The Drak in the Hat Knows Some Things About That
"...Then our mother came in
And she said to us two,
"Did you have any fun?
Tell me. What did you do?"
And Sally and I did not know
What to say.
Should we tell her
The things that went on there that day?
Should we tell her about it?
Now, what SHOULD we do?
Well...
What would YOU do
If your mother asked YOU?"
Discord shut the worn book with a soft snap and sighed contentedly. He sat for a few moments in his comfortable armchair and stared into the crackling flames dancing merrily inside his fireplace. He glanced over his shoulder and realized that he had company.
"Ah, do come in. Please, take a seat." He conjured another plush chair with a snap of his claws. Discord chuckled, then continued, "My apologies, I forgot you are the reader and don't have a physical form in this world."
He ceased his chuckling and adopted a frown. "It was just a little joke. No need to get testy." Once again, his charming smile returned and he continued, "I had just finished reading a book from your world. This Dr. Seuss guy must have been a real riot at parties. It's a real shame that the poor ponies of this world don't have that same chaotic creativity."
He stroked his goatee thoughtfully, then said, "Maybe I should show my new friends a little of what real literature is all about. Would you like to come along for the ride? Like you have a choice." With a pop the room faded away and Discord reappeared outside of a familiar library.
The rain fell heavy,
The rain fell in sheets.
Twilight was frantic
Checking for leaks.
She flew though her home
On her alicorn wings,
And motioned for Fluttershy
To help her with things.
"This rain is a mystery.
It shouldn't be here.
Something's not right,
At least so I fear."
Fluttershy quietly sets down her tea.
"Neither does it make much sense to me."
Their attention was caught
By a knock at the door.
And Twilight did think,
Who would fight this downpour?
The knock came again,
Then twice and then thrice.
Fluttershy opened the door
Just because she's so nice.
The door swung open
And she gasped in surprise.
For there was Discord,
Before her very eyes.
He pedaled inside
On his blue unicycle,
Shaking rain from his umbrella.
(It was more than a trifle.)
"Discord, what are you doing?"
She squeaked in surprise.
"I came by to play,"
He innocently replies.
Twilight glided down,
Her face in a frown.
"What is he doing here?
What does he need?"
She asked as he smiled,
paying her questions no heed.
"Hello, my friend!
Pleasure to see you again.
But enough of my silliness,
Let's get down to business.
I have something here
That is worth a look.
I can assure you now
It's a very special book.
But you can't just have it,
Because that would be lame!
In order to read it,
You must play my game."
Skeptical Twilight wasn't sure in the least,
But Fluttershy's smile put her at peace.
"Alright, Discord, but don't pull any tricks.
I don't want to have to break out the six."
She knew he remembered the powerful jewels.
"Please, hurry up and tell us the rules."
He tutted the princess with an indignant huff.
"That would ruin the fun,
As you know well enough.
"You haven't been listening
To the things that you're saying.
Even the reader could tell you,
You are already playing!"
Twilight grimaced
At the chaotic clown.
Now we can't have that,
Discord thought with a frown.
With a snap of his claw,
The house started to change.
The halls and the rooms
Became twisted and strange.
Some things grew longer
And others were short,
But Discord kept working,
Making things out of sort.
With another sharp snap,
There was a bright flash of light.
Fluttershy grabbed on to Twilight
And held onto her tight.
When the blinding light faded,
Oh what did they see?
They awoke in a room
As different as could be.
The ceilings were taller
and nothing was straight.
This would drive Twilight crazy,
Like a sock with no mate.
Both ponies sat quietly
Each plopped in a chair.
Rain fell down the window
And all they did was stare.
They heard a sharp cry,
And they turned around fast.
The sight that they saw
Left them both aghast.
Spike swam in a bowl
Made of clear glass.
With not claws but fins
And scales that did flash.
"Twilight, you gotta help me.
You know that you must!
I don't wanna be a fish,
And you're the one I most trust."
Something was wrong,
And she knew who to blame.
But there were mysteries to solve
Before the villain came.
"Something sounds off about your
Words and your timing."
Fluttershy interrupted,
"Oh my goodness, we're rhyming!"
All three gasped
As they realized the same.
But they jumped in surprise
As the villain now came.
He didn't knock on the door;
He just burst right on through.
Did he give any cares?
...Well, maybe a few.
He closed the door
With a flick of his tail,
And he strode with purpose.
Like wind in a sail.
He whipped on a hat,
with stripes white and red.
It was tall and sat crooked
On his horned head.
He grinned at the ponies,
Light glinting off his fang.
Then Twilight punched him
With a satisfying BANG.
The draconequis reeled,
And wide were his eyes.
"What was that for?"
He said in surprise.
"My home is a wreck,
And Spike is a fish.
Now we're all rhyming.
