• Published 16th Oct 2013
  • 4,709 Views, 45 Comments

Twilight's Strange New Illness - kyulen742



Twilight Sparkle is experiencing some strange new symptoms around one of her friends.

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12
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Chapter the Onlyth

It was a bright, sunny morning in Ponyville. The birds chirped cheerfully and there wasn't a cloud in the sky. Twilight Sparkle was too lost in thought to notice the nice weather as she trotted through the streets of Ponyville, a worried look on her face. She reached the door to Carousel Boutique and opened it. Rarity, busy working on a new outfit, didn't see her come in. Twilight called out, "Rarity, I'm sorry to bother you, but I need your help with a problem I've been having."

Rarity turned her head in surprise. "Twilight, I am always happy to help a friend," she replied. "What is troubling you?"

"Well, I think I might be coming down with a new illness," said Twilight. "It has to be something new, because I've searched through the entire section of medical literature and found nothing that matched my symptoms."

Rarity frowned in worry, then took a few steps back. "It's not contagious, is it? Are you sure you should be traveling around town when you're sick?"

Twilight shook her head and smiled reassuringly. "As far as I can tell, it's not spreading to anypony else," she answered. "And the symptoms are not like any illness I've ever heard of before." Twilight levitated a clipboard with her magic and started reading from it. "I made a list of them. Elevated heart rate, redness in my face, difficulty speaking coherently, difficulty concentrating on what I'm doing," she recited. "The strange thing about these symptoms is that they only happen when I'm near or thinking about Fluttershy. I can't have developed an allergy to her, right?" Twilight asked, brows furrowed in confusion.

Rarity's eyes widened upon hearing that last point of Twilight's list. "Oh my. I think I know why you've been unsuccessful finding information about this in your library, Twilight," she said with a grin. "You should be looking in the romance section."

Twilight looked even more baffled. "What? The romance section? How can I find help for a new disease from there?"

"Well, I don't think what you're dealing with is a disease, darling," said Rarity. "It sounds to me like you have a crush on Fluttershy."

Twilight's jaw dropped. "I, uh, buh..." she managed. She scanned the list of symptoms again and thought back to when they had first appeared. Two weeks ago, Fluttershy had visited the library. She had picked up a book on bats, and hugged Twilight before leaving. Every time she had been around or even thought about Fluttershy since then she'd noticed those odd feelings. Twilight blushed. "I think I'd better get back to the library and do some research on love and romance," Twilight said, half to herself. She hurried outside and down the street. She left so abruptly that she didn't hear Rarity calling after her, "Twilight, come back! I can help you set up the perfect date!"


***** ***** ***** ***** *****


Early in the afternoon, Rainbow Dash opened the door to the Ponyville library to see Twilight Sparkle surrounded by a huge mess of books on floor. Twilight was too busy reading at least five books at once to notice her come in, so Rainbow said, "Hey Twilight! I'm looking for some books on the Wonderbolts."

Twilight jerked her head around in surprise. "What? Oh, all the books on the Wonderbolts are on that shelf, I think." Twilight pointed to a shelf on Rainbow's right. She went back to reading her books.

"Whatcha reading, Twilight?" ask Rainbow Dash. She glanced at the titles of the books in front of Twilight. "Romance for Dummies. Dating 101: All You've Ever Wanted to Know About Dating (But Were Afraid to Ask)," Rainbow read.

"I have a crush on, um, somepony, but I'm not sure what's the best method of telling her how I feel," replied Twilight. "One book suggests I ask my crush out on a date, another says I should just tell my feelings without asking her out, and a third book says both are equally good strategies. It's all very confusing, especially since I only realized I had a crush on this pony earlier today."

Rainbow smirked. "Her? Who's the lucky mare, Twilight?"

Twilight sighed. "If you promise not to tell anyone-"

"I promise," Rainbow said.

"Or laugh," Twilight finished.

"I'll try not to. Just tell me who she is," said Rainbow impatiently.

Twilight sighed. "Alright, it's Fluttershy. I have a crush on Fluttershy," she muttered.

Rainbow shook her head. "Come on Twilight, you thought I'd laugh at that? I'm your friend," Rainbow said.

"I know, I'm being silly, but I'm worried," Twilight said, pacing. "What if I tell her and she doesn't feel the same way? What if telling Fluttershy about my feelings tears apart our entire group of friends?" Rainbow groaned and put her hoof to her face as Twilight continued. "Okay, maybe that's a little extreme, but-"

"A little?" Rainbow interjected. "I think our friendships are stronger than that, Twilight."

