Long ago, before Discord terrorized Equestria, before the Crystal Empire vanished, or a princess fell from favor: legends were told and songs were sung...
Of a city far to the southwest. A city that gleamed like the the sunlight. A city that stood tall above mountains, and was only accessible from the clouds. A city forged with the power of steam and refined with the efficiency of clockwork.
When Metronome, a simple farming pony with an affinity for efficiency heard of these tales, he knew it was his destiny to find this city. What adventures await him there? What trials of cogs or mysteries of the steam? And will they be for good or for ill?
My first fic and hopefully magnum opus! The first few chapters will be almost exclusively pure build-up to the main plot and exposition dumps. I really wanted to create a new world for the ponies to play in, so if you're willing to bare with me for a little while I just set up the characters and setting, I'm sure you'll it to be well worth it. =) If you think anything was not clearly explained, please feel free to point it out, but I plan to explore much more via flashbacks further in. constructive criticism is welcome, so long as it's respectful; and illustrators are wanted!
It's certainly far too early to tell much about this story, so I don't feel that I can really comment on the content. However, I would suggest a few things that would help make the story be a better read, and read better:
1. You need to space out your paragraphs some more. They're definitely too large and some definitely consistute as 'wall of text syndrome.' For instance, the paragraph about Metronome's cutiemark is fifteen lines long. That's definitely too long. Personally, I try to keep them to about six or eight.
2. You have a few awkward sentences and phrasings in here. The best way to work these out is to speak them out loud. That way, you'll hear everything, and anything awkward will stick out. Then, you can just simply reword them to flow better.
For instance:
Into: Her cutiemark was an appropriate reflection of her skills: A copper tea kettle. The tea she crafted made her something of a legend, at least in their small community.
Or some such like that. This brings me to my next point!
3. Get a proof reader. There are a lot of typos, sentencing and dialogue issues in here that could have been squashed if a second set of eyes had gone over them. You have 'Metronnome' in the last line. If you don't have anyone you personally know that would be willing to give your stories a whirl, I'd suggest going to this wonderful group.
I'll add one more point here, before I feel that I've outstayed my welcome. This one is more of a bit of advice to make your life easier:
There is a pretty little button up near the alignment buttons that will automatically indent paragraphs for you. It can skip a few, but it will do most of that work for you!
By no means are you a bad writer. I'm impressed with the content you've put out, but I feel you can definitely improve on it.
Agent Bookfort, over and out.
Interesting, looking forward to more
More I say more!!!!!