz!"
You can't tell a whole story by itself in that amount of time with that amount of complexity. The stories that have 1000 word chapters work because each chapter builds upon the last to actually work into a coherent whole instead of 10 seconds of 'you should feel bad!'
This story could have been great with just a little more time with the crusaders. Let them really hash out their feelings, scream at each other, basically run the gamut of emotions.
Here's the cover pic.
[img]the feels[/img]
WHO WOULD DO THAT TO THEM!?!?!?!?!?!?!
RIGHT IN THE FEELS
3402888 yay, muffins!
3402917 I understand. Thanks for the feedback.
3403014 oh, thanks!
3403061 of course you're lovely!
I really do appreciate it.
3403076 aww, sorry. I don't think I'll ever make a prequel. This story was based around that picture, and I honestly don't have any ideas for it.
3403695 I wasn't trying to get tears, really. I was going for a melancholy feel more than anything. Sorry you didn't like it.
3403997 But they had no reasons to yell at each other...even irrational ones. But I'll definitely keep that in mind next time I write a scene like this. Thank you.
3404392 thank you!
3408908 The pic made me do it!
It's sad
But very well written. 
I'm conflicted 
I liked it for what is was and what it mite of ben trying to do a little more content would of really helped flush the story out but over all it was good for what there was
It's an interesting study. My main nit-pick is that Sweetie Belle's speech at the end uses an adult's vocabulary. Tweaking the choice of words would address most of that without changing the prose or the points she's making.
Now you have me wondering how Spike is reacting, and whose shoulder he's crying on (as he may still be in Ponyville). Celestia being a wreck is a given. Luna's reaction could go in a few different directions depending on your take on her character and her relationship with Twilight.
Food for thought, at least. Well done.
*sniff sniff* c-could you *sniff* make a sequel? *sniff* I'll be back in a mi-minute, I've got some *sniff* feels to deal with...
And over two years later, I reply
3410948 Thank you.
3411948 yeah, this was a practice in how well I could show sadness in my characters.
3454849 thank you, those are wonderful thoughts. I've give the story another read and agree, Sweetie could stand to sound more like a child.
6791784 it is a possibility. I've been considering AcedmicPony's thoughts and might write those as well. What did you have in mind?
6793251
Hmm... I dunno. I trust whatever you'd write would be amazing, and I think you could let your imagination run wild and be back with genius.
6793309 haha, I appreciate the vote of confidence.
I want to say that, yes, I do believe I will add a second chapter to this. I'm not sure how soon I could have it up, but it should be fairly soon. (As in, by the end of the month).
6793522
That's fine! From experience, i know a good story takes time. Feel no need no rush, I've got other things I can do in the meantime.
Interesting; I hadn't expected Blueblood to be hit that hard. It's always neat to see people propose hidden depths to his character.
Minor spellcheck issues:
6866527 Thanks for catching those.
I'll go back and fix them. And yeah, I've just been thinking, and I mean, they probably grew up together, so of course he's going to be upset, right?