• Published 23rd Oct 2013
  • 1,416 Views, 76 Comments

The Pie and I - Kaf_Kraked_Poni

Shikamaru Nara hunts for a rogue ninja in Equestria. For some reason, Pinkie Pie tags along.

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1. Have a Slice

“Whatever you do, don’t let him get away!” Kiba Inuzuka howled.

“Duly noted Kiba,” I said. “Just keep on his scent and we won’t lose him.”

“These trees are getting thicker by the kilometer,” Goketsu Hyuuga, one of my other squad members, complained. A slew of fallen leaves pasted themselves over his head covering, giving the impression of a messy toupee. Kiba got a few chuckles from the sight.

“He’s heading deep into Fire Country,” I assessed.

“The trees grow unrestricted in these parts,” Shino Aburame commented from the side. “It will be difficult to track him should he suddenly shed his scent.” Shino lifted his hand up to his face, studying a tiny insect as he traveled along. “Even my insects have no knowledge of this area.”

“He’s hoping to lose us in the density of the leaves and the unfamiliar smells,” I said. I halted our advance. The other three ninja landed around me, stopping on their own perch. “Kiba, stay with me. Shino, you and Goketsu continue pursuit, we’ll catch up.”

The two Konoha ninja nodded and resumed the chase.

“Oi, Akamaru, hold it we’re gonna take a break!” Kiba called from the treetops. The dog below broke his brisk pace, skidding along the ground before coming to a stop. He barked twice and sat down, waiting for an order.

“We’re not taking a break,” I said clenching my teeth a little. “As much as I would like to, we’re simply rethinking out strategy.”

“What’s there to think about? We chase this guy down and kill him,” Kiba said crossing his arms and tapping his foot.

“We can’t just rush him,” I scolded. “He’s an A-Rank shinobi with a repertoire of unknown skills, not to mention he is now in possession of a forbidden scroll.” Kiba simply scratched his nose and gave me a displeased growl.

“Four Konoha Chunin against one guy, I don’t care if he’s a Sannin, he’s going down. Lock him up with a Shadow Possession and I’ll rip his heart out.”

“It’s not that simple,” I argued back. “We want to be able to complete this mission without any casualties or serious injuries on our side. We also want to keep the ninja scroll in tact.”

“Then what do you suggest? Because as we sit here talking, that guy gets further away.” Kiba’s face contorted into a mess of scrunches and wrinkles.

“We’ll have to pressure him into using the secret jutsu,” I replied. I took off, Kiba and Akamaru quickly doing the same.

“What will that do?”

“It’ll allow me to use my Shadow Gathering technique and take back the scroll. Once that’s safe, then we can rush him.”

The other two members of my squad came into view and I urged the man and beast behind me to follow faster. We had regrouped as a unit and I relayed my plan to the other two.

“Byakugan!” Goketsu’s eyes shifted white and the contour of his face pulsed with blood and chakra. He pointed out a small clearing up ahead and signaled Akamaru to race forward. The mutt barked back and increased his speed.

“He has stopped,” Goketsu relayed suddenly.

“What, what do you mean he’s stopped?” Kiba barked.

“He’s waiting in the midst of the clearing, facing our direction.”

“Damn, he’s up to something then,” I mused quietly.

“It’s obviously a trap,” Shino began.

“Trap or not, the plan hasn’t changed, right?” Kiba asked, grinning that stupid grin. “Akamaru, heel. Wait for me boy,” Kiba called out abandoning the treetops for his partner’s back.

“We don’t know what kind of jutsus the scroll contains,” I said. “When we confront Jujo, try and prompt him into using the scroll or abandoning it. If I see it, I can at least pinpoint a weakness.”

“Emerge from the shadows and ambush him?” If I could see Shino’s hiding eyes through that solid tint of his, I would assume he had a brow raised.

“No,” I replied. “We’ll use the shadows instead. My shadows.” I could see the clearing up ahead and the lone figure that waited in it. His burly hands rested on his hips and a wide grin spread across his face. The fact that he sported the Konoha insignia over his forehead was almost like an insult. It wasn’t that I thought of him as a scumbag or anything, even though he was; it was that he always thought he was one step ahead of me.

“Alright, get ready,” I instructed forming a hand seal. The four bodies around me bolted into different directions. I released the chakra in my hands causing my shadow to deepen in tint. It wiggled freely from under my body and broke the dimensional plane of the tree branches. “Shadow Sewing Jutsu!”

