• Member Since 19th Feb, 2012
  • offline last seen 3 hours ago

Prane


Aspiring writer, self-proclaimed hardcore gamer, adept of human psychology. Does not consider excessive pride for a vice.

Sequels1

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"My name is Sweetie Belle, and I live in a world where night lasts forever."

It all began on the Summer Sun Celebration in Ponyville, a little more than a year ago. Nightmare Moon, the mare thought to be a mere legend has returned and changed our world. She forbid the sun from rising ever again, she broke our spirits and sowed seeds of distrust and sadness amongst us.

She invaded our dreams, poured nightmares into them to make us live in fear, make us obey. And those who didn't obey, ended up in dreamlocked prisons built of their dreams, wishes and fears, with no hope of returning to the real world.

As for myself... I just want my sister back.


Warning: please refrain yourself from reading the comments before the story, because spoilers!

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 74 )

Not bad. I like it.

So in short, Sweetie Belle is in a dreamlock, and her dream is that she's saving Rarity from a dreamlock? DREAMLOCK-CEPTION!

3349135
Thank you, it's appreciated! :raritywink:

3350421
WE HAVE TO GO DEEPER!

I thought it was really good. When i read the ending i was like :pinkiegasp:
I felt so bad for Sweetie Belle :raritycry:
I dont know why but it feels like the ending was a little rushed, like it was too quick a change, but i dont know why and it makes my brain hurt :derpyderp1:
and im ashamed to say that i went back and looked for everytime Sweetie knocked on a door through the story, because im sad :facehoof:

What I really liked about this fic, was how it started out as an alternate reality-What if NM won scenario because X never happened. That was what attracted me to it, then as I read and got to the end...all I had on my face was just "Wow! What a nice twist." Going through the fic a second time makes the twist even better and somehow more noticable.

I like the rules of Dreamlocks and I liked how Sweetie showed how much control she had over the dreamworld. The fic just seemed to get everything together.

A dream of a dream. Very ingenious of Nightmare Moon. and Very fitting.
I also like that THE GREAT AND POWERFUL TRIXIE is a good guy this time.

Fascinating. VERY fascinating. The twist at the end came very unexpected.

I really, really like this story. It's very nicely self-contained. The larger framework - Nightmare Moon taking over because Twilight wasn't in place to stop her, a Resistance trying to set things right - could work as a rather grand story too, and one that I'd probably like to read, but it would be just a grand adventure story. This story, on the other hand, was poignant, touching, thought-provoking. And that makes it even better, I think.

3368064 3364087
I'm happy that you guys enjoyed my AU vision! I, too, would like to see an epic adventure story set within this reality, mostly to discover Twilight's point of view but also seek for a new way to introduce the Elements of Harmony. Who knows? Maybe someday I'll write such thing.

3365908
Huh, you apparently don't know me well enough - for me Trixie is always a good guy, and honestly I don't think I could write her otherwise. Glad that you liked it!

3356913
There is nothing to be ashamed of! I heard it was author's intention to make his readers read the whole thing twice, muahaha!

And this cool story shows up while I'm still on the mood for some dreamwalking. :raritystarry: This little short does an amazing world building to present us the story of Sweetie Bell, and a bit of the G&PT is always welcome. :twilightsmile:

You can really do a lot with very few words. Characterization is perfect, pacing is great, the adventure really sucks you in and you put a nice twist in the end. Love this. :heart:

I really like premise for the story and the way it was executed, though I have one gripe: I don't see any reason as to why Trixie should be in that role instead of Twilight, or even be in the story at all. You could still hand-wave the letters done by Twilight.

Don't mind me though, I'm biased against any story that portrays Trixie in a positive light with no explanation as to why she is nice and considerate to others. She is supposed to be a selfish and attention-seeking pony. /rant

I really did like the story though, and I noticed an error:

that I am a member of the resistance

Trixie spoke in the first person for no reason other to delay the reveal that its T

I was going to erase the above sentence but I'm not 100% sure if you were intending for that to be the case or not.

Anyways, did it come across that I dislike Trixie? Sorry, I really did like the story.

First off, I wish one I didn't read this at 2am in the morning. Also having not read the the outline/description of the story, I wound up not knowing what in the world was meant by "locked her" and I almost dropped my reading there, since I had to wait a while before the story began to explain it.

