The shortest Human in Equestria story you'll ever read
Twilight Sparkle watched with a raised brow as the stallion sprawled across the couch in her living room choked up, causing tears to run down his sandy brown face. Twilight had experienced being around her friends while they were crying before, but being in the company of a complete stranger who was doing so was foreign to her. As a result, she wasn't quite sure how to respond. Rainbow Dash, who was leaning against the wall by the door, seemed unsympathetic to the display of raw emotion.
"I don't understand, are you upset that I offered to help you get back to your... reality, Walter?" Twilight asked tentatively.
"No... no, these are tears of joy," Walter sniffed, regaining some control. "This is like... the first good thing to happen to me since I got here. Besides Rainbow Dash saving me that is."
Twilight didn't have any difficulty believing Walter. His entire body was covered with scratches, bruises, and a frightening amount of dried blood. It was a lot of physical abuse for a pony to take, especially for one that claimed to have been in Equestria for less than twenty minutes.
"Summoning magic for sapient life isn't something I've had much practice with," Twilight informed Walter. "But I've read a lot on the subject. It's a simple matter to undo a summoning and send you back home."
"And I'll be a human again?" Walter asked hopefully.
"Everything would be back to the way it was before," Twilight promised. "I can send you back whenever you're ready."
"I'm ready now," Walter decided.
"Really? Already? Are you sure that's a good idea?" Twilight asked.
Walter balked at the question, clearly taken aback. "What do you mean am I sure? You think I wouldn't be sure about going home?"
"Well, it's just that you haven't been here very long, you know?" Twilight explained. "I mean, you haven't even learned to walk as a pony yet. You literally had Rainbow Dash carry you all the way here."
"You should have seen him trying to learn how to talk with a pony's mouth," Rainbow Dash quipped.
"I could hardly see the point in learning how to walk with this body," Walter huffed. "Rainbow Dash seemed very confident that you could fix my problem, so why bother? Besides, It was embarrassing enough to have her watch me as I was forced to re-learn speech with a foreign mouth. Why would I go through another hassle like that if you could just send me home?"
"You didn't even try to learn how to walk. You just cried and begged for me to carry you," Rainbow Dash said accusingly. "For all you know, it would have taken you ten seconds to figure it out."
"Well, excuse me for being a little needy after being abducted from my own planet!" Walter snapped. "Had you arrived in my reality I wouldn't have treated you so coldly! No, I would have comforted you and did everything I could to help you cope with your terrifying new existence!"
"I hardly think I would have been as helpless as you," Rainbow Dash scoffed.
"Bah! Continue on with your uncaring charade if you wish," Walter said with a dismissive hoof wave. "It doesn't change the fact that you rescued me in my time of peril."
"Yeah, from a timber wolf. One timber wolf," Rainbow Dash said as she rolled her eyes.
"That's quite enough, both of you, " Twilight cut in. "As I was saying, Walter, it might be hasty to send you home right away because you... I mean we, don't even know why you're here. Think about it. Just because you don't how you got to Equestria doesn't mean your arrival here doesn't have some purpose. There may be forces at work here beyond our comprehension. What if there is a reason for you being here? What if you're to prevent some sort of disaster? What if you're supposed to learn something about yourself you never knew before? Are you so sure that you want to throw this chance away so soon?"
"Yes," Walter said without hesitation. "I didn't sign up for any of this crap."
"Even if it's your destiny to save Equestria?" Twilight pressed.
"Not my problem," Walter insisted. "I want to go home."
"Fine, have it your way," Twilight relented. "If that's what you want, I'll send you back to your world."
Twilight's horn glowed to life as she prepared the spell within her mind to send Walter home. A pulse exploded across the living room, causing momentary blindness for all. Once the light had vanished Twilight glanced at the couch again. Walter was gone. The spell had worked. For a moment a silence hung over the room.
"There may be forces at work here beyond our comprehension," Rainbow Dash repeated with a smirk.
Twilight sighed, knowing full well there would be no escaping Rainbow Dash's taunting.
"I didn't want him to get mad at me," Twilight said defensively.
"Oh no, I'm sure Walter would have perfectly fine with the fact that you had intentionally performed a summoning spell just so you could study someone from another reality," Rainbow Dash said sarcastically. "Jeez Twilight, the worst thing he could have done was cry at you, and he was already doing that."
