Find out why it's cancelled here!
Fawful returns and splits a void between the Mushroom kingdom and Equestria, searching for the Infastar! so Mario, Luigi, Twilight, Starlow, and Discord must work together to stop Fawful, save the mane six, and stop the worlds from colliding forever!
Cover photo done by yours truly, and I apologize for the atrocious quality, it's the only way I could get it on the site.
Also, this story might contain spoilers for the Mario and Luigi games. Mostly with the music I'll be linking. So be warned.
"I, Fawful...Will return..."
"Maybe I can help..."
"Who are you?!"
"I am, The Dark Star...I still reside within you, ya know..."
"Wait...so you can revive Fawful?"
"Yes...but you must do this one thing..."
(Rated teen for mild swearing, violence, alcohol usage, inappropriate jokes, mention of torture, and people die!)
(If you favorite, could you maybe like because it helps my views a little, which means a lot to me. You really don't have to but it would be awesome of you. Thanks.)
You are going way to fast slow down a bit. But i will read this story again when you done somthing about it
You had my attention at fawful aka the best Mario villain
Not bad, but I would recommend finding an editor. The grammar and spelling is a bit off at parts. I could help with grammar and spelling if you want. That's my specialty!
3399767 I would love that
QUIT MAKEING THE CHAPTERS SO SHORT!
I'm Sorry...It wont happen again.
I have a music perfect for this fic. Here
this is possibly the best fic ever...
whens the next chapter?
I don't know...It'll be near Christmas though...I promise
i hope so
well I'm glad you guys like it
I actually wish this came out better
yeah...I can't wait for the next chapter...I love the giant battle, that's just brilliant. you just got you're self a follower
I'm sick of WAITING!!!!!!!!!
don't worry, I've almost finished it. I'm just on writers block
i love this story SO much
3563661 thanks
our welcome
lol forgot the "y" in the your welcome
This is your first fan fiction, so let me start off with the problems.
1) You started out with Mario in Equestria instead of a fight with Fawful. I think that would have been a great way to add length to the prologue.
2) You are most certainly right; you need to work on grammar. I can't get past some of the sentence fragments, and you put a period and a lowercase word. Like 'When I found out about the problem. he tried to kill me. but I would have none of that.' Try working on the grammar a little bit; if you need a proofreader, pm me and I'll see what I can do.
3) Also, the one-liners aren't helping much. If Mario continues talking, don't put the rest of the dialogue in a separate paragraph and add a 'Mario said'. Instead, just add dialogue after the first time you put 'Mario replied'. This is what you do:
This is how it should be set up:
It makes a big difference, and it saves a few words. Always be careful when dealing with dialogue.
It's no big deal though; I'm a beginner at writing fan fiction too.
I'll be glad to be your proofreader.
I give up; the grammar... it's too horrible. I tried to read, but I couldn't get past the grammar.
3739517 Just so you know, the recent Chapters I'm getting really good with the grammer. And thanks for the offer, But I already have a proofreader Didn't you see in the description? Proof read by KaTiXEvOlVeD
And...did you even real all the chapters before Saying it's so bad? And I admit, it does have a pretty bumpy start. but it gets better, Especially What I'm writing Before I publish the chapters!
Short Description
Oh god... My grammar nazi-ism... NEIN! NEIN NEIN NEIN NEIN NEIN NEIN
Continue tis story please.
What happened to the Mane Six?
6346972 Wait for the next chapter and find out!
Finally, you updated!
6117721 This is perfect!
The one thing that urks me the most in fanfics that most people introduced Discord by calling him the "God/Lord" of Chaos despite never once has been his given title in the series.
6353339 actually, I think you're right! What should he say then?
6353346
Simply, "the Spirit of Chaos" as Discord is known for. Even though Discord was reformed he is still the Spirit of Chaos and Disharmony.
6353786 alright, I'll go ahead and change that!
6353808
Your story is good, but its....needs work. Too many grammar errors and the pacing of the story could be a little slower, but it is okay so far.
Whatever happened to your proof reader?
6353862 I don't know. when I started having him proofread he said he'd be busy, I expected him to be slow but I gave him a chapter to proofread and never got it back, and he won't respond to me at all...so I don't know...
6353862 and yes I do agree the pacing could be a little slower, but I'm trying to get better and I feel like I'm on the right track
I'll try to go a little slower from now on!
I'm kinda surprised that neither of the Bros remembered Dimentio.
Also, it would have been nice to give a brief description on what Bowser looks like when he got mutated.
6404513 The description is for the next chapter. And they don't remember Dimentio because it's pretty much been confirmed that Paper Mario is in a different Mario universe entirely. The Mario bros for this world have never met him, but the Paper Mario Bros Have!
6404557
We don't know that for certain. Between the Mario & Luigi and Paper Mario series there have been a small number of minor references and major appearances with characters from my knowledge (Goomboss/Goomba King and the Star Spirits we're originally from Paper Mario, but they appeared in the 3D games, for example).
Who's to say there isn't a paper version of every Mario Character?
I theorized, until the game comes out for confirmation, that the Paper Universe is base on the 3D Mushroom Universe in a completely different time frame and manner. Its a parody on the 3D Universe in a form of a story that works as an actual living reality in the Paper Universe.
Maybe the events in "Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door" happened in a different way without the use of crafty paper usages in the 3D Universe. Perhaps "Superstar Saga" did happened in the Paper Universe, but since it was already done in the 3D we can just imagine what a paper version would have been like in its own scenario.
