There's always plenty of work to be done at Sweet Apple Acres, but when Apple Bloom doesn't get around to a chore it leads to conflict with her big sister.
Contains non-sexual disciplinary spanking.
Chapters (1)
- Member Since 13th Jan, 2013
- offline last seen Sep 19th, 2023
Dangerous_Creature
For all practical purposes this account is abandoned. I'll check it for messages occasionally but I doubt there will ever be any new stuff posted here.
Dangerous_Creature
Joined 13th Jan, 2013 ·
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A LOT better than your previous one with Pinkie. The characters were a lot more like themselves and you took your time with the story. You could have given more time to descriptions, but I really enjoyed the quality of the banter and the accents.
What I DIDN'T like and commented in your last fic as well are your silly &'s. Just stop with them. Write and. It's not about style. It just hurts to read and stops the flow mechanically. Just like writing numerals as numbers. Write 'three', not 3 with number below ten. Only the 1455 could be written like that because it's such a huge number. One other thing would be that when you want to put emphasis on words, don't underline, but cursive. It's far more standard. Again, you might claim these are stylistic choices, but it's like saying "I don't like to capitalize my letters" or "I don't like the letter 'F' so I'm going to write it out as 'ph' instead. You know, silly stuff. Please don't do silly because it REALLY detracts from the narrative.
One other thing I would change would be AB thinking about how she felt loved when she got her spanking. That's what she might feel AFTER, but during the punishment, it's all about wanting it to end as soon as possible. I understand the sentiment and I know that corporal punishment is only used out of care and love, not anger. Nevertheless, you might scrap it and leave the rest of the fic as is. Her feelings about the punishment are very clear from the way she and the rest of the family act afterwards, so there's no need to be so, eh, anvilicious about it.
You've got some very good stuff in here. Grammar mistakes were aplenty, as were typos, and I'm usually one to gripe about them endlessly. Usually. This time the story worked for me and I don't care. I've been working with a friend on a few spanking fics lately and I know what goes into a good one, and this one had almost every single one of those.
Just please please PLE-HE-HEAASE stop using those silly ampersands! They've done nothing wrong!
While the ampersands didn't really bug me, since I just interpret them the same as 'and' and literally stopped seeing them after the first, there were still one or two things about this fic that bugged me. You can consider them pure nitpickin', I suppose. Plus, I've seen some old /mlp board fics of a... similar nature... that used them, too. The &s, I mean.
First, I just don't see Granny Smith as the disciplinarian. I do the occasional spankfic myself, including an Apple Bloom one I want to revise tomorrow after re-reading it this morning, I recall someone asking if Granny Smith would be the one disciplining, and it just struck me as odd. I know it's not especially unusual for the family matriarch to handle the nasty business of rearin' a filly's rear, but I just can't see Granny Smith as super serious like that. I understand her eccentricities have merit as seen in Family Appreciation Day, but her dishin' out a severe switchin' seems borderline silly to me. I understand why it was her, considering AJ herself earned one, but still.
Secondly... AJ gettin' a tannin'. I'm not a fan of adult mares receiving punishment, but this is purely my preference and nothing wrong with your story. Although her dancing on her hooves and throwing out childish attempts to avoid it was undeniably adorable. I just can't see AJ acting like this, and thus earning the switching, considering how Sisterhooves Social had both sisters treating all chores as pure fun. If AB was so upset, I could have seen AJ trying to turn it into a game, only for the foal's's bad attitude to leak through and lead to that first switching.
Thirdly, damn you for releasing this now and not, like... next week, or something. I'm gonna feel like a copycat!
Fourth: Was kinda excited when Granny Smith threatened AB with the spoon. While I'm okay with switching stories, a spoon one is usually very rare. And the spoon would fit GS, I think. That's where I'd be happy with her as the spanker.
3399401
Huh. Failed to actually say anything positive. This wasn't my intention! It was nevertheless very sweet and I really enjoyed the resolution. Apple Bloom being grateful for her grandmother's love was DA FEELS, too!
Applejack is an adult
And Granny could never swing a switch hard enough to hurt her
I really liked this story. Aj defiantly deserved it. Acting like that at her age :/ anyway good story
Poor AB
Though I do agree that the apple sisters acted poorly and should be punished, most of me feels the urge to make a sarcastic, wise-ass comment like " 'I love you, but I have to beat the crap out of you' yeah, that totally makes sence". If were AJ, I would have just told Granny Smith to stuff her whuppin' up her flank. It's not like Granny is young enough to overpower AJ and spank her without AJ letting her. I understand that AJ loves and respects her granny, but I also think it would be out of character for her to just bend over and take it. Oh, I also want to make it perfectly clear that I'm not offended by this story, (yes, I read the disclaimer) I merely am pointing out what I percieve to be a flaw in it. That said, I still "enjoyed" the story in so much as it was obviously written by someone who knew what they were doing and not some cockamamey crap by an illiterate noob. Good job!
What surprised me most here, is that AJ did not put her hoof down.
She claims she doesn't want AB to get hit, that it was not her fault, and suggested to take them all herself.
But clearly she did not actually mean it, because if she had she would have stopped Granny.
4942467 I got the feeling she knew she deserved her spanking and so did Apple Bloom.
3401317 Never gotten a switching have you? A tap hurts.
7004208
I wouldn't say she knew it, I'd say she didn't know any better.
But that isn't quite true, which makes it sad, since she briefly showed she knew it was wrong, but ultimately relented to Granny's authority. Regardless of her own feelings on the matter.
" Twilight will probably write a letter and tell Princess Celestia about it."
This line was really funny to me. Great story.
Wow, what a well written spanning story of affection and punishment, and you portrayed the characters so right in this entire story.
I loved it!