Jujo laughed and jumped back, avoiding the first tendril that shot out at him from the trees. I looped the attack back around and struck from behind, but he ducked, allowing me the pleasure of just barely tearing his Journeyman vest.

“Shikamaru! I was wondering when you would get here!” he yelled avoiding another one of my strikes. I increased the output of the technique, spreading my shadow over a larger radius of the forest line. Tentacles burst from the forest, tearing at the ground and the trees. A plethora of shadow tendrils snaked about the field trying to pin down the jumping ninja.

“So, you’re going to hide in the trees and let your shadows do the talking?” I hated that guy. All he ever did was talk. “You should know better Shikamaru,” he shouted whisking his hands together.


“Fire Style: Giant Phoenix Bomb!” Jujo exhaled a large plume of flames into the woods. I barely left the area without getting scorched from the intense heat. The idiot had set the woods ablaze now. “It truly is the Land of Fire now!”

I broke through the shade of the forest and confronted the rogue in person. His smile heightened my scowl.

“Jujo, you are wanted by the Village of Konoha for treason, theft of a classified document, and for an attempt on the Hokage’s life. There is no negotiation, you will be captured and then executed.”

“So frank, right to the point then?”

“Don’t try anything. You know you’re outclassed here,” I responded removing Asuma’s blades from my satchel.

“When did you get a sense of urgency? What happened to the lazy kid I used to know?” He was tiring me with the questions. My eyes peered behind him and I caught a glimpse of Kiba’s headband glistening in the dark.

“I was forced to grow up. It was a pain, but it had to be done. Now, turn yourself in and save me from this other nuisance that you’ve caused.” I glimpsed back over at Kiba, but he had moved. Good.

“Making all of the big boy decisions now? Asuma’s not here to hold your hand anymore. He’d be proud.” He chuckled at my sudden flinch. My knuckles whitened. Goketsu’s headband flashed in the corner of my eyes giving me a few more seconds of banter.

“Speak his name without reverence again and I promise you’ll not even make it back to Konoha,” I said. Finally, Shino came into view. I pulled my arms up and my shadow burst to life once more, charging straight at the rogue ninja. Jujo jumped into the air, dodging to the left. All I could do was smile.

“Fang Wolf Fang!” Kiba and Akamaru lunged from the bushes, swirling at an immeasurable velocity. Thier combined assault crashed into Jujo’s body sending the man into the air. Jujo did not have time to recover, quickly being encased in a buzzing insect tomb.

“Alright Shino, drain as much chakra from the guy as you can,” I called out.

“Wait, this is not him.” Shino removed his insects from the air. A large log plummeted to the ground after the bugs flew away.

“I expected as much,” I said.

“From below!” Goketsu called. I jumped back just before Jujo emerged from the ground.

“I gotcha,” I grinned and tossed both of Asuma’s chakra blades in his direction.

“So you think!” he shouted and dodged the assault. His feet stamped onto the ground and he raised his arms to attack. I stood still, dropped my guard and pulled out a cigarette.

“I’m sorry. I think I gotcha,” I corrected myself. The mouthy brute struggled to move even one of his limbs. I could see reality seep in as he made eye contact with me. Frozen in place, he cursed me worse than any woman ever would. I stepped back far enough extended my shadow over his then. From the main branch, a tendril spoked from the side and collected the two blades I had tossed into the floor.

“Shadow Possession, Success!” Kiba yelled walking up to me.

“That’s my line,” I grumbled.

“Outmaneuvered by the genius again,” Jujo chuckled. “Mission accomplished then? Gonna kill me and take my head back to Konoha?”

“You ask a lot of questions, I’d rather not listen to them on the way back,” I said discarding the unlit cigarette.

“Where is the scroll?” Shino asked. Goketsu reached into the front pocket of Jujo’s Journeyman vest and handed it to me.

“I saw it as he came up from the ground,” he explained.

“Funny, I’d picture it’d be bigger,” Kiba remarked.

“That doesn’t really matter. We can go home now,” I sighed.

“Wasn’t it a little too easy to catch me boy?” Jujo asked with a grin. I narrowed my brow at his little ploy.

“One of the best ways to validate a bluff is to occasionally hold all of the right cards,” I said to him. “Where’s your ace?”

“A player is only as good as the pieces he controls Shikamaru.” I disregarded his comment. Making a Go reference when I was specifically referring to cards...

“I agree with Jujo. I don’t see anything with my Byakugan, but something doesn’t feel right,” Goketsu told me. I gave him a bemused look.