What the heck is this!"
Fluttershy cringed
Clearly unhappy,
But Discord is cunning,
So his explained rather snappy:
"This is the world
Of the book I did mention.
You remember the one,
From another dimension?"
Twilight gazed around unsure
Whether to puke or to fawn.
She fought to decide
If she could even go on.
She ground her teeth
As her scholar's mind won.
She just had to accept
That the game had begun.
Spike then did speak,
In a fishy growl.
"You can't trust him, Twilight.
I swear he's still foul."
Fluttershy was hurt
By the insult she heard.
"I guarantee he's harmless.
You have my word."
"No offense, Fluttershy,
But you are too soft.
You take his side
Entirely too oft."
"I assure you everything will be well,"
Discord boasted with cheer.
"Without further ado,
The Drak in the Hat is finally here!"
From behind his back,
Discord pulled out a crate.
And as far as crates go
It was very first rate.
The wood was smooth
And the lock was strong.
Nopony would guess
That things could go wrong.
Spike pointed at it
With a slippery fin.
"That box is shaking hard.
What in the world is within?"
Discord sat on the lid
As he played with the latch.
Like a mother hen
Who wanted her eggs to hatch.
"Inside are two friends.
I will show them to you.
Inside are two friends,
I call Thing 1 and Thing 2."
The box fell away
With a thud and a crash.
Inside the box
Were Rarity and Rainbow Dash.
In red one piece suits,
They stood in the room.
Dash rolled her eyes
At Rarity's distress and gloom.
"Rainbow," asked Twilight,
"What did he do?"
"I lost a bet,
So now I'm Thing 2."
"Don't think this is losing,"
Discord chided with glee.
"You can't even imagine
how much fun it will be!"
Rarity cried,
"I don't know about fun,
But I don't like this costume,
Even if I'm Thing 1."
Discord glared
With a gaze made for hawks.
He growled,
"Do you want to go back in the box?"
The pair shook their heads
In fear and alarm.
And hoped that the Drak
Really meant them no harm.
Discord reclined,
On a green jello-y blob.
With a dismissive wave, he said,
"Go do your job."
With a sigh and a groan,
The two went to work
Causing mayhem and madness,
For that big smug jerk.
Books fell from the shelves
And fell in a mound.
The china was broken
And the drapes were torn down.
"Discord, stop them!"
Twilight started to plea,
But the Drak answered innocently,
"Don't look at me.
"Get them into the box,
And make sure they're stuck.
That will end this game.
I wish you good luck."
The box had reformed
Where it once stood before.
In its place it stood,
Right next to the door.
Twilight looked to her friend,
And they heard a loud crash.
Fluttershy sighed,
"We should start with Dash."
They rose through the air
On their majestic wings,
But the queen of the sky
Could teach them some things.
Dash flitted around
Like a bee on a flower.
In the air,
Nopony was her match in power.
They zigged and they zagged.
They zoomed and they chased.
The flew hard as they could,
But they barely kept pace.
Fluttershy paused
For a moment to think.
"I have a plan,
But you won't like it I think.
"Try to get Dash
To fly near that shelf,
And I think we can get her
To trap herself."
Twilight nodded,
And chased after Rainbow.
Dash took off quickly,
But expected to see yellow.
Where is Fluttershy?
She thought to herself.
She hoped that their antics
Weren't bad for her health.
She ended the thought
As Twilight drew close.
She unwittingly approached
The shelf Fluttershy chose.
A cascade of books
Rained down from above,
And pushed Dash to the ground
With a forceful shove.
Twilight then caught her
In her magical grip,
And Fluttershy made sure Dash
Didn't give them the slip.
No matter how much
She did squirm or shake.
Nothing would stop them
From tossing her in the crate.
Twilight slammed down the lid,
But her spirits were low.
"One down," she said,
"And one more to go."
Rarity tore through the house
Messing up the decor.
Fixing it all
Would sure be a chore.
She ran up the stairs
To the landing ahead.
And though she detested it,
She jumped on the bed.
The pillows were scattered.
The sheets were all crumpled.
The headboard was crooked
And the comforter rumpled.
Then Twilight and Fluttershy
Flew up from below.
"Give it up, Rarity!
It's time to go!"
Rarity used her magic
To grab odds and ends,
And she whirled them around her.
Like a maelstrom it spins.
Fluttershy gaped
At the swirling gale,
And Twilight's face
Looked unnaturally pale.
Twilight then brightened.
A plan she did make.
"You need to fly through it,
for Rarity's sake."
Fluttershy was scared,
But she trusted her after all.
She leaped meekly forward,
Into the squall.
Rarity was distracted.
The many things to twist and bend,
Could not hit Fluttershy.
She wouldn't hurt her friend!
Twilight teleported behind her
With a soft little pop.
