Original Ending
I smiled happily as the warm Ponyville sun beat down on me, warming up my fur and giving me the energy to start up my day. I trotted in the direction of the Ponyville market so that I could pick up a little breakfast before heading off to work. Town Hall wasn't going to clean itself up, after all.
The various vendors were milling about, a few still doing the final things to set up their stands, though not my particular target. Whistling a tune whose origins I couldn't quite place, I walked up to the stand of an orange earth pony selling the best apples in all of Equestria.
"Hello, Applejack," I said cheerfully as I reached her stand. "How are you today."
Applejack looked over to me with a smile. It looked like a really tired, sad smile. Guess farm work had been hitting her pretty hard lately. Harvest season, and all that. Maybe Big Mac was sick, or something.
"Ah'm doin' okay, TD," Applejack finally said after a moment. Huh. She didn't sound okay, but again, maybe she just felt tired. I know I can look pretty down when I'm exhausted.
I shrugged and looked down at her wares. "Alright, then. Well, can I have three Red Delicious, then? They do look particularly..." My ear twitched and I felt a sudden rush of... fear? Panic? Something weird. Foreign, almost. It left as soon as it appeared, though, so I didn't think anything of it. "Particularly enticing today."
"Sure thing, TD," Applejack said. She took three Red Delicious apples and put them in a brown paper bag, which she hoofed to me. I put it in my saddlebag before reaching for my bit bag, but she oddly waved me off. "No charge, TD."
I frowned and raised an eyebrow. "But you didn't charge me yesterday either. Or the day before that." I tilted my head. "Come on, Applejack. You run a business. It can't be good for you if you just keep giving away your apples like this."
"They're mah apples, yer a good friend, and Ah say no charge." Applejack nodded as if that settled the issue.
"But Twilight and Rarity and all the rest of your friends pay for their apples."
"TD. No. Charge."
I flinched back, blinking rapidly as I did. "Oh... uh, okay. Yeah, thanks, then. Means a lot." I began walking away. "I'll talk to you later, okay?"
"K," Applejack mumbled, not looking at me.
I continued walking for a moment before turning back to Applejack. "Feel better, okay?" Whatever it is that's bothering her.
Yep, I knew something was wrong. The moment I said that, a big tear streaked down her face, though she quickly raised a foreleg to wipe it away. Dang, something was really off. Maybe Granny Smith had come down with something recently?
pleasehelpme
My ear twitched. Weird.
Well, whatever the case, I'm sure it would all be okay in the end. For the moment, though, I had a job I needed to get to.
* * * *
"I can't do it, Princess Celestia," I moaned, wiping tears from my eyes as I leaned into her embrace. "I can't look at him anymore. I can't see him and know that, that... I don't know, that it used to be TD." I sniffled and nuzzled Princess Celestia's chest. "We failed him."
"I know this is difficult, Twilight," Celestia said, wrapping her wings tighter around me. "I still have my top scientists searching the Everfree Forest for any trace of what could have done that to TD. I think we may be close."
"That's not true and you know it," I whimpered. "You don't have the next clue of what did that to him. No dirt samples from the Everfree Forest are going to change that. TD's dead, Princess. He's dead, and I don't know how to handle that thing pretending to be him. I don't want it living in my house anymore! I can't constantly be surrounded by this lobotomized imitation of TD that just drives in how I c-could have done more to help him!"
"Such as?"
I sniffled and looked up at Celestia. "Huh?"
"What could you have done to help him?" Celestia wiped my eyes with one of her feathers. "By the time he had come to you for help, he had mere hours left. You searched the Everfree Forest, you came and got me for help, and I've never seen you move so fast as when you found out that his clothes held a sample of what he was exposed to. You tried everything in your power to save him."
"But it wasn't enough," I muttered. "We couldn't help him in the end."
"You don't know that," Celestia pointed out. "As I said, we are working day and night to discover what he was exposed to. Should we find it, we may very well be able to save him from his fate. All hope is not yet lost."
"I don't know if I can believe that." I leaned into Princess Celestia's chest and nuzzled her. "I don't know how I can handle it anymore, Princess."
"I know, Twilight," she said softly. "I know."
Just then the door to the library opened, and I flinched back with a whimper when TD walked in, whistling a tune that I recognized as one of his Earth songs. I quickly pulled out of Princess Celestia's grasp and got to her hooves before TD could notice my position. When TD walked into the room, he saw Princess Celestia and sunk to his knees in a low bow, as he always did these days.
"Princess Celestia, it's an honor to see you again."
Celestia stood up and forced a smile on her face. "And you as well, TD. How are you this lovely afternoon?"
"Pretty good," TD said, dropping his saddlebag onto the table. "Just taking my lunch break." He grimaced and sighed. "Few customers at Sugarcube Corner were particularly grumpy today. Dunno what their deal was. I thought Pinkie might come out to cheer them up, but, she was just focused on baking, I guess. Gonna be busier with the weekend coming up, amirite?"
