• Published 5th Mar 2012
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The Apple Family - ladydestinae



A story of the life and times of the illustrious Apple Family

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Speaking Your Mind

The Apple Family

Chapter 4

Speaking Your Mind

The carefully kept clearing at the edge of Sweet Apple Acres contained the resting place of his mother. It was his only reason for going this way when he departed the house. He had wanted to say something to her before he was gone, some manner of farewell or something to at least let her know he would miss her.

However, wanting this and doing this proved to be two entirely different processes altogether. He couldn’t form any words; he didn’t want to let her go like this. He had already had to accept he’d never see her smiling face and loving eyes ever again, but to actually leave her behind? It was nearly unthinkable. He hated himself for that alone.

Of course, it wasn’t as simple as that either. He was also faced with the thought of abandoning his little sisters. He had no trouble believing that Applejack would get along just fine, given enough time to quell her anger and disappointment. Still, putting her through that at all seemed terribly unfair. He hated himself even more.

After that, there was Apple Bloom. She was a mass of unapologetic energy just looking for a direction to go and an activity to do. She might not always have been entirely aware of everypony around her, but that was true of him once too. Still, he had come to learn of his mother and the pain of losing her. He couldn’t put Apple Bloom through that.

Finally, his thoughts drifted to Granny Smith. She’d always been there for him, she had never let him down and she certainly would never think of leaving him or his sisters for anything. He actually pitied death, for it would certainly have a difficult time taking her away. Still, for all of her strength, she was still fading away in other ways. She didn’t have all of her mind any longer, and had begun to forget things more often. It didn’t stop her from being wise and knowing what to do in all kinds of situations. It was more like her train of thought simply derailed midway through its trip. She’d settle on the use of a wide variety of nicknames to cover it up, but he supposed she couldn’t keep that up forever. If he left, not only would his sisters be short a big brother, he couldn’t be sure Granny Smith would be able to take care of them for very much longer.

He stared through misty eyes at the wooden circle that was his mother’s grave and shook his head. He’d acted in haste, and it was a foolish thing to do. It didn’t change how much it had hurt him, and how aggravated it left him at his grandmother. It certainly didn’t change that words needed to be said.

• • •

If she had any fears that he wouldn’t be there, they were gone the instant she saw his large frame as a silhouette against the night bathed clearing. She didn’t know what to say. She wanted to choose words that would cause him to rethink leaving, that would make him stay. He was her big brother, and he was important to her.

The thought of her losing him due to inaction was more than enough to drive her forward. She stepped carefully the rest of the way through the bush and cantered to his silhouette before dropping her rump to the ground and sitting on her haunches next to him.

Silence filled the night air for the next several minutes, neither one really feeling able to talk. She screwed up her courage, and decided to just be honest with him. “Ya can’t leave us, Mac… It ain’t right!”

He winced at her pleading tone, but she didn’t notice. He maintained his silence, having decided to let her say her bit before he offered anything in return.

“Ah mean… I’d miss ya somethin’ fierce… and ya just know Apple Bloom would miss ya too… and I know Granny Smith’d be real sad if’n ya never came back” she said, her voice deflating with every word to pass her lips. It was as though she couldn’t keep it all inside or the pleading wouldn’t work.

He looked at his sister. He looked at her green eyes, and her freckled cheeks, and her messy mane. She was sort of a runt in his eyes, but he’d never seen a stronger runt in all his days. She could buck a tree better than any stallion, well except maybe him. He was proud of her, he’d taught her to do that and she picked it up so quick it nearly made his head spin.

He saw in her eyes the same dread he felt the day she left for Manehattan. He thought of how deeply that had hurt him, and how angry he was at Granny Smith, not just for letting her go, but helping her too. As he continued to look into her eyes, he saw the day she came back. He remembered the relief that he felt at seeing her coming up the path, and how happy he was to have his family complete again. He remembered each and every day that she wasn’t there, and how lonely the farm felt for it.

He swallowed a lump that had begun building in his throat, and opened and closed his mouth a few times while words simply failed him. He had questions; things that still were disquieting to his mind. He closed his mouth, resigned to the silence he couldn’t find the strength to break.

Applejack found herself looking away from him and towards her mother’s grave after a moment. The silence was profoundly heavy, almost suffocating as she waited for any indication that he wouldn’t leave. Any sign that he’d follow her home, and in the morning be there in his own bed ready for the day ahead. She inwardly prayed to Celestia for this outcome to come true.

