• Published 16th Oct 2013
  • 7,099 Views, 107 Comments

Pinkie Pie's Secret - TheLoveless



Pinkie Pie wakes up Spike in the middle of the night to tell him something, something he isn’t even allowed tell Twilight. What could it possibly be?

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How to Wake A Baby Dragon


"Hey, Spike…Spike...Ssssssppppikeeeeeeeee…wake up, Spike!” Pinkie Pie poked Spike’s little button nose. "Wake up; I need to tell you something, Spike!” She poked him once more. "If you won't get up willingly, I’ll make you get up!” The pink mare grabbed Spike’s cheeks and began to move them around, squashing his scaly face between her hooves. "Get up, silly!”

Eventually, Spike woke to an overly happy pony smiling and messing with his cheeks. “What do you want, Pinkie? It’s one o’clock in the morning. How the heck did you even get in? Twilight always triple-checks the locks before bed.” He swatted at Pinkie’s hooves, saving his face from the pink pony’s attack.

“I need to tell you something! Something important!” Pinkie ignored Spike’s question about how she entered the treehouse, leaving Spike to simply chalk it down to ninja skills. She obediently stopped playing with Spike’s cheeks, and moved on to poking his nose with every word. “I need you to come with me. I have to tell you in secret.” She looked up at Twilight’s bed, making sure the unicorn was still asleep. Surely enough, she was still snoring away, seemingly reciting the first 50 places of pi in her sleep. “Can you come? It won't be too long. Please!” She gave her signature Pinkie Pie smile, and peered down at Spike until he answered.

“Fine, Pinkie, but once you’re done can I go back to bed?”

“Yeppity, yep, yeppers!” Pinkie sprung up off of the floor and to a window, launching herself out of it and landing in a bush. Spike just opened the door and walked with Pinkie, shaking his head at her antics.

“Pinkie, where are you taking me? If Twilight wakes up and I’m not there, she’ll probably set up a search party!” Spike huffed in annoyance as he had to jog lightly to keep up with Pinkie’s incessant bouncing, nearly tripping over a few rocks under in the low light of Luna’s moon. Pinkie simply giggled and sped up her springing along, turning back to look at Spike, to make sure he was still following.

“It’s not too far, now! By the way, I like your PJs, Spikey!” Spike glanced down at his bright blue pajamas, the pattern of sapphires stitched into them.

“Thanks, Pinkie. Rarity made them for me, as a reward for helping her dig for gems.”

After a few minutes of walking along, Pinkie stopped and dragged Spike into a house, too dark to see properly.
"Pinkie, can’t you just tell me already? I want to go to bed,” A particularly low grumbling in his voice emerged.

Pinkie Pie turned on the lights to reveal a light pink room with only a door, a set of chairs, and a lamp. “Okay, I can tell you now.” Pinkie plopped down into one of the chairs, the springs creaking in slight protest as the plumpish, pink party pony bounced in it. "Spike, you can sit over there.” Her hoof guided Spike to a large chair that looked like it could seat Princess Celestia herself.

As instructed, he sat, making himself comfortable in the strangely large chair. “Okay Pinkie, is there any reason why Twilight can’t know about this?”

Pinkie had an eager look on her face, her normal, hyperactive excitement dying down, leaving her calmer, yet still overzealous. “Yes. There is one reason...Spike, can you keep this a secret? Even from Twilight?” She stared intensely at Spike, who gazed back warily. Both hoping they wouldn't have to make a Pinkie Pie Promise.

Spike sighed grumpily. “Yes, Pinkie, I’ll keep it a secret. Now just tell me already! I wanna know!”
"Spike, I think…I love you.” Pinkie buried her face in her hooves in embarrassment, hiding it from view. “Do you…y’know…love me, too?” Pinkie closed her eyes tightly, hoping for the best.

Spike suddenly whispered into Pinkie’s ear, making her jump a bit. "Pinkie…I can’t say no to you.” Spike wrapped his arms around her and gave the mare the hug she always deserved, one full of love and compassion. “I do love you Pinkie, almost more than I love gemstones. And you know how much I love gemstones.”

