If anyone is interested in picking up the story (possibly rewrite the entire thing) feel free to do so. I lost all interest in this story.
A Meteor is on it`s way heading for earth. Apophis is to hit on april the 14th 2036. A few people are chosen to be a part of Project Eden, also known as "The ARK Program", or *TAP'* for short. where they will be put in stasis as some sort of time capsule untill they are found.
How will the last human survive in the new world? What will be left of earth as we knew it? Will they be able to start over? Will the other Arks be alive? What will the future hold?
Note* Tags may change in the future as I am not sure where I want to take this story yet. Ideas and guidelines will be accepted. =)
(This is my first time writing a story for public eyes to see. Please bear in mind that English is not my native language, but that is by no means an excuse for bad writing so feel free to point out any flaws as I make them. If this story is a bad read tell me where I could improve to make it more enjoyable. Regardless thanks for reading.)
This is a RAGE crossover [more or less]
You had me at the words "Rage crossover". Haven't seen one of these around, let's see how this goes.
Few corrections:
-Whenever a new person is speaking, start a new paragraph. This helps identify who is speaking.
-Double space between paragraphs, it helps the reader to read more easily.
The saying goes "sharpest tools in the shed".
-In Rage lore, I believe the Ark survivors were surgically modified, and not just given a suit to wear. I can't confirm this, but that makes sense with some of the actions that the characters take when dealing with the player (ex: when upgrading the defib unit, the doctor says that it will hurt).
You missed some basic tense and grammar
I see i'm not alone with my bane battle with grammar, but the story start up is promissing, and for me story means more then grammar rules, well since i'm not a native speaker so to speak
UP vote, and down with the downvoters ( who do it for the shake of doing it with no explanation )
3377866 Thanks for clarifying the "the sharpes tools in the shed" Like mentioned earlier somewhere English is not my native language so I just directly translated it to what I tough it would be.
-As far as Rage Lore goes I could not find much around the ARK suit so i just made my own little thing. As for Ark survivors being modified is a high chance. But that would mean I would have to rewrite the the first part of the story. I Kind of want to to if it makes the story better, but im hesitant as I don`t know if it will be for better or worse.
Thanks for feedback, and feel free to suggest ideas as to where the story should continue, as I don`t have the luxury to think about the story as I much as I would like. (for obvious reasons such as school and that kind of thing.)
How was the english grammar in general tough? was it acceptable? I leave it at that, thanks for reading!
3377947 Tense as in no build up in the situation?
I can see that myself, Thanks for pointing it out, I might make some changes to make the whole anarchy scene seem more chaotic to make it more immersive.
Thanks for reading.
3378005
I figured as much. My recommendation is to see if you can find an editor or pre-reader. He or she would definitely be able to correct most of the issues you are having. Best case scenario is that you are able to find a native English speaker that also speakers your native tongue, that way he or she can assist in the translation process. I'd offer to help, but I lack the time to devote to those kinds of efforts, nor am I fluent enough in any other language that I speak.
Never be scared of rewriting what you have. Retconning in the beginning is not a bad thing. However, after getting into the story, it becomes harder and a lot more work. Better to get it out of the way in the beginning than save it for later.
As an author I know says about his own work, the only time he ever "finishes" something is when he gives up on it. Meaning he is so tired of working on it that he just stops and hates what he has.
As for grammar and spelling, there are a few errors here and there. Nothing too major, and much better than I've seen from some native speakers. Again, see if you can find an editor. That should fix most of the errors that do exist.
3378058
Thanks for shedding some light and showing me my options. I guess now is just a matter of getting started.
3378010
Well, I was referring to past tense/present tense. You got some very basic spelling mistakes.
finally a RAGE crossover! glad i've finally found some people that can appreciate a good game, since RAGE is highly underrated.
also, i was scared shitless when i first met the frickin' wall running mutants
it's sad to know they won't be in this story.
also.
Before Apophis hit, (Lieutenant) Nicholas Raine (the protagonist in RAGE) served as a Recon Marine, operating throughout the world. Two nights before the asteroid hit, Raine was at a club in Brooklyn. Upon leaving he was approached by a shady individual who told him little other than that he was an agent of the U.S. government and to come with him. Raine, out of a sense of duty, followed and soon found himself in a private jet hurtling across the country to an unknown destination. Ark 437a, one of the last to go under, was where he found himself. Injected with experimental Nanotrites, Raine was cryo-frozen before Apophis hit Earth.
also, Nanotrites: “Tiny, molecular "robots" injected into a host organism, capable of enhancing or suppressing a wide range of biological functions.”
so in other words, he has nanotrites that heal him, and they also have that 'defib' function.
i need to play this game again
3378721
You... You have got to be some holy man from heaven. Thank you so for this information as i think it will help me greatly when i decide to rewrite the beginning. (I was not to happy with it honestly) Maybe i Decide two write another story in the same universe from another ARK where it takes place with the gryffon`s (Possibly) The point is the information you have given me has opened many doors for me.
Feel free to come with Ideas as to how this story should continue as I don`t know where i want to take it just yet. (Im considering adventure altough im not that great at building tension.
)
Thanks for reading!
3378791 if i were you, i would make it so he woke up and tried to escape from the ponies, since waking up from god knows how many years in cryo-stasis would be quite shocking, the rest is up to you.
he should be quite capable of sneaking and defending himself with his recon training.
and i think it would fit the character if you made it an adventure story (since the game has adventure in it). since Nicholas is all alone, he takes it as his task to humanity to find the rest of the ARK pods and save the people within them all.
it's up to you, really.
also, just send me a private message if you need any help
3378847
Great, Thanks! And I will be sure to make contact at some point.
3378888
images3.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20121230050716/mlp/images/thumb/5/54/Spike_gives_Applejack_a_thumbs-up_S03E09.png/800px-Spike_gives_Applejack_a_thumbs-up_S03E09.png
images1.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20120530083228/mlp/it/images/d/db/Iron_Will_thumbs-up_S2E19.png
What's this?
A RAGE crossover!?!? 
Hmmmm... Methinks I'll keep an eye on it. 
So is this some sort of crossover between mlp and evacuate earth?
img849.imageshack.us/img849/8571/2957830.jpg
3381251
Nope. The game called RAGE is what this is a crossover to.
Quick grammar note:
Comma after "cocoon" and you don't need the parentheses "()" around pod.
Lampshadding, it be useful
Smart Tass, greatest name in Equestrian history
I advise on Checking my latest Blog as it is related to the story and how my brain is currently doing.
3382535 I was making a joke.
3398600
Did not Realize
3398607 I wonder if anyone here even knows what evacuate earth is.
3409125 Ya and it was surprisingly entertaining.
Underlined part is really awkward. I'd recommend changing it. The italicized portion should be changed to "he was by himself" or something to that effect.
Glad to see you went with the route that makes English and Equish (or whatever the language the ponies speak) different. Too many authors just cop-out and make them the same.
Hey nice set up but you used tough twice instead of
though or thought
3431184
Thanks for the feedback. I too am happy i made English and Equish diffrent as I want to put poor Raine through hell in later chapters, so I figure, the more problems I can make in the beginning the more I have to write about later. Gives the story content and problems to fix, means more writing material.
Black crystals hmm? I wonder what they will do (to him).
Great chapter and i'm glad to read an update, but remember, quality over quantity. Now back to the question, what happens next?
needs a capital,
Title: Plans part 1
or something to that extent