• Published 19th Oct 2013
  • 961 Views, 20 Comments

Discord's Trumpet - aCB



A black comedy involving fillies getting into shenanigans (that is, drugs)

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The Day After

The Cutie Mark Crusaders pranced through the town of Ponyville. They had never been more excited in their entire lives. Last night’s potion had worn off, leaving no ill side effects. They hadn’t remembered what happened after Scootaloo and Applebloom awoke from their trances, but all in all, the night had been pretty amazing. Spotting Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon in front of the ice cream shop, they decided now would be the perfect time to exact a little revenge boasting.

“Hey there, guys,” smiled Sweetie Belle, “Check it out!”

The three fillies aligned their flanks next to each other to give the best view possible. Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon’s mouths dropped open.

“Yeah, purty nice, aren’t they?” chimed in Applebloom, “Ah bet ya never seen anypony with cutie marks like these before!”

The two fillies simply stood there, too shocked to say anything. The Cutie Mark Crusaders left them gloatfully.

“Wow, we really left them speechless!” said Scootaloo.

“Yeah. That'll show them. Do you girls realize that they can never make fun of our blank flanks ever again?” cried Sweetie Belle with glee as they walked down the street.

Everywhere they went, ponies stared at them. Some dropped what they were carrying, others crashed into things as they lost attention to where they were going. The Cutie Mark Crusaders couldn’t be prouder.

“Where are we goin’ next?” asked Applebloom.

“I want to show my sister! She’s going to be so proud!” squealed Sweetie Belle.

“No way, we’re going to Rainbow Dash’s!”

“But she lives all the way on the other side of town!”

“Girls, girls!” interjected Applebloom, “Let’s compromise. We should really go to Twilight’s and check up on Spike. We owe him for lettin’ him run off like that.”

The other fillies groaned. They hated when she was right like this. They trotted to the library and gently knocked on the door. In a few moments, Twilight opened the door.

“Oh hello. I suppose you’re here to see Spike?”

“Yeah,” responded Applebloom ashamedly. It was her, after all, that got Spike into the predicament he was in.

“Come on in girls,” she said leading them in, “After you’ve talked with Spike, we’re going to want to talk to you.”

“Talk to us? Who?”

“You’ll see in a little while. Go on up. Spike’s in bed.”

The girls went up the staircase to where Spike and Twilight slept. Spike was laying in Twilight’s bed with an ice bag on his head. He groaned, but when he looked over at them, he managed a small smile.

“Hey Cutie Mark Crusaders.”

“Hey there, Spike,” replied Applebloom, “How’re ya doin’?”

“I’ve been better,” he replied as he sunk his head back onto the pillow, “You’re granny sure knows how to lay a hit, Applebloom.”

“Yeah, Ah guess she does. She is an Apple, after all.”

“So what happened after you left?” asked Scootaloo impatiently. She was tired of all this small talk. This is what they really wanted to know.

Spike blushed slightly, “Oh, that. I’m sure Big Macintosh can tell the story better than I could, but…”

“Big Mac? What?”

“Yeah. Anyway, all I can remember is going on a date with Rarity, but…”

“You went on a date with my sister!”

“Do you guys want to hear the story or what? I went on a date with Rarity, except I didn’t. I went down to the Bit & Bridle, except I didn’t. Then Rarity asked me to come to her bedroom, except that never happened. The next thing I know I’m waking up in somepony’s bed at the Apple farm with a huge headache. That was a doozy of a potion you got, Applebloom…”

“Yeah…” It was Applebloom’s turn to blush. They was an awkward moment of silence.

“Hey Spike,” suddenly cried Sweetie excitedly, sparing Applebloom, “Check it out! We finally got our cutie marks!”

They put them on display for Spike to behold. He studied them and gave a whoop.

“Great job, girls! But… what are they?”

“Mine is me eating the Discord’s trumpet flower,” said Applebloom, “My special talent is being able to handle strong potions!”

“And mine is a piece of fabric,” said Sweetie Belle, “I guess I did pretty good when I thought I was helping Rarity make that dress. I knew I was meant to be a fashion designer. I just knew it!”

“And mine is me wrestling with Sweetie!” said Scootaloo, slightly confused, “I don’t really remember doing that, but I guess it’s my special talent if it’s on my flank! I’m going to have to try it sometime!”

