Illness (12)
Illness
"Alex why aren't you dressed yet?" Celestia said averting her eyes from the only-in-boxers Alex after she summoned him to the special summoning room.
"I'm not feewing too good...." He replied with a sniffle. And a cough. And a sneeze.
"Well, that's no good. We can't have you helping out around here when you're sick. Speaking of health, it's almost been two weeks. Your blood work should be coming back soon." She said.
"Well, that's good. *cough* It's porbaby just a cold. I'ww be fine." He said with his nose stuffed.
"I'll have none of that. I'm unsummoning you. You head straight back to bed. I'll send somepony by later to take your temperature and all that." With that, Celestia sent him back to his room. He laid down in bed and went back to sleep.
"Hey there sleepy head. Time for your checkup." A stark white nurse with red mane and thermometer cutie mark entered the room.
"Hey Mercury." Alex replied weakly to the unicorn.
"That's nurse Mercury to you, now, pull those covers off so I can.... oh my Celestia." The nurse backed away slowly, opening the door with her rear hoof and charging off down the hallway. Alex looked himself over to see that he was covered in red spots and purple blotches.
"Ooh, let's see..... Pony Pox, hoof and mouth, neigh fever, muletanic plague. Looks like you caught the works." Fiddle Stick said in a very uncomforting tone.
"Ehh?" Alex asked with a cough.
"Well, it seems that you've caught just about every illness known to pony kind. Going over your blood samples, we found that against these diseases, you have very little immune defense." The nurse explained.
"So, like War of the Worlds?" He asked. They didn't understand.
"It's a *cough* movie about aliens. Aliens invade earth and are unstoppable, but eventually die out on their own because they couldn't handle the foreign bacteria. They didn't have any immune defenses against it." He explained.
"That about sums it up." They replied.
"Pony pox sounds like chicken pox or cow pox, hoof and mouth is foot and mouth, which explains my tongue. Muletanic plague? Sounds like Bubonic plague. Great, I've caught all the pony versions of diseases on my planet." He sputtered.
"Well, we attribute the fact that you lasted this long to being that you had similar diseases on your world, and for a great deal of the time you were being sustained by the princess's magic. You would have eventually caught them and built up immunity to them. The problem is, you caught them all at once. We attribute this to your interaction with such a large number of ponies during your 3 weeks here." A doctor explained.
"Well, give it to me straight doc, don't sugar coat it." Alex muffled out.
"1 week." He said sternly.
"Please tell me that's till I get better." He hoped.
"I, I'm sorry Alex." He just lowered his head.
"Wait, why didn't you all get sick with diseases from my world, not that I'd wish it on anyone." He asked.
"It seems that our strains are more severe than your world's. We all might be off for a day or two maximum." The doctor offered.
"Couldn't the princesses just summon me till I can fight off the infection?" He suggested.
"No, because as soon as you returned, you'd be just as sick." Fiddle Stick explained.
"Great, I'm gonna die because of Skittles. Am I contagious?"
"No, only those who haven't ever caught these diseases will be able to get them from you. You can have visitors as much as you want. After all, you only have..... one... week..... left....... you should be allowed to spend it....... however you want........" Serenity, who had been guarding his room, overheard the entire conversation, interrupted and was breaking down.
"I, I'd like to see Celestia and Luna for a bit.... if that's okay." Alex asked. Everyone left the room and the princesses walked in.
"You wanted to see us?" Celestia inquired.
"Yeah. Well, I'm sure you've heard......." Alex replied.
"Yes, your degrading health. One week at the most. I'm, sorry Alex. Not only have I taken you from your family, but I've killed you as well." Celestia began to weep.
"Hey, it's not your fault. Nobody coulda known. I'm just glad I got to meet you all." He smiled weakly.
"Is, is there anything we can do for you?" Luna asked.
