The Cutie Mark Crusaders use an artifact to contact a spirit from beyond the grave. They reach a spirit with useful advice.
Chapters (1)
JMac
Joined 1st Feb, 2012 ·
Offline
Featured In119
The Writers' Group56,384 stories ·9,291 members
One-Shots18,903 stories ·2,369 members
Dark8,311 stories ·3,762 members
- GrimDark2,447 stories ·2,181 members
Cutie Mark Crusaders4,485 stories ·1,745 members
- I don't give a buck what you do. just don't post anything inaprorite311 stories ·61 members
The Secret Group1,082 stories ·366 members
- Friendship is Tragic, the Horror writers and readers group686 stories ·325 members
Join our SubscribeStar to remove these adverts!
Join our SubscribeStar to remove these adverts!
Stats
Page generated in 0.116 seconds
Total duration
747 users online
1,094,074 hits today, 2,054,621 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
3347814 I'm sorry. But I did tag it "Dark".
Summoning up a spirit is always dangerous...but this was a good story!
Yep that was dark, though moreso for poor Silver Spoon than the CMC.
I don't know why this got down voted, it's well written and you stuck the dark tag on so folks should have been warned.
Diamond, CMC, you're idiots. Now I gotta waste my time searching for this guy. Pain in the flank to catch him the first time, too.
Haaah... guess I'm getting my ghost-busting gear.
"Complete"?
It is really good. But I'm not sure if it's meant to be for "everyone".
Why does this have to be complete? D:
How interesting.
I....damn dude...
3360254 What can I tell you? Last year, for the EQD Nightmare Night contest, I was the only finalist who wrote something heartwarming. For a ghost story contest I wrote about Quizzical's personal growth. I was feeling a little self conscious about how, when ask to write horror I never wrote horror.
I needed to let the world know, yeah, I can write horror.
Oh Silver Spoon.
Having a soul devoured scares the absolute PISS out of me. That's it. Game over. Nothing left.
I really hope the CMC manage to stop this in time. Oh jeez.
This is why I usually avoid dark tags.
BUT, hey, I went and read this on my own. And hey, it's good. Make no mistake. Stories have a harder time freaking me out than other mediums, and this freaked. Me. Out.
Good show, sir. Good show.
themcp.webs.com/Luna_sees_what_you_did_there.jpg
(We hath observed what thou didst perform there...)
3423070 Kudos. Oh, and the untranslated part of the ritual is also a reference (it's from the Bulwinkle and Rocky Show).
Well that was horrifying.
wow... well that left me speechless. I know it had the Dark tag, and was imagining that 'friendly' demon from Fate Stay Zero... holy crap that played out more than I thought it'd go.
I was not expecting that mention there at the end of how she became a part of that. DT was probably not expecting it to end THAT way. Ouch. And to think the CMC were even worried for Diamond.
This was just an experiment? You should experiment with trying to complete this story!
This is exactly the sort of stuff the CMC could get into without a doubt. I love how you pulled no punches in this. This played no favorites and nothing felt forced. It was just good writing through and through.
While I do hope you continue this, I am gonna see what else you have hidden away in your story pool.
Thanks so much for writing this! <3
That was... strange...
Stealing, lying, demon summoning, evil marks, yep, this is definitely a dark story. I often see stories like these end with a bittersweet or explicitly unhappy ending. Characters are meaner, problems are more serious, hope is harder to find, basically it's playing in Equestria on hard mode. However, what I find most interesting about this story is that while it certainly has some dark overtones and undertones, the events of the story itself aren't that grim.
Let's start with the synopsis. The CMC decide to use a spider-like rock to summon a spirit, succeed, and give in to temptation when offered their golden chalice in the clouds. They gullibly allow their new spirit friend to possess Diamond's body only to be tricked into selling him their souls. After they leave, we find that Diamond made a similar deal and the story comes to an end. Nothing bad actually happens to any of them aside from some very minor injuries. The only real moroseness exists in what will happen and in Diamond's case, what has happened.
The darkest element of this story lies in Diamond's pact, which contains both the mystery of why she made the pact and the permanence of her condemnation. Although, given the way she talks to her partner, it doesn't seem as if she's very uncomfortable with her fate. If her reason for making the deal were eventually explained, I could see it being a very powerful element in a full story and vice versa if it weren't. Just as comedic material makes a comedy, seriousness fuels the dark stuff. If Diamond doesn't take her pact that seriously, neither will the reader. That being said, her apathetic attitude toward something that should be so serious makes for an interesting subversion, and that's good for her character. It's just at the cost of Bob's.
As for the CMC's pact, the pact itself feels more like the evil trees from the Everfree Forest. It resembles something dark and frightening, but it's all veneer. The CMC just scratched the surface of despair, and you already gave them their spider's thread. By giving them this open window, Bob's no longer this overpowering force that can represent the inevitability of death or the irreversible dangers of selfishness and instant gratification. He's a pet owner who just bought three new dogs and is already concerned with them running away. He branded them with a dry-erase marker. As of this point, I have to say I can't find much credibility in Bob as a threat.
From a storytelling perspective, I find this story to be exceptionally solid. The CMC have a noteworthy flaw that leads them into trouble. Diamond apparently has one as well that places her on the antagonistic side of the fence, and depending on her reasoning, it could make for some interesting clashes of morals down the road. The clever trick with the marks made for a good twist of expectations, the fact that they sacrificed their blood to meet their goals revealed a virtue of dedication within their vice of impatience, and Bob's name as well as the statement he made about the power of names was some interesting food for thought and served to add to the mystery.
Grammar and spelling seem fine, though you may want to make the margins a bit more flush. As a prologue to a larger story, this is a very nice start. As a standalone story, it's a bit too open-ended. As a dark story, it's not bad, but it could have pushed the envelope so much further.
I'd call this story cookies and cream. It tastes great. It's just not all that dark.
Make the most!
3348528
No SILVERRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!
Buck you Diamond selling out the only pony who would dare to care about a miserable conniving vengeful bitch like you!
I was cool till I heard Silver Spoon had been eaten.
She was the only innocent party in all this. Not to mention my fav pony.
Still I had some laughs and it was a good short story.
REST IN PEACE Silver Spoon.
When AB played the CHICKEN card
Why is this rated E for everyone?
I'm pretty sure that this reaches the 'teen' rating, even if it doesn't have any explicit swear words or gore. The themes are really bleedin' dark.
5551619 Well, would you forbid your foals to read it? If so, yes, I would consider a shift to a teen rating.
5552506 I wouldn't forbid foals from reading anything short of cupcakes.
I would, however, make sure they know that whatever story they're about to read is probably not suitable for them. Just because a ten year old can and even should read the immortal game doesn't mean that he should go in assuming something lighthearted and adventurous, like he's expecting and hoping for.
Similarly, a child reading this would likely in with completely different expectations, especially if there's a big, fat E rating on the story. I'd rather they knew what they were getting into, or at least that the story is more mature than what they normally read - thus, the T rating.