"Well, the problem's fixed now, and I'm pretty sure that I know why it didn't bring him straight the library. It was still an educational endeavor," Twilight concluded.
"Educational? Are you saying that you're going to try again?" Rainbow Dash asked.
"I didn't exactly have much time to study him," Twilight pointed out. "I'm sure the next one will be a lot more understanding if I don't drop him or her in the Everfree forest."
"Well, I suppose you can do what you want," Rainbow Dash shrugged as she stopped leaning on the wall and started to walk out the door. "You know where to find me if things don't work out."
Rainbow Dash continued out the door before pausing as if she had just remembered something. "Oh, and Twilight?"
"Yes?" Twilight prompted.
"If you're gonna try that again, maybe try to summon someone a little bit more heroic next time huh?"
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i hope she gets Trevor from GTA V next time
*Claps* That was a different experience for sure. Good job.
31.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m4zc1fMLux1rwcc6bo1_500.gif
Best HiE story ever! If only there were more HiE stories like this....
I Say! this is a beautiful piece of satire old bean. I give it a star and a thumbs up. hmm yes, quite.
It's a funny story, pretty short as you said but still good.
Yet, it's a pity that the story of the arrival and the rescue by Rainbow Dash hasn't been told
Anyway , I liked this story and I would like to ask you if I could translate it into French for the French MLP fandom. (of course they'll know you're the only author of this story and they will have a link to this page if they want to comment or read in English)
hope it will be ok with you
3416972
ts1.mm.bing.net/th?id=H.5046793885713268&pid=15.1
See, this is how all HiE stories should go. Makes much more sense. If there was no way back, the first thing I would do was try to obtain a visa or some other form of legal status. Papers are very important.
This is fantastic. Such a breath of fresh air from some of the HiE fics that have been coming out lately.
Kudos to you, good sir.
Like, fave, follow.
Note:This fanfic is great, this is just a joke. None of this here is for real, so don't take it seriously..
EVERYTHING
WRONG
with...
The Easy Way Out
Spoilers!
(duh)
You had a chance to make Walter Walter White, and you did not. This is a sin. +1
1
Walter is crying tears of joy, and the ponies think he's crying. When you cry, you wail and flail. +1
2
Walter immediately stops crying for the convenience of the story. +1
3
Realize the writer threw us the bait thinking we'd get a flashback of him being a complete p*ssy, but he quickly grabs it back. +1
4
Him being a complete p*ssy. +1
5
Rainbow Dash says it was one timber wolf like they're easy to kill with your bare hands.. Does she fight them for a living? Rainbow Dash is a dick to timber wolves. +1
6
Twilight brings him there, and doesn't have the balls to admit she did it. Sadly, this a sin for her, and not for the story. +0
Sins:6
Wait, six? That's it? Hm.
Guess my job here is- oh, right!
Sentence: The Everfree
(Watch out for timber wolves)
3419191
That actually made me chuckle. I love Cinema Sins, and also that MLP parody series of it by this guy.
3420233 Yes, I love that guy. Glad to have made someone chuckle
3418047 It's reasonable. After all you can probably get some bits for starting a new life and so on!
I sincerely hope she gets Deadpool next.
Priorities For any Human in Equestria:
1: How do I look?
2: Obtain means to survive on own
3: Locate nearest population center
4: Go see princesses
5: Ask princesses if you can get back
6: If no, then begin generic HiE fic. If yes, then go back immediately. You don't belong there.
3425735
1: Incredibly handsome of course, otherwise the mane 6 wouldn't fall madly in love.
2: Luckily, the human is a soldier/marine/black ops/special forces guy.
3: Oh would you look at that, the nearest sign of civilization just happens to be Ponyville.
4: To be honest, I usually stop reading before I get this far.
5: ???
6: Profit.
3417191
Pony response: "A what? You need papers to say you're here? Do you also have a paper to say you were born?"
3416172
Please see Trevor in Equestria: because screw you. For a continuation of your headcannon fugly duckling
3476399 i faved that when it got out!
This review proudly brought to you, courtesy of Authors Helping Authors.
Grammar: 9/10 (some veeeeery small issues with comma placement, I also think you wrote does instead of doesn't at some point.)