"Well, there is one thing. You said maybe I could meet those ponies, you know, Celestia's student and her friends one day. Well, it looks like one day has to been one of the next seven. I'd like to meet them." Alex requested.
"Of course. I'll send a letter right away." Celestia began to leave when Alex stopped her.
"In fact, since I've only got a little time left, can you tell them to have anyone who wants to see me come as well? I'm probably the only one of me they'll ever see. I'd hate for anyone to miss out."
"Are you sure? I mean, putting yourself on display like that, in the state you're in? Would you be okay with that?" Luna asked.
"Yeah, might as well get as much interaction in as I can." He assured her with a cough.
A day went by, Alex getting periodic visits from Suds to clean up some vomit and tell him he'd miss him, as well as from the nurse to check him over and try some antibiotics. It was a small chance, but perhaps it could fight off the infections long enough for his body to adapt. They were grasping at straws. Serenity came by a couple times and sobbed at his bedside, Griswold only came by once and gave him a salute before heading off. He's the kind of pony to cry at a grave site and claim it was raining. Widget was hysterical because someone with enough idea's to satisfy her wasn't going to be around anymore. Ladle and Flay tried cooking for him, but just about everything he ate came back up. Despite their rocky start, they had become fond of the human in his short stay. Mostly because of his recipes. Then, there was Blueblood.
"Well well, look who it is. Not so high and mighty now are we?" He scoffed.
"Come to laugh at a dying man? *cough* Go ahead. Laugh your heart out." The stallion approached the fading human slowly.
"Careful, you don't wanna get sick too. I'm an animal remember, what if I bite?" Alex asked sarcastically.
"This really isn't a show is it?" Blueblood said, not asking as much as telling.
"What was your first hint, the red and purple splotches that itch beyond all measure, the constant coughing, everyone coming by to say their goodbyes, or the fact that I've become sarcastic? I'm gonna die in 7 days, and you have nothing better to do than rub it in." He hacked, a small amount of blood coming up.
"Hmmph, well, it'll be good riddance. You've been nothing but a stain here in this castle. I don't know what Auntie and Luna ever saw in you." He said sticking his nose up in the air.
"If I could move right now, I'd kick your ass. Rot in hell Blackblood." Upon hearing his modified name, clearly meant to be an insult to his black heart, he stuck his nose even higher in the air and stormed out. A little while later, Celestia entered.
"The element bearers will be here tomorrow. Is there anything I can do for you in the mean time?" She asked.
"Yeah, strip Blueblood of his title. Tell him he has to earn it back by joining Griswald's guards and serving for a year under the NEW training regime." Alex coughed painfully, but wore a sinister smile.
"He paid you a visit didn't he?" She asked sternly.
"How'd you guess?" Alex asked in turn.
"Consider it done." Celestia replied with a smirk. Even on his death bed, Alex was full of good ideas. The prince had this a long time coming.
"Um, Alex? Can I come in?" Luna asked apprehensively. She didn't get an answer, so she let herself in. He was looking worse, a lot worse.
"Hrrmm, yeah, come in." He sputtered.
"I, um, I brought the element bearers and several other visitors. Should I send them in?" He just nodded.
"Alright, you can go in, just remember, be gentle with him. He's really sick, so he hasn't been able to eat and has become frail. We've had to go with a feeding tube just to keep the food down." The nurse with Luna whispered. Upon entering, they saw a strange creature, lying on a bed, hooked up to various machines that were taking his vitals and keeping him alive.
"Hi! I'm Pinkie Pie and..."
"Gaaahh." The bouncy pink blur was suddenly held in a violet glow. She looked and realized that she had just jumped on his chest, causing him pain.
"Sorry." She said softly as she was placed on the ground.
"Pinkie Pie, you like parties. I know you want to throw me one, but it doesn't look like I'll be able to attend." He said with a small laugh, which he then regretted.
"Hello, I am Rarity.... erm... do you mind asking just what exactly are you?" She was then elbowed by Applejack for asking a rude question like that, but Alex replied that it was fine.
