Sugarcoated So Poorly

by cleverpun

Making a bad thing seem like a good thing.

There are good kisses and bad kisses

A good kiss is almost electric. You don’t simply feel it in your lips, but in your entire body. Sometimes your cheeks flush, or your skin tingles, or occasionally a foot drifts lazily upward like in the movies. Times passes and you just don’t care.

A bad kiss can be many things, but it is rarely pleasant. Perhaps things didn’t quite line up correctly. Perhaps one managed to get themselves stuck on something. Perhaps there a bad odor nearby. It ends abruptly and leaves everyone unfulfilled.

This kiss was none of those. It was more akin to kissing a cardboard cutout, or fondling a pillow. There was no emotion, good or bad. It simply occurred. It had neither the spark of a good kiss, nor the explicit failure of a bad one.

Big McIntosh and Cheerilee finally broke apart. They only did so reluctantly, for respiratory reasons. Their chests and faces remained pressed close to each other’s, less than an inch separating them from another kiss. A thin string of saliva connected their lips for a fraction of a second, but it quickly snapped in half.

“That was the best kiss I’ve ever had, shmoopsie poo,” Big Mac said.

“I was thinking the exact same thing, buttermuffin,” Cheerilee agreed.

The train shifted slightly, its wheels letting out a noticeable clack. Their bunk bed was tiny, meant for a single occupant, and each little movement of the train caused them to bump into each other. The conductor had insisted on reserving separate beds for them, but the top one went unused.

Cheerilee yawned. The day had been quite long. Falling in love was a much more tiring activity than she had thought. She lowered her head, pressing it into Big Mac’s chest. His coat was incredibly coarse, a half-day’s worth of dust and sweat clinging to it. He hadn’t bothered to shower before the Cutie Mark Crusaders’ little errand, and the shower on the train was far too small for a pair of ponies.

Cheerilee closed her eyes and rubbed her cheek against Big Mac’s chest. The hair was stiff enough that it forcefully scratched her skin, and it came very close to breaking it. “Your coat is so soft, pancake-pie,” she whispered. “I could lay on it forever.”

Big Mac lifted his head off the pillow. He brought his head forward and up, and soon was resting it on Cheerilee’s mane. Her hair smelled like strawberry shampoo, pungent and artificial. She had needed to use a lot; after getting some candy stuck in her mane during the school day nothing else had helped.

“Your mane smells nice, butter-bush,” Big Mac said. “I could stay here forever too.”

Cheerilee’s ear flicked. “Bran muffin…do you think it was a good idea to leave Ponyville like that? I mean, of course I want to be with you forever, but eloping seems so drastic.”

Big Mac shifted his neck slightly. His back was kind of sweaty, and the cheap train bedsheets had stuck to them a while ago. His began to push his face back into position, so he could rest it on Cheerilee’s perfect head. The smell of her shampoo hit his nostrils, and he hesitated. He wasn’t sure why; anything related to Cheerilee had to smell amazing.

“You heard the Cutie Mark Crusaders, chocolate drop. What else is there to do but get married?”

“I know, and I know we have them to thank for the idea, but I just have this feeling we shouldn’t have left.” Cheerilee’s voice was quiet and dreamy. She rubbed her cheek on Big Mac’s chest, but the motion didn’t comfort her like she had hoped it would.

“They’ll git along fine without us, honeybee. And once we finish the ceremony and the honeymoon they’ll be right there waitin’ for us,” Big Mac said confidently.

“Are you sure, pizza slice?”

“Hey, look at me,” Big Mac said gently. He put a hoof under Cheerilee’s chin and slowly nudged her head up. Their eyes met and a dopey smile spread across his face. “Would I ever lie ta you?”

Cheerilee blinked. Her eyelids seemed to move in slow motion, and the action took a very long time to complete. When her eyes opened, there was an imperceptible pink tinge in her sclera. Big Mac didn’t notice.