Pinkie giggled at Spike’s cheeky attitude and returned the hug, lifting Spike up. “I’m glad you do, Spike. I’ve been holding it in since you came to Ponyville.” Pinkie walked to the other chair and sat with Spike next to her. "Spikey Wikey, you deserve this.” Pinkie kissed Spike’s cheek and hugged him even tighter.

Spike, not used to being kissed, blushed and tried to hide his face behind his claws. “That’s so sweet of you, Pinkie!” He rubbed his cheeks against Pinkie’s foreleg, hoping his blush would go away, but it didn't. “I’d love it if I could hug you forever, but it just can’t be done.”

"Oh Spike, I will never stop hugging you.“ She kissed him once more, and hugged him even tighter than she hugged any other pony, even the Cake twins. “You're just too cute when you’re blushing! I might just keep kissing you forever, too!” Pinkie let out a giggle at her ridiculous idea. Spike didn’t seem to mind, and nopony could stop her.

Spike looked up at Pinkie as she resumed pecking at his scaly face, giggling as well. “Um, Pinkie?”

“Yes, Spike?”

His blush worsened, but made him even cuter in Pinkie’s eyes. “Would it be okay, if… I, you know, kissed you? Pretty please?” He widened his eyes, and gave Pinkie his best puppy-dog face, with sparkling eyes, and a little pouty face.

Nopony, not even Discord, could resist such a cute face and the word ‘please’. "Awww, you’re so cute!” Pinkie’s excitement had taken over her peace of mind. “Of course you can!” Pinkie turned her cheek to Spike, eager for him to reciprocate her affections. “Go ahead, I won't bite. Unless you’re a muffin, or a donut, or, ooh, ooh, a great big cupcake! But you’re just a little baby dragon, not a big ol’ pastry.”

“Um, okay Pinkie.” Moments later Spike pressed his lips against Pinkie’s cheek, surprisingly she hugged him once more, and lost it. She was throwing herself around and rolling in the chair with Spike. "Are you okay, Pinkie? Your face is really pink. Oh, well, pinker than usual.” Spike prodded Pinkie’s face, feeling the squishy softness of her cheeks..

Pinkie pulled Spike onto her belly and hugged his neck. “I’m okay! I just got so excited!” Without any other warnings, Pinkie kissed Spike, but not on the cheek this time, she had kissed him on his lips, hoping she wouldn't be stopped.

Spike just leaned into Pinkie and followed, embracing the kiss. He reached around Pinkie and hugged her one last time for that night, before pulling away. Pinkie, sad and unhappy, grabbed Spike once more, and squeezed him. “Just remember, Spike, I’m always going to be here for you.” She kissed his cheek once more as he walked out and back to the treehouse library.

Spike walked halfway before realizing what had happened, his face reddening again. “Some day Pinkie, I will hug you forever.”

Pinkie on the other hand, had different plans. “Soon Spike, I will get you… but for now,” She hit the light switch and closed the door to her pink shed. “This was the best night ever, if only you were older, Spike. I’ll give you a year or two.”

Author's Note:

This story, id bound to get hated!. or i think it is.

i hope you enjoyed. constructive comments will be appreciated. :yay:

Comments ( 106 )

Hmm...This should be developed a LOT more, I think--there's a lot of story between friendship and romance, and nothing develops that suddenly. Certainly, Spike's crush on Rarity would interfere, as would Pinkie's cluelessness. With that said, I do like what you did here, and expect to see more awesome stuff!

images.wikia.com/theevilliouschronicles/images/8/8a/Meme-well-that-escalated-quickly.jpg

I think you REALLY rushed this. The beginning was fine, but just about everything after their walk to the house went WAY too fast.

This wasn't too bad; or at least the idea wasn't. Your execution leaves a lot to be desired.

