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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Ok, were to begin,
Umm, first what happened to the detail, just small things here and there that made the story have content. You still have detail in the story but it's not enough.
Like when they were walking to the ruins and they were told to stay sharp. Followed by small talk later. Then next sentence. "Everyone get down!" She said getting to her knees.
Ok, did they keep walking for a bit? Or was this 3 seconds after words. Detail, detail, detail. These last few chapters are feeling more and more empty without them.
I not saying your bad phantom, your good and you got real talent for the story which is nice, but it just feels empty with these last few chapters.
Sorry to tell you but, I literally stopped reading 1/3rd of the way through and just started skimming through it. Even though you do have detail here and there, it needs more detail and more content. Otherwise, it just feels like a script to a play.
You are the author of this play, you add to the script to make the play feel alive and energized. You can do it.
"As you wish" Mathew said. They continued to walk for an hour until Sansa saw movement out in front of them.
"Everyone get down!" she said getting down on her knees.
(Just an example I was really confused at this scene. Whether they had walked for a bit or this was literally after they were done talking)
Get an editor, and this story would be great.
7945807 The chapter that was uploaded wasn't truly done. My friend thought it was and uploaded the story without me knowing. I have already fixed some of the issues you may have seen but if you see anything else wrong let me know. I do try my best to put details into my stories.
7945817 I use to have an editor but now I'm alone.
7945957 Do you want a editor again? I can help.
7946007 I have trust issues after the last three editors I had. Would I like a editor yes for sure but after what has happened last time I'm just gonna try my best to listen to my readers and fix what I can when I can.
7946038 Well I proofread for people a good ammount, its not like im untrustworthy, but I can understand your reasoning.
7946044 I can tell your heart is in the right place but for now I wanna try and do what I can. Thank you tho![:pinkiehappy:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/pinkiehappy.png)
7946156 Well the offers up if you want it. I use Skype and Discord both.
That’s kinda gonna be hard to do.