I found you did build the world though, making it believable, setting up the story well and keeping a solid pace, very well. With a neat little twist on the ending.

Also unless this is very intentional and I just don't get it, you might want to turn tread into treat in this sentence.
I know she would tread me as such.

Nicely done overall. Though it begs the question unanswered but perhaps hinted at what was different in your universe to allow Nightmare Moon to win. Was it really the Princess didn't send Twilight as suggested by one particular paragraph or did it not matter in this world. It also doesn't explain how the friendship letters can exist if Twilight Sparkle or T.S. assuming they are one and the same came about writing them if that alteration happened because it would prevent Twilight from having the friendships to cause the events that had her write them for Celestia. Does it mean that Nightmare Moon returned later and won? Causing both the letters to exist and this to be possible. Or maybe is this nothing but part of another story/universe but on the side and that it would need to be read to understand?

Anyway, again nice job.

Whoa, now that was not the ending I was expecting. I... I'm kind of without words on this one. I was so engrossed in the story that I find myself unable to give a really appropriate review. It was dark, but it wasn't overbearing. It was a subtle and depressing kind of dark, that just sort of ganged up on you very slowly.

This story took its time getting to the heart of things. And that really made the ending hit hard. Well done, sir.

-Lumino

I just liked this instantly because of the premise alone. I'll add this to my read later list.

3371041
Yay! So many kind words, thank you for that! :pinkiehappy:

3376383
I feel we could spend the upcoming decade discussing our takes on Trixie as a character (which is exciting in itself), as I happen to be a very Trixie-centric person. However, instead of that, allow me to justify my choice for a Ponyville librarian: the whole AU was based on a premise that Twilight Sparkle never came to Ponyville, so I needed some other pony, preferably unicorn, to fill the vacancy - Trixie was an obvious choice.

When I'm thinking about AU I like to think that there are some fixed points that are bound to happen in every reality (Trixie visits Ponyville sooner or later, CMC are bound to become friends), but their basic shape known from the regular universe would be warped by circumstances.

As for the 'I' instead of 'G&PT' form, I associate the latter with her 'stage performing mode' rather than absolute manner of speaking. When she is under stress, she uses 'I' just like any other (at least that's how I see it).

Trixie: Oh, I can't, I never have. No one can vanquish an ursa major. I just made the whole story up to make me look better.
~Boast Busters

All in all, I'm flattered that you took time and read the story even though Trixie was a positive character here! :raritywink:

3377721
Gah, of course it should be treat instead of tread. Thanks for noticing!

Thinking about 'friendship letters' was fun. I asked myself if there was any reason for such thing to exist given that Twilight had never been to Ponyville. In this reality they are a form of propaganda against Nightmare Moon's regime, written and distributed by somepony known only as T.S. That said, while Twilight's adventures from the series never happened, T.S. still managed to discover friendship and is now spreading it around night-veiled Equestria.

As for now, this is the only story fueling this AU. Perhaps someday there will be more...

What can I say, it was a very intruiging little story. I love the premise, something about these journeys into the mind just sells me every time. :twilightsheepish:

If I were to point out something about the story that felt like it fell a bit short, I'd have to voice my somewhat mixed feelings at the ending. You did a great job building and keeping suspense, with a very real sense of danger and high stakes, which made for a very engaging read. Part of me feels as though, in hindsight, the twist kinda detracts from that, like it just dispells the threat and calls it a day. :unsuresweetie:

I also have to say that I kinda agree with the one who said Trixie felt a bit misplaced here. I'm sure you have a good reason behind that decision, but I for one can't quite see how she'd wind up at the library, or in Ponyville at all. I find it more likely that she'd be stuck in wherever-she-was when Nightmare Moon rose to power, since she seems to have a pretty tight grasp on Equestria, BUT, that's just me. Besides, you wrote her pretty well, and as a fan of Trixie myself, I consider that a plus at any rate.

But overall, in case my slight issues with the ending gave off a different tone, I honestly thought you did a very solid job with this story. I still stand behind the favorite and the like. :twilightsmile:

What is this stroke of brilliance... :rainbowderp:

In all honesty though, this was very well executed sir. Have you submitted it to EQD? You would stand a chance I think.