“That’s so cool!” replied Spike when they were all done, “But you still haven’t told me what you all did after I left.”

“Well…”

“Girls!” called Twilight from down the stairs, “We’d like a word with you please!”

They waved goodbye to Spike and headed down the stairs to the library. To their horror, not only was Twilight there, but so was Rarity, Big Macintosh, Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie and Zecora. Collectively, the fillys’ hearts rose into their throats. They knew what was going on - they were about to get yelled at. And bad.

“Oh, Celestia…” cried Rarity as soon as Sweetie Belle had come into view, “It’s true. I didn’t want to believe it.”

“Bwah hah hah hah!” Rainbow Dash laughed.

Twilight and Big Macintosh looked embarrassed and ashamed. Fluttershy blushed and turned her head away from the fillies.

“Wow, girls! Congratulations!” Pinkie Pie said with glee and she leaped up, shaking each of the filly’s hooves in turn, “You finally got your cutie marks!”

As nervous as they were, the girls couldn’t help but smile in pride.

“Yeah, I guess they found their… ‘super special talent’!” choked out Rainbow Dash, falling on the floor and rolling around with laughter.

Pinkie joined in, more to be a part of the laughter than because she found Rainbow Dash funny.

“Rainbow Dash!” yelled Rarity angrily, “This is no laughing matter! Sweetie Belle is going to have that… mark on her for the rest of her life!”

“Now wait just a minute!” interjected Applebloom, stomping, “Sweetie’s proud of her cutie mark. She always wanted to be a fashion designer like her big sister. You shouldn’ be mad at her for that!”

“Applebloom?” asked Twilight curiously, “Don’t you remember when you got your cutie marks? You do know what they are, right?”

“Of course we do! Mine is a…”

“Think back, to last night when it was dark,” interrupted Zecora, “Can you remember exactly when you got your cutie mark?”

Applebloom stopped and thought, “No, Ah guess not.”

“Well this is all your fault, Big Macintosh,” accused Rarity, “You were supposed to be keeping an eye on them! For Celestia’s sake, what were you doing all that time?!”

Big Mac blushed, “Ah was just slurpin’ up some applejack when…”

“WHAT?!” cried everyone else in the room at once.

He blushed even harder, “No, you’re not getting’ me. I was drinkin’ and enjoying applejack…”

Fluttershy fainted.

Big Mac turned so hot blood started boiling in his cheeks, “Nevermind.”

"Applejack wasn't there, remember?" reminded Twilight.

“Well then what…”

“It doesn’t really matter,” interrupted Twilight, “The fact is, most of us are at fault here. Including you, Rainbow!”

Rainbow stopped laughing and looked up indignantly.

“How is it my fault!”

“You’re the one who left that, that… ponyography where little fillies could find it!” said Rarity, her cheeks red with anger.

“Ah, come on! They just picked up a two year old ‘Ponyboy’. Just be glad they didn’t go deeper into the stack than that!”

Rarity walked angrily toward Rainbow, her horn lit up with furious magic. Dash responded by putting up her front hooves.

“Oh, you want some of this!”

“Just wait until I…”

“Girls, please!” pleaded Twilight, “We still have to tell the fillies what their cutie marks are. We all owe them that!”

Rarity and Rainbow backed down, still eying each other angrily.

“What do you girls think your cutie marks are of?” asked Twilight.

“A flower!” cried Applebloom.

“A piece of fabric!” squeaked Sweetie.

“Wrestling!” whooped Scootaloo.

Rainbow Dash let out a choked snicker, trying with all she had not to laugh.

“Sweetie,” said Twilight kindly, “Your cutie mark isn’t a piece of fabric. It’s a flag. A rainbow flag. This means… uh… anyone?” she pleaded, embarrassed.

“It’s a rainbow because…” started Pinkie, but Rarity cut her off.

“I will explain to Sweetie Belle myself! It is my duty. Besides, I want her to learn about the birds and the bees the way a lady should,” interjected Rarity, glaring at Rainbow Dash.

“The birds and the bees?” questioned Sweetie. The other adults chose to ignore her, not wanted to become the target of Rarity’s wrath.

“Applebloom, you notice how you look like you’re about to lick that ‘flower’?” continued Twilight, “That’s because it’s not a flower. It looks a lot like a flower, but it’s actually…”

Rarity covered Sweetie Belle’s ears, “Later, please and thank you!”