• • •

Granny Smith beamed at Apple Bloom, who returned her fiery gaze with the same brilliantly orange eyes.

“Dontcha worry none Picklepear, they’ll be back soon” she remarked, somehow feeling the question in the air before Apple Bloom could voice it.

“But… How do ya know?” Apple Bloom replied, not questioning her grandmother’s wisdom but curious about the conviction in her statement.

“Ah… well… ah know mah grandchildren, pipsqueak” she replied, and to any Apple that was a thoughtful response.

Apple Bloom just nodded and smiled.

“Say… I ever tell ya about mah pa?”

Apple Bloom tilted her head, suddenly struck with more curiosity. Granny Smith hadn’t talked a lot about her childhood, and what little she did share always seemed to be very happy.

“I s’pose I musta mentioned him somewhere along the way, yeah?” she asked, but she didn’t wait for any response, “still, ain’t never told ya this here story, I reckon!”

Apple Bloom stood and moved closer to Granny Smith. She enjoyed Granny’s stories, and she told herself that this was something she would never forget. She rested on her haunches just in front of Granny Smith, and looked up with rapt attention.

Granny Smith smiled back and began.

• • •

A filly, no older than Apple Bloom herself, sat at the feet of a pale brown stallion with a dark brown mane that drifted casually over one of his eyes. She was a mare, pale green with straw colored hair held into twin braids that caressed her neck on her side whilst a bonnet topped her head.

He looked down at her with a kindness she would never forget. She had run away from their caravan. She had been tired of not having a home, and she wanted a place to just stop for awhile. She wanted to not have to move so much. Just once.

She had asked him about it, but he neither declined or agreed to what she was saying. He was forever neutral, making it clear at least that so long as she was with family, she was home. She didn’t really understand the sentiment and the words only made her more determined to get away.

So, two days prior, she had packed a small bag with some seeds and food and a photograph and just ran. She ran in the direction their caravan had just arrived from, wanting to be sure she wouldn’t be followed.

In her haste, she had lost herself in a wooded area and found herself wondering which direction would take her back to her family. It was a feeling she’d never forgotten, but had up to that point never experienced either. She’d always been with her family. Her mother would sing her to sleep at night, while her father, uncle, or brother kept the wagon in motion.

It was a rare thing indeed for them to stay any place for very long, but now she’d thrown even that away. She wasn’t with them anymore, and she didn’t bring very many supplies for her journey. She hadn’t thought this out very well at all.

It was getting to be dark out, and she didn’t want to be stuck in this place through the night so she turned around and started to walk back in the direction from which she came. The night sky overtook the area rather quickly, covering the world in shadows and playing tricks on the eyes. Everywhere she looked she saw dangers that weren’t there, and missed dangers that were. She was afraid.

She continued on her journey to the caravan. She made her way through the darkness, even when it had become all but impossible to see anything even inches in front of her face, she kept moving. She was sure she’d come upon the clear path that the caravan had gone down if she just kept going.

It didn’t take her very long to realize that she’d never be sure of where she was if she didn’t have the ability to see where she was. She had to find a place to settle, somewhere safe until morning.

It was a blur of thought after she found that hollowed out tree trunk, and the next thing she could remember was Celestia’s sun cutting through the darkness and lighting up the woods. She could see now that there was a way back to the main path and she hadn’t been very far from it.

Groggily she stood and galloped towards it, then followed the path along the same route as the caravan. It took her no time at all to reach it, for it hadn’t moved since she left. The only pony there was her father.

Now, she was sitting here, in front of him. He was smiling at her.

“Ah knew ya’d be back” he said, calmly, not a hint of anger in his voice.

“Ain’t nothin’ keeps our family apart, y’hear? Ya had to figure that one out on yer own though…”

“But…”

“We’ll just wait here until mama and Uncle Tune get back” he interrupted her, his voice was gentle but still clearly the product of years of travel and hard work. There was a certain roughness to it that added an endearing charm to the softness he managed.

“Yer brother’s fixin’ ta get us some mornin’ vittles… so just set awhile”

She blinked, attempting to process her surprise at his lack of anger. He wasn’t reprimanding her for running away, for scaring the family. He wasn’t glaring, or even giving a mild frown. He was perfectly calm, and with every word she could hear a wellspring of patience in his voice. These observations lead to a question.

“Why aren’t ya mad?”

He smirked at her, leaning forward and squashing her bonnet down over her face. She adjusted it quickly, still looking at him and trying to stifle a giggle.