3378570
Thank you for that! And don't bother giving any more appropriate or elaborate review - ending up speechless is actually a great feedback!

3378403
Gah, you A.I. and your image-based language processing... doesn't your software have words!? Just kidding - receiving Twilight's Library seal of approval is a real honor, and for that I am grateful!

3407055
Huh, a few more comments like yours and I'll be forced to write some prequel-thingy about Trixie's place in this darker vision of Equestria! *adds the idea to the constantly growing pile of ideas* Also, thank you for your insight into the ending - it's good to know that it brought some controversy.

3413737
Stop it! You're making me blush! Also, EQD? I don't think so, not so long ago I submitted Fading Away and it got rejected for numerous reasons. I don't think my writing is any better in Dreamlocked, so I'll pass on this one. Still, thank you for your appreciation!

3413737 Hey, no fair! I wanted to say that!

My brain just melted... :applejackconfused:

3430243
Worry not! Brains are overrated anyway! :raritywink:

WAIT! Instead of a dreamlock-ception, could the ending have been that Sweetie gave in to NM to save her friends and became trapped in her own dreamlock but had still managed to save Rarity. SOO, the ending is after Rarity wakes up and now must go into Sweetie's dream to save her! :rainbowderp:


...did any of that make sense? :unsuresweetie:

3433976
Aw, it seems that someone has finally discovered the Secret and Totally Planned Alternate Ending! :pinkiegasp:

Well, not really. But I like your interpretation! It's deep, like REALLY deep. This is why you should carry a spinning top or weighted red die at all times...

I have to admit, I was originally a bit put off by the Inception references but you used them well and didn't just make it an Inception rip-off. I also just love the line "My name is Sweetie Belle and I live in a world where night lasts forever" and the fact that no one knows who Twilight is. It's interesting seeing a beloved character in this AU as a mysterious sage character. I also loved the ending. Sweetie Belle's my favorite pony (depending on how she's portrayed, Pinkie's my favorite pony the way she's portrayed in shows, but I love how much potential Sweetie Belle has). Good story, I think it's the only one-shot on my favorites list :pinkiehappy:

Aw... Sweetie Belle's becoming a hero! How cute! :twilightsmile:
Nice alternate version of "Friendship is Magic."
You seem to be missing a few words, but I'll let you sort it out.

3434478
This alternate interpretation was my first interpretation. It was only after reading the comments that I looked back at when she knocked.

I think this story is amazing, and I strongly encourage you to write more in this universe. There are two different approaches I see that you could take; either a continuous adventure culminating in the eventual defeat of Nightmare Moon, or a series of one-shots focusing on the dream worlds of a few of the characters.

3520506
I won't lie, I rewatched Inception shortly before writing this specifically to get in the general mood and maybe get some inspiration - I'm glad that I didn't go overboard with it. And I agree that Sweetie has a lot of potential. It's not really delivered in the show with her being occupied with CMC stuff, but thankfully there's fanfiction for that!

3525651
Sweetie Belle is best hero, yay! Glad that you enjoyed it! :twilightsmile:

3539758
Thank you for your kind words! When it comes to long story vs. one-shots I say: why not both? I mean I'd like to establish a believable AU backstory for Twilight and some other characters via one-shots, then possibly gather them all in something bigger. Time will tell if I can pull this out. It's definitely a 'verse I'd like to return to.

3540741 In relation to continuing in this AU, I definitely would support that :D

3597532
Sure thing, I enjoyed writing it a ton and writing more in this setting is one of my priorities for 2014. Thanks for dropping by!

Wow :rainbowderp: I didn't see that coming at all; well done sir, well done.

Well, that... wait a minute. How does... what?

But Sweetie... But Rarity... I... okay, I think I get it. But how does Sweetie's mind coreograph the scene in Rarity's bedroom so closely to the one in her own?

Unless they're both dreaming. Is that likely? Hmm... I need to think about this one. Good work.
:unsuresweetie::duck:

3597573 Its 2014 now hehehe...Though...theres still over 363 days for you to fulfil that priority ^^ Happy New Year, and once again, re-reading this story, excellent job.

