• Member Since 19th Sep, 2013
  • offline last seen Last Friday

DemonBrightSpirit


I dream of a man whose hopes never end.

E

A crash seemingly robs Rainbow Dash of her memory, but that doesn't stop her from saving Scootaloo or spending a magical afternoon with the filly. But is everything what it seems?

Chapters (2)
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Comments ( 53 )

Could it be?
Gone is the Egotistical, Selfish, Rude, Judgemental, Hypocritical,
Rainbow Dash.
And instead a Well balanced, good mannered pony is left in her wake?

I have a feeling that something's not right....

Wow... I feel sad now:fluttercry: Great job, though.

There needs to be a sequel. Stop torturing Scootaloo!!!:flutterrage:

So honest review/feedback coming up:

This story is actually overall very good. Let's start with positive. First of all it is very well written. Every character is written so in character that sometimes I thought that it would actually make a good show episode. You really nailed dialog and the way the talk, especially Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy. The story is rather touching. I really felt this warm feeling that scootaloo experienced with Rainbow Dash clone. Now for a few negatives that I have found. At the beginning of the story the pacing was really a bit too fast for me. There were moments when characters teared or cried and I really felt that they should not cry at this moment...I mean the power of tears is strong but you overused it just a tiny little bit.

Overall I enjoyed the story and reccomend people to read it. I give it an 7.5/10. I hope this story gets more feedback.:twilightsmile::twilightsmile::twilightsmile:

Best Wishes, Zelos.

3410042 what did she do to deserve that??!??!!

3410042

Yes a sequel :flutterrage:. This ending feels empty and sad at the same time :raritydespair:. I mean we never see what Rainbow Dash does when she learns that Rainbow Double basically taught Scoots to fly, saved her, and was a living pony even if it was a clone that gave Scootaloo something no other pony ever could. Then had it ripped away from her biggest fan. Or Twilight when she learned she not just murdered a pony, but thinks of the repercussions of murdering all those other Pinkie Pie's who were just a few hours old and killed before they were able to enjoy life. If there's any rectifications, or repercussions from this.

We need a more fulfilling ending / series of events. We need a sequel.

3448274

I agree, this chapter seemed rushed. And didnt really give a sense of closure. It was almost too open-ended.
I'm not saying I didnt enjoy the story, because I did.

I would have just liked to see, as others said, Twilight, think about how she ended the existence of someone who was more self-aware than the Pinkie clones. Someone who saved Scootaloos life, and was able to be a productive member of Ponyville. Then maybe think about how she was so casual about playing God.

And Rainbow Dash to think about what happened. And how an 'imposter' was more of a sister in 2 days than she ever was. Then maybe wonder if she ever deserved the devotion of that one small filly.

Maybe even have Scoots with the other Crusaders talking about what her time was like, and how a brighter future for her was cruelly ripped away, without even a seconds thought.


stupid Twilight. :trixieshiftleft:

If your not making a sequel, I will. It would be about the main 6 trying to find a way to bring the big sister clone back.

3410042344827434929603508989

There seem to be a few calls for a sequel. However, I just can't come up with a solid plot that I like...at least not yet. :unsuresweetie:

It doesn't help that I'm currently working on several other stories at the present moment—half of which I'm probably never going to publish... :facehoof:

I might come up with something at some point in the future, but for now I have nothing. Sorry.

3513226

I might come up with something at some point in the future, but for now I have nothing. Sorry.

:pinkiegasp:

BURN THE WITCH!!! :trixieshiftleft:

Just kidding. Take your time, a story that took longer to get right is better than something rushed. And as a stand alone it's still solid.

I'm confused. Luckily, th8re's another chapter to expl8n it to me I hope.

3544502
Mirror lake just like Pinkie did in episode 3 just the other Dash doesn't remember anything

3770755 I did figure that out after reading the second chapter, since it's either st8ted explicitly, or it's v8ry strongly implied.

~Vriska Serket

Not bad. I feel like there could have been more, but not bad.

CCC

That was a sad ending. Poor Rainbow Clone, and poor Scootaloo...

I just barley got around to reading the second chapter, that's one of the saddest things iv ever read. :fluttercry:

:fluttercry::fluttercry: I am fighting tears right now.:ajsleepy::raritydespair::raritycry:

Plz make a sequel! Pleeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaasssssssse!

