Of Dragons and Ponies
Spike sat in the boat as they sailed the short channel, fuming. "I still can't believe none of you could tell I was a dragon," he once again complained.
"Well, it isn't exactly obvious," Rainbow pointed out.
Spike raised an eyebrow. "I'm purple."
"Lotsa ponies are purple," AJ countered.
"I'm covered in scales."
"I thought it was a skin condition you didn't like talking about so I didn't ask," Fluttershy whimpered meekly.
"I have claws!"
"I thought it was a beneficial birth defect related mutation," Rarity pointed out. "I didn't want to say anything, and anything so brazenly displayed and useful is a feature, not a bug."
"I breathe fire!"
"To be fair," Luna pointed out, "I'm the only one who's seen that."
Spike blinked. "But Fluttershy, I breathed fire every time we encountered undead on our way to Hoarsair!"
"I hid my face in my mane whenever they approached," Fluttershy explained, "and when I looked up, I saw them on fire. I thought you used Alchemist's Fire or something."
Luna blinked. "It seemeth me that all of you were deliberately ignoring any signs of his heritage in any way possible, as though you did not want to consider the possibility of Spike being a dragon. Is there a particular reason for this?"
None of them - other than Pinkie - were willing to meet Luna or Spike's eyes. "I know why," Pinkie spoke up. "It's the stories of the Hunger Games."
Luna blinked. "I don't believe I'm familiar-"
"In ancient days, when the clans lived in peace under dragon's watchful eyes, a Goddess of Desire appeared. She offered the dragons her power to sate any hunger they might have. They made bloody war on each other and the rest of the world to claim her power, until the Dragon Clans were all but wiped out, and a great hero sealed the Goddess away with six Sacred Keys, which were then hidden away." Pinkie nodded as she finished the story. "Since the stories of those days have been passed around a lot, so dragons kind of have a bad rep as a result, and the few dragons still around are mostly jerks. And since dragons being nice doesn't fit with most pony's idea of them, Spike being so nice made it hard for them to see him as a dragon."
Spike blinked. "So, the reason none of you could tell I was a dragon was because I'm too nice to be one?" he asked incredulously, shocked even more as most of the mares nodded shamefacedly.
"You do not seem to share this idea, Pinkie," Luna pointed out.
"For two reasons," Pinkie replied, hopping to the dock to tie up the boat. "One, I heard the original form of the stories, which included that the hero who sealed the Goddess was the last Warrior of the Light Dragon clan, so I know dragons can be nice and good guys. Second, I didn't see Spike as a dragon because I was too busy seeing him as Spike, although him being a dragon explains why he's hoarding so many hot mares!"
Spike scratched the back of his head in confusion as the mares all laughed. "...I don't get it," he admitted.
"You will someday," Luna reassured him softly.
"Sorry if we offended you, not knowing what you were," Fluttershy apologized meekly.
Spike thought for a bit, then shrugged. "Don't worry about it. Like Pinkie said, who I am is more important than what." Standing up, he clambered out of the boat. "Well, we need to keep going. We need to get through that forest ahead before we can get to Canterlot, so let's get going."
Nodding, everyone followed him into the woods. As they walked through, they noticed some strange shaped tracks. They looked like pony hoof prints...but they were in a set of four, rather than two. "Wonder what kind of creature would leave these?" Fluttershy asked curiously.
"...over here," a voice called from behind a nearby tree.
Curious, everyone followed Fluttershy around to behind the tree, not expecting the sight that awaited them. The small, purple creature staggered around ungainly on four hooves, as though unused to her own form. "Can you...lend me a hand?" she asked nervously. "I...seem to have misplaced mine."
Spike blinked. "What are you?" he asked.
"I am - or was - a unicorn," the lavender female replied. "I think I might still be one, just...a different type? I'm not so sure." She looked over herself. "My Cutie Mark's the same and in the same place, but I'm a quadraped instead of a biped. While the absence of hands is a bit of a difficulty, my telekinesis was always quite strong, which would be of use if I had my scrolls and quills. Argh! How can I take notes about what it's like to be a different creature when I have nothing to take notes with!" The tail end came out in a wail.
Spike blinked for a bit, a little confused. However, he reached into his satchel and pulled out some scrolls, a few quills, and a large inkwell. "Will this do?" he asked.