“You’re right, cookie platter.” Cheerilee lowered her head again. She made sure to put her left cheek down instead of her right. She wasn’t sure why, but the right one felt kind of sore. A small smile crept onto her face. “I don’t know what I was thinking.”

---

Twilight’s eyes snapped open, and her horn slowly dimmed. “They’re still moving. A trace spell won’t do any good until the train stops.”

The library was quiet for a brief moment after her announcement. Applejack settled back into her chair. “Great, more waitin’ then.”

Twilight glanced at a nearby lamp. “Sorry, Applejack. I just—”

“Don’t apologize, Twilight. This isn’t your fault, not by a long shot.” Applejack propped her chin on a hoof. “I should be the one apologizin’. I’ve been snappin’ at everypony since this whole thing started. Not having anythin’ to do is drivin’ me crazy.”

Twilight rubbed her neck. “Well, you could always go talk to Apple Bloom…”

Applejack shook her head. “I wouldn’t know what to say. And if Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy, and Dash together can’t comfort those three, then I wouldn’t be any help anyway.”

The door flew open, and starlight temporarily spilled into the library. Rarity trotted in, a folded piece of parchment floating in her magic aura.

Rarity plopped it onto the table in front of AJ. “Well, it took some social maneuvering, but I managed to get the entire route of the train they are on. They made quite a scene when they purchased their tickets—hanging all over each other and three fillies tugging on them—so the conductor remembered them fairly easily.” Her sentence was a little faster than it might have been under normal circumstances. There were several loose hairs in her mane, and a twig poked out of her tail.

Applejack grabbed the paper in her mouth and flung it open. It drifted slowly down and settled onto the table. It was a simplistic map of Equestria, with a grid laid on top it and a few bright green lines winding across it. Somepony had marked a few of the cities with a red marker.

“Three stops. That’s not that bad,” Twilight said.

Applejack slammed a hoof on one edge of the map. “But one of them is Las Pegasus. Searching that place would take a week, even with magic.”

“Actually, most of the city is pegasi,” Rarity pointed out. “And we are looking for a pair of earth ponies. The city may be populous, but the right spells would be able to find them with enough effort.”

“Assumin’ that’s actually where they went.” Applejack muttered. “And assumin’ they don’t take a connection.”

Twilight leaned forward. “They wrote the times by each stop—”

“You’re welcome.” Rarity fluffed her mane slightly.

“—so we can wait until the train stops and I can do a better trace spell,” Twilight said. “It’s not ideal, but we should be able to get a good idea of where they get off, then take the next train after them.”

“And what if they leave before we get there?”

“They’re getting married, if their behavior is any indication.” Rarity’s nose wrinkled as she remembered the wedding dress she still had to clean. “No doubt they will stay in town for a while.”

“Not the best plan, but it’s a start.” Twilight stood up. “Finding them is the hard part, seeing how simple the antidote is.”

Applejack glanced up from the map. “Yea, I know that’s what you told Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle, an’ Scootaloo,” Applejack leaned forward, “but how true was it?”

Twilight smiled, although one corner of her mouth ended up a little higher than the other. “Don’t worry Applejack. Anyone can keep two ponies apart for an hour. Luck permitting, they may even get separated on their own, especially in an unfamiliar city.” Twilight rubbed her chin. “And given who brew it, I’m still not entirely convinced the potion won’t fade on its own.”

Applejack slumped back into her chair and let out a heavy sigh. “You’re right Twilight. I know you wouldn’t lie ta me, and I trust your magic know-how.” She rubbed her forehead with a hoof. “I guess this is just gettin’ to me.”

Rarity stepped over and put a hoof on Applejack’s shoulder. “Why don’t you go and get some rest?” she said gently. “Twilight and I can handle a few spells, and once we are done we shall do the same.” Rarity smiled. “That way we can all be fresh for tomorrow, and end this mess as quickly as possible.”

Applejack was quiet for a moment. She stood up slowly. “You’re right, of course.” A weak smile crept across her face. “Thanks, girls. I don’t know what I’d do without ya.”