Then Scootaloo became King Sombra's pupil in the ways of dark magic, and brutally murdered Twilight Sparkle in her dreams, over and over again, until Twilight Sparkle learned a way to bring back the Rainbow Double or until Scootaloo became angry enough to brutally murder Twilight Sparkle in the real world. And Scootaloo lived traumatized ever after. (This is like happily ever after, but I don't think that Scootaloo is going to be happy unless the Rainbow Double is brought back, even if she gets to brutally murder Twilight Sparkle.)

Comment posted by King of Kings deleted Mar 19th, 2015

That is one of the most brutal endings to a story like this I could imagine, not because of what was done but just the sheer callous disregard of Twilight's actions. It was done with all the malice of squashing a bug. That makes Scootaloo's trauma at the end even worse, because she's the only one feeling it.

That all really makes it stick with the reader. Well done.

"I'm gonna have to get Thunderlane or Cloudkicker to pick up my weather patrol duties," Dash slid the papers back to the nurse. "

Cloud Kicker [two word name].
__________

"Everypony says they saw me clear the sky. You know I didn't.

Needs end " marks.
___________

Heard from the person who you gave permission to make a sequel. It sounds pretty solid, and with a bit of polishing could be a rather great follow up to this fic (at least his/her plans for the fic atm.).

5789584
And now, that same person will hopefully be performing a magic trick the likes of which have never been seen before! Getting the author of this fic to agree to be a co-writer! :pinkiehappy: As he is the person that made the original story, and the person that I look up to the most on this site, as his was the story that I first read that made me realize just how unintentionally evil Twilight Sparkle can be, (even though the canon episode Boast Busters shows that, I feel that this fic takes the idea of that to a WHOLE new level, what with how she killed the Rainbow Dash clone, and how that clone had been the older sister that Scootaloo deserves)...

5822638

I look forward to the day you submit chapter 1.

5822783
I KNOW. I'M TAKING TOO LONG. I'M SORRY. :pinkiecrazy: I have no patience for how long I'm taking, either.

3513226 COMPLETELY LEGIT FEELS!

And thank the gods, you made a sequel.

Otherwise, I'd have bugged you for one.

THE MIRROR POOL!!!! But how did it work without her doing the rhyme?:unsuresweetie:

That was so sad. I feel bad for scoots. I never thought the mirror pool could be used like this. Good job.

I haven't read a good tragedy in a long time. :twilightsmile:

Man Dave Polski really gave us some heart wrenching potential with the mirror pool. Now if you'll excuse me I need to go into my closet and start crying for Scoots.

This story reminds me of the Doctor Who episode "The Rebel Flesh". Really, the whole concept of the Mirror Pool does, actually...

Wow... the beginning of the story was so happy but it just turned dark really quick I feel bad for scoots now :fluttercry: It was an awesome story overall though I really enjoyed this short story great job :pinkiehappy: :pinkiehappy:

sad thing is...she grew to like the copy more cause the real one never bothered being there for her, let alone teach her to fly. the copy did what the real promised to do, took her under her wing and cared for her.

This is just so sad. :fluttercry:

6863305 I am quite surprise to say that, realy, but Rainbow Dash the original one is a **********************************************************************. To the author : You did an amazing job, and surely the 6 who leaved a Dislike didn't know it doesn't mean Dix-I-like.

PS : In french Dix = 10

PPS : 6863305 ehh... spoilers ?

Kinda good, though the pacing should've been slower. Plus even though it's vaugely explained, I'm still conflicted on why Scootaloo prefers a clone over thr real Rainbow Dash. Does she not remember the events that occured in 'Sleepless in Ponyville?' Also, where was Luna?

7466144 lol woops, u not past season 2 yet? my bad mate.

7467118 I am waiting for S6E15 so yeah I have watch the S2 a LONG time ago

7468462 o good. no worries then. lol i just assume anyone who's seen the mirror pool and mystery cure knows about the other things.

7466202
Real Life Issues. Don't worry, they've been resolved.

I liked this. Props to you!

7466144 108 likes, I don't think the measly 6 dislikes matter.

Comment posted by VVB deleted February 2nd
Comment posted by VVB deleted February 2nd

I advise reporting the obvious troll.

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