Then flicked her horn hard
To make her stop.
"Well that wasn't so hard,"
And she made herself busy.
"Speak for yourself," Fluttershy replied.
She was very very dizzy.
With Rarity secured,
They descended the stair
To finally return
The last renegade mare.
Discord did laugh
At the sight of her plight.
"Don't forget to throw her in
And lock it up tight."
She threw her friend into the box made of wood.
"This prize that you offer had better be good."
Discord sighed.
Now his game was finally through.
They weren't very amused,
This he definitely knew.
"Alright, Princess Sparkle,
You win this round.
But keep yourself sharp,
For my next trip to town.
"Dr. Seuss is gentle,
Not evil or feral.
But how about next time,
I try Lewis Carrol?"
He laughed and he snapped
His claws with a clack.
Then with a brilliant white flash
Everything changed back.
Twilight glanced around the room once the spots had cleared from her eyes. The sun was streaming through the windows without a rain cloud in sight. Her tree house was completely back to normal. In fact, it looked cleaner than it had earlier. The only indication that anything odd had happened was the fact that Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, and Rarity were standing near her. All three of them were still trying to allow their eyes to adjust to the light.
Twilight heard a muffled groan. Spinning around, she saw Spike standing by her desk trying to pry a fishbowl off of his head. She trotted over to help him, but something strange caught her eye. A tiny book sat on her desk. It was brightly colored, like a children's book. She quickly read the title.
"'The Cat in the Hat?' You have got to be joking."
Discord floated up on a cloud and kicked back, making himself at home. He turned to the reader and said, "Well, that's how it goes. Twilight didn't take it as well as I would hope, but I did keep our deal. There's always next time I guess."
He continued to float leisurely away, but suddenly a mass of balloons rose up from the clouds. Discord laughed until an irritated Pinkie Pie hovered at eye level. She glared at Discord and shoved her face right up to his. She angrily cried, "Discord, why did you do all of those fun things and not invite me?! Do you think I'm not fun anymore?!"
She pulled away and started to cry. Her mane lost its luster and deflated. It hung limp and straight, partially covering her tear stained face. She sniffled and continued, "I was there for you from the beginning. I thought we were friends." She gazed soulfully at the draconequis. "Aren't we friends anymore?"
Discord hesitated and sputtered a few times. He shifted his gaze all around, looking for a solution. He frantically whispered, "Hey, Atomic. Mind helping a brother out here?"
Hey man, this is your bed. Sleep in it.
"You wrote this!" he argued, "Help me! I want to get out of this alive, you know?"
Pinkie overheard his whispers and her temper flared dangerously. She shouted, "Atomic Archimedes Muffin, don't you dare help him worm his way out of this one!"
Sorry, Discord. You're on your own.
Discord shouted indignantly, "Whatever happened to bronies before ponies?"
She used my FULL NAME! This mare means business. I'm out!
"Can't you just roll the credits or something?" He pleaded.
Pinkie frantically flailed her hooves, trying to propel herself forward. She gasped, "Don't you dare-"
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Oh. My. Celestia! I'll be damned if this isnt featured today, this is some hilaious stuff! I can't believe nobody thought to mix discord and Seuss, it makes so much sense!!
Maybe the Everfree runs wild because the Lorax keeps the trees safe
The hilarity is tremendous in this one. Most self-inserts don't go well, but yours fits in so well with the rest of the story!
Shut up and take my fave!
Discord and Dr. Seuss? All of my yes's!
SHUT UP AND TAKE MY MONEY!
Mother of God...
YOU ARE A GENIUS.
3382746>>3382596>>3382546 Awww, thanks guys!
I got the idea when one of the kids I work with wanted me to read The Cat in the Hat to her. I'm really glad you like it. (Who knows, if this thing takes off, I might have to make a series of it 
)
3382766
I VOTE FOR SERIES!
3382746 Oh, and thanks for the watch, Elusive.
Love it!
3382546>>3382596>>3382746>>3383016
Wait a minute? Did you say that nobody has done this yet? Did I do something (dare I say it) original?
Ironically by being unoriginal?
Nah... I'm pretty sure it's been done somewhere. Oh well, my motto on this site is, "Don't worry about if it's been done before. Worry about doing it BETTER than it's been done before."
(Ha!
It looks like Pinkie is trying to eat the question mark ^^^)
3383239
I dont think ive seen this before. I mean, I did an original piece, i think, with T-T-T-Tia! since i dont think anyone's decided to make Celestia a chia pet!
If i'm wrong though, let the author find me and may they have mercy on my fic.
Do continue!
3383239 I dare say it's original to THIS site at least.
You, sir, are a genius!
Hah, this was very entertaining to read!
Lewis Carrol would drive Twilight mad.
Appropriately light-hearted and, dare I say it, fun.