“Ok…” Twilight said, her eyebrows raised, “And Scootaloo, you see how Sweetie Belle is on top of you?”

“Yeah?’

“If you look real closely at your cutie mark, you can see she’s not wrestling with you. If you look where her mouth is you can see what she’s doing. Last night, you and Sweetie Belle must have…”

Rarity put her hoof to her forehead, and dramatically fainted. She landed right on top of Fluttershy.

“It means you’re a bottom, Squirt!” cried Rainbow Dash, free to laugh again, “Hey guys, I just called her squirt! I made another joke and I didn’t even mean to! Man, I really should write a book someday.”

“Alright, forget it. Forget it!” screamed Twilight, “If you really want to know what your cutie marks are, ask somepony else!”

She stormed angrily out of the room, leaving an awkward silence. An awkward silence only Pinkie Pie could break.

“Oh, Sweetie Belle, Applebloom, by the way,” she said, “You really missed out. That red cupcake was delicious!”

Pinkie pulled a tray full of red and blue cupcakes out of nowhere and began eating them in a fury. The Cutie Mark Crusaders looked at each other, entirely bewildered, when a knock came at the door. After a second, Applejack, tired yet smiling, let herself in.

“Howdy everypony! What did Ah miss?”


--------------------------------

Real Life Devil's Trumpet Stories

Author's Note:

I was inspired to write this story by a random weed growing in my front flowerbed that doubles as a super-powered hallucinogen, known as the “devil’s trumpet”. Read about the crazy stuff people do on the real Discord’s Trumpet here –

http://www.erowid.org/experiences/subs/exp_Datura.shtml

Comments ( 15 )
aCB

3367057

No, I was right. Rainbow Dash imported her toilette from Prance.

J/K You're right. Thanks for the heads up.

3367234
LOL toilette is the german word for toilet :D

aCB

3369574

Damn. Now I'm going to have to think up a pony pun for Germany. :twilightoops:

It's probably just my depraved sense of humor, but I literally laughed at so many parts of this. Seriously, this is probably the funniest thing I've read in a long time. Good job, man.

aCB

3384593

I know what you mean about the humor. It's kind of an acquired taste. I think a lot of people just didn't know what to think of this story when they read it.
It's really cool that you like it. Thanks a lot!

Why this doesn't have more thumbs, I don't know. The CMC trippin' balls is the funniest idea I've heard all week.

aCB

3399553

Thanks for the compliment, man.
I don't know. Maybe my writing style is off-putting to people, or maybe everyone finds the whole concept overly strange. I think it has to do with marketing, as in my story's not popular, so it will never be popular. You know what I mean?

aCB

3413052

Thanks. It probably took me way longer than it should have to draw that, but I don't really want to try to harass any real artist to work their butt off for a story they would probably never read.

Discord, what would we do without you?

Anyways...

It's interesting that you based their reactions on an actual plant. And you have to like The Matrix and Shining references. But I don't know about the Cutie marks Discord gave them. I mean, he's a trickster for sure, but I don't think he's one to brand someone for life like that. I guess Rarity will have to make them all a dress and tell them to never take them off.

Oh, and for the cover picture, most of us who can't or don't want to take the time to draw their own just use places like Google images or Deviantart to find them. Though make sure you link back to the original place you got the picture if you take that route.

aCB

3447804
Thanks!

I had intended for it to be ambiguous whether or not Discord was actually there or if it was another of Sweetie Belle's hallucinations (she had been thinking about Discord before). I always imagined Discord as being almost unable to keep from sowing chaos, even to the point that he must be chaotic even to his own detriment. (Why not hide the Elements of Harmony in a ditch somewhere, instead of Twilight's library? Because it was a choice that would be chaotic for himself).

I'm glad you liked the story.

aCB

4435886
Thanks! It's a little rough around the edges as this story represents my first foray into writing fiction after a ten year hiatus. I'm glad you enjoyed it!

OMG!!! Poor Big Mac... Rape happy spike is pretty damn traumatizing. The cutie marks... I died:pinkiecrazy::rainbowlaugh:

aCB

4547288
Thanks for reading and commenting! This was kind of my random, wtf story; I guess all of us have at least one. :raritywink:

Dem Kubrick references.

I loved this. Now I want to see some group drug/sex experimentation with the Mane 6.

4549641 This needs a sequel.

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