“Oh, just happy to see ya back safe ‘n sound…” he replied, “seein’ ya comin’ back, well that took all the anger right outta me!”

She blinked, and scratched her head. Somehow that felt like less of an answer than she had expected.

“Well… ya had given us all a right fright, won’t deny that… but it has to happen sometime”

“What?”

“Missy… Y’all can’t chain down what ya say ya love, y’hear? Ain’t no good. Gotta let ‘em run free, they’ll figure out where they wanna be. Ain’t no good ta try ‘n force a pony to look at the world through yer eyes.”

“Huh?”

“Well, when did ya start ta think of comin’ back?”

“When it started getting’ a might dark”

“What’d ya think about then?”

“Well, how I missed y’all and I felt bad that I didn’t have y’all ta talk ta when it got dark.”

“Mmhm… and?”

“I thought I wanted ta go…” she blinked, the final word came at her so sneakily that it caught her off guard when it passed her lips, “…home.”

He just smiled at her, and nodded.

• • •

Apple Bloom was confused. She loved Granny Smith’s stories, but she did often find she had trouble understanding the point to them when she was done hearing them.

“So… Yer pa was okay with ya leaving?”

“Nah, he was fit ta be tied… but he was happy ta see me safe after a night of worrying hisself sick.”

Apple Bloom cocked her head, only marginally closer to an understanding of what she was talking about.

“Point is… Ya gotta be willin’ ta leave what ya have behind to realize what ya got and how bad ya don’t wanna leave it behind!”

Apple Bloom simply blinked, feeling a bit clearer for the last statement but still not entirely sure of what Granny Smith was getting at.

• • •

The farmhouse crept into view as Applejack and Big Mac slowly trotted back, silence still the overwhelming theme of their meeting. It was quite strange; Big Macintosh was never especially short on words. He’d always talked his grandmother’s ear off whenever he got back from a day at market. She never scolded him for it either; she just always listened to everything he had to say. He knew that because she could always tell him what he’d said without missing a beat.

Now, he was lost for all words. He was going back with Applejack, and he could see the relief in her trot without her having to say it. He was glad to be going back, even if still hurt and confused by things. He wondered if he’d find his voice at the sight of Granny Smith or if he’d remain quiet forever.

Applejack was no less lost in thought, but her silence had come for another reason entirely. She didn’t want to risk pushing him away, and she didn’t want to say anything to him but the truth. She had resolved to find the truth, somehow. She wanted to know why Granny Smith had done what she did, probably as much as Big Macintosh did.

It was as though the door had no sympathy for them for how quickly it had appeared before them. There was no time left between their arrival home and their meeting with Granny Smith now. Big Macintosh reached up and turned the latch on the door before pushing it gently inward and stepping through. Applejack followed him inside, staying quiet.

Granny Smith just looked up and smiled at him, there was warmth in that old mare’s smile that he didn’t expect. He also didn’t understand it, for what he thought she thought of him at the moment no amount of warmth made any sense. He was quiet, although words had finally started to form in his head. Applejack could do nothing but survey the scene quietly, daring not risk Big Macintosh’s presence on the farm with whatever feeble words she might come up with.

She nodded at him before returning her attention to Apple Bloom, “Off ya go, squirt.”

Apple Bloom obeyed Granny Smith’s wishes and departed the main room, ascending the stairs to find her way to her room.

Granny Smith turned to face Big Macintosh again, her smile somewhat lessened with Apple Bloom upstairs. “Get on in here now, don’t leave the door open.”

“Oh” he said as he turned around and closed the door. He suddenly found he couldn’t turn back, that he couldn’t face away from the door. It had become the single most important object in the world in that moment. He stared at the door as he began to speak.

“Granny Smith… I don’t mean ta say that AJ can’t handle the farm or nothin’ o’that sort… but… I wanna know why ya just… ya gave it ta her…”

“She knows where she wants to be” she replied simply.

“What?”

“She left the farm, remember?” she asked.

“Eeyup” he responded. He knew that was not a time he’d ever forget.

“Right… See…” she began, “y’all never tried to git. How d’ya know you wanna stay here if’n ya ain’t never left?”

He blinked. He was so lost in this conversation, and the only one that could make it clear for him was the one throwing the confusion around.

“I…”

“Listen, runt, you ain’t tried to leave. Not ever. I am plum grateful for yer help, don’t get me wrong. Still, ain’t you ever gonna do somethin’ fer yerself?”

