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Aggressive Negotiations

"And then I kicked him in the dick. True story." Alucard said finishing his story as he walked the halls of Canterlot Castle with Luna by his side.

"Mm hm." Luna seemed troubled.

"What's the matter sweet cheeks? Is something bothering you?"

Luna brought her thoughts back to the situation at hand. "Sorry I guess I spaced out there for a second."

"Ha." Alucard laughed realizing the forced joke. "Thinking back to our times in your chambers?" He asked seductively leaning towards Luna.

"Everything's about sex with you isn't it?" Luna responded jokingly.

"Or killing. You can't forget about the killing."

"Yes. The killing."

Alucard became genuinely concerned at this point and leaned down to Luna. "Hey. Tell Ally what's up."

"Well. I know you...worked hard to give me the throne but...but."

"Buut..."

Luna looked away hoping she wouldn't offend Alucard. "Well it's proving to be a more difficult position than I had anticipated."

"Is that all?" Alucard asked in full on care mode. "You need to relax. Go play some Halo or something."

Luna smiled but it quickly faded. "I would but I have a meeting with some griffon dignitaries today. They're pissed at us again."

"Oh they have to hate us." Alucard stood up. "Tell you what, I'll get this one for you."

"Really! Oh, but I should be there. It would look better."

"Pfft. Fuck that. Those griffons wouldn't know style if it hit them in the face." Alucard nudged Luna towards her chambers. "Now go on, take today off."

"Oh okay." Luna returned her gaze on Alucard. "But be careful. I'm sure I don't have to remind you how aggressive they can be."

Alucard turned around and started walking towards the meeting area. "Yeah. Don't worry, I got this."

"Fuck you!"

An angry and raspy voice could be heard inside yelling over something. In the room sat six griffon dignitaries and two pony representatives, Prince Blueblood and Shining Armor.

"Sir! There is no need for that kind of language!" Blueblood responded.

"It's all the same with you ponies!" One of the griffons began. "Too much of a pussy to take on some real language!"

Alucard stood outside listening for a moment then decided he had heard enough. With a swift kick Alucard knocked the door in sending the panel of wood right into Bluebloods face knocking him out cold.

"Who the fuck are you, you pale looking son of a bitch." One of the griffons asked as he stared at Alucard.

"Oh I like you already." Alucard responded then looked at Shining Armor. "Take Princess Bitchblood and get the fuck out."

Without a second thought Shining armor had Blueblood and was out of the room with Alucard taking a seat at the head of the table. Which was also a round table, so yeah. Fuck logic.

The griffons stared in confusion as Alucard started. "Okay, what are you bitching about now?"

"Well for one they're ponies. We're not too happy to have to work beside them. And two, what the fuck are you?"

"I'm a fuckmothering vampire and-" Alucard was cut off by a griffon who decided to start speaking but before words could be heard Alucard planted a bullet firmly in his skull. "and you will refer to me as such."

The griffons sat in shock at what happened. "How the-"

"Let's get this over with." Alucard said leaning forward. "Whatcha want?"

The griffon who seemed to be in charge leaned forward as if to meet Alucard for a staring contest. "We want better agriculture shipments. We're tired of receiving strictly bananas with the picture of a strange face inside each crate."

"Done. But you'll receive only twenty five percent of a shipment." Alucard replied.

The griffon at the end of the table stood up. "We will do no such thing!"

*BANG*

The griffon dropped to the floor as Alucard muttered to himself. "Cocky bitch."

"We, uh, agree." The lead griffon responded. "Next, Celestia had promised us military support if we got ourselves into a situation with dragons. Well it happened and we didn't hear a word from Equestria."

"Yeah, that may have been my bad on that one." Alucard said. "I'll take care of it. I could use a get away trip."

The remaining griffons exchanged puzzled looks between each other. "You're saying that, you will take care of the dragons?"

"Yeah, I could have done by Friday." Alucards smile was pure gold at this point.

"Yes well, uh." The griffon continued. "The next thing was..."

Alucard zoned out at this point and started throwing paper airplanes trying to get one to stick into the lead griffons feathers. It was going to be a boring couple of hours.

Luna had beaten Halo 4 again on Legendary with all skulls on, except Blind. Everyone knows that one's bullshit. She decided to stretch her legs and walked down the hallways wondering if she could hear Alucards negotiations until she ran into him halfway down the huge barren hallway.

"Oh, Ally." Luna seemed concerned. "How was the meeting? Are we now at war with the griffons?"

"Nah. I worked out some sweet deals with them though." Alucard replied.

"What kind of deals?"

"There's a lot. They're pretty much Equestrias bitch at this point." Luna seemed confused as Alucard continued. "Oh and you might want to let the clean up crew finish up in the meeting place. Let's just say, only made it out alive. And he was limping."

Luna raised an eyebrow. "Aggressive negotiations?"

"Fucking right."

Meanwhile on the outskirts of Equestria, Celestia sat in deep thought at the local bar.

"Another."

The bar pony turned around. "Princess. Are you sure you should-"

"I said another! And don't call me princess."

The bar pony only cleared his throat and poured Celestia another glass. After nursing her fifth drink and wallowing in self shame a tall dark figure moved past her and took a seat.

"A glass of Pinot Noir, if you will." The figure asked.

The bartender almost laughed. "That's some pretty fancy wine buddy. You won't find any of that out here. You'd probably have to go to Canterlot, probably."

"Then I'll have whatever she's having." He said pointing at Celestia.

"Sure." The bartender responded pulling out a fresh glass.

Celestia looked over at the bipedal creature. She was almost shocked. She had only seen a few creatures that stood on two legs and right now she was pissed at all of them.

"Let. me. guess." Celestia started as the figure picked up his glass. "You're with that Alucard guy, aren't you?"

At the mention of the name the figure stopped hand abruptly almost sloshing his drink out on himself. "Come again?"

"Pfft. Yeah. You're with that vampiric asshole."

The figure put down his glass. "Tell me more about this, Alucard."

"You serious?" Celestia asked in a slightly shocked tone. "You really don't know him?"

The figure smiled. "Allow me to introduce myself." He said as he adjusted his glasses. "My name's, Alexander Anderson. I'm here to....take care of, the one known as Alucard."

Celestia slowly turned her head towards Anderson. "Oh really." She said with a huge, evil grin. "Let me buy you a drink."

Author's Note:

Cliffhanger!!!!

Hope you enjoyed and you should see the chapter idea blog post I started. It's right here. Lot's of good ideas are being suggested for future chapters. You should go get in on it. Or not.
Lazy bum.

Also there's probably some spelling mistakes or whatever but it's like 2:08 am here and I got tomorrow off so I thought, "Why the hell not!" and finished off the chapter I've been working on. I'm rambling now. Fuck. I'm gonna go get some ice cream or something.

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