Problem 1: The story is extremely rushed.
This is probably the most serious problem with your fic. Too much happens in too short a time (or at least in too few words). Like 3355773 said, it started off fine, but as soon as Pinkie told Spike she loved him, everything that follows is a blur. I'd recommend adding a lot more detail to everything. I think this could probably be stretched out to 5000 words or more, and it would be a lot better.

Problem 2: The story is much too convenient.
Like 3355734 said, the whole part where Spike suddenly is like "OMG I love you too Pinkie" comes out of nowhere, and it's really jarring. There's no "hmmm, do I really love her?" or "what about Rarity?" or "this is way too sudden, I need time to think", he just happens to love her back. While this is ideal for a romance, there's no indication that Spike feels that way beforehand. You need to add more here; don't make it so they instantly both love eachother - at least add a bit of foreshadowing if you don't want to change that.

Problem 3: The story is hard to read.
This is a bit of a personal complaint, but I find it difficult to read stories that don't add spaces in between their paragraphs. Granted, you did indent, so it's not a huge wall of text, but I'd find it a lot easier to read if it was something like this:

"Hey, Spike…Spike...Ssssssppppikeeeeeeeee…wake up, Spike!” Pinkie Pie poked Spike’s little button nose. "Wake up; I need to tell you something, Spike!” She poked him once more. "If you won't get up willingly, I’ll make you get up!” The pink mare grabbed Spike’s cheeks and began to move them around, squashing his scaly face between her hooves. "Get up, silly!”

Eventually, Spike woke to an overly happy pony smiling and messing with his cheeks. “What do you want, Pinkie? It’s one o’clock in the morning. How the heck did you even get in? Twilight always triple-checks the locks before bed.” He swatted at Pinkie’s hooves, saving his face from the pink pony’s attack.

“I need to tell you something! Something important!” Pinkie ignored Spike’s question about how she entered the treehouse, leaving Spike to simply chalk it down to ninja skills. She obediently stopped playing with Spike’s cheeks, and moved on to poking his nose with every word. “I need you to come with me. I have to tell you in secret.” She looked up at Twilight’s bed, making sure the unicorn was still asleep. Surely enough, she was still snoring away, seemingly reciting the first 50 places of pi in her sleep. “Can you come? It won't be too long. Please!” She gave her signature Pinkie Pie smile, and peered down at Spike until he answered.

“Fine, Pinkie, but once you’re done can I go back to bed?”

“Yeppity, yep, yeppers!” Pinkie sprung up off of the floor and to a window, launching herself out of it and landing in a bush. Spike just opened the door and walked with Pinkie, shaking his head at her antics.

Other than that, I liked it. Hope to read more from you in the future.

3355843
Oh, crap. I knew I had missed something.
I'm the editor for this, so if there's still grammatical issues and such, that's my fault. It was around 12 am even I started it, so I was really tired, which is why I missed the spacing between paragraphs. I'll talk to Love about seeing if I can fix that, if I'm allowed. Thanks so much for that.
~Pip

It's a nice one shot but it's a bit rushed. Some more development and maybe something involving Spike's crush should be address. Overall its a nice and harmless PinkieSpike and this site could use more of those.

I think the story was nice and sweet but it was a bit too rushed. You should'e maybe added a few parts with maybe Pinkie still holding her big secret and maybe a bit of conflict or something to make the story more exciting. But overall it was cute.

Ew, not. I hate it when Spike gets shipped with any of the Mane 6.

3356271 Then why are you here?

I agree with all the other comments that this was rushed. It gets an upvote for originality and because it's a fairly uncommon ship but this should be fleshed out more.

static.tumblr.com/rzdz2vg/rigme9ibm/hnng.jpg

This does need more development, though. Pretty much every point that I'd like to make has been made: the beginning was great, but then suddenly everything just rushes through without much care for emotion or repercussion.

"Spike, I think…I love you.” Pinkie buried her face in her hooves in embarrassment, hiding it from view. “Do you…y’know…love me, too?” Pinkie closed her eyes tightly, hoping for the best.