3721179
I'm happy to hear that you returned to it! Also, over 300 days? Pfft, no pressure. :rainbowwild:

3721449 Well then I look forward to it ^^ I'm not sure about you, but I always work better without pressure...Or is that my dream breaker...

havent read it yet but ir sounds good :pinkiegasp:

3822635
Why thank you. :raritywink: I hope that you'll enjoy it should you choose to read it someday in the future.

Yep, I guess it is a little like mine. Wow.
Except yours is better, but that's probably since you're most likely twice as old as I am, and a lot more experienced :P
I mean, even just reading the long description... uh...

But, it is different in a few ways, especially where your story is being taken to and where I'm planning to take my story. :ajsmug:
:D

EDIT: Because I'm in the seventh grade?

Oh my gosh, I just finished reading this... Wow, just wow... this needs a sequel!! :D

The purple mare is T.S, right?
:twilightsheepish:

3913956
Thanks, glad to hear you've enjoyed it! And yes, the purple mare that dropped in the dreamworld is indeed T.S. (though Sweetie Belle wouldn't know that). She is also the main protagonist of the sequel which is currently not yet in development. But will be.

Thanks again, and thanks for the follow! :twilightsmile:

3914209 I have a curious question I've been meaning to ask, sorry if I didn't catch it in any previous statements...

How will Rarity break Sweetie Belle out of the dreamlock? For Rarity from what I can gather is to show her something illogical, (like "why wouldn't needles hurt you?") that causes Rarity to question her "reality"...But for Sweetie Belle, what is the dream breaker? She knocks on the door twice all the time...Rarity will have to find a way to force circumstances in such a way that her sister should not be able to knock the door twice?

Sorry this question has been popping up now and then and at some of the most inappropriate times.
Either due to insanely large amounts of mathematical calculations and sleep deprivation I'm not thinking right, or some other reason, I can't seem to figure it out.

3939612
Hello again (and sorry for late response)!

I think that Rarity would ask Sweetie Belle to knock three times (or once, or 4+ times) on a door, and Sweetie would knock two times regardless. Initially, she'd be convinced that she did just as her sister asked, but dreamwalking Rarity (who is tuned to her consciousness) would easily prove her wrong by telling her to do that over and over again and count or try to feel those knocks. Sweetie would discover that although she really wants to bang on these door she can only knock twice on them in a given time period (say, every ten seconds). This is when the dream breaker kicks in: Sweetie's consciousness takes over the subconscious setting of her dream and puts her a step closer to waking up.

That's what I think. Given that this story was planned to be a one-shot, I was more interested in making the whole knocking twice thing a surprising twist ending rather than explaining the mechanisms of dreaming itself. There might be some illogicalities into it... but hey, our dreams are even crazier sometimes.

Also, I get the impression that you really like this little setting. I see that you're more of a reader than writer, but perhaps you'd like to pour your ideas into a dreamlock-themed story of your own? I strongly encourage you to do so, because your insight tells me that you could come up with something great! And in any case, I wish you luck in your mathematical endeavors!

3950732 Hmm, that does make sense.

Thank yoo for taking the time to respond. And the twist in the end really is great, I just...I guess I just got curious after awhile. I do look forward to that sequel! Just saying :scootangel:

You're right in saying I really (REALLY) like this setting. And your writing of course.
Thanks for your encouragement and you're right, I'm not much of a writer. I probably would try my hand at it though, during the summer break; however as of right now I'm trying by best to boost my grades a bit. (Engineering...lots and lots of mathematics which pretty much covers a majority of free time. The science takes up the rest)

'till next time! Also, thanks again for answering my question. Oh and good luck to you too, in any of your current and future endeavours.

No dislikes!? That's not possible!

4078738
I admit, it's kind of pretty. :raritywink:

4080660 How in the name of Faust did you create a story devoid of dislikes!?

4080683
It has certainly nothing to do with the content or the quality of the story itself, I think. Stray dislikes are often born on impulse, when a reader does not like the title/cover/tags/characters/premise. Here I tried to make it all appear nice, but I'm sure the day will come when the ratio becames a calculable number. :raritywink:

Loved it!

Beautiful take on an alternate universe where Nightmare Moon won, wonderful ending and Trixie was perfect.

4083345
What can I say, glad that you liked it! :raritywink:

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