"Okay, so I should focus on the main problem at hoof," Twilight muttered. She turned back to the books in front of her and rubbed her chin with a hoof. "How do I let Fluttershy know I'm interested in her? Would she prefer a more direct approach or..." She carried on talking and flipping through reference guides as Rainbow rolled her eyes and scanned the shelf of Wonderbolts books. Rainbow thought she heard something over the sound of Twilight's rambling. She looked away from the bookshelf and glanced around the room. The library door was open, and a pink-maned, yellow pegasus was standing in the doorway.

"Twilight," Rainbow warned, but Twilight wasn't listening.

"...but if directly asking Fluttershy on a date scares her off, then maybe I should just tell her my feelings, and-" Twilight looked up from her books. "Did you say something, Rainbow?" Rainbow Dash pointed a hoof at the open door, and a blushing Fluttershy.

"Oh horseapples," Twilight said, and dropped all the books she was levitating. Fluttershy blushed even more, then grinned sheepishly.

"Twilight, um, I'd be happy to go on a date with you," Fluttershy said. "If that's okay with you, I mean, if you're not too busy or-"

"YES!" Twilight yelled. Fluttershy jumped and fell over at the loud sound. "Hehe, sorry," Twilight muttered, blushing furiously. Fluttershy got up, walked over to Twilight and put a wing over her.

"Well, I think I've found what I was looking for," Rainbow Dash said, taking a book off the shelf and heading for the door. "I'll leave you two lovebirds alone." She grinned and flew outside, closing the door behind her.

"If you don't mind my asking Twilight, how long have you felt this way toward me?" asked Fluttershy.

"About two weeks I guess, but it took me until today to realize that love was what I was feeling," replied Twilight. She chuckled. "If I hadn't gone to Rarity for help, I still wouldn't have realized it."

"Rarity helped you? Oh, that explains why she told me to go see you in the library when I stopped by her shop earlier," Fluttershy said. "She's the one I confided in when I figured out that I had a crush on you a few months ago. She suggested I visit the library more often until I worked up the courage to ask you out."

Twilight smiled. "Well, it looks like her playing matchmaker with us has paid off. So, I know it's short notice, but would it be okay if we have our date tonight?"

"Oh, that would be wonderful," said Fluttershy, hovering above the floor happily.

Comments ( 44 )

Cute. I don't think Fluttershy would be that forward, but still cute.

"Twilight, come back! I can help you set up the perfect date!"

:rainbowlaugh: No seriously, that's not a good idea.

I didn't expect this to be approved so fast. Wow. :pinkiegasp:
This is my first story. If you think it's terrible, please be specific about any problems you had with it. I'd like to improve my writing skills.

3357231 I was worried about that part, but I figured Fluttershy would be more likely to act on her feelings if she got confirmation that Twilight felt the same way.

3357425 Oh its fine really, I'm no literary critic. Its a cute little story and should be enjoyed on its merits.

Cute, but very rushed. Your technical skill is fine, but you should work on your storytelling.

Edit: To clarify, this is actually pretty good for a first try. I can see what you were going for. You just didn't make the most of your conflicts.

Could elaborate a bit more, but I enjoyed it.

3357818>>3357751 Thanks. I do tend to be laconic in my writing. I'll have to work on that in the future.

3357846 Also, The beginning of this story reminded me this one. Experiments.

3357869 Yeah, I can see the similarity. I based Twilight's obliviousness to her feelings on my own experiences. I tend to be unaware that I have a crush on someone until I stop and think about it. :twilightsheepish:

Yay! More TwiShy! We don't have enough of this ship :twilightsmile:

I say that because unlike some OTHER ponies Twilight has been shipped with, Fluttershy is an excellent match for her, personality-wise :rainbowhuh::trixieshiftright:

Cute little story, and having Fluttershy walk in right in the middle of Twilight's ramblings, and then have that NOT turn out to be a coincidence, was a nice touch. Go Rarity! :raritywink:

Nice job for a first try. Very solid, has potential, but improvements can always be made.

The pacing is a little too quick, but other than that, this is so sweet!

Yay! :twilightsmile: :heart: :yay:

3357846

"Laconic" isn't quite the word I'd use. Brevity isn't a bad thing for a writer, but without a decent plot the story is nothing. (Literally.)

Seen this type of story before, but I liked some of your personal touches. Like Fluttershy walking into the library with Twilight talking aloud about her feelings.

3357425
Well, one thing is the book titles. You underline them if you are writing it with a utensil, but online, you italicize.

A new twishy story? HOLD EVERYTHING! *Reads*

*Later* That was cute and sweet at once. Could have been a bit longer, but then if that is the way you planned it then that's fine. Did like the moment Fluttershy strolled in to Twilight's rambling; never seen that happen before. Good job for your first story :twilightsmile:

Pacing is the only thing wrong here, but this is the best TwiShy story I've read so far, so here's a mustache!:moustache::heart::heart::heart::heart::heart::pinkiehappy::yay:

3374590 Thanks. :twilightblush: I'm a new writer and this is my first story, so it's probably not the best TwiShy story on this site.