"I'm a human. My name's Alex, although Suds calls me monkey and guard recruit Blueblood calls me filthy animal." At the mention of 'Blueblood' Rarity became fuming, then suddenly pondered.
"Did you say guard recruit?" She asked.
"Yeah, he laughed at me on my death bed so I told Celestia to strip him of his rank and put him in the new day guard training regiment, which I helped come up with. Let's just say I sent him to hell for a year." Despite being ill, Alex still managed a laugh.
"Well, anypony who can bring that pompous, arrogant, bas....... besides the point. Anypony who can bring him down a notch is fine in my books." She gave him a smile.
"I'm Twilight Sparkle, and I have to say, the prospect of a multiverse and interdimensional travel is so intriguing! Oh, all the things I could learn!" She took out a long list of questions, before being elbowed by Applejack.
"If you want to know any of that stuff, you can just get FiddleStick to let you raid the archives. I've spent two weeks with him and Widget going over all the human stuff and that. You can find out from there. Normally, I'd love to answer questions, but I'm a little short on time, given I only have 6 days to live." Alex coughed again.
"Oh you poor thing! Oh, let me take care of you! Do you need you pillow fluffed? Or better blankets? Are you hot or cold? Have you taken your medicine? Have you been able to eat okay?" A yellow pegasus with a pink mane fluttered around him, trying to make him as comfortable as possible.
"Fluttershy, I think he's alright in that regard." Applejack, being the voice of reason in this situation spoke up.
"Yeah, I'm okay. Can I just hug you instead?" They all looked at him strangely.
"What? She's adorable. She's like a soft, marshmallow, pillow, bunny, teddy bear pony with wings." This made Fluttershy blush. After a hug which was a little too tight, causing Fluttershy to let out a dog toy squeak which was also adorable, he let her go.
"I'm Rainbow Dash! Fastest flyer in Equestria! What's all this nonsense talk of only 6 days to live! That's quitter talk! When life gives you lemons, you just gotta make lemonade!" Dash did a little strut and puffed out her chest.
Alex had a private laugh, thinking of Cave Johnson and his combustible lemons.
"Yeah, but the lemons are sour. If life had given me apples instead, maybe I could do something with them." He replied with a laugh.
"That reminds me, I haven't introduced myself yet. I'm Applejack. In the letter, the princess told us all about how you're an honest, hardworking guy. Hate to see somepony like that in a situation like this." She put her hat over her heart.
"Nah, don't worry about it. We all gotta go sometime right? I just wish mine wasn't so soon. You're all so nice, I just wish I coulda gotten to know you all better." Alex said in his now normal coughing, sputtering tone.
"Well, I guess we ought to be giving him his rest." They all began to leave.
"I'll have plenty of time to sleep when I'm dead. I heard there were some other visitors?"
"Yeah, but we're only allowed six at a time. We'll send the next group in." Twilight replied as she walked out the door. Next thing Alex saw was a small purple lizard thing with green spikes, a teal unicorn with a lyre cutie mark, and an earth pony with some pieces of candy. They were followed by three young fillies. A yellow one with a red mane and bow, a dark caramel pegasus with a dark purple mane, and a white unicorn with two tone light purple mane.
"What are you?" The purple lizard asked.
"A human. Name's Alex. What are you?" He replied.
"A dragon. Name's Spike." He answered with an equally dead tone.
"A dragon? That's cool. I guess I should have expected it with the unicorns and the pegasi, but it's still awesome. Dragons are awesome." He was getting a little delirious. "You breathe fire?"
"Sure do." He let out a small puff of green flame.
"That's cool. You're cool. You're also one the the only guys around. Ladies must be all over you."
"Nah, I'm still a baby dragon." Spike blushed.