"Of course, TD," Celestia said, her smile becoming a bit more strained. "So you're doing well?"
"Can't complain, wouldn't help much if I did, even if I had anything to complain about." He smiled at Celestia again. "I dunno. Been pretty happy these days."
For a brief second, his smile fell, and I saw something flash in his eyes. Fear, maybe? Something not right. It was gone so quickly I thought I might have imagined it.
"Anyway," he said, turning to me, "I'm going to go take my afternoon walk, alright? I'll be back..." He tilted his head in a sort of shrug. "When I get back, I guess."
I forced my own smile on my face and gently nodded. "Ok--" My voice cracked and I cleared my throat. "Okay, TD. I'll see you later, alright?"
"Sounds good." With one more bow to Princess Celestia, he turned around and walked out of the library, whistling that Earth song again.
The second the door shut behind him, I began quietly sobbing. I felt Princess Celestia's wing drape over my back, and I leaned into her once more.
"We'll help him, I promise you," she said. "I will do whatever it takes."
I could only continue crying.
* * * *
Such a beautiful day out. Should be for the next couple of days. I don't think the pegasi have any rain scheduled until next Tuesday. As such, I could see the depths of Ghastly Gorge stretching out for miles. It was my favorite area in Ponyville. I came here for my walk every day, just to walk the edge of it. It never got old looking down into the depths, seeing those rock eel thingies popping out of their caves, and whatnot. Though I did have to be careful. Sometimes I'd find myself drifting pretty close to the edge. Guess I just get lost in thought sometimes. Happened a lot when I first started my walks near Ghastly Gorge, but I guess I was becoming more aware of my surroundings, because those instances went down a lot. It only ever happened every once in a while now.
Still, I found it strange that it happened at all. I mean, geez, if I did ever fall down, the drop would kill me instantly. I'd want that. I mean... wouldn't want that. Weird.
I picked a nice spot and sat down, right near the edge of the gorge. I looked down into its rocky depths and nodded, impressed. I guess that's why I liked coming here. It reminded me a bit of... I... wait, what would it remind me of? There's nothing else like it in Equestria. Maybe some trip I took with my parents? Can't remember what that'd be, though, or when.
Just lean forward a little bit more. Please. I can't do this anymore. Let today be the day.
Today. What was today? I didn't have some appointment, or event that I had to attend, right? I didn't think so.
Just a little more. Then it'll all be fine.
Sheesh, this is strange. Maybe I should stop coming to Ghastly Gorge if it's going to be dangerous like this. Yeah, I think I'll do that. It's beautiful and all, but Whitetail Woods would be safer. Or just stop the walks. Relax during my lunch.
It hurts. Just a little more.
Got a lot to do this week. Princess Celestia has been coming by a lot. Guess that makes sense. Twilight is her student.
Lean forward.
For some reason, I began slowly leaning forward. If I leaned too much, I'd go right over the edge to my death. I didn't want to do that, but something told me I should. That I needed to. But that was silly, wasn't it? Ponyville was my home. Equestria was my home. Where I'd lived my whole life. I loved it here.
Just a little more.
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oh. Oh my.
That... Well then.
This one. This ending is best, by leaps and bounds.
Hmmmm, I find this ending a bit more subtle, a bit more hard hitting than the last one. The fact that it's underneath the surface and that the last line is where it hits the readers, as opposed to the statement in the other version. Maybe it's just me.
Omg... I prefer the other ending.
This is the better ending, in every way. It's actually more horrifying than the first one, a lot darker.
5945089 Why?
I enjoyed this latest chapter, This could be a good sequal if you wanted to go that way with the story, or a diffrent story. It could be based around the inner conflicts of Pony TD and Human TD trapped within.
I see a lot of potental in something like that and would love to read it if you did decided to write it. It could be a very intersting ride... Even if you decided to keep it short down to a few chapters, or longer and make it like twelve chapters long or what have you...
5945130 assuming I remember correctly, it was much more dark and vivid. It had me shivering and my natural reflex to freak out at blood firing at all cylinders. This one wasn't all that descriptive to me.
I think it's say you deserve this.
i.imgur.com/er4Mno8.jpg
5945141 Well, they're different kinds of dark. The first is more visual, and the second is more "Stepford Wives" kind of a thing. It's a bright and sunny day, hallmarks of a happy one, but scrape off the top layer and it's pretty horrifying.
5945162 I personally prefer vïsual fics. Don't get me wrong, I love your writing and this, but I prefer more visual stuff. If I can imagine TD cutting his wrists and blood gushing, then I'm happy but if its "should I jump or not?" Then it doesn't catch me as much. Again, just personal preference.
Wow...
I... Kind of want this expanded upon. This was great, and it left me wanting more.
