After being banished from Equestria following her failed attempt to overtake Canterlot, and eventually Equestria, Chrysalis was thrown far away into the southern lands of Equestria, a dark, bleak place with no living souls about. As she lay on the ground, willing to let her meager existence come to an end, green embers, the faded lives of her changelings, begin to fall from the air. One in particular falls where her eyes rest, and something inside of her stirs. As she stares at the fading ember, she thinks to the failed attempt, to the love that overpowered her.
In her chest, a feeling she hadn't had the ability to feel before comes forth, bringing a sense of euphoria to her. As a smile comes over her face, she thinks two simple words.
"Love...? Ridiculous..."
Cover Art by Hussii on Deviantart. Show him some love, people!
Now i remember why i try to not read sad stories. Damn you
It was beautiful
3425896 Thanks!
The avatar along with the comment made me laugh, though.
3425903
Because mostly it work for stories here xD
I could post this
th06.deviantart.net/fs71/PRE/i/2013/079/6/b/art_by_wripple-d5yqpq5.png
But i didn't ....
oh wait
3425909 Damn you, I fell out of my chair laughing and now everyone is giving me the look I only get when I randomly jump on the table and start doing Gangnam Style. :P
3425913
derpicdn.net/img/view/2013/9/8/422461__safe_solo_rarity_faic_hoers_artist-colon-furseiseki_one+word_darling.png
Who cares about them
3425924 Not I, said the person that just made them all laugh by laying on the table and saying "draw me like one of your french girls."
I'm more random than an igloo in Florida.
3425930
i.imgur.com/NOC2o7h.gif
Randomness you say?
You made me cry. I hope you are happy.
3426017 I live on the tears of others, so yes, I am happy!
But anyways, I do hope you enjoyed!
3426174 Oh shit, I thought you were dead!
troll.me/images/ssshhhhhashhhhhh/sup-nigga.jpg
I had a similar idea for a story, but it wasn't nearly as good as this. Beautifully written, well done!
3426550 I was for a while. but death is boring... So I came back.
3426782 Who knows? It could have become better than it! No idea is better than another.
3426174
I enjoyed it. I enjoyed it much. That was a beautifull piece of writing. Problem is, i am supposed to be an unfeeling killing machine. But seeing my favourite MLP character like that...
3428047 cdn.memegenerator.net/instances/400x/36848869.jpg
3425943 Oh thanks...I didn't need sleep anyway...
3436131
have sweet hamster for your eye sore
media.tumblr.com/3ca725c45850a36359b23f2deccf4bbb/tumblr_inline_mjne4xThw31r77oeh.gif
3436433 Oh gawd! Stahp!
Oh... well... this is actually quite lightening for my mood
3436632
Your jimmies are rustled?
i.imgur.com/MOnPHs6.gif
3436828 I need a damn neurolizer after that hamster.
3439860
25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m78qeb7OaB1qk86t6o1_400.gif
3441564 What demonic pit are you summoning these from!? Send them back!
3441786
Dunno, maybe he give it to me
gifrific.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/Kid-Rubs-Ice-Cream-on-Face.gif
Or maybe its something even worse if you know what i mean ...
24.media.tumblr.com/fd8b62521c32316e3ee34921d5b5542b/tumblr_ml5upwa8l51so5rjqo1_400.gif
3442148 I wouldn't put it past those damn gingers...
3444816>>3442148 Meanwhile, in the comment section...
I love it when random chats happen in the comments of my stories!
Well done. Beautiful and sad.
This review is brought to you on behalf of the group: Authors Helping Authors
Name of Story: Falling Embers
Grammar: 9/10
Pros:
-Extremely powerful tear-jerking
-A creative take on Chrysalis' last moments
-Strong ending
Cons
-Paragraphs are too broken up
-Formatting could be a bit more creative
-Pacing is an edge too fast
Notes Section:
A very good narrative, really emotional. The theme of "righteous" self-loathing and a desire to apologize, be forgiven, and be forgotten, is one that has some strong personal meaning to me, so I was hit harder than others by it. I feel that too many people focus on Chrysalis as this dark, evil fountain of corruption, and not as a living thing. You really captured both her nature as a Changeling queen and a villain while also breathing some actual life into her. The ending, I think, was a beautiful cadence to end it: She got exactly what she wanted, and that, in and of itself, is a bittersweet thing. The only bits that I'm concerned about is how you seem to rush the story along a bit; The narrative progresses without spending too much time on anything. And that's natural; pacing is something that's really hard to get right in a story, especially something like this. If you focused an edge bit more on a few things like the memory of the young changeling in the forest to bring out how much more important that is than, say, how she realizes she's paralyzed (which is important enough to be mentioned, but not elaborated on too much), then it would've been even better. And, again, it's hard to determine what needs to be focused on more and how to pace it right. I've been writing for half my life and it's still hard for me to get the pacing right. As for the more technical side of things, I felt that your formatting didn't fit right, but I'm very unorthodox when it comes to using formatting as a part of the narrative. But the way you kind of chop it into bite-sized paragraphs doesn't help the pacing, because it makes the audience read through each paragraph quickly and tricks them into thinking it's a shorter story than it is, which can make it feel like it's dragging on. When describing scenery or an important, use a nice, looooong paragraph to slow the pacing down and keep the audience focused (while avoiding text blocks), and use shorter paragraphs for more transitional things to speed the audience along a bit to the important stuff. If it were an action story, it would be the reverse to keep the action flowing fast, but this isn't action.
Enjoy your review! Please help me out by looking at my own story, On Alicorns
This is soooooo sad!
despair despoils deity, damages divine dogma, destabilizes demon deterrent, destroys dirty detrivores, deteriorates diabolical diegisis, and dismays disheartened displeased.
in other words. it's pathetic that crysalis was used as a one shot villain(like the rest...) but this is a very very good way to kill her off in canon. one of the absolute best cryssalis death fics i have ever read. take my like and favorite.