"Ya remind me of Spyro. He's not real, but he's macho, and he's just a kid. Saved the world three times. Then again, the whole multiverse thing. Maybe he is real. I don't know anymore. Gotta suck being young like that, can't do all the things ya want to. Just tough it out." Alex's thoughts were getting hazy. The next pony introduced herself.
"Well, If I didn't see it, I wouldn't believe it. I guess you were right Lyra. My name's Bon Bon. I, I'm sorry you're like this." She said.
"Would you believe it's all because of a pack of candy? Apparently, giving something to the caster makes the spell that brought me here permanent, and because of that, I'm gonna die. Who'da thought. You're a candy maker right?" Alex asked. She nodded.
"Good. Make a candy that has all different fruit juices solidified in a swirl so when it melts in your mouth, all the different flavours come out at the same time. Raspberry, orange, lemon, green apple, blueberry, and grape. You can also put strawberry and lime in too if you want. Call them Skittles. You'll make millions from Pinkie Pie alone." She just nodded again.
"Hiya, I'm Applebloom, this here's Scootaloo, and this is Sweetie Belle. We're the cutie mark crusaders and we're crusadin to get our cutie marks. Ya think if we fixed ya up we'd get our cutie marks in doctoring?"
"Nah, I don't know much about it, but it sounds like you'd each get a different one. Try and do things you like and are good at." Alex replied.
"That's what everypony says!" Scootaloo deadpanned.
"Why do you think everyone says it? Maybe because they're right?" Alex said sarcastically. The trio thought about it for a bit before they said 'NAH' and left. Finally, the one called Lyra was the only one left. She just stood there, staring.
"Take a picture, it'll last longer. Literally." With that, she shook her head, pulled out a camera, and took about 30 photos.
"What gives?"
"Well, it's just. You could say I'm a bit of a human enthusiast. Name's Lyra." She replied.
"Let me guess. You tell everyone humans are real, and they call you crazy?" She nodded. He motioned to her to give him some of the pictures and a pen, on which he wrote,
Dear Equestria,
Lyra isn't crazy
Alex the human.
Ps, I'm real.
"There, that ought to settle it. Anything else?"
"What can you do with your hands?" She asked.
"Anything you can do with your hooves, other than walk on them. Some humans can, I just have bad balance."
"What do you eat?"
"Ponies. I'm the monster under their beds. Actually, I eat the same things ponies do, minus the hay and flowers." Lyra at first had a look of shock, then giggled at his joke. Even close to dying, he still had a sense of humor.
"What about human mating rituals?"
"I wouldn't know, because I just barely came of age." A lie, he wasn't going to talk sex with a pony.
"Other species on your world?" He didn't mind answering her questions, as they were short and to the point.
"Pretty much the same as here, minus 'mythological' creatures. Basically, anything that's magic, like timber wolves, manticores, griffins, pegasi, unicorns, minotaur don't exist. Humans are the only ones capable of thought and reason. Imagine my surprise to find a whole world full of things from fairy tales." At that, she seemed satisfied and left.
"Alright, time for me to take your temperature" Mercury said. "Alex, hey Alex? Doctor! He's gone critical! Doc........"
"10 cc's of........"
"One one thousand, two one thousand........."
"Come one, please don't go." Serenity.
"Maggot, you get back up you hear me? If you die on me, it's a thousand push ups a day for a year!" Griswold.
"Poor thing, he's burning up." Fluttershy.
"I don't want to be alone again! You're the only one I can talk to!" Celestia, crying.
"He gave me somepony to talk to on the job. Don't leave me monkey! You made this job worth while!" Suds.
"I never got to throw him a party." Pinkie Pie.
"But I had so many idea's I wanted him to look at." Widget.
"He had so many recipes." Ladle.
"I had fun cooking." Flay.
"I never got to show him the rainboom." Dash.
"I shouldn't have been so tough on him." Stone Chip.
"He thought I was cool." Spike.
"Honest hardworking folk goin like that. Darn shame." Applejack.