It's your story man, you can do what you want. I'm just saying don't label the individual series as non-canon, at least not until the game comes out. But then again, the Super Mario franchise runs on negative continuity so there's really nothing non-canon about it.
...excpet for Dr. Mario. Miyamoto pretty much stated that's the only series that's not canon.
6404787 I never actually thought of it that way. On a side note I never said Paper Mario wasn't canon, I pretty much meant that Paper Mario is on a different dimensional plane internally!
Sorry, I just have trouble wording thins correctly
6404811
. That was my mistake, but at least you learned something from my rambling, so its a win-win! 
No, actually, that was my bad. I reread your replied a few times and I was understand a different mindset
Ooh, a Mario and Luigi+MLP Crossover. All the nintendo-related crossovers I have on my watch later list somehow became either inactive or have gone on hiatus until who knows how long...
6404787
6404557
Oooh! A Nintendo-related debate! Finally, something I can throw my two cents in without sounding like a total idiot! (Even though it's probably not even my place to butt in on something that's not my business...
)
The Paper Mario series, as far as I can tell, is a different universe apart from the Mario and Luigi series.
I actually have nothing to say against this.
THIS. However, I do have something to say about.
To be fair, the only time I've seen the star spirits appear outside of Paper Mario is in the Mario Party series. (I think they appeared in... MP5?) While it's possible there's a paper version of every Mario character, and vice versa, the only appearances the Paper Mario characters made in other games is either in minor games, or the characters themselves were minor. (Looking at you, Goomba King.)
I mean, heck, Petey Piranha from Mario Sunshine was a playable character in Mario Kart: Double Dash!
While we don't know a whole lot about the new "Mario and Luigi: Paper Jam", we do know that Princess Peach has a book of Paper Mario's adventures, although, this isn't exactly true confirmation that they aren't one in the same.
If that's the case, then we also can't count all the paper jokes/references each game in the series makes. (e.g: Sticker Star literally has Paper Mario using a book with stickers to attack, as well as peeling the stickers off of the papery world.)
And yes, the Paper Universe could be based on the actual Mushroom Kingdom.
Except there are a few things that clash with this.
From what I understand, this started due to the lack of the Mario Bros. not remembering Dimentio. I'll get to that later, but let me just pick on a few differences between both the Mario and Luigi Series and the Paper Mario series, as the story seems to be based on M&L.
Paper Luigi, for starters, wants to help Paper Mario on his adventures, yet, doesn't. And the one time we see he's having an adventure of his own, (Paper Mario: Thousand Year Door) he seems to handle it pretty well.
Luigi is always at Mario's side in the Mario and Luigi series, even when times get rough, he's there to help back him up. While Paper Luigi seems to be brushed aside, letting Paper Mario take all the credit.
Sticker Star. That's it. How would this story be re-created in the actual Mushroom Kingdom, if the Paper Universe is based on it?
Super Paper Mario, while it being a 2D Platformer/RPG, also holds a few clashes with the Mushroom Kingdom.
Let's ignore the fact that the game makes references to the player, and jump straight to the "Flipping from 2D to 3D" thing. Yeah, Mario has been in 2D platformers and 3D platformers. But most of the things you normally couldn't see without flipping are because the world is paper-like. You could argue that since they're in 2D, they can't see 3D objects, but that also clashes with certain objects in the game that can be seen in BOTH 2D and 3D.
Also Luigi's "super jump" by holding down, which basically squeezes him. Then again, that's a paper reference...
Then why not argue that Super Paper Mario isn't canon?
Because then, this story would make sense in having the bros not remembering Dimentio.
And Goombas can talk in the Paper Universe, as seen in Mario and Luigi: Paper Jam's trailer...
Sh*t. I didn't notice this post until after I finished writing my wall of text.
Ah well. I already finished writing this thing, and it'd be a waste not to post it... Now everyone got to learn something. (win-win-win?
)
6412497 But hey, that's just a theory...a GAME THEORY! Thanks for reading!
(Seriously though, this did melt my mind!)
6412685 At least my wall of text wasn't useless.
I could've written it better, though. Oh well.
I actually haven't gotten to read your story, so I can't comment on it just yet. But I'll post some feedback whenever I have time to check it out. Just know it's on my "read later" bookshelf.
6412718 Alright! I'm gonna warn you though: the first seven chapters suck! I'm actually planning on re-writing them soon!
I'm just going to assume Bowser turned semi-giga since its pretty much how you can basically describe his form.
Welp, Cadence snapped Peach's neck and killed her. Story's over, folks. You can all go home.
Just kidding, but it's amusing to think that a Pony of that size and weight would be a bit heavy on the neck.
And also:
s3.amazonaws.com/static.carthrottle.com/workspace/uploads/memes/6106868-54f4509996f1d.jpg
Princess Peach knew Cadence for 20 years? Either both of them were so OP as a children or Peach along with Mario gang are in their 40's.
Anyways, I'm liking the improvement on this chapter. There's less spelling errors and grammar itself is a lot better.
6424104 Thanks!
and about it being 20 years ago, I wanted it to be far enough in the past for the Infastars to be old, but not too long!
I like it, but it needs more Dicks!
6452116 Um..yeah. That won't be happening!
Damn Trolls...
Hey, you don't have to answer if you don't want to but...Was Dimentio lying?