Nocturna Eternal

by Sleep Sonata

Coup d'Etat

The halls filled with a hollow echo as I strolled down the corridors. I was alone, but then again, I expected to be. Most ponies slept as often as possible to conserve energy, but I had business to attend to.

With a knock I called Harvest Moon to her door. She rubbed her eyes as she answered, but quickly perked up when she realized who was at the door. Her tone left a lot to be desired, though. “What do you want? You should be asleep like everypony else.”

I closed the door as gently as I could. No one could know what I was doing. Not yet. “I believe I’m the one who’s supposed to give orders. It’s for your own well being.”

She seemed struck by my change in mannerisms. I had always been strict and professional with her in the past. I had hoped for such an effect. “Well then, what are your orders, Captain?”

Without pause, I picked her up with magic, and threw her onto the floor. I could see her struggling, but at this point it was useless. “What are you doing?! Help!”

“Shh. No point in that now. You’re doing your part to ensure the survival of our race.”

“What’s that?”

I couldn’t help but grin. For once, I felt in control. Everything would go to plan. “Getting out of the way.”

Harvest was a major barrier to the Princess. I understood that she wanted her to be happy, but her royal duties needed to take priority, and Harvest Moon simply did not understand that. With her banished over the mountains, maybe I’d be able to persuade the Princess with less difficulty.

She wasn’t the only obstacle, though. Many of the nobility had a vested interest in remaining in Nocturna, and had already poured millions of crowns into refining the growing spells, and were encouraged even by the most meager progress. They were blinded, though, and couldn’t see that they had run out of time. Migration was the only option.

I’d already compiled a list of who these lords were, based on who had funded growing projects, and also my own experience. It hadn’t taken me long, and it took even less time to convince the rest of the guard I was right. They were ready to stand behind their Captain. I had kept them together to this point. I had earned their trust. Doing so with the rest of the nation should be easy.

I’d called an emergency gathering in the throne room, so as to make my job that much easier. Having all of them together would expedite their detainment and subsequent exile.

Once I arrived, I didn’t give anyone the opportunity to protest. My detail set about immediately detaining everyone on my list. As I expected, they all shouted and cried for them to stop, but they didn’t lift a hoof to make it happen. It was like corralling toddlers.

Once they were all detained, I proceeded in to meet with the Princess. She was there, but you would have to really reach to say she was a princess. She huddled in a corner, like a terrified animal. I couldn’t believe my eyes.

“Princess, now that the nobility is no longer an issue, I would like to ask again for your permission to proceed with the exodus.”

She didn’t respond. She just sat there, whimpering. She was there before me, but her mind was miles away. I couldn’t take it. I had tried to remove all obstacles to her decision making, and yet she still could answer a yes or no question. This was not the monarchy I was sworn to serve and defend.

I decided then that she was no longer fit to rule. She needed to start new, to see where I was taking the thestrals, and I knew just where to send her. “I wish I could say I’m sorry, but I’m not. This is for the good of our race.”

I focused hard on her mind. Amnesia spells were hidden deep in the castle library, forbidden for anypony to use. Those rules no longer applied. I could see her memories being drained from her mind. Everything she knew would now be foreign, as if she was from another world.

When I concluded the spell, she slumped onto the floor, unconscious. The rest of the guard seemed unsure what to think, but I soon gave them direction. “Take the Princess over the mountains. Make sure she stays far away from the others.”

They did as they were told, because they knew why this needed to be done. Once she saw the riches of our homeland, she would return, and our people would be united under her once again.

“Sir, there is a crowd outside the castle. They demand to know what the princess is doing about their suffering.”

Normally, I would have responded as any loyal guard would, by sending out the guard to disperse them. Here, though, was an opportunity. An opportunity to give them the hope I had found over the mountains. “Tell them, that their Lord Protector will appear shortly, and put all their minds at ease.”

Comments

[Merchent343]

I just finished reading, and noticed the story is marked as 'Complete'. Is there going to be a sequel of sorts?

Also, you did pretty good. A couple grammar errors, but that happens to all of us. Liked and favorited.

[Sleep Sonata]

>>Merchent343
You're close. This story is actually a prequel to my first fic, Legacy, which I finished a few weeks before this one. If you want to know what ultimately becomes of Nocturna, check it out.
PS, before you read Nocturna Eternal, know that this story has some major spoilers for Legacy. If you want to get the most out of these stories, read that one first.

[Sleep Sonata]

I finally got around to fixing my typos, so hopefully this will read easier. Don't forget to vote for it on EQD's Bat Pony write off!

[Eskerata]

Well, I said I was going to read more of your stuff. So I have. I like this story. There is a good motivation for the protagonist to take charge of the country for the good of all. No "Blahahaa, I shall rule all the land and in the darkness bind them." Only wankers go Bla-ha-ha, anyway.
Now for the critiques. Your spelling is pretty good, although you keep misspelling the word forest "forrest". You need to remember to put spaces between paragraphs. You recalled to do this in the beginning of chapter four, for example, but then you didn't.
There are some glitches with some of the lines.
Chapter one: "I could only assume, hope, that we all looked as professional and intense as possible."
Perhaps removing the word assume would help this line?
Chapter two: The second sentence reads "Denied to funds the increase our ranks." Oof.
"Nopony else was around, it was just her and her thought." Only one thought?
Chapter three: (Towards the end of the chapter.) "I felt a tremendous gust force me off of peak." Off of THE peak, I think you mean.
Chapter four: "Step aside, Harvest. I will detain for interfering with royal duties." Detain who?
Chapter five: (In the beginning.) "What do you want." A question mark?
These are nit-picky details, but it's the little things that add up. As I said, I like this story. I hope these comments help.
Catch you later.

[Sleep Sonata]

3654420
Don't know where I'b be without you bro. I have to say though, I don't think of this as my best work. I wrote it for EQD's bat pony write off, and I was still in ROTC while I was writing it, so I wasn't exactly taking time to craft a masterpiece. The restrictive word count didn't help either (it was limited to 10k).

[Eskerata]

3654456Happy to help. I bet it was hard with having the ROTC dividing your concentration. The 10k limit would aggravate me. Who needs that on their minds?
I can't concentrate on my writing if there's drama in my life. The fact that you were able to produce this with those two hassles is admirable.

[Sleep Sonata]

4204813
Not quite the imagery I was going for. Honestly surprised this story gets read at all.