Spring Break. A time for sun, sand, and above all spending time with friends and family. The best years of any student's life. But for loner Bryce Smales he prefers to be at home, alone, completely isolated. This is because for people like Bryce it is harder to make friends.
When Bryce goes to the park one day with his dog, Corn, the last thing he expects is to be transported to Equestria, a land of brightly colored and overly friendly ponies.
Will Bryce be able to get past himself and find friendship? Will this be the best or worst thing to happen to Bryce? Will Bryce ever want to return to his world?
*Note: This is my first attempt at writing something like this, criticism is much appreciated. Also this will take place before the start of the main series to help develop the character.*
So far so good, I am taking a huge liking to this story. Very well made and the chapters are getting longer to allow more development. Keep up the good pace.
Not bad, not bad... I'll be following this.
3828571
Well thanks for that. If you see anything that needs improvement let me know.
3829038 nope, all good so far.
3829038 though, just a question when in the MLP timeline is this taking place?
3830048
That's a good question.
In truth I really haven't set it in stone yet, but in my head it's taking place in the spring the year before the first episode. It depends on how it plays out on paper first.
Read Bryce's lines like I had a sore tongue to understand what he was saying.
3857732
Vell zank zu fur yur condinuing padronage.
3859042 zurr velkomph.
Having to account for Bryce's tongue and the Apple's southern accents must be hard. Keep up the good work.
3880232
Well for his sore tongue was the harder part, I had to do the same as you did to get the spelling right. For the Southern accent it was easy because I grew up listening to it.
3881045 oh, where? I'm not very good at reflecting accents in text myself.
3881213
Well in truth I got the spelling for Ah and yuh from other fics on this site. The best way really to write in an accent is to sound it out and then write it the way it sounds. And I was raised in Georgia.
I really love this story!!
few typos, but I understand what they're supposed to be. Keep it up!!
3885942
What do you mean by typos?
3886065 Just, little misspellings, more in the earlier chapters though, haven't seen any for a while so that's good. And I LOVE this story so much!!
That was sweet... :)
3886187
Well thanks for reading. If you see anything in the future let me know.
I read the title and thought:
"...Twilight Sparkle in bed?"
Yay new chapter and a cliffhanger. Man you must be relieved to stop having to write Bryce's lisp.
3940846
You're right about that, it's something less to keep up with.
Care to take a guess at who Bryce's attacker is?
Duh, it's Rainbow Dash!
3942331
If you say so.
Is there anything you see that could be improved or anything that's not clear?
3940918 my money's on Big Mac or my father.
3942837
If you say so.
Kick rainbow dashis ass
Nice chapter. So where is Rainbow now?
3952728
Really who wouldn't want to...at times?
3952843
She got up, tattled on Bryce, and ran off with only a headache and a bruised ego.
3953458 that jerk! Seriously it's like every time I read a new chapter of yours I end up feeling more and more pity for Bryce. Poor guy is definitely not having the best of weeks is he? Keep up the good work.
3953545
In truth all of this is intentional. Most every human in Equestria story on here depicts everypony as understanding, more or less. At the same time the human character is read to be as any normal Joe.
With Bryce I'm trying to depict a person that is different, down to his base instincts.
3953841 I agree, everybody likes to paint Equestria as some sort of utopia even though half of the time it doesn't make for an interesting story. But at the same time, some writers tend to overdo the opposite. This story works because it manages to balance out the two.
xD I love the ending
don't make him a suck up
God, Bryce is constantly in pain isn't he? Last chapter we had Rainbow Dash and now this one, we have Derpy.
3973783
Yeah, but at least he got off easy this time compared to his other interactions
3974673 I don't know, knowing Bryce's track record, I wouldn't be surprised if the bowling ball to the gut caused his appendix to burst.
3974695
But if he dies he can say he's had bowling balls.
Damn, Applejack just about tried to straight up murder him.
Well, typical RD sees and attacks human. And I bet she gets off with only a slap on the wrist, if even that.
Wow, so he gets the shit beaten out of him and now he's the one who has to apologize because he said a few mean things?
3982909
Well you have to understand how Bryce sees it. In the previous chapter he talked about how 'a few means things' were said to him when he was growing up. Some people can just shrug it off, but to others they take what's been said to heart.
To Bryce, what he did to Rainbow Dash was worse than what Rainbow Dash did to him. It might not sound simple, but how Bryce thinks is beyond simple.
3983076 But shouldn't at least one of the ponies at least take not of that fact? They all seem to think that what he did was worse. He might think that what he did was worse, but surely there's some pony who can look at it objectively and speak out and say, "You know, maybe Rainbow Dash should be the one being blamed since she beat him into unconsciousness?"
Also, there's only so much damage - emotional as well as physical - the human body can take, and he seems to have sustained a substantial amount in a short amount of time. Hooves aren't kind on the human body, and athletic ponies such as AJ and RD would be even worse. I can see him suffering from some sort of head trauma from all those blows he's got. Would be interesting to read.
Also, and I don't know how to say this without sounding insensitive, but Bryce seems to be somewhat... "different". Like, he has some 'condition'. Am I right?
3985710
In a sense you are right, looking back I'm berating myself for making it seem biased. I tend to just breeze through when I'm writing and rarely read it myself when I'm done to check for errors or kinks.
As for how Bryce can take all of this trauma there is a reason, but it's tied to the plot and it will have to wait.
As for your last question, what is it that you see that makes Bryce seem 'different'?
3985710
For your last question I'm not saying you're wrong, I just want to know what makes you think you're right.
3990329 *Shrugs* It's just something I thought from the way he acts, talks and thinks. TO give you a full answer, I would have to go re-read the entire things again.
3990464
In any case my answer is yes. As for the specifics I leave that to you all to figure out.
But at the end of all of this I'll give a definitive answer.
And your avatar pic...
quickmeme.com/img/c6/c6d321fc78aaf489c9fb2aa9c17ace200a88e7e0a1d70c1ab0892d8cf03bded7.jpg
Well.... that happened. I'm surprised Rarity didn't gore one of his eyes out or stab him in the stomach with her horn with the kind of run he's been having.
3991959
Just wait till next chapter, he'll feel like doing the same to Rarity.
There are some instances where you'll forget preliminary words, like by, and other short words just look out for those they're pretty easy to miss if you're not paying attention
ive always wanted a snake...