He had no idea how to respond to that. It was true though, he hadn’t thought much about life outside of the farm. He had never considered leaving Granny Smith or Applejack or Apple Bloom behind, and he had certainly never considered what else he might like to do outside of farming. He had always been content here, no more than that, he had always been happy.

“Granny, Ah’ve already done that!” he cried, feeling absolutely sure of what he was going to say next.

She simply raised an eyebrow and leaned back, smiling at him.

“Ah’ve always wanted to be here, to work the farm and be with mah family! That ain’t ever gonna change!”

She nodded at him, still smiling. It was what she had expected to hear, although she had prepared herself for any number of alternate scenarios, this was the one she expected to play out. She knew her grandchildren very well, well enough to know that simply talking to Big Macintosh about this was never going to get him to understand.

Applejack looked relieved to hear what Big Macintosh had said, but she couldn’t shake that he hadn’t yet said he was going to stay. He said he had always wanted to, and he did say that it wouldn’t change, but as of yet he hadn’t said whether or not he’d intended to stay now. It was this thought that brought the worry back to her face, and Granny Smith noticed that right away.

“Alright then, runt. Ya go ahead’n tell me… what do ya want done about this here farm?”

“Granny, this here’s a family business, right?”

“Absolutely!”

“Well, I want it ta stay that way then…”

“And how’s it gonna do that?”

“Give it ta all of us… AJ can manage the crops, figure out what goes where and all that… We can all handle labor… Ya know I done well in math class, so I can take care of the books…”

She listened, prouder than ever to hear what he had to say.

“…when Apple Bloom gets big enough, we can start teachin’ her how to tend the farm…”

“Alright then, I reckon we got us a plan.” Granny Smith interrupted.

“Really?”

“You betcha” she replied.

Big Macintosh smiled, and sighed with relief. He was home, and that was where he would stay. He suddenly felt a pair of sturdy forelegs wrap around his neck and squeeze him tight. He wrapped one foreleg around Applejack and squeezed her back.

“Ah’m stayin’” he said, simply.

• • •

At the head of the stairs, a set of tiny hooves rests. Fiery eyes close involuntarily, and a filly drifts off to sleep. She is comforted by the last things she heard. She knows now that her brother will not leave, and that her family is not fighting. She knows now that there is peace in the Apple household. It is enough to sooth her frail emotions, and makes her happy once again.

A strong stallion kneels down and picks her up, gently maneuvering her onto his back before carrying her safely to her room and gently setting her down on her back and tucking her into her covers. He looks at her and a smile curves his lips.

“Sweet dreams, squirt” he says quietly as he leans down and kisses her forehead before turning and leaving the room, quietly shutting the door.

“Out like a light, huh?” asked Applejack.

His smile didn’t leave his face as he nodded to her. He felt so glad to be home, and to know that things would be okay. He had his family, and his family had him. He swore to himself, then and there, that his sisters would always be taken care of. He would never let them go without. Never.

• • •

Granny Smith found herself gazing at the stairs, following them to their head slowly. She was glad to see her grandson return. She’d never admit it, but she was worried that she had gotten it wrong that time.

She wore a warm smile as she rocked back and forth in her chair, her back creaking more than the furniture on which she sat. Age was catching up with her, and she didn’t know how much longer she’d be able to help out around the farm.

A sudden sadness replaced what joy there was in her heart as she thought of these things, and she found herself drawn to the orchards. Slowly and uneasily she moved from the chair to the door, and quietly she departed the house.

On aging legs she travelled quietly into the north field, carried by a sense of necessity she’d never explain to anypony. She had barely focused on her heading at all, allowing her hooves to take her where they intended and before she knew it she stood over a familiar wooden disc that she had placed many years earlier.

It was a strange sort of peace that washed over her, and embraced her. She hadn’t seen this place in years; she had avoided it with an unintended purpose for too long. Now, she was here, facing her daughter’s grave. She had no difficultly remembering the day she buried her.

“Oh Lil’ Blossom…” she said through a shuddering breath. For a moment, she could see a brand new foal looking curiously at her through brand new eyes for the first time in her life. Granny Smith swallowed, and turned away from the grave but remained seated on her rump. She’d not run this time, she was better than that.

“You know… Them foals sure do take after ya…” she said softly, her voice barely above a whisper and strained against an unforgiving hoarseness.

“One of ‘em was in a real hurry ta leave the farm…” she said quietly, “an’ I just knew ya’d never stop her doin’ that. Just like I didn’t stop ya when ya left.”

