Male earth pony. Exceptionally weird.
Applejack has always been the most humble and selfless of all ponies. So when she comes across a magic wishing stone, she knows better than to wish for gold or jewels. Instead, she just wishes that Apple family apples become irresistibly good – which they already are, right? Unfortunately, her wish turns out to be more than she could have planned for, and her apples turn from a blessing into a curse.
Entry for the 2013 Writer's Group contest, using Prompt 1. Did not place.
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Well, for a moment there I was worried it'd end in a time loop...
3350053
Nope.
cool
I'm sorry you didn't place and can tell you put a lot of work into this fic but I confess I really feel this isn't your best work.
For a start why would Star Swirl create a wishing stone that was malicious? Her wish could have just as easily been interpreted as everyone would like her apples, not that they would become so addicted that they'd eat nothing else. As well why would eating nothing but apples cause gross obesity? Surely it would be more likely to cause starvation issues rather than weight gain. They would start by gaining weight but then they would start losing it.
The effects f the apples is very off. Why can Pinkie and Twilight resist the apples but not others? And why does Twilight blame AJ when she's the one who fed the apple to spike to begin with?
As well the passage of time feels very off. Sometimes it seems as though only a day or two passes and other times it feels more like weeks.
I apologize if my words feel harsh but I'm only striving to be honest with my opinions without being unkind. I think you're a really great author and I do think you put a lot of effort into this fic.
3360081
They're not harsh, they're appropriate. The reasons you cite are among the reasons why this didn't place and why it's such a disappointment to me. This story doesn't meet the quality standards I am capable of, and you can feel how rushed it is. It was clearly slammed out, rather than carefully crafted - like it should have been.
That's why I feel this story is not worth fixing, but I posted it anyway. I can't run away from my failures.
3360098 Phew! I was kinda scared you would be mad at me or somesuch.
I applaud you for being willing and able to own up to your failures as well as your successes, both can be hard to face and you show your strengths well.
3360101
Yeah don't worry I won't get mad at you.
I read another story similar to this where Applebloom got power hungry giving "Earth mare enhanced" apple products, and she almost got away with it if not for Derpy's muffins. Anyway this story was better written than that hunk of junk, and definitely scary with a insane skeleton Pinkie. Sorry it didn't turn out how you would have liked, but moving forward is always a good way to go. Hope to read your future works.
3450889
This story is okay, but that's the problem: it's just "okay." I want to be better than "okay," and stories like "Cracked Beauty" prove that I can be.
I'll be touching up this story sometime in the future, to make it better, but it will never be as good as it should have been.
3451109
Well I am easily entertained so okay is fine for me, but wanting to do better is great. Most writers on here seem to stick to their writing style even with big story gaps and they will never rise above mediocre.
3454945
Well, I want to always get better.
This is a very entertaining read! However, I totally agree with the criticism in the Author's Notes. "Innocent wish gone horribly wrong" is one of the oldest tropes in the book.