A short story that I made in a span of thirty mintues.
You were a young colt when you met her and you loved her she rejected your love but that love changed and made something that she wanted.
Also random picture huh.
Chapters (1)
- Member Since 5th Feb, 2013
- offline last seen January 22nd
Aleksandr Sherbet
Mediocre FanFic writer and Pro shoutcaster! "You wouldn't shoot a guy with glasses!
Aleksandr Sherbet
Joined 5th Feb, 2013 ·
Offline
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Well, I'll say this: You could have used someone to review your grammar and punctuation, and the ending felt a tad bit rushed, but it got the job done. I felt those feels. To, in a thousand words, make me (cynical prick that I am) feel something takes skill.
You've got a thumbs up from me. Good job!
3351191 thanks it was something I made in a few minutes.
So...where to start.
Issues.
+This wasn't edited.
+I had to read several sentences at least twice to understand what was going on; your lack of commas and grammar was most displeasing.
+Clearly showed it was written in half an hour--or less.
+Names and I should always be capitalized,
+You missed words at some points.
Pro's.
+You KISed it--Kept It Simple.
+"You semi understood why she didn't say she loved you, mostly because you two were at the age where you two didn't understand how love worked." I like that line. I like that line a lot.
+Capable story.
+Short, Sweet, and efficient.
6/10. I liked it, wouldn't read it again, but I liked it enough
Plenty of spelling and grammar mistakes, yes, but I forgive ya. After all, you did say you made this in half an hour. You earned a like from me, though. :D Great story!
3376319 thank you it means a lot
3376366 :D No prob
It was a little hard to follow at times but in the end it was okay. Thumbs up.
...also do you listen to 'Panic! At The Disco' because I swear I saw a reference to them in this story.
6038299 yes I do!
6038388
So I guess that means that those references were intentional.