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Twilight Sparkle's Visit to the Family Planning Center2,711 words
For Want Of A Child4,107 words
Possibilities1,155 words
FAP1,330 words
Now Hiring618 words
Star, Sun, and Leaf8,592 words
A Cute Little Terror3,617 words
So You Have Two Mommies. Which One Gets To Go Through Tartarus?1,680 words

FAP

Fertile Plot pushed open the door and trotted into her house.

Button Mash looked up from where he sat on the sofa, hooves twitching over his Joy Boy. "Hey Mom," he said.

"Good afternoon, dear," Fertie said. "How was school?"

"It was okay," Button said. "Hey Mom? You gotta come to school tomorrow for FAP."

Fertie blinked. "Uhhh...say again?"

"FAP," Button replied. "You know, Family Appreciation Day?"

"Oh!" Fertie frowned. "That's...well, nevermind. So it's tomorrow?"

"Yeah-huh," Button said absently.

"And you're only just now telling me?"

"I didn't know it was tomorrow," Button said. "I guess Miss Cheerilee announced it before and I just missed it."

"Uh-huh," Fertie said, raising an eyebrow. "Well, alright. So...what is Family Appreciation Day?"

"Eh, you gotta come to school and talk to the kids. You know, about what you do for a living and stuff."

Fertie twitched. "Uhh..." She coughed. "I'm...not so sure about that..."

"Oh, it'll be fine, Mom!" Button said. "After all, you're the best mom in Equestria! What's more awesome than that?"

Fertie smiled. "A-alright...I'll be there."

* * * * *

Cheerilee looked up from her desk as Fertile Plot trotted into the schoolhouse. "Oh, good morning, Fertie!" she said.

"Good morning, Cheerilee," Fertie said. "How's pregnancy treating you?" Cheerilee had needed to make three return trips to the Family Planning Center before successfully conceiving.

"Well, it hasn't been the easiest time," Cheerilee said with a grimace. "My doctor has concerns. This foal may not even..." She swallowed. "In any case, no matter how this turns out, I won't be able to try again, ever. Doctor's orders."

Fertie's ears drooped. "I'm...sorry to hear that," she said.

"So, is that what brought you here today?" Cheerilee asked. "Checking up on me?"

Fertie blinked. "Umm...actually, I'm here for Family Appreciation Day."

Cheerilee gasped. "Oh. I...I see." She shook her head. "Sorry, it took me a minute to remember you're Button Mash's mother." She chuckled. Then, her muzzle furrowed. "Umm...well..."

"I don't want to disappoint Button by not being here," Fertie said. "But...I'll be the first to admit that talking to a classroom full of young ponies about what I do for a living is, well...not the best idea." She frowned. "That's why I made sure I got here ahead of—"

"Button!" Cheerilee said loudly and brightly. "Your mother and I were just talking about how wonderful it is she could make it!"

Fertie whirled around to see Button standing in the doorway. "Mooooom!" he whined. "You didn't wait for me! I wanted us to come in together!"

"I'm sorry, Button," Fertie said. "I...guess I just got a little...overexcited?"

Button looked from her to Cheerilee, taking in their overly large, toothy grins, and shrugged. "Eh." He trotted over to his desk and sat down. A moment later, the classroom began to fill with students. The well-known fashionista Rarity accompanied Button's friend Sweetie Belle, and a pegasus Fertie recognized as Rainbow Dash accompanied an orange pegasus filly.

"Alright class, settle down!" Cheerilee said. "As you know, today is Family Appreciation Day. We have three very special guests today, so please behave and pay attention!"

Fertie stood nervously by and watched as Rainbow Dash awed the class with stories about cloudbusting, pegasus races, and awesome adventures. After Rainbow Dash, Rarity gave a presentation on haute couture, and bragged about all the important ponies she designed outfits for.

"Thank you, Rarity!" Cheerilee said. "And lastly, we have Button Mash's mother..." Cheerilee fought a pained grimace. "...Fertile Plot."

Several ponies, including Rainbow Dash, snickered. Rarity gave a dramatic gasp.

Fertie stepped forward and cleared her throat. "Ahem. Hello, everypony." She smiled. "Ah, yes, well...I own and manage the Family Planning Center. It's...oh dear...how do I explain..."

"Mom makes babies!" Button Mash exclaimed. Several giggles burst out from the class.

Fertie's eye twitched. "That's...not quite it," she said. "The Family Planning Center...assists mares who wish to become mothers."

"Like, givin' them advice on motherin' an' stuff?" asked a yellow filly with a large hair bow.

"Well...we do offer informational pamphlets, but..." Fertie's eyes darted around the room. "Oh dear," she said, ears wilting. "Umm...our business is more results-oriented," she said. "You see, some mares who want to become mothers don't, well...don't have a husband, so..."

"Oh, so you help ponies find their special someponies?" the orange pegasus filly asked.

"We could've used your help that one time—" Sweetie Belle started.

"No, we're not...well..."

A pink earth pony filly with a tiny tiara perched on her head spoke up, in a shrill, condescending voice. "I know what goes on at that so-called 'Family Planning' place." She gave Fertie an evil smirk. "You're a pimp!"

Rarity fainted.

Cheerilee frowned. "Diamond Dazzle Tiara! That's detention for you, young lady!"

Diamond Tiara shrugged. "It's true, though."

"Well, yes, it's true, but that was rude and uncalled for! And how do you even know what that word means, young lady?"

Diamond Tiara blushed. "Umm...nevermind."

"I am not a pimp!" Fertie declared hotly. "I run a licensed impregnation clinic! My staff are thoroughly screened! We only service clients who are in heat and want to bear a foal!"

Rainbow Dash tilted her head. "So...you're a pimp."

"Rainbow Dash! Detention!"

"I'm not even one of your students!"

"I don't care!"

With that, any semblance of control and order was lost, as the class dissolved into a chaotic maelstrom of laughter, confused questions, and embarrassed keening from Button Mash. Rarity fainted three more times. Her composure completely lost, Fertie bounded over to Button's desk, picked him up, tossed him onto her back, and charged out of the schoolhouse as fast as her hooves could carry her.

* * * * *

"I'm sorry for everything that happened today, Button," Fertie said. She had headed straight for Sugar Cube Corner, and they now each had large ice cream sundaes sitting in front of them. "I should have just talked to Cheerilee and gotten out of this whole thing. There was no way this was ever going to end well."

"Why...why were they picking on you, Mom?" Button asked.

Fertie sighed. "Because Mommy's job is a little embarrassing, sweetie, and some of those ponies in that classroom know about things they really shouldn't know about at that age."

"But...I still don't get it," Button said, sniffling.

With another sigh, Fertie ate a spoonful of ice cream. She then explained, patiently and completely, exactly what the Family Planning Center was.

Button's eyes grew wider and wider as she spoke. When she was finished, he blinked once. "Soooo....you rent out daddies?"

"Something like that," Fertie said. "Now, eat your ice cream."

Author's Note:

For the sake of narrative convenience, this takes place sometime after chapter one but before "Star, Sun, and Leaf". Probably only a few months after the first chapter.

This chapter was written in memory of JanAnimations' Button Mash video series, which was terminated by Hasbro's lawyers on March 21, 2014.

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NightmareBlaze

NightmareBlaze #1 · Mar 22nd, 2014 · · ·

You can find all his videos on YouTube still!!!!!! They have like Latin subtitles or something but the video is still there!
http://youtu.be/4Sq4t_AE2tg

Mogss