This line was good. I mean, of course Pinkie's love for Spike had never been shown or hinted at before, but this line did a good job of showing just how nervous Pinkie is.

Spike suddenly whispered into Pinkie’s ear, making her jump a bit. "Pinkie…I can’t say no to you.” Spike wrapped his arms around her and gave the mare the hug she always deserved, one full of love and compassion. “I do love you Pinkie, almost more than I love gemstones. And you know how much I love gemstones.”

And then this happened.

So many questions get raised. Why has Spike never shown any sign of his affection towards Pinkie before? What happened to his crush on Rarity? How can Spike already love Pinkie almost as much as gemstones? He's only just admitted his feelings.

You've not really build upon the relationship (of what little there is) that Spike and Pinkie share in the show. Instead you just seem to have this, as everyone else has already mentioned, convenient mutual love for each other that is so completely out of left-field that I'm rendered completely baffled by the end of the fic.

I recommend going and reading some other shipfics - maybe even some other Spinkie fics if you can find them - and noting the way that the romance is executed in them.

If you do that, there's no doubt in my mind that you can kick the romance up a notch, add a little conflict, and you'll have yourself a fine Spike x Pinkie Pie shipfic.

3356271

Just lol. :rainbowlaugh:

Thank you for your opinion. I'm sure Spike shippers everywhere will either take note and cease shipping their OTPs or they'll be butthurt.

>Butthurt. :trollestia:

As everyone else has said, this is way too rushed and too forced. It makes no sense for a sudden inexplicable romantic relationship to develop between these two without any buildup, any development. It's just BAM there and the reader is like what?

You should probably delist this story and rewrite it COMPLETELY as a believable, properly-paced romance story that isn't 100% conclusion and 0% growth.

Other than what has already been said (the rushing and stuff) I could actually see this being a decent start of a story, if this part was one of Pinkie's dreams or something

3356750

I can agree with this.

The convenience would be the perfect basis for a fantasy.

3356509 I wasn't saying it so people would stop. I'm saying it because I don't like it.
3356318 I didn't realize what it was at first.

3356860 Romance tag.

Pinkie Pie and Spike tags.

You're honestly telling me you didn't put two and two together?

3356860

Well, thank you for sharing your opinion.

Would you like to hear my opinion?

Well, I really like Spike x main six ships. My favorite is actually SpikeDash. I'm not entirely sure why. My headcanon tells me I should be favoring RariDash over SpikeDash, but I kind of think the idea of a tomboy getting with a feminine guy is super duper cute.

On the subject of Spike shipping with the main six, I'm not such a huge fan of Spike x Rarity. I think it's due to the fact that an explanation is really required as to why Rarity keeps ignoring Spike's advances in the show, but then suddenly changes her mind in the fanfic. That can be quite off-putting if not executed sufficiently.

I could go on further, but my opinion was never actually relevant in this story to start with. :twilightsheepish:

3356873 That's exactly what I'm saying.
3356886 Interesting. The tomboy/feminine dude thing intrigues me. But the thing is, the mane 6 are too old for Spike. And then there's the fact that I'd consider the mane 6 much too like family to him. Maybe not Rarity as much as the others, but even then she's still too old for him. At least that's how I see it.

3356917 I see. But you still shouldn't say that kind of stuff.

3356925 Yeah, okay. I'll make sure never to say anything that might upset or irritate you in the slightest again. :ajbemused:

3356271
It not being your "OTP" shouldn't contribute to the quality of the story. It could be Spike x a mop, but if it's written well and still enjoyable then it doesn't deserve a downvote. At least in my opinion. Not trying to be rude or disrespectful; just my take on it.
~Pip

3356271 this isn't a hate coment. i'm glad you have an opinion, about this.:scootangel: i perfer others like:applecry::scootangel::unsuresweetie:

I'll never understand the amount of dislikes for this particular fanfic, it's just too sweet and innocently written to just hate on because it doesn't conform to the usual Spike shippings, so overall, I'm glad I found it!! :twilightsmile:

I will say however, that if this was the final/penultimate chapter to a longer Pinkie/Spike romantic story, the payoff would be all the sweeter, as it is it's just short and sweet, and I like it! :raritywink:

3356982 It doesn't have anything to do with it not being one of my OTP's. And I already explained this to Vexy. Scroll down and you'll find it.

