Seriously?
Seriously?
It was a warm and glorious day. A gentle breeze swept through the peaceful city of Ponyville, while the residents basked in the radiance of the shining sun. The ponies were busy with their menial chores and mundane jobs, and the only dragon in Ponyville was setting up a tent for his planned event.
"Ah what a beautiful day for a meeting. I can't wait to see all my fans," Spike said relaxed. He had a positive outlook on life, especially since he started an official fan club.
The fanclub idea stemmed from Rainbow Dash's popularity with the residents of Ponyville. Even if they all at one point had seemingly abandoned the fanclub, She still had fans. It was something Spike felt he deserved. He was responsible for the entire Crystal Empire being saved.
Twilight walked by and noticed her number one assistant setting the tent up. "Hey, Spike, need any help?" She personally was glad Spike was getting to meet some ponies who admired him. It did worry her that his ego might inflate, but she was going to let him have his moment.
Spike was glad that Twilight and the others had been supportive of his cause. Initially he was worried they would admonish him for wanting some fame since it seemed rather greedy. Surprisingly though, they were all open to the idea and wished him luck with his cause.
Spike, eager to get the show on the road, replied with, "Sure, thanks Twilight."
With Twilight's magic and Spike's instructions, the tent was easily set up. It was a huge tent that would fit potentially 20 ponies. Spike wasn't springing for a bigger tent since he already had to waste a gem to buy it. Twilight had offered to pay but, he felt it was his duty as the celebrity of the event to grace his fans with an amazing setting.
"Well Spike the tent is ready, are you sure you don't want me around? I can tell Pinkie to cancel." Twilight was a little on edge about potential threats infiltrating as fans. She had been reading many books lately that were of espionage thanks to her new reading partner.
"No go on, I will be fine. Plus, you know Pinkie, she gets all crazy when you're late." Spike was glad that Twilight was more relaxed as of late. He knew of Pinkie and Twilight's book readings, and felt she needed some time away from the library.
____________________________________________________________
Spike was waiting in his tent for hours for somepony to show up to no avail. It seemed nopony was going to enter his tent and that made him upset. "For Celestia's sake, why are all my fans late?"
Just then a random pony entered the tent and looked inside. "Is this some sort of cult meeting?"
Spike pointed to the exit and yelled, "Get out!"
The pony fled in terror, after seeing such a horrible visage.
Spike began getting the feeling that nopony appreciated his hard work. It was making him feel depressed. "Well this idea sucked hard. If this idea was a cleaning device it would probably be able to clean carpeted floors."
The pit of his soul felt empty as his tears began leaking. Until suddenly, the sound of an earthquake had ruptured his ears and he began panicking.
____________________________________________________________
The ponies all made way for the approaching behemoth of a stallion. He was grotesquely overweight and his footsteps sunk the ground below him. He was a titan of stallions and with a myriad of health problems seemed as if he was dying just to make it to the tent.
"I'm ...looking... for... Spike," he uttered in between heavy breathing.
The monstrous stallion saw all the ponies in his peripheral point to the tent with fear pouring out of their hearts. One of the ponies ran for his life, though nothing threatening was happening.
____________________________________________________________
Spike curled himself into the fetal position and was crying uncontrollably at the horrific loud sounds and tremors that continued to grow as it seemingly came closer. "Oh crap, I'm going to die and all because I wanted to host this stupid fan meeting."
He saw a looming shadow encompass the tent, and silently said his goodbyes, as the approaching end seemed near.
When the shadow lowered and the tent entrance opened, Spike opened his eyes and saw the most foul looking thing he ever had the displeasure of seeing.
The stallion was so hideous that even changelings in their true forms were Rarity in comparison. The odor the stallion produced was noxious enough to take out a rogue elephant if inhaled directly. The abundance of pimples and moles that had patterned the stallion's body was vomit-inducing. This creature was wearing a shirt that must have been forged by the gods themselves in order to fit the bulky frame of the stallion. On the shirt it said "Spike #1" and even had a picture of the young dragon sleeping.
Spike asked the most obvious question known to all living beings. "What... are you?"
The stallion clapped his hooves together in utter joy and yelled, "I'm your number one fan!"