“We’ve been through worse than this, and it’s always had a happy ending before.” Rarity gave the earth pony another pat on the shoulder. “Now go rest, you look like you need it.”

Applejack nodded slowly. She grabbed her hat from chair, then stumbled out of the door. Another beam of starlight cut briefly into the room as she left.

There was a silence. Twilight glanced at the map, but didn’t say anything.

“Well?”

Twilight’s ear flicked. “Well what?”

Rarity leaned towards Twilight. “Well, how true was it? Really? You don’t have to sugarcoat it with me, like you did with Apple Bloom and Applejack,” Rarity said softly.

Twilight turned her head to the side. “I was being truthful with them, Rarity. The antidote is trivial to perform. I have every confidence we’ll find Cheerilee and Big Mac.”

“But?”

Twilight’s ears flattened. “I just don’t know how long it’ll take. I already sent a letter to Celestia, and she said that she doesn’t have any resources to spare. This could end up being a very long chase.”

“And what about that part about it fading on its own?”

Twilight sighed. “No offense, Rarity, but after some of the things this town has been through, I don’t think anypony here has enough willpower to resist mind magic, let alone a curse that strong.”

“And what if they performed it wrong?”

“You already know the answer to that. Magic works or it doesn’t. I examined the leftovers of their potion and they did it correctly.”

Rarity rubbed her chin. “I see…”

Twilight shook her head and looked back at the map. “It says the last stop is around four AM. Guess I had better make some coffee.”

Twilight felt a hoof on her shoulder.

“Nonsense,” Rarity said. “We’ll do it in shifts. Why don’t you get some rest. I’ll wake you after I’ve cast the first trace spell.”

Twilight smiled. “Thanks Rarity.”

Rarity chuckled nervously. “Don’t thank me yet. As you said, the search may take a while.”

Twilight turned to the stairs, but her hoof paused in midair. “Rarity, what will happen if we don’t find them?”

“You said it yourself, darling. It’s just a matter of patience.”

“Right, I did say that…” Twilight stumbled up the stairs, and the door to her room clicked softly shut.

Rarity turned to the kitchen. I wonder if this is how Cheerilee feels calming her students. Just telling them what they need to hear over and over. Making a bad thing seem like a good thing. It must get old, having everything sugarcoated so poorly.

Rarity shook her head. Must be the fatigue talking. Hopefully that coffee will snap me out of this melancholy mood.

Rarity started the coffee machine and slumped into a chair. It was going to be a long night.

Author's Note:

I don't remember why I wrote this. Writing exercise, maybe?

Comments

[NodoubtbuodoN]

Hmm... I don't know if this would necessarily qualify as dark or sad, at least not yet. This is marked as complete, however, so I'm guessing you meant more for this thing, and just never got around to or lost motivation for doing it? I'm just speculating here.

For what it's worth, what you do have I enjoyed, even if it just seems to end suddenly (again, that might not have been able to be helped).

[cleverpun]

3542867 All valid criticisms. I think this was me practicing writing mental manipulation (probably for Battery or its sequel), but it has been a while since I wrote it, so I'm not completely sure.

The ending is neither concrete nor optimistic, so I figured it would be better to add the Dark and Sad tags rather than misleading readers (especially since most of my followers are after wacky comedy).

Still, glad you liked it despite that (Statue Garden is one of my favorite Dark stories, so I suppose I did something right )

[NodoubtbuodoN]

3542956

You're making me blush.

Honestly, until I can get a second half-decent, or at the very least readable, fic in my library, I'm just considering myself a guy who happened to have a good idea at a good time. Even then, Statue Garden's idea originated with a creepy webcomic, and I just wanted to push the concept even further. Petrification is one of those things that never stopped being scary to me.

And it's only now I'm realising I need to get around to checking out The Elements of Excess sometime. I'm a very procrastinate reader.

[StoneButterflies]

Please add more.

[SFaccountant]

Well, that seemed... inconclusive?
There was lots of good build-up but not a hint of climax or resolution. Any number of things could have happened, and the only thing that's certain is that this story is marked "complete".