The Drak in the Hat Comes Back?
Your ability to mimic Seuss' style is stellar. This was awesome.
That ending. That wrapped up comedy gold in a platinum bow that's how good it was.
3385509>>3385412>>3384349>>3384017>>3383985>>3383616>>3383323>>3382596>>3383016 That's really nice, guys. Y'all are making me feel all warm inside. The best part is, I didn't have to drop acid to do it. Muffin: 1 Seuss: ___ (OK, so his score is much more impressive).
I'll offer you a deal. I haven't even begun to promote this thing yet, and it is already doing incredibly well. Infinitely better than I had anticipated. If this thing get's featured, I'll make a few more Seuss crossovers and change this story into "Dr. Discord Presents: An Equestrian Seussiful Adventure." That way I can add more stories as chapters and you don't have to follow me to find out about them (Though you still can if you want
)
Caveat: Chances are I am going to do all of that regardless of if I get featured or not. I'm just saying this to motivate you to help me promote it.
3383239
Dr. Seuss was done before with Dragon in a Wagon, (So, Spike actually) but that was before Discord was a character I think. Also, The Giving Fluttertree was another work of his and then I spun off that with "The little pegasus that could".
So, original? Unfortunately, I'm a bubble burster. Was this story still good? Yes.
3386055 Nice to see you too.
I'm kidding of course. I had a feeling it had been done. Either way, thanks for the compliment.
3386105
Sorry ^-^ This fandom is so big that it's fantastically impossible to be original, so I felt the need to give credit where credit is due. This story should still pull in a hefty crowd though.
3386031 PROMOTION: GRANTED.
I'm surprised that you're not getting Discord to be the Yak in the Sak
3386031 I'm adding it to groups as we speak.
A good story this is
a good story indeed!
A fantastical comedy
for people to read.
Guffaws and giggles
were had all around!
Such that this story
I duly resound.
You have....you have.....
Not only made me laugh, but you reactivated my childhood.
I must say, this is quite impressive by the way.
To think I have never seen this day!
I shan't be too lenient on what I have to say--
Whatever it is that should throw themselves to you this May!
I hope it would not be too much to ask
But could we do a collab based on 'Hooray for Diffendoofer Day?'
Maybe next time I shall read your stories and bask
And tip my invisible hat off and say you performed this in a very good way!
Well done. Well done indeed! Thumbed and faved.
fc01.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2013/055/1/2/derpy_meets_dr__seuss_by_natsu714-d5w59fa.png
Very nice! I know how much of a pain it is to try and not only make something rhyme but "rhyme well". Heck...I only tried writing dialogue for Zecora once ever, and that alone was a headache. This one looked like a "good" rhyme too with a pretty good meter! Nice job!
...And Twilight should just hope that Discord turns her house into "Alice in Wonderland" or "Alice Through the Looking Glass" next time as opposed to, say, "A Clockwork Orange".
I was waiting for the day when I would see this. And here it is. You have made my day with this friend. Very nice
There is only one word for me to say here, "more?"
This was wonderful! More please!
Maybe Discord could be the Grinch come Heart's Warming Eve because no one invited him to a party, only for Derpy to show up towards the end.
And the wall eyed mare
Showed up looking sad.
She handed him the letter,
With a contrite, "Oops, my bad!"
That ending.
Maybe next time you do something like this, Zecora is the only one not rhyming.
3392366>>3382546>>3382596>>3382746>>3383016>>3383985>>3384349>>3385412>>3387387>>3389080>>3389167>>3391186>>3392366>>3392100 Alright, since you all liked it so much, I have decided to serialize it. The next chapter shall be "Dr. Discord's Green Eggs and Hay." Unfortunately, I can't promise you a time frame, so keep your eyes peeled and don't ignore your feed.
3389159 Sure, if you are still interested when I get to that chapter, then I will certainly collaborate with you.
3390639 I was thinking "The Jabberwocky."
3392484 Awesome.
3392484
Shut up and take my follow!
YHUSSSS!!
This was great, and Discord is so perfect for this story. Tweet this to John De Lancie, I bet he'd love it.
Check out my fimfic with Twilight in a Duck Amuck parody.
3393890 I appreciate the compliment, but I don't do Twitter.
Absolutely fantastic
I must admit I read the Drak in the Hat part out loud, it had to be done.
I WANTED TO LET YOU KNOW THAT THIS IS LIKE MY FAVORITE THING
That was really fun!
That much I must say.
You should make more of this,
EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.
Man, do not EVER get on flat-haired Pinkie's bad side. They'll never find the body.
Putting the credit sequence at the end
Sheer unvarnished madness. Upvote, fave and a follow from me.
Is it sad that I was reading this outloud the first time I read it? I mean, come on, rhyming does that to me. But anyway, this is awesome!