____________________________________________________________
Rainbow Dash the resident hero of Ponyville was quickly on the move to stop whatever was destroying Ponyville. She had just left Fluttershy's house and made sure she was kept safe away from the potential threat. "Don't worry Shy whatever it is, it's no match for the Dash."
With a quick goodbye it was go time. She flew to the direction in which the disturbance was seemingly escalating, until she smelled the noxious odor that was destroying the air quality faster than she could fly during a Sonic Rainboom. "Oh Celestia... that smells worse than Fluttershy's house."
She couldn't get past the semi permeable barrier of foul stench that was preventing her heroic rescue of Ponyville. Try as she might the intense odor was too much of a force to be broken through. "Darn it, I need a way to get through this awful smell."
____________________________________________________________
Spike was catatonic at the news the behemoth gave him. He only was able to wake up because the creature seemed it was ready to approach with glee. "Wait... if you are my number one fan... then where are the rest?"
The big uneducated and seemingly empty headed stallion scratched his dirty chin wiping away years of grime and lost hope. "What... other... fans?" He gutturally uttered, with his breath smelling of shattered dreams and lost childhoods.
Spike knew he wasn't going to survive another blast of this creature's flaming breath, and he was a dragon. "Alright please stop talking... just ... let me get you an autograph and you can be on your way."
The mentally challenged beast-like stallion got excited and began jumping for joy. Though gravity stifled his attempts and in return the awkward shaking of his obese body caused his mid morning snack to lunge out of his stomach.
Spike was disgusted and with the incredulous situation he was becoming infuriated. "Really? an entire salad bowl? Did you just seriously cough up an entire salad bowl? You couldn't even chew it first?"
The confused stallion was peering at the salad with hunger suddenly welling up. "You going to eat that thing?"
Spike's dumbfounded replied with, "You mean that salad you just spat out? No, I think I will pass." Just as soon as those words left Spike's mouth he regretted it.
The monstrous stallion had lunged at the defenseless assortments of healthy vegetables and slaughtered it, like a wolf would a lamb. It was the most unimaginable display of gluttony that had ever been wrought forth in Spike's life.
____________________________________________________________
Applejack had noticed her trees were starting to wilt and the apples were becoming rotten. It was a farmer's worst nightmare. "Woo wee, what's that awful smell that's destroying my apples?" she asked in panic. She was running around looking for the source of the issue.
When she noticed the air becoming thick with the pungent scent of unwashed stallion it was reminding her of the time Ponyville had drought and Big Mac was unable to wash for days. "Whatever is carrying this scent, it's obvious their hygiene isn't a priority."
She tried fighting through the smell of depressing memories and the scent of being unloved by one's parents. It was overpowering her and she had to retreat. "Darn it, looks like I will have to take Rarity's offer on that spa visit."
____________________________________________________________
Spike used great haste to secure his life by quickly writing out his name on a picture of himself wearing Rainbow Dash's sunglasses. He had asked to borrow them from 'The Dash' and with limitations and rules it was bestowed upon him. "Now all I have to do is give this picture to that ... thing and hopefully it will go away," Spike whispered to himself.
The behemoth like stallion's stomach was growling in hunger, the growl was louder than any Timberwolf's howl or any manticore's roar. It was literally shaking the very foundation of the flimsy structure they were in.
That was the final straw for Spike. "You have got to be kidding me! This is the thanks I get for saving an entire empire? I get this, as reward? You are my fan? No! You want to know what you are? You’re a sad excuse for a pony, the fact you breathe is an offense to all that is right in the world. If you were to die right now, like right now! Nopony would even shed a single tear unless they were in range of your disgusting odor!"
The stallion began crying, but tears couldn't escape his eyes since he had cried them out long ago when he was a colt. "Spike I think you’re so awesome... you're the coolest thing ever... why do you hate me?" He ran off, at the speed of snail, causing tremors along the way.
____________________________________________________________
After the beast left, the town resumed normalcy. Spike had saved the day from the problem he created, and felt as a reward he would just accept the fact he wasn't the popular pony of the group. "Well at least the day couldn't get worse," he said nonchalantly.
Just as he uttered those words a cooler, taller, sleeker looking dragon came into Ponyville. He had easily won the hearts of everypony there without even trying.
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Umm I don't know what to say about this fic it's caused me to cease all thought....it was funny though
I FUCKING LOVED IT!