The mare squealed happily. "Thank you thank you thank you!" She threw her forelegs around his waist in a hug before seizing the supplies in her magic and beginning to take notes. She paused after a time. "Umm...I don't suppose you'd mind breaking the curse on me so I could return to normal? No rush, I'm learning so much after all."
Spike blinked, then nodded. "I'd be happy to break the curse, but how? Who cursed you?"
She smiled happily, her eyes becoming somewhat glazed. "It was my beloved Eupie. He said it was too dangerous for me to remain close to him, and as long as I was in my natural form, I would be uncontrollably drawn to him. So he altered my form and placed me here where I wouldn't be bothered to protect me. He's so dreamy..."
Luna leaned in to Spike. "She seems to be under the influence of a glamour as well as a curse. She is somewhat brainwashed."
Spike nodded. "I saw," he whispered back. "So," he asked aloud, "where can we find this Eupie?"
The mare smiled back. "He lives at the top of a tower on the cliff, above the waterfall to the west."
Spike nodded. "Thanks. We'll go investigate."
"Take your time!" she called to him as the group turned to leave, her nose already buried amongst her scrolls.
Spike shook his head as they walked. "Can you believe that? She wants us to not hurry at getting her back to normal!"
Luna chuckled. "My elder sister would love a student like that. She always valued a scholarly mind."
Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes. "Well, whatever, let's just get her changed back to normal. Or maybe head to Canterlot. Isn't there a carriage dock to Canterlot or something to the south?"
Fluttershy nodded. "I've been down there. It's right next to a camping site."
Spike grinned. "Lead the way."
Smiling, Fluttershy lead them around a large lake surrounded by a powerful mystic barrier. "What's that?" Applejack asked, poking the field and jerking her hand back. "Yowch!"
Rarity rested her hand on Applejack's, healing the small burn. "That's Canterlot's Force Barrier, raised only in times of crisis." She frowned. "When it's raised, entry is only possible with a proper pass key spell."
"Which none of us know, right?" Pinkie playfully posed.
Sighing, Rarity nodded. "I've never been, after all."
"I have not explored this part of the world in several centuries," Luna admitted, "so I have no idea what it might be."
"So I guess we go see about finding this 'Eupie'?" Spike suggested.
Rainbow Dash's stomach growled loudly. "Think we could get something to eat first?"
"There's a restaurant in the area built into the cliff," Fluttershy mentioned. "It's called the WildDrake. I've never been, though."
"Sounds like a plan," AJ posed. "We could all use some good grub."
"Alright," Fluttershy said as she led the way to a cave.
Inside, a large stature awaited them beside a large basket. It's eyes glowed, and it spoke. "Please check your bags here," it intoned, pointing into the basket.
"Oh my!" Rarity squealed. "It's a high class restaurant! We simply must dine here!"
"Alright," Spike said, dropping his satchel into the basket as the others dropped a few of their things in. They then went through a wide double doors.
A sign and another basket awaited them. "Please remove your hats before eating," the sign read.
Spike glanced around. Since he went without a helmet, the only one actually wearing a hat was AJ. She glowered, but then her stomach grumbled. "Fine!" she growled, tossing her hat into the basket. "But if it ain't in good condition when I get back, I'm turning the management inside out."
The group then went into the next room, where another sign awaited them. "Please leave all armaments here, and take a plate and fork," the sign read.
Spike shrugged. "Seems reasonable," he said, leaving his sword and shield in the basket. Rarity added her mace, Luna her rings, Rainbow her staff, Fluttershy her whip, Pinkie several dozen cooking knives and her cannon. AJ sighed as she discarded her rope as well.
In the next room, a sign read, "Please wear only 'Dinner Napkins' attire in restaurant proper." Two closets waited, one full of empty hangers and a few drawers, one full of long, white robe like garments.
Rarity blinked. "Well, I've heard of restaurants having a strict dress code, but this is a bit much."
"Shut up," Rainbow said as she began stripping out of her admittedly skimpy outfit. "I'm hungry, so let's just obey the rules and get some food!"
Sighing, Rarity complied as the mares and Spike stripped out of their travel clothes and battle armor, before covering their naked bodies with the 'Dinner Napkins', although Spike struggled to deal with his embarrassment. The group then proceeded into the next room.
Another sign awaited. "Please rub salt and pepper onto your bodies."
The entire group blinked, staring at that directive. "What in tarnation?" AJ demanded in shock. "There ain't no way any of us would-PINKIE!"
Pinkie looked up from rubbing the seasonings into her coat. "What? I bet I'll be delicious!"
They all blinked at her before sighing and mimicking her actions, although only Pinkie did so with equanimity. The group proceeded into the next room.
A sign with buttons beneath it awaited. "Please select desired level of cooking for your food." Three buttons, reading 'Rare', 'Medium', and 'Well Done' rested beneath the sign. They all stared in confusion.
"Umm...any idea what that means?" Rainbow asked.
"Nope," Pinkie replied.
"Nuh-uh," AJ added.
"No clue," Rarity admitted.
"Umm...no?" Fluttershy offered.
"It means nothing to me," Luna concluded.
Shrugging, Spike pushed 'Rare'. "Might as well pick at random, then." Nodding to the others, he lead them into the next room.
They found themselves on a large platform made of metal mesh. "Wonder what this is?" AJ asked.
"It looks like a giant oven," Pinkie piped up. "Or maybe a griddle pan!"
As the door slammed shut behind them, Fluttershy whimpered, "I wish you hadn't said that."
A large opening appeared in the roof, and a massive red reptilian head stuck itself into the room. It blinked a few times, then opened its mouth and released a massive gout of flame.
Luna desperately raised a barrier, trying to shield the group. "I don't know how long I can hold it!" she cried out.
"Yowch!" AJ shouted, hopping from hoof to hoof. "The floor's heating up!"
As everyone began to scream in fear, Spike's eyes glowed as the power washed over him. His body expanded slowly until he was double his normal size, his scales turning pale blue. With a roar, he released a huge blast of icy breath, pushing the fire back, sealing the hole the reptilian head had come through, and cooling the air and floor. He then slumped in on himself as he returned to normal.
"N-n-n-now it's too c-c-c-cold!" Pinkie chattered, shivering.
Spike learned DragonBlaze!
Spike learned DragonBlizzard!
Spike learned DragonStorm!
The group quickly rushed further into the cave. They came across a large restaurant like room dominated by a massive red dragon, looking down at them.
"WildDrake restaurant," Rarity whimpered. "Where...the wild Drake eats?"
The dragon shook his massive head. "I eat the weak. You are strong. And he is of another clan." He pointed to Spike. "You all are his, so I not touch. Apologies. I will give you a gift." He tossed Pinkie a set of chopping knives.
"Ooh!" Pinkie said happily. "I don't have any of these! It looks like I could cut right through any armor or even bone with knives this sharp!"
Pinkie learned Chop Chop!
The dragon chuckled. "And for the rest of you..." He snapped his talons, and numerous golems walked out with platters heaped high with vegetables, hay based foods, and some dishes made with gems.
"Now that's service!" Rainbow said happily, immediately diving into the food.
The dragon chuckled as he watched the others join her, leaning back to watch. Another golem came in, carrying all their belongings. "You may take the shortcut in the back to the top of the waterfall," he said calmly. "I wish you well on your journey."
After they all finished eating, they changed back into their travel attire and retrieved their equipment. They then took the directions to the shortcut to the top of the waterfall, before making their way towards the tower.
Rainbow patted her stomach. "That was some good eating."
"We did have to fight for our food," AJ pointed out.
"Well, Spike did," Fluttershy pointed out.
"And he unlocked more dragon power, so that's all good!" Pinkie said happily. "Hey, I think that's the tower!"
She was pointing to a tall structure that soared into the heavens. From the top of the tower, a voice echoed tragically. "Stay away! Stay away!"
Pinkie blinked. "Sounds like somepony needs a hug!" she said happily, rushing into the tower. Groaning, Spike and the others followed.
They easily made their way up the tower, clearing a few gate and platform puzzles that seemed to serve no purpose. The tower seemed to be full of glaze eyed mares who sighed longingly at the slightest provocation. "This place gives me the creeps," AJ muttered as they approached the final chamber.
Spike shrugged his shoulders. "Well, we'll see what this is all about soon." He pushed the door open.
Inside, slumped over on the edge of a large bed with his face in his hands, was a red and black striped alicorn stallion, built on physically massive proportions, as though someone who didn't truly understand how a musculature system actually worked had tried to design a physically perfect specimen. Wings and horns were unusually large, and every movement of his body caused muscle to ripple, practically bursting out of his skin, and despite the clumsiness of the movements he somehow exuded a supernatural grace as he sobbed uncontrollably.
Spike blinked. "Umm...Eupie, I presume?"
The stallion looked up, his golden eyes glittering with unshed tears. "Yes. That's what she called me. That lovely lavender mare. She's too important to allow to waste away because of me."
Spike blinked. "Uhh..."
"It always happens," he moaned, raising his arms to the heavens in supplication. "No matter where I go, mares flock to me. No matter how unrealistic, they always fall for me. In truth, I'm an abomination that shouldn't exist, and yet all that any man could hope for comes to me without even trying! Beloved wherever I go, the envy of any stallion, a master of anything I put my hand to...but none of it is real!"
Spike blinked in confusion. "Umm..."
"It's why she calls me Eupie," the alicorn continued, throwing his head back so his sparkling mane danced in the air. "She asked me who I was, and I told her my name was unimportant. It's true. No matter what name I use, everyone finds it beautiful! She concluded my name was Unimportant Pony, a testament to modesty, and nicknamed me Eupie. Even when I try to belittle myself, the world is rewritten to give me everything on a silver platter! No matter what I do, this unreal, abhorrent, false paradise is unending! All I want is something real, but I am cursed to endure only the contrived!" We wailed once more, tears streaming down his face. "And now, all I truly want is to die, but even that is beyond me! The story won't let me die-"
There was a shocking SCHINK sound as the alicorn's head flew off his shoulders, bouncing across the floor as his body slumped over, bleeding out. Pinkie wiped her new chopping knife clean of blood. "Hate these guys," she grumbled, her mane and tail flat and her coat a slightly darker color than normal.
Luna nodded. "Indeed." Stretching out her hand, she obliterated the body and head in a burst of magic. "The world has no place for such monstrosities...though he seemed a rare specimen, that he realized it. At any rate, the mares will no longer be under his spell, and his curse on the mare in the woods should be broken now."
"Better bring her this," a mint green unicorn with a turquoise and white mane said, handing Spike a large satchel. "She left her things here. Thanks for breaking that guy's spell, though. Name's Lyra, Shaman of Water."
Luna blinked. "Perhaps you should join Sunset Shimmer, the Shaman of Fire, in Dutchcolt then?"
Lyra blinked. "You're right, I really should!" With that, the mare vanished in a torrent of water.
Spike smiled. "Think you could warp us back to the forest, Luna?"
Luna smiled. "Certainly," she replied, casting the spell.
Once more in the forest, Spike glanced around. "Now where would we find..." He glanced at the nametag on the satchel. "Twilight Sparkle, crown Princess of Canterlot?" he read aloud in shock.
With a loud "Oomph!" the mare in question tumbled out, once more a biped as she fell to the ground...a nude biped at that. "And the curse would break just as I get used to walking on all fours and now need to relearn walking upright." She rolled over onto her stomach, saw Spike, and quickly covered herself. "I...don't suppose you brought my clothes from the tower?" she asked nervously, blushing brightly.
Chuckling, Luna plucked the satchel from Spike's nerveless grasp and tossed it to Twilight.
"Thanks!" she said, quickly pulling out a pair of shorts, a lab coat, a pair of hoof shoes, and a pair of glasses. She pulled them all on quickly, buttoning the lab coat tight, despite it being a bit tight across her chest. "There we go," she said, turning around as she straightened her glasses on her muzzle. "That'll do until I get more clothes from home. Would you all be so good as to escort me?"
Twilight Sparkle joins the party!
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Well that was a bit extreme but everything turned out to be okay, I guess.
Anyway great chapter I and that would explain why almost everyone didn't see Spike as a dragon to the point of denial.
Considering that Luna is replacing Deis/Bleu, did Luna assist the Light Dragon warrior that sealed away the Goddess of Desire in this story?
4224320
Yes, she did. However, that won't be discussed at all.
Although keep your eye out. You may see something next chapter you may find hilarious. Especially considering your first comment on chapter 2.
4224368 I'm guessing a "LIFE ARMOR FOR EVERYONE!" moment? That would be funny.
Either way, I'm eagerly awaiting the next installment since you seem to be on a roll.
And jeez, are you trying to turn me into a retro gamer or something? First you get me to go buy a Xenogears port and now you're making me want to go dig up my GBA copy of Breath of Fire 2...
4224437
...I take it the Xenogears was when I suggested retelling Xenogears with ponies in a blog?
4224581 Yep!
That Breath of Fire 1 reference. Also, how funny that you incorporated a Gary Stu
Well, the gang is all here.