“Don’t you want to know what I stole at least?” the giddiness in his voice rubbed me the wrong way.

“If it was vital to the mission I’m sure we would have been told. So no, I don’t. Shino, drain his chakra.” Shino nodded and summoned a cloud on insects on both of his arms.

“You’ll get to see anyway,” Jujo muttered with a grin. I flinched. I hadn’t noticed it before. The jerk was hiding it from me until now. The Konoha insignia over his head was backwards. I was focused too much on the protection of the scroll I had missed something so little.

I didn’t even have time to curse my inattentiveness. Goketsu withdrew a kunai from his pouch and chucked it at the clone. The blade pierced the copy’s shoulder and it exploded into a cloud. I clutched mine then, feeling the pain as well.

“Goketsu, what are you doing?!” Kiba screamed running at him.

“That’s… not Goketsu,” I warned.

“No, it’s not!” the body said in Jujo’s voice. The rogue ninja dropped his disguise and punched Kiba in the gut. He grabbed Kiba’s hair and brought the boy’s face to his knee, then kicked him away. Kiba tumbled on the grass, blood streaming down his broken face. Akamaru charged in for an attack as well, but was repulsed by a sudden wall of earth.

“Parasitic Insect: Hail Storm!” Shino gathered his bugs into the air and launched smaller missiles at Jujo from a larger sphere of bugs. Jujo performed the Earth Wall technique again, shielding himself from the insect barrage.

“Damn, what happened to Goketsu?” I peered at the small scroll in my hand and unrolled it. I tossed the worthless parchment aside. Blank. Jujo’s shield had encased him in a dome of dirt now.

“Secret Technique,” I heard the shout from inside Jujo’s earthen casing. “Flaming Turtle Shell!”

“Shino!” I called. My cries were drowned out by a sudden eruption of flames escaping from newly formed holes within Jujo’s barrier. The fire spitting rock began to twirl about and charged at the Aburame ninja opposing it.

Shino bolted away, allowing Jujo to distance himself from us tremendously. The rogue ninja darted out of his shell and held in his hand a larger more embroidered scroll at his side.

“That’s the real scroll,” I mentioned to Shino.

“He is about to use it, quickly with your plan Shikamaru.” I formed the hand seals faster than I even blinked. A pool of shadow circled me and a wave of dark tendrils raced towards Jujo. He simply smiled and tossed the scroll in our direction.

“What?!” This wasn’t in my plan.

“You didn’t think someone as skilled as me needed a cheat sheet did you?” Jujo exclaimed proudly. The Shadow Gathering latched onto the scroll and reeled it back.

“This jutsu was designed by Orochimaru you know,” Jujo shouted looking at his palm. “It was supposed to imitate an Uchiha ninjutsu technique, only available to those who master elemental manipulation. Do you realize how much some people will pay for a technique like this?!”

“Quick, stop him!” I shouted. Jujo released a few hand seals, coating his right palm in a combination of the elemental bodies of ninjutsu.

“Now then, let’s try this technique.” Jujo performed several more hand seals, finishing with the sign of the tiger. “Forbidden Jutsu: Temporal Displacement!” The elemental bodies raged up Jujo’s arm now. A massive vortex of chakra erupted from his body and kicked up a strong wind.

Just what does he plan on doing? I watched as he swung down, forming a bright horizontal light in midair. A large thunder crack boomed throughout the area and the light that Jujo created burst open.

“What is that?” Shino asked.

“A… portal?” My mind raced at the realization. Jujo was even more dangerous now.

“We’ll see where this takes me. Hopefully away from here!” Jujo said, laughing maniacally.

I can’t let him escape! “Shadow Sewing Jutsu!” I launched my shadows again. The tendrils bolted across the ground and stabbed into Jujo’s limbs. The fool grinned at me though as his body began to warp all sorts of crazy shapes. He laughed as his form stretched and skewed into an unintelligible mess and vanished into the portal.

“He escaped,” Shino said looking down at me. I could not return the glance however. My body shook violently and I felt a deep pain in my gut. I looked over at the gaping hole in the air and saw my jutsu being sucked in just as Jujo was.

“Shikamaru, drop the jutsu!” Shino shouted.

“I can’t,” I suddenly realized. Wherever Jujo had gone, was a mystery, but what I was nearly certain about was that my jutsu was still attached to him. The dimensional rift in front of us began howling louder, sucking in at a greater rate than before. My body lifted into the air.

“Shino!” I cried reaching out for him. He extended his arm, but it was too late. My body convulsed in other-wordly spasms and the last thing I saw of the Land of Fire was Shino’s extended arm.