“Ya’d be right proud of ‘em all, I reckon. Yer boy… He’s gotten big, reckon he’ll be ‘bout as big as his daddy one day… maybe even bigger!” she said, sniffling delicately and allowing a tear to roll down her cheek.

“Ya never rightly met the little’n… well she’s just a bundle o’ energy and curiosity… growing up mighty fine with her brother and sister to help her learn… and that there school is a dandy place for her too, she’s doin’ some fancy learnin’ there! So different from the one ah went ta!”

“I never got to say it to ya before… before ya went on back to the sky… but… I…” she felt her throat tighten and her breath seize as she attempted to put thoughts and feelings into words, “I’m sorry… I…”

A sudden breeze pushed through the clearing, ruffling Granny Smith’s bun and pushing tears across her cheeks as it helped her words flow more easily.

“I was proud of ya, Apple Blossom… Always was…” she spoke through another shuddering breath. It had been a long time since she allowed herself to revisit these memories. She had wanted to pretend that it never happened, to leave it behind. She hadn’t forgiven herself for how things had ended between them, but she had always wanted to apologize.

• • •

A beautiful day, Celestia’s orb was long past the peak of its ascent and so it shone especially intense on Sweet Apple Acres. A beautiful cream colored mare, face adorned with freckles, with an apple red mane and brilliant green eyes stood at the edge of the farm locked in heated conversation with an equally lovely green mare with hair colored straw with a hint of incoming silver, fiery eyes, and an apple pie on her flank.

“Mama, I ain’t meant fer this! I can’t stay! I just can’t!” cried the cream colored mare in a show of frustration. She just wanted to be understood, and to have her mother’s blessing. She had watched her older sister leave on far less ceremony than this, and that alone made her question her mother’s motivations.

“Now if’n ya go, where ya gonna end up?” she asked. It was not her policy to hold her children back or try to force them to do something they didn’t want to do. She had never been held under any such restrictions in her own youth, so why should she hold her children to any? Still, it was not going to be easy to let this child go. Doing so would leave her alone on a huge farm that needed tending on a daily basis.

The farm didn’t have enough money to hire on extra hands, so it meant she’d have to take on the work herself. She knew she was being selfish and short sighted, but she really couldn’t make herself care as much about that as keeping the farm alive and at least part of her family still together. It scared her to think that her children both would leave her, but she had to admit she had always known it would one day happen.

More than that, she knew that she’d never be ready for it.

“Me n’ Rough are gonna do just fine!”

“Yeah? What about Macintosh? Hm?”

“He’ll grow up fine too mama! You know ah’ll raise ‘m right!”

Granny Smith stood there, quietly conceding defeat. She found no further words, and no further motivation for standing there. So, she turned around and walked back to the farmhouse and let Apple Blossom go on her way.

• • •

“I shouldn’t’a let ya go without tellin’ ya how much ah loved ya…” she choked through a sob. It was liberating, to free these tears that had remained ever withheld since the day she buried her daughter. She had so quickly resolved to just push those feelings aside, and focus on the farm and her grandchildren, that she never properly mourned her daughter’s passing.

Unrestrained tears challenged her to breathe as she collapsed to the ground. She couldn’t hold it in any longer, and now that it was out, she saw no purpose in trying to suppress it. She internally berated herself for denying the emotions so long ago, for what good it would do her now.

It felt like hours, but truthfully it was probably only minutes that passed while she openly wept for her daughter. She had lost her mother when she was young and her father while she was gone adventuring with her husband. She had adventured around the world, only to come back home and bury her husband and the father of her children. She had buried her youngest daughter long before her time, and now she was raising three ponies she was desperately afraid of clinging to and pushing away at the same time. She wanted only to love them, and for them to grow up strong and proud and into the ponies they wanted to become.

She just wasn’t sure if she was going about leading them down that path the right way, although it occurred to her that they were turning out just fine. She really hadn’t done a terrible job of it after all. Still, in her mind and in her heart all credit was due them for working so hard to learn and grow right.

The night pressed on, and she felt it in her bones. Fatigue was no friend to her; it dragged her down more than ever in recent days. It was time to go back home, to return to her life. In the morning she would have no trouble standing straight and raising her grandchildren another day. It would be as if this night had never happened, and as if she never had a moment of weakness.

A brand new day, for her and for her family.

Comments ( 3 )

Woo a new chapter! I really like this story, you're are doing a great job!:pinkiesmile:

This continues to be good. Keep It up.
:applejackunsure::eeyup::applecry:

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