Because we don't know if PonyD ended up jumping or not, it leaves possibilities open for a sequel, like the two TDs vying for control of their mind and body as both begin a slow and painful decent to insanity... It seems like an interesting idea.
I prefer the previous ending. The one where he kills himself, and spells 'free.' I think I prefer that one because it's more what I imagine any human (or at least any human like TD) would do. I prefer seeing 'gore/bloody death sadness' than 'I don't remember my past life. Everything feels wrong. Should I kill myself?' kind of sadness.
But good story though. Really like the series.
5945238 Yes it is, but in this version he didn't have time to do that before the pony brain became the most dominant. There's still a sliver of TD in there, and he's trying to kill himself to be free.
While I like the sense of suspense, subtle unease, and closure this ending causes, I prefer the original; it shows a desperate TD trying to rebel and remain free in the only way he can, and it feels more...right.
5945254 That's probably what I would do. I would prefer to be myself in Equestria, than some pony version of myself.
5945254 Honestly, I prefer the original ending.
But, that's just me.
This ending is just plain creepy. You have to truly know TD's character to realize how painful it is for such a headstrong individual being turned into being unlike him.
I like this one more to be honest, simply cause it had more content to the aftermath besides suicide. Both are good though.
5945621 Yeah I know the feeling.
I must say I like this one much, much more. The quiet horror vs the shock-gore. TD being trapped and nearly powerless is so much more powerful.
Well, the original ending just felt more right. But this ending is just so horrifying. To forever be trapped like that. Sends shivers down my spine. . . Or maybe thats just the cool early morning air from the open window. . .
5946259 I'd like to think he's a little closer to breaking free, waking up or jumping each day
Such a cliffhanger!
I have to say, this ending is a lot more powerful than the first. The first just seems rushed in comparison. It might have been a happier ending, in a sense, but this one just really hammers in the creeping horror. Being trapped within your own head, only slivers and glimpses of lucidity... and everyone's reactions to Not!TD were excellent. The last one didn't have this kind of power. I knew he was going to commit suicide as soon as the 'other solution' occurred to him, and it was really just... quick. Rushed. This one wasn't.
Definitely better.
I definitely prefer this ending to the other one, personally. The subtle darkness, the effect it's had on the other characters, the small pieces of knowledge kept from his human life, like humming the song and the subconscious knowledge that something is wrong and the desire to end it, without being able to fully comprehend why he feels like that, driving him to go to ghastly gorge, to lean over the edge, if only slightly, to contemplate the idea of falling and dying, little enough to lack the understanding of why he feels like that, but strong enough to lack the ability to completely ignore it.
Oh my god this was great.
5945063 It is, isn't it?
I like this one better. It is less melodramatic than the other one, and as such has a much deeper undercurrent of horror to it.
I guess a way to say it is that in the old one, you could say "Problem Solved". Here, you can't. There is that hopeful horror, where that last thread of optimism is just barely shining through, making the rest of the story all that darker.
Was he humming "a spoon full of sugar helps the medicine go down?"
Seems like people prefer this version. I personally prefer the former ending. In terms of dark, this one is definitely darker, subtler but I like the last one because he could die as TD. In this version, he completely died, even ponies cannot stand for changed him. Maybe if they support the changed pony TD more he could survive. It seems he abandon from the society mentally. Again, this one is way darker but former one died with dignity.
Wanna know what the TD in this chapter reminds me of?
Your average everyday brain washed new foal from about 80% of the conversion bureau fics on this site, just instead of humans looking on in disgust at the lobotimized person it's the Equestrians seeing a shallow and imitation of a pony. An uncanny valley version of who he once was just filling in the blanks with standard pony info TD learned in his time with the real ponies.
Maybe the Equestria TD wound up in is just the decendants of a fully converted earth after they manage to push ponies back at the cost of their humanity, a lose-lose situation where death was in sight so they decide if they were going down they were gonna screw over the ponies while doing so.
Just sayin'
Oi. He livez.
This was a good story. I very much prefered the other ending, this one was too scary for me.
I think hearing Pony-TD singing a song from Earth must be downright chilling for the Mane 6 and Celestia.
It underscores who Pony-TD used to be, and how he has vanished for good.
This ending was better.
This is one of those times where the alternative ending is better. The main ending is the sort of thing that a grimdark story would have, whilst this ending is more horrifying. Think about it. TD is turned into a mindless pony, his personality removed. His human mind is in there, and forces him to try suicide, with a ambiguous ending.
Films like Apollo 18 and Unfriended: Dark Web both have a range of endings, and some of the endings to these films are better than the main one. Apollo 18 has a ending where one of the astronauts survives the mission, and the true objective of the mission is revealed to be a bioweapon project, clearing up the plot holes in the main ending and Unfriended: Dark Web has a ending with the fate of the main character left unclear, in a great cliffhanger.
Man I remember this story years ago and I was not sure if it even existed till now. What a great read thank you.