• Member Since 3rd Jun, 2013
  • offline last seen Sunday

Battlecrank


T

A freak accident (involving Pinkie) during an enchanting experiment results in a new type of material. That is, if you can call a swarm of enchanted crystal powder, able to reshape, recolor, and perform simple spells, a material.

One of its original creators then gives it the task of guarding the Elements of Harmony.

Shenanigans ensue.


On Hiatus while undergoing edits.Stupid cannon ruining my plot layout...

Criticism welcome.
Tags and labels will be added as needed, Discord controls the update schedule.

First attempt at writing, blah blah blah, enjoy.

Chapters (7)
Comments ( 24 )

Quite hilarious! Keep writing this, please. :pinkiehappy:

Not totally happy with it, but I want to move on to the next chapter.
Again criticism welcome.

I didn't spot many mistakes in there.:pinkiesmile:
All in all though, this story is going to be fun! :twilightsmile:

Glancing through this, it doesn't really even look like you NEED an editor; I'm notorious for finding mistakes in stories, and I couldn't find any here. :pinkiesmile:

3520665

I am more concerned with flow, logic, and plot holes, actually. Basically, just little bits of advice and how the story should be worded, what is missing, or how it should progress.

For example: I'm quite sure I never actually described what Daring Do, Smart Cookie, or Clover look like. In the future, I really need to make sure this isn't the case, and describe the characters at least once.

3520685
That is true. Sadly, I'm not the editor you want if it's context rather than grammar. :twilightblush:

Also, are your depictions of Daring/Cookie/Clover the same as how they appear in the show?
Normally, one doesn't come to FiMFiction without having seen the show.

3520693

They are, but the lack of clarification on this point is what the issue is.

Well, that, and that I was planning on using a background character for the next chapter. Descriptions will be needed, hence my current focus on that particular problem.

Hope to see more soon,I'm really enjoying this story :pinkiesmile:

The nanoswarm is so cute.

Yay! new chapter! :pinkiehappy:
I can't say I noticed anything off with Zecora, she's not a character I'm very familiar with though :applejackunsure:.
Otherwise a good chapter as far as I can see. I can't wait for some proper interaction between the swarm and ponies/zebra :pinkiesmile:.

Awesome!
This story needs more attention, seriously...
Can't wait for Twilights reaction :twilightoops: :rainbowlaugh:.

3632167

I haven't really been advertising it at all. Wanted to wait until it was around 20k words or so.

Also, I imagine you can guess what her reaction would be, so no need for me to tell you.

I'm really enjoying Swarm's characterization in this story. It's a perfect mix of powerful, versatile, and clueless. Really robot-y, in my opinion, and quite well done. Good job!

keep going i want to see where you take this
even if that part about the past felt unnesesary but what do i know not my stroy

3646687

The past bit is for plot progression on the side plot. It will probably get worse before it gets better.
I'll try and keep it balanced/funny, though.

3646685

Find another error?

3646718
Nah, duck faces are just fun.

:duck:
Well, for my part that about sums up the feeling that I'll have to wait another chapter for Swarm mane6 interaction...
Daamn yoouuu Da.. I mean.. Double Repeat!

Hm, as long as you keep Double Repeats parts about the same length as now, or shorter, I have no objections; though I would enjoy a more concentrated story that focuses more on Nano than on other sideplots. As it is now it kind of takes the sheen of the main fic for me :applejackunsure:.
I feel the same with the Pinkie Doctor sideplot, it seems to have very little to do with the main plot and would probably be more awesome as it's own fic...

That said, this fic is still very awesome, and I want more of it :pinkiehappy:.

3769272
The next few chapters are actually slated to have a larger focus on Nano's first couple of days interacting with Ponyville.

The Pinkie & Doctor parts are to fill in a bit of backstory, which I felt needed to be addressed (Namely, how DID the Elements get back to the pre-classical era?). After that, I was going to tie it in, allowing it a neat cut off of the side plot, so I could move on focusing on the antagonist (which at that point should have introduced itself).

If worst comes to worst, I can always edit the majority of it out, due to lack of relevance/interest.

3769304
Alright, sounds like you got it planned out nicely :twilightsmile:.
Well, regardless, I'll be following with interest :pinkiesmile:.

Mmm, schadenfreude; you get my vocab award for the day!

Also, you say

he's too awesome not to be an it.

Which, I think, has an extra 'not'. Or just needs re-working, since it seems to be saying the opposite of what you're trying to imply.

3774491
Ach! How did I miss that?

Nice catch.

This story just keeps getting more awesome every chapter :pinkiehappy:

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