"Good riddance, filthy ape." Blueblood. 'Bite me.'
Alex was surrounded by a group of crying ponies, all saying their final goodbyes. After they had left, Celestia and Luna placed a white cover over him and wept. He was the only one who they could talk to on a personal level, as he did not bow in reverence, and could talk with them as an equal without preconception. They had lost him. He was Celestia's first true friend in several hundred years, and he had passed away in under a week, on the one month anniversary of the day he became trapped there.
Well, I was writing this, and I had a brilliant idea to have Alex get sick because of foreign germs. Then, when I looked at the calender, I realized it was April first.
So no, while this does actually happen, he's not dead. As you might be able to tell, he's drifting in and out of consciousness.
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You troll! Had me going there!
is now Surprise.
Edit: I notice that a lot of the ponies names have reverted to their G1 Names. Is this the FimFiction prank?
Eg.
391984 Yes, is Fimfiction prank. Pinks is Surprise, Rares is Sparkler, Applejack is Still Applejack because she's also G1, Shy is Posey. Twilight is still Twilight, Dash is Firefly
not a bad idea, actually. if a human really was in Equestria, foreign bacteria definitely are a very real threat to humans.
so is this really the last chapter, or are you on a continue and leave this as an "optional" story ending?
391984 Yes it is, and i know how to fix it! Bottom of the page, near the middle. Theres a button that says Toggle G1 mode. It also turns off the comic-sans. I HAVE SAVED ALL WHO READ THIS!
..... also, Blackwing is such a troll.
392028
Knew it!
And could you keep the "soldier Blueblood" thing? It'll teach that ass a lot about "Respect"
392054
I know right? But he's a GOOD troll
And thanks for the tip.
if he dies...then you better sleep with one eye open
because i will hunt you down...hell, i might not kill you, but in the end, you'd want me to
"He gave me something good to read about," sobbed ExtraExtrapie
...I almost, ALMOST, thought this was real. Then part way through, I realized you wouldn't end it like this. ...or would you?
Nice! I hereby dub thee BlackWing Von Trollington the Seventeenth!
could he not have just been summoned then become unbounded again?
You, sir, scared the mother-FUCKING life out of me.
static3.fjcdn.com/thumbnails/comments/fuck+u+thewiseass+that+was+brilliant+and+irritating+as+fuck+_dcb8afb8d6652caeafed6aa3a7078fa5.jpg
Oh you......
brillant
SON OFA BITCH!WAIT....I am sensing a rebirth/ponification comming on?....Nah.....Just my stupidity.
assets0.ordienetworks.com/images/GifGuide/clapping/riker.gif
"I'll have plenty of time to sleep when I'm dead."
Awesome~
392028 i was wondering why all the name's were changed...
Mmmmmmmm....maybe have Discord do some nature-defying crap to heal him? Then I can finally post a pic I've got lined up!
The First
P.S. Got really confused when there were two names:
> "I'm Firefly! Fastest flyer in Equestria! What's all this nonsense talk of only 6 days to live! That's quitter talk! When life gives you lemons, you just gotta make lemonade!" Dash did a little strut and puffed out her chest.
I've come to expect it, 3 other fics did it already
Wow, you got me. Thought you were abandoning the story so had to make up a ending real quick, was expecting a sorry but life has caught up with me message at the end.
when lemons came up, i said the whole cave johnson lemon rant before i read any further
You bastard,
You magnificent bastard!
OFFICIAL TROLLDAY! debate.org/photos/albums/1/1/680/8534-680-6a6cy-a.jpg
Nice chapter! I'd give it 6/5 starts if it was possible...
Can't wait for next chapter!
You trolled me so hard, i didn't even think about the date. but now I will not be fooled by the other fics I'm reading
. still got me good though
This day is a good troll day. As long as they change it back and Bioware doesn't just fuck with us ME fans today then we are good.