I don’t know what happened next. I don’t think I could really describe it to you even if I could recall it. I didn’t… wake up. I just kind of opened my eyes. My stomach decided to lurch on its own. My head throbbed suddenly and I expelled a gritty mess onto the floor. It took a while to recover, but I was finally able to catch my breath. Wiping my eyes, I peered up and looked all around. Grass, trees, sky, clouds… but no bodies.

Is this still the Land of Fire? I nearly stumbled from my awkward position. My body remained in the Shadow Sewing stance. I rose from my knees and scanned the field before me. My jutsu was gone and so was my target. It must have disconnected when I went through…

“The rift!” I shouted and turned around. No portal. Nothing but more trees. “Damn it,” I sighed. “I could be anywhere in the world right now because of that idiot.” Questions ran through my head as quickly as the remnants of my stomach resurfaced. I began walking forward, trudging slowly at first until I could continue relatively straight. I was unsure of where I was or where I would end up. I had to get my bearings first. I didn’t recognize a lot of the flora and the clouds were oddly puffier than before. Where the hell was I? I reached into a bag and removed the compass inside.

“I’ll at least try to orient myself,” I said shaking off another burp. The quivering needle circled around frantically, searching for north. I tried moving it around some to help, but all my aid seemed to have done was upset it even further.

“So you stranded me in the middle of nowhere and disappear to God knows where? Great, now I’m asking all the questions…” I had to think. If I was anywhere close to Jujo, he would reveal himself sooner or later. It would be better to rest for a while in case of an ambush.

Dropping my rear on the ground, I pulled another cigarette from my vest and stuck it in my mouth. I pulled the lighter out and flicked it on, keeping the flame away from the tip of the cig. Was I really going to smoke? Probably not. Not especially after losing my everything. God I hated smoking, it always made my eyes water. I supposed my notion was more so in reverence than intention. I shut the lid of the lighter and removed the cig from my mouth.

I had figured Jujo could have been transported somewhere else. We might have gotten separated in the rift, or he might have been disintegrated. My mind flashed back to my squad. If I could’ve I would’ve died right there. Two missing ninja, possibly two casualties, and an unaccomplished mission. If I did make it back, I would get chewed out for sure. Hell, I’d have blood on my hands.

My mind repulsed those thoughts, and I tried to focus on something else. It wouldn’t do any good mulling over in the past. I had to think. Think of a way to get back. It was funny though, how easily the feelings of dread rolled off of my shoulder. I was unfamiliar with my location, I knew nothing of my team or the dangerous convict, and I was probably forever trapped wherever here was. Amidst the adversity facing me, one thing was certain though; I felt no immediate threat or danger wherever I was. It had been a while since I last felt peace like this. A sharp exhale escaped my lips and I leaned back, taking a moment to study the artful marshmallows above me.

“How nostalgic,” I said aloud.

“Why is that?” came a peculiarly high voice. I started up and jerked my head to the side, observing the figure next to me. I expected a face… well, to be more specific, a human face.

“Y-you can talk?” I asked the pink… thing.

“Well duh? I wouldn’t have been able to ask you that question if I couldn’t,” the little horse replied. She appeared to be wearing one of the clouds on her head.

So much for resting… At least I can finally find a way back now.

“So, it’s safe to assume that I’m not in Fire Country anymore,” I groaned falling back down. “Unless your home resides in the Land of Fire.”

“Fire Country?! You live in a country full of fire?!” it asked bounding to the other side of me. Oh I see now, that was its hair.

“No,” I replied waving her off. “I live in the Land of Fire, don’t you know your geography?” her perplexed look (I assumed it was a her based on her voice pitch) answered my question. I rose to my feet and brushed the grass off of my pants. “Figures… so, where the heck am I?”

“Umm… well, I live in the city of Ponyville. Oh, my name is Pinkie Pie by the way, in case you want to call me by name, so what’s yours?”

“Back up,” I said pushing the small horse away. “Ponyville? I’ve never heard of it. What country is it in?”

“Equestria?” Why was she unsure of herself now?

“ Still nothing,” I mumbled. “I know of Equine summons, but I’ve never seen your race before. So, is it that your particular species cannot harness chakra?”

“Chak… ra? Summoning? What the hay are you babbling about guy?” She obviously wasn’t a ninja. Of course, there was the possibility her race hadn’t made a Summoning Contract yet either.

“Forget it,” I complained. “Just take me to Ponyville or whatever, maybe I can find a jutsu that’ll transport me back to Konoha.”

