There's a new game called Sword Art Online and ponies have been testing it before it came out. Now it's the releasing day. Ponies line up to buy the game and play it. There's only one problem though....The players are stuck in the game! The ponies have to get to floor 100 to beat the game and get out!
Following the tale of the Lighting hooves Guild through there journey to get out of the game
based on the Forum RP hosted by Drawingpandapony which can be read here
http://mlpforums.com/topic/71383-sword-art-online-pony-style/
Chapters (1)
I love Sword Art Online! Its about time someone wrote a pony version! Although, while i was reading, you had errors throughout the story that need fixing. Do you have a proofreader? If not, i could help!
I added this to Video games because it IS technically considered a game. Even though it's an anime, but based in a world of an MMORPG via virtual reality.
3368604
yeah i would need one so thanks for the offer
3368651 You are very welcome my friend. I can't do anything for this chapter, but the next one i can.
For now I really can't give this anything but a downvote. You need more description on an environmental and emotional level, because right now all you've written that I went over was a series of actions and dialogue. You have to make us care about these characters by bringing us into their heads more, and elaborating even a tiny bit on their pasts through internal monologue if need be. Just telling us how the main girl got her mark is one thing, but it is much better to bring up its appearance at one time, and save the story for a moment where it is more relevant. Or even leaving the shape of the mark a mystery on her until somepony asks her about it.
Also, both of them being Beta testers, while stretching a little bit, can be worked around, but the main boy reaching the mid 40s on a beta is just ridiculous for a game the size of SAO. If the beta period had been that long, then it may have well just been the official release.
Downvoting this, because ponyfying an anime series is the worst thing you could do. I like ponies, but you cannot ponify everything, it's either boring or stupid.
3368827
ok I can understand your complaints but this is based off of a forum RP this is an adaptation noting more the only character i control is Lighting Fury because that is my character.
3368851
And? Two of my stories in the works are adaptations of a big forum RP that died on me a while back, but I have full creative liscence from the owners of the OCs to change things or alter the story to suit my vision. Looking at it now, it really does suffer from the pitfalls I would have expected. The perspective of the story swings back and forth heedless of any structure. This is suitable for an actual forum RP, where each player's actions are divided between posts, and is engaging to read that way, but in a story format like this it suffers greatly. You need to pick a perspective of a character and rewrite events entirely from that character's perspective, and make sure you keep perspective changes with some sort of page break.
Using the fact that this story is an adaptation of a forum RP to excuse basically copying and pasting it between two very uncompatible formats is just a cop out, and if you want others to enjoy it, big changes need to be made to make it readable.
3368850
Actually, I don't think it is impossible to bring pony into this series, it just takes the right kind of idea... which few seem to have, falling on cliches instead. For instance, while I only have an intro chapter up for it so far, I think I came up with an engaging premise with my story Equestria's Strife Online.
>> Crystalis McCloud I am not saying that it's an impossible thing to do, it's just stupid. Perhaps in 2014 people will write fanfics based on music videos -,-