3362029 The point was to make readers laugh, the ceasing of all thoughts yeah thats an added bonus
3362036 Glad you loved it
now THIS is brilliant!!!
seriously fuck spike, little bastard gives males everywhere a bad name.
3362056 This comment made me die of laughter. For some reason reading this just made me lulz.
I can tell some jimmies are going to be rustled just how badly though? I don't know.
If you seriously took offense to this story than I suggest take a good look at the real world and enjoy what life has to offer. This story is a comedy fic not a hate fic.
spok pls
3362056 3362063 . . . . . .
So, was this meant to be a Spike bashing fic?
3362265 It looked to me as though he was exaggerating his own interpretation of Spike's fans. Were that the case, he would have been so far off the mark that he would've fired into the audience. It's best not to take anything that goes on in his head seriously.
Hahahahahahahaha. I kinda like spike but this depicts his sad life pretty well. I guess spike will never get the love he desires.
3362265
i think it was more an anti lazy fat fanboy fic,as far as my comment .cannon spike is a waste of space now some of the fic spikes like greenfire and louderthan words he is either awesome ( greenfire ) or useful ( louder than words) or epic like schemiring twintel or however the hell thats spelled.
3362128 according to the ratio of likes and dislikes I am going to have to disagree with you. Though you are entitled to your opinion :)
3362265 Not at all unless you want it to be.
Honestly it wasn't a Spike bash fic... just read it again and watch for the subtle nuances.
I feel bad for the guy. And Spike too.
3362284 3362314 *sigh* Fine. *walks away slowly with head bent low*
3362331 You feel bad for him? Well you have more heart than anticipated. I made the most ugliest OC and it's getting love? gotta love the irony.
3362284 Sounds like you got your jimmies rustled.
3362314 Whoa don't go around saying stuff like that DX people might think it's true :P
3362336
man no one can get downvoted comments quite like me.
I love the fact that people who don't get this fic assume it's something it isn't.
I also love how angry people are getting over this story.
The test shows that those who can relate to the OC or Spike's misfortunes are those that are emotionally driven by it.
Those who don't relate to the OC or Spike at all can laugh since it holds no weight on them.
That was a very interesting story. I kind of wanted more, though. The end was so abrupt!
Also, there were a few parts that were dying for commas.
Poor Spike. And poor random OC.
3362336 See? Things go into your head, something completely different comes out.
3362594 Something else comes out of my head? So I didn't think your jimmies got rustled? It was all in my head?
I think you meant "You sire are obviously thinking things that aren't happening."
But by you replying just proves your jimmies are slightly rustled.
3362582 More? it was a silly one shot that was purely for the lulz. Why are people feeling bad for the OC... I thought people hated OC's?
3362708 No, I get it.
I just wonder what happened next and how Spike reacted and and the OC and stuff. But I get the one-shot.
People don't like unbelievable OCs. Some OCs are great!
"Muwahaha! I'm your number one fan!"
"Ah!" *Runs Away*
"But I'm your number one fan."
3362333 I've never liked seeing someone just get thrown around like that. I mean, I know I'm seeing this story from an angle others apparently aren't seeing it from, so I don't think that's how you intended it, I just felt bad for him when he broke down and cried.
Don't get me wrong; I'm actually a big fan of repulsive characters getting comedically shunned... they just have to take it in stride (and yes, I do empathize with them when they get their feelings hurt, which can and does happen). It's when they don't take any of the flak they get seriously and throw out some comebacks that it's funny, in my book; otherwise it just comes off to me as bullying.
To prove my point, here's a video of a character Jamie Foxx played in the early 90s. He played the ugliest woman in the world, a woman so ugly no human male (well, almost no human male) could stand to be in the same room as her. It's how she plays off all the insults she gets that I find funny, and she never gets her feelings hurt in this particular skit; I like a character than can stand up for him/herself.
[youtube=dwn3BfhaBqE]
3362795 Well sorry it stirred such sorrow for the OC honestly this story was just for pure humor as if read without any emotional attachments to the characters it's funny.
Though if you care about the OC it's I guess sad.
But those dislikes I know the source of them.
I liked it, made me laugh and the OC, I like characters of that sort
Poor Spike, will anyone ever like him? NOPE!!!
Too much ego.
What happened with the magic of friendship?