It's a short but cute story. And since I've already read it once, I just needed to do a quick skim to remind myself of the details before getting it approved for the Library.
tinyurl.com/mbho6go

(Just one suggestion, though: when you mention book titles in your text, italics look better than underlining.)

3376644 Thanks. :twilightsmile: Also, I edited it so the book titles are now in italics instead of underlined.

Short and sweet, I liked it :twilightsmile:

Quite a nice short read, perfect for satisfying my Twishy feels :yay::twilightsmile:
Oh, and this?

Twilight sighed. "Alright, it's Fluttershy. I have a crush on Fluttershy," she muttered.
Rainbow shook her head. "Come on Twilight, you thought I'd laugh at that? I'm your friend," Rainbow said.

PERFECTION
Perfection, my fellow shipper. Loved that bit.

3429612 I'm glad you liked it. :twilightsmile:

I'm glad so many people liked this story. I wasn't expecting this from my first story. There are so many stories on this site that are better than mine. :yay:

Short, sweet, and adorable. Normally I like a bit of conflict, but this story was just too cute.

Solid idea, but the pacing makes me feel like I'm runnin a marathon. Also, while they are, arguably, in character the rushed feel of the story quickly takes everyone out of character.
The dialogue has the idea of them, but only just. There's a whole bit of exposition that's just left to "Welp, I like Fluttershy."
More than once!
In the future, remember to take your time. Show me what's going on. You obviously have stories to tell, so tell them! Don't just sum it up!

This is the best TwiliShy/FlutterSparkle (I don't know what to call it)story i'v ever seen. keep up the amzing work!:twilightsmile:

3676488 Thanks, but I'm sure it's not the best TwiShy story on this site. :twilightblush:
I am planning to write another story, and it might be a sequel to this one, if I can stop procrastinating. :derpytongue2:

Really good story line, only one reason why i wont fav (i will like though) and thats because i just perfer twidash stories over twilight x fluttershy stories (mixing there names does not even sound right!) but cheers to your future fan fic! :rainbowkiss:

Comment posted by deepsleep64 deleted Jan 4th, 2014

It had a nice sort of sweet... How do I call it... Innocence about it.

It was rather well written for a first fic, I guess, but it could with a little more depth.

Good luck with your future stories and thank you for writing this one.
:moustache:

Adorable fic. Short, sweet, and I loved the innocent feel about it.

>>ABronyJohn
Omg that avatar just love it
Says my little pony through megaphone at school 500 new bronies ftw

Oh dear lord rarity thinking of replacing cadence are u cuz i think u could

Good job there keulan, was your first fanfic tough? Well, keep up the good work, oh and can you please make another chapter. You don't have to, ya know.

4603223 It wasn't hard, but not really easy either, I guess. I worked on this story for 3 or 4 weeks, until I felt it was decent enough to submit it for approval. I wasn't expecting this many people to like it. :twilightblush:

Sorry, I intended this story to be a single-chapter one-shot, so I won't be writing more chapters. I've been thinking of writing a sequel to it, but I tend to procrastinate so you might not see that for a while. :applejackunsure:

4605567 SEQUALZ FOR DAYZ!!!

I. WANT. A. SEQUEL! :flutterrage: Um i-if that is ok with you that is :fluttershysad:
Good work on this one and i relay liked it, then again i like all TwiShy. And another plus because you captured the characters relay well, but a minus because due to the phasing they kind of all out of character.
I'll give this one a 9/10 The only thing that is keeping that 10/10 from you is the phasing, it's a bit to fast, but everything else was great for a first attempt, hell you did better then my first attempt.
Yes that was very shameless promotion of me sorry
~Tobben

6238562 I'm glad you enjoyed it. It was a bit too fast paced I suppose. That's something I'll have to work on if I can stop procrastinating long enough to write another story. :twilightsmile:

6238888
Yea procrastination makes fools of us all. I wish you good luck in the future anyways.
~Tobben

This story does show its age quite a bit now; it's a shame you never published anything else. Twilight seems oddly dense at times, while Dash feels too sensible -- especially for 2013. Rarity's characterisation is much better, though, and is easily the most convincing. A shame the ending doesn't ring true.

7746633 I wrote this story between seasons 3 and 4, and it's actually set before Twilight became a princess, so yeah, it's very dated now. I meant to write more stories, and I even typed up a few ideas for stories in the months after I published this. I procrastinate a lot, so I never really got around to writing anything else, and now I don't really have time to write stories anyway. Maybe someday I'll write another story, but don't expect it anytime soon.

I don't expect any Mane Six ships to ever become canon, though TwiShy is one of my favorites because it's such an adorable ship. :twilightsmile:

Well shit that was cut dry print and done.... a Drive by shipping if you were

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