Addendum: Oh, going with the somewhat consensus here, keep Guard Recruit Blueblood. That thing deserves it, or you could just have him get the shit beat out of him. Either way works.
392106 No, he'd be just as sick. He'd be summoned in the state he arrived in. Then he'd die from the germs, go poof, then die real life.
Here's my idea on what could happen next :
{Alex breathed his last in this body.
Celestia and Luna wept.
Then suddenly Alex's body was consumed by a golden energy. The energy arced, and started destroying the room. The output of energy was tremendous now.
"Luna!" screamed Celestia. "We must leave the room at once! If we stay we will be vaporized!"
"I agree sister!" yelled Luna.
The two left the room.
Alex's body continued to glow, then changed.
The glow died down. Faded. Vanished.
And what was left was a new man now in his place there.
Celestia and Luna crept back in.
"He looks... different." said Celestia.
"Sister, he also looks... healthy." said Luna. "Could whatever have happened also cured him? He seems to be doing fine now."
***
"I've never seen anything like it." said the nurse. "He's changed. And I don't just mean his outside. His insides have changed too. He's now got two hearts where before he had one. It's like he's become a different species. I've never seen anything like it before."}
Probably not where you're taking this fic.
But I just couldn't resist doing this.^_^
As for if he's actually dead. No. And rebirth ponification? NO. I know how he'll get out of it.
This is what's going to happen, for anyone who wants spoilers.
whee.
When's the next chapter you think?
you monster i thought this is for real!
not cool man playin with peoples emotions
please tell me the blueblood bit is real tho, that would be amazing!
393500 What are you talking about? Everything in the chapter really happened. It's just not the end like you all thought.
393500
This DID happen.
Herp
393409
You sir, you troll
Got me good, I even though that wasthe end... Until I saw the date of the day
Oh no, please no
Wait a minute... *remembers what day it is
Well played sir
successful troll is successful ppil4.files.wordpress.com/2009/11/jokerclap2.gif
WOW
You totally got me, I was so sad when I thought it was over. Great April Fools joke, great writing, keep up the good work.
damn
troll had me going.
You know I actually would have been just fine with it ending just like this on the plus try reading the ending paragraphs with the good ending song from bioshock playing
395960 Well, that's the thing. I really COULD end it here. I won't, but I could. I have a lot more stuff in store. This story doesn't even really need a plot, it's just a bunch of wibbly wobby stuff. I could actually write the ending right now, and put it in literally anywhere I want and it wouldn't break up the storyline at all. It's a no pressure story I write when I want to feel good about something. No sex, no gore, no evil looming overhead. It's just, normal life. Okay, so he's living with the princesses, but it's not like he's running into Daring Doo and going off to raid ancient temples. He's just chillin.
395986 well said but you should try it with that song
dash.ponychan.net/chan/files/src/133224937652.gif
just got to the end of the chapter...
OH YOU!!
I got so mad at the April fools thing, My eyes started twitching.
BlackWing, "You magnificent Troll I READ YOUR BOOK!"
Patton Referance!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AJXKVOxqkWM
I actually thought he would wake up in the middle of it or something. :/
Good chapter and good Trolling.
Oh my God.
I could kiss that trollface right now. Ordinarily you'd think, 'nah, he can't die, he's the main character and there's like 10 chapters left,' but I once read a book where that was the whole point. 3/4 of the way through the book the main character died, and the rest of it was just about how his best friend journeyed to tell the wife only to find that she'd died birthing his son, who was sent to an orphanage but escaped. It ended with the best friend walking off into the unknown to find the son.
Anyway, I'm really, really glad this is just an April Fool's chapter.
You see, I would've fallen for it and actually thought he would die, but considering how good of a writer you are, an ending like this would really have no resolution to, really any of the conflicts in the story, and I know you wouldn't leave us hanging with just those few moments of interaction with the Mane 6.
That and also there are still 8 chapters ahead of this one, so that kind of made it obvious.