Pros:
1) You've successfully circumvented the stereotypical, over-saturated "Human in Equestria, human must be destined to save world" ideal.
2) Twilight and Rainbow seem well in-character.
3) It was over pretty much before it ever had a chance to begin. While this is usually a bad thing, it works for the purpose of the story.
Cons:
1) Walter seems just a tad whiny, and too eager to leave. Innate human curiosity should have kicked in about the world of Equestria, but it didn't.
2) While I did say Rainbow is pretty well in-character, she does seem to lean to the more "jerky" side of her personality.
3) ...Yeah, I got nothin'.
Notes:
Not really much to say here, except praise you for the overall smoothness and flow of the story. While it took me literally two minutes to read, I didn't feel like I wasted my time. Nor do I feel that it really needs to continue on. If there is one thing I want to say, it's that I've never ever considered summoning magic to be a "simple matter". I think you've made Twilight a little too OP in that sense. She also seems to be uncaring of her unwitting subject's feelings. This is kinda forgivable (as it's in the name of study), but people hate the feeling of being used. Nevertheless, you've shown exactly that idea and presented it concisely. A nice little read
I hope you enjoy your review! I await your review of my story, Keeper of the Crystal Heart.
Lol! XD Awesome!
3425786
Don't forget "and just happened to be carrying a small arsenal with them, even if they were at home".
Or they just happen to remember exactly how to make things that go boom.
3425735
Now this I'd have to take issue with. First human to encounter an alien civilization, you have a way back if you want it, and you don't at least want to learn a bit and get to know the world you find yourself in? Once in a lifetime opportunity there; it'd be like having NASA call up and say they want to have you, personally, go to space, and saying "nah, I don't belong there".
3806896
Haha, I haven't seen any HIE's where weapons are brought along like that, but I can easily imagine that occurring often. I once read an actual fantasy story where an the protagonist switched worlds every time he slept. While in our world, he learned how to make a bomb of sorts and used that knowledge to make one in the fantasy world.
3807453
I've seen far too many stories where the human just happens to have a knife, dagger, pistol, rifle, or tactical body armor. Or all of the above.
3416172 And then Equestria's newest princess was found in her home with an axe embedded seven centimeters into her brain.
Ah, a likely incident involving the HIE storyline. This was quite appreciated in comparison to all the other 'heroic' stories involving a misplaced human. Quite a good job on this, as well as with the deliberate summoning on Twilight's part. A much needed breath of fresh air.
Finally, a realistic HiE story. I enjoyed this immensely!
3806896
After going on a small rant about them misusing my tax dollars by cold-calling people and attempting to send an untrained, physically unfit civilian into space, that's pretty much exactly what my response would be. Seriously, what use do I have for going to space? I can get a good enough view of the stars from my back yard to suit me.
Besides, I may not know much about space travel, but I know this: Zero-G makes you puke. I have enough vomit in my life here on the ground, thank you very much.
wandering top rated HiE fics, stumbled across this. Enjoyed immensely. GJ, take an upvote. Hell, have a fav while I'm at it
5510722
Thank you! I'm glad you were entertained.
I've read shorter HiE's, admittedly, they were all worse too, a lot.
I liked it.
3416172 Why have Trevor, when you can have Postal Dude from POSTAL 2?
Well, everybody praise this story and so on. Like how it is so good HiE story. I would like to know some recommendations of other good, or THE BEST HiE stories. Because... Yes, HiE what i find is pretty... dull.
7321653
The only HiE I can remember thoroughly enjoying involved a human sharing a body with Rainbow Dash. Even then, it's still a clever inversion of the dull and oversaturated genre that we're all so familiar with. As for my story, I really wouldn't call it a good HiE either. A good HiE would be entertaining in a vacuum. This is just a satire that's funny to people who know how most HiE's go.
7321653 You're in luck! I've got a bunch here. Or if you're a little pickier, try this list. (All the stories in the latter are also in the former.)
You know, what I was really hoping for here was Twilight arguing against the guy going home for his own sake. I know that's deeper than you were aiming at, but hey. I'm just awkward. :P
Thank you for finally writing an alternate universe / human story! I'm giving this a 👍! 🙌
That's how I picture a human summon actually going. Well, probably with a few less tears, but still.
I bet something similar happens next time.
🗿