“Jutsu? We don’t have any magic teleporting juice, but we do have magic teleporting spells!”

“Spells?” I looked at her with a raised brow. She beamed back at me with the widest smile I ever saw. Put Jujo to shame for sure.

“You know, you still haven’t told me your name,” she said a moment later, pouting a little.

“And I forgot yours,” I replied flatly.

“It’s Pinkie Pie. Got that? Pink - E - PIE; say it with me, Piiiiiiinkie Piiiiiiie!”

“Pink Pie,” I said.

“Pinkie Pie,” she replied.

“Pee Pie,” I said again.

“Nonononono… Pink - E- Pie!” she stressed raising and then lowering her head.

“Whatever, just get me out of this field Pewdie Pie,” I yawned. What an overwhelming sense of peace. I actually yawned in an open field with a potential threat running around.

“If you won’t tell me your name, I’ll just have to give you a name,” Pini Pie said contemplating. She rubbed a hoof under her chin and studied me from the floor up.

“Are you done?” I asked. She rose from her seat and circled around me a few times. Suddenly her face lit up and she bounded high enough to meet me face-to-face.

“I know!” she shouted bouncing around. “I’ll call you, Greenie!” I almost threw up again.

“Greenie? That’s the best you could come up with?” I tried to hide my utter shock at her ridiculous statement.

“It’ll be Greenie unless I know your name.”

“Meh, fine. It’s Shikamaru,” I conceded.

“Shikamaru? Ha ha, that’s a funny name. Shikamaru~ Shikamaruuu~ Shika-shika-maru, Shika-shika-maru~ Whoo hoo!” I didn’t know what was more annoying. Her singing my name in every pitch imaginable, or her muzzle constantly knocking into my face.

“You know, Pinkie Pie isn’t too ordinary of a name itself,” I bit back.

“What?!” her face again rammed into mine. “I’ll have you know that Pinkie Pie is in fact a very normal name, and one of the bestest normal names I’ve ever had the pleasure of having!”

“You’ve had other names before?”

“No!” she replied with a raspberry. “Pinkie Pie is actually rather unique, unique to me anyway, like Shikamaru should be for you!”

I couldn’t figure out heads or tails from this horse. I sighed and placed my left hand over my face. I forgot why I had even begun talking to this thing in the first place. She drew me out into another world.

“Look, Pinkie Pie…”

“You can just call me Pinkie now, since you’ve got it,” she replied waving her hoof as if giving me permission.

“Okay, listen Pinkie,” I tried again, pausing for a moment. When she didn’t say anything, I continued, “I need to find a way to get back to my home. It’s very important that I make it back as soon as possible okay?”

“Well, why is so important?”

“Because, I was in the middle of chasing down a bad guy. Something happened and he brought me here, now I need to figure out what he did and how to reverse it. Then I can probably find him,” I explained thoroughly with hand gestures.

“Oh, does this bad guy look like you?” My first reaction was to turn around, but when I saw no one there I cocked my head back at Pinkie and gave her a scowl.

“Don’t scare me like that,” I sighed.

“Why would that scare you?”

“Because saying such a thing insinuates- Augh! Darn it, look, you’ve pulled me off track again!”

“Well sorry,” she said reeling back. “I’m just trying to get to know you better.”

“Well you can stop trying,” I said crossing my arms. “Which way to Ponyville?”

“Okay Mr. Greenie Maru, I’ll show you,” she said with a smile.


“Just one thing?” she asked looking behind me now.

“Crap!” she wasn’t being ignorant this time. I spun about and withdrew Asuma’s chakra blades.

“Whoa there!” Pinkie Pie exclaimed backing up a little. “I was just gonna ask if he was your friend…” She gulped.

“Unless you’ve got any ninjutsu or magic or whatever, you’d better get lost,” I said to her without taking my eyes off of the burly ninja in front of me.

“How… about... I get lost?” she said. Pinkie sprung to her hooves, galloping away.

“A space-time ninjutsu, developed for the common ninja,” Jujo said with a grin. He placed his eyes on me shortly after Pinkie’s clopping vanished.

“Well, you’re going to take us back and then you’re going to pay for your crimes,” I replied.

“No teammates to help you here Shikamaru,” he gloated. “Show me that shrewd tact with no pieces on the board!”

Author's Note:

Shikamaru gets a piece of everything in this chapter... hence the title. Eh? Ehh?!
Fine, it wasn't funny :ajbemused::unsuresweetie: