• Member Since 26th Aug, 2013
  • offline last seen Oct 25th, 2015

SHOOT_ME_IN_THE_FACE


T

Hairtrigger knew, somewhere in the back of her mind, that she might one day end up patrolling Megawatt on her own, but is she really ready? Without the force of Law to help guide her, how can she be expected to stand against the dangers of the wasteland all by herself?

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 12 )

Welcome to the wasteland! Everything looks pretty good, although I've heard I suck at quality control. Do get an editor- I noticed a few small errors on the way down here. As for story, it seems fine at the moment if a little more shallow than I'd like. Characters appear to be fine for the moment, but I do hope that we get a bit more development down the line. Great start, and good luck with the next chapter!

I want to help with your description, because right off the bat one can see that it has quite a few spelling errors which will probably detract from your readership.

Here is an improved version with correct spelling.

"Hair Trigger always knew that she might one day end up patrolling Megawat on her own, but is she really ready? Without the force of law to help guide her, how can she be expected to stand against the dangers of the wasteland all by herself?"

(I'm not really sure what you meant by "the force of law" so I think you should clear that up)

Anyways, hope that helps, even if it's just a little. :twilightsmile:

3346692 Actually, I'm pretty sure it's "megawatt" Small nitpick.
Unless it's a "wat?" times a million, in which case...

3346876

Oh yeah. Thanks :rainbowlaugh: didn't spot that first time through. I'm awful at spelling, and pretty much rely on spell check. I need to start updating the dictionary on my Open Office version.

You have a nice beginning. Just keep calm and continue writing your FoE fic:rainbowdetermined2:

I to am new to writing FoE side-stories so if you ever wanna chat feel free to come on down.:twilightsmile:

3346876
Good catch hopefully SHOOT_ME_IN_THE_FACE implements it now.

3347472>>3346876

Thanks for the input :twilightsmile: just implemented, and added 'megawatt' into my spell-check. Any other errors, be sure to point out. Barring some of the sentence fragments. I know that can be a bitch to read sometimes, but it helps establish voice.

3351238
Glad I could assist :raritywink:

Pretty good so far :yay: though I hope her and her friend don't get captured.

This first chapter seems scattered and disjointed. Call me stupid, but it took quite a while for me to realize that we were in a flashback sequence. Because of the nature of this chapter, it might have been more effective to forego the flashback and instead tell the story linearly.

Now... whoever the hell said "Violence Isn't the answer" Fuck you!:pinkiecrazy:

Listened to a text-to-speech reading of this one a while back during the Borderlands 2 Loot Hunt. I remember in particular, I was listening while I was trying to do that one area with the Sheriff and Deputy, too. XD Anywho, what I remember reading of this story was interesting. I might go back and re-read the chapter later. I've added it to the read later queue.

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