3357816
To me, you never really commented on the story's actual quality; just the fact that you don't like it when Spike is shipped with the Mane 6. So it honestly just looks like you downvoted it because you don't like the ship. Which is really unfortunate.
~Pip

3357836 What? I'm not allowed to downvote something because I don't like the principle?

3357929
It's just not right. The story could have been absolutely amazing, and you rated it unfairly. You wouldn't want anyone doing that to you.
~Pip

3357946 I'd be okay with it? And you know why? Because I understand it.

3357963
In my opinion, it's unfair.
You obviously don't care though, so I'm not going to waste any more of my time trying to explain it to you.
~Pip

3358104>>3355734>>3355773>>3355843>>3355947>>3356042>>3356318>>3356271>>3356377>>3356396

3356626
i agree:ajsmug::twilightblush:

thank you every one for being kind enough to stat your ideas about this.:eeyup: i read ever last coment(except the realy long on ewith one of you ponies:facehoof::twilightblush:)

to: 3357235 thank you for the comment, it was a real nice one to read,:scootangel:

to dark phantom: your profile pic. kingdom hearts right? some day i will win

3358232 Yeah I photoshop the colors around. You cannot denied that the games are awesome.:pinkiehappy::moustache:

3358257 they were awsome, but just that boss!!! i need my stopaga!!!!:raritydespair:

they arre fun(only played 1, 265/2 days:twilightblush:, and 1.5, some of 2:pinkiesad2:)

3358267 I played and finished 1, 2, and 358/2. The ending for the last one really got to me, especially since Roxas is my favorite character.:fluttercry::raritycry:

3358295 Xion... back wards no I(romen numbers:1 :pinkiesad2:)

i had feels:fluttercry: so many bloody feels!!!!:moustache::applecry:

3358312 Yeah, I nearly cried at that ending and.never cried. I hope they bring Roxas back for the next game.:raritystarry:

3358323 roxas needs to die. sora became a heartless, and has a nobody,,, all the unimportant people need to die! mahahaha!!!:rainbowlaugh: roxas is fun thouhg:derpytongue2:

3358356 I still think Roxas should come back.:applejackunsure: Anyway thanks for the watch.:pinkiehappy:

3358370 your welcome, i'll unfollow you when i beat the phantom, then refollow when i read your story:twilightsheepish:

3358385 Well if your a Spike fan than we'll get along just fine.:moustache: I even have a few PinkieSpike fics in the works and I might submit one of them tonight.:pinkiehappy::heart::moustache:

3358427 i love spike!!! i'd do anything just to hug him:flutterrage:

but :moustache::heart::scootangel: is my favorite. so cute yet no art for them:twilightblush:

i hope i will read it

3358454 I wouldn't say that. I think I've seen one or two pic with just those two.

3358466 1 or 2? :pinkiecrazy: they still exsist!!!:scootangel::moustache:

3358510 Yeah, you could just search the two right here and find some fic and art.

I imagine this as some odd mix of this:

and this:

Well I think the premise is okay, but the dialogue could use some work and maybe more detail. Spike seemed a little ooc to me in conversation.

1- I totally saw it coming.
2- Awwwwwww…
3- Why did you add a comedy tag?

~ leonzilla

3356936 It's not me you're upsetting so much it's just you commented without a real reason.

Sorry. The idea might be decent but it was too rushed and Spike was just too accepting. He was just like "Oh my Celesita, I luv u too"
The feelings didn´t come to me. That are the main weak spots as others already mentioned. Maybe you should make it a little more detailled and in a much slower speed so the characters have the chance to react believable and more authentic.

3359334 I had a reason. I wanted to voice my opinion.

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