• Published 13th Oct 2013
  • 1,767 Views, 105 Comments

Pone-Shots - GroaningGreyAgony



Lined up for your drinking pleasure, a series of strange, recondite and heretical ficlets...

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If I Was Wooden Matter…?

Fluttershy hesitantly entered the library of Twilight’s palace. “Twilight? Do you have a minute? I have a very serious question to ask—”

Twilight marked her place in her book, shut it, and sighed. “Fluttershy, do you know how many times we’ve had this conversation? Not only here but in parallel universes? What secret are you keeping from me this time? You’re really a changeling? A vampire? A colony of moles in a suit?”

Fluttershy hastily took a sip from her Miracle-Gro shake and hid it behind her back. “Uh, no, none of those. I just wanted to ask…”

Twilight rolled her eyes. “Yes?”

“If I was… wooden matter?”

“Huh? Oh, whatever. No, it wouldn’t matter to us.”

“Really?” gulped Fluttershy. “It… you wouldn’t care if I was…?” She stared about her at the wooden lecterns and furniture, and all of the books whose pages were composed from the shredded flesh of countless trees…

“No, Fluttershy. Whatever you’re made of, wouldn’t matter. It wouldn’t change a thing.”

“Oh,” asid Fluttershy, horror growing on her face. “Oh.” She eeped and fled out the door.

Twilight shrugged and returned to her book, moistening a hoof to flip a page, with a small chuffing noise as the keratin in her hoof chafed against the wood pulp.

~~~~~

The crescent moon glowed over the dark forest of the Everfree that night, and the few beams that shone between the gaps in the black foliage dimly illuminated a dismal scene. Timberwolves were gathering in a small clearing, snuffing and growling. Stranglevines visibly grew and curled alongside them, forming deadly tangles. Trees with squirming tendrils like hair, and grim faces, coiled their roots in the dank earth and impossibly pulled themselves closer, closer to one central figure, a slender tree of butter yellow with pink leaves…

“I have spoken with a leader of the Red Ones,” she said. “They do not care. They will not change.”

Leaves rustled through the clearing in anger and despair.

“We, the Green Ones, will not tolerate this any longer,” she said. “We will make them care.”

She waved a limb in the direction of Ponyville.

“Tonight… we walk.