Blitzing Brows

by hawthornbunny

Chapter 1

This story takes place approximately one year after the events of On a Cross and Arrow.

"Ready, Applejack?" Elusive whispered to the earth pony crouched next to him.

To anypony in their immediate proximity, the two stallions were invisible, concealed entirely within a large, leafy bush. Elusive didn't much enjoy hanging out in foliage this way, but it was the best idea either of them could come up with for a way to stay hidden next to the path.

"Ah'm ready," Applejack affirmed gruffly, raising his lasso, "but are you? Ah think ya might be underestimatin' him. Blitz is way stronger than he looks."

"I already think he looks strong," said Elusive.

"Exactly," said Applejack. "Ah can rope him up for ya, sure, but if he fights back things're gonna get ugly fast."

"I'll only need a minute," said Elusive. "Come, Applejack, you believe in my cause, don't you? Have faith! We are doing Ponyville - neigh, Equestria - an enormous favour! I dare say Prince Solaris will immortalise this moment in stained glass forevermore! Once we write him a letter and send him a photograph."

"Wait," said Applejack, squinting down the path. "He's comin'. Ah don't think he suspects nothin'. Go on three."

"Wait, wait, my scarf is caught in some twigs -"

"On three!" Applejack hissed impatiently. "One... two... three!"

Rainbow Blitz had indeed been daydreaming obliviously, working through a complicated flight manoeuvre in his head, and was caught totally by surprise as the two ponies exploded from the bush in a shower of leaves. He jerked reflexively and readied himself for action, his mind kicking into overdrive as he prepared to take on the two assailants...

FOOSH

Elusive's horn lit up like a miniature sun, painfully dazzling the pegasus and making him stagger backward blindly. He yelled as the pair slammed into him, Applejack lifting him off his feet with a lariat takedown and slamming him onto his back. Stars popped in Blitz's eyes as his head thudded against the ground. With the wind knocked out of him, he could only feebly protest as he felt a rope being tightened around all four of his legs.

"Gaaaaah!" Rainbow Blitz yelled angrily as he regained his senses. "What the heck are you playing at? Applejack! Get off me, you moron!"

"Hey now, that ain't nice," said Applejack, tugging the rope tightly with his jaws as he kept Blitz's shoulders pinned. "Come on, Elusive, get to it."

"Don't you... don't you touch... wait..." Blitz's eyes widened. "Get your hooves off me, Elusive!" he yelled, twisting and thrashing against his bonds. Elusive's horn began to glow, but the unicorn squeaked in surprise as Blitz managed to get a wing free and whacked him straight across the face.

Applejack grunted and fell across the pegasus to pin down the thrashing appendage. "Elusive, hurry it up!"

"I know what you're doing!" Blitz shrieked. "I won't let you! My eyebrows are fine! They look cool! They're way more awesome than yours!"

"Blitz, they're an abomination an' they need t' be destroyed fer all our sakes," said Applejack. "Ah'm sorry it had t' come to this."

"Traitors!" Blitz screamed. "Don't do this! Not him! He'll do something horrible and girly to them and I won't be able to go out in public again!"

"Well, there are a surprising number of things I can do with eyebrows," said Elusive. "You'd be surprised at what a tiny application of gem dust can -"

"Consarnit, just give him normal eyebrows already!" Applejack fumed, the earth pony sweating with the effort of keeping Blitz subdued.

"Here goes!" said Elusive, his horn glowing once more. The blue glow enveloped Blitz's head, the pegasus's violet eyes wide in fear. His slender lightning-bolt-shaped brows began to spark and crackle as if they really were electric, the unicorn's delicate magic working into every strand and pore to reshape the unsightly features. The jagged edges crumpled, the lightning zigzags turning into airy wisps before they began to follow a more normal curve, following the contours of Blitz's forehead. Elusive gently feathered the edges so that they weren't so stark and intrusive, the pegasus groaning throughout the whole process.

"That'll do," said Applejack after a minute. "Looks perfect."

"Wait wait, one second, I just want to make one final change... there!" Elusive said. "All done!"

Applejack carefully disengaged himself from the pegasus, who laid there moaning like a sick bird, and untied the rope, coiling it back into a roll. They both stood over Blitz to examine their efforts. "That's so much better," said Applejack. "Blitz, ya can stop bein' a wuss now. We're done."

"I hate you," hissed Blitz, his eyes closed. "Next time you fall off a cloud, Elusive, I'm not saving you. You can go splat for all I care."

"Oh, Rainbow, I'm sorry we had to force it on you," said Elusive. "It's for the best, I assure you! You simply don't understand the kind of effect your eyebrows were having. They were wrong, catastrophically wrong, a crime not just against fabulosity but against the very laws of time and space itself!"

Applejack tilted his head. "Say what now? Ah just thought they looked ugly as sin."

"Well... I'm sure that's how Dusk would have put it, had I asked him," said Elusive. "They were truly disharmonious! An island of unearthly horror in a sea of prismatic beauty! As a student of aesthetics and a conscientious friend, I could not allow this to go uncorrected. Who knows what horrors could be borne of such discord?"

"That is the biggest load of crap I've ever heard," said Blitz, rolling to his hooves and fanning his wings angrily, before feeling his eyebrows with a hoof. "You could at least have brought a mirr-"

"Here you are!" said Elusive, producing an square mirror from nowhere and levitating it in front of Blitz's face. "At Applejack's insistence I went for something simple, but at the last minute, a marvellous i-dea! struck me. Notice the subtle blue tint?"

"I said no girly stuff!" Blitz growled at his reflection. "It's fine. I love it. Don't touch me again."

"It blends so well with your coat," said Elusive, with a sweeping motion toward Blitz's flank. "And that's only the beginning! I also used some magic to -"

"You know what's worse than being betrayed by your supposed friends? Having to listen to this," said Blitz, rolling his eyes and pushing the mirror away. "I am outta here." He shot an extremely ugly look at Applejack and leapt into the air, zooming off in a rainbow blur.

"Ah feel kinda bad now," said Applejack. "Was all that stuff about time and space and whatnot true, or were ya just blatherin'?"

"Well, I may have been a little dramatic," said Elusive. "But I stand by what I said. Is harmony not for what we all stand? If we do not look the part, how can we be the part?"

"Ah guess..." said Applejack sadly. "Ain't why Ah did it, though. Ah jus' hated them eyebrows." He sighed. "Am Ah bein' too selfish? Ah mean, Ah'm sure Ah wouldn't like it if say somepony took mah hat away from me jus' 'cause they didn't like it."

"Trust me, Applejack," said Elusive, placing a reassuring hoof on the earth pony's shoulder. "Trust a designer. This was a special case. Besides, I think Blitz will enjoy my little surprise."

"Surprise?" said Applejack, looking puzzled. "What'd you do?"

Comments

[Smirkythread]

"It blends so well with your coat," said Elusive, with a sweeping motion toward Blitz's flank.

I hate to get into stereotypes but if he's not gay in this story then I'll eat my.........well damn, I don't own any hats.

[hawthornbunny]

3361492

Elusive isn't gay. Didn't you read On a Cross and Arrow? ^_^

[Brasta Septim]

3361498 Rarity's canonically straight, yet she's been mare-shipped more times than I can count. It's Fanfiction- sexuality changes by story and according to writer's headcanon.

[Loeden]

I'll bet the carpet matches the drapes now. Elusive, you scoundrel!