Luna and Nightmare Moon are transported to the Capital Wasteland during the final battle against her sister. Join them in their attempt to return home and reclaim her birthright with the help of a girl named Sarah, fresh out of Vault 101.
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This... is... AWESOME!
Awww, who's a good sword? who's a good sword? yes you are breaker.
I actually had that happen to me once, where my gun was left on a crate. It exploded, flew around 50m, then landed right next to me in Halo.
The sarcasm is strong with that one...
Also.
"When in situations where there is nothing else to you are capable of, snark!"
perhaps missing a "do"?
Daybreaker is best sword.
4502222
Thanks
...Badflank sword is badflank.
Nice update!
Wow, a decent Enclave member, other then Arcade? That's a surprise.
Great! I like the side story with Spencer, will he become a common occurence?
Also, WTH with the sword? Running gag, lot of luck or special event?
What about Fawk's minigun? Sweet chapter though, can't wait for the next one. keep goin and stay golden^^
Another chapter already? *faints*
That sword must have a Homeing beacon or something....
And the part of Sokka shall be played by Nim
4502285 If I remember correctly, (Which I probably don't) back in megamart luna explained that her sword will always return to her scabbard
I dislike the portrayal of the Enclave here. Then again, I'm a bit biased.
That sword is more loyal than Dogmeat.
Now those are words of wisdom I can get behind
Great chapter, but there are a bunch of editing mistakes I can see. Misplaced periods, a few sentences with stray words (as if halfway rewritten). It was a good chapter, but it feels like you rushed it out a bit too quickly.
On a story-related note, I wonder if Spencer there is gonna be a permanent addition to the team? New Vegas proves that, if nothing else, the average Enclave soldier wasn't a total monster, just a human being doing a job. I bet with a little traveling (and seeing Sarah and Luna smooching all the time) he'll eventually get quite used to all the 'mutants' and eventually warm up to them. Soon, Fawkes, Luna, Nim, Sarah, and Spencer will just be one big, happy, slightly fucked up family.
4502348
Nope, besides, the sheath isn't with it. Sarah's just a lucky girl sometimes.
4502370
Crap, sorry, it wasn't that it was written too quickly, it's that long chapters like this are hard for me to quality control.
Would you mind pointing some of the more glaring mistakes out?
So, I'm confused. Did they leave Sarah's power armor behind (=C power armor is awesome and I can just see her getting to Equestria with Luna and just a giant thingy golem with superstrength and near indestructibility) or did she store it in hammerspace? Also is all the rest of their gear lost?
Sword Ex Machina much?
4502408
Sarah lost her armour because she didn't have time to put it on (I imagine that it takes a lot of time and at that moment she didn't have time to) and yes, everything except her Repeater, her Shotgun, her Vault suit and her .44 are gone
4502417
I'm having some disgusting flashbacks to Dead Money in FO:NV now with that being said.
Excellent chapter, and I had honestly completely forgotten about this whole section of the game until you started the prior chapter or two. Not that much left for them to do at this point, and we know it's only a matter of time until they are pulled to Equestria.
I seriously wonder what else Nim might end up accidentally doing to Sarah. That was a bit of an unexpected event, honestly.
Well done once again
4502382
Extra space between 'prisoners' and 'to'.
That should be 'pass'.
Looks like this paragraph got split somehow.
'it was the perfect thing to wear over her vault jumpsuit' should probably be it's own sentence. Also, 'military coat' isn't a real term. You're probably looking for 'trench coat'.
Should be a comma after 'adding', not a period.
Same deal here, should be a comma after 'venom', not a period.
'shoot' isn't the right word here.
Should be a comma after 'metal'.
Redundant.
Okay, after that little massacre, I really want to see more of Spencer.
4502352
Actually, this makes sense in continuity. The enclave isn't completely evil, aside from the higher-ups they're as 'evil' as a person can be, most of the foot soldiers are just biased and uninformed. A good example of humanity in the Enclave would be a holodisk you could find in Broken Steel about a brother and sister caring for each other.
Link
Day breaker Reminds me a lot of Jingwei's shock sword, mostly because it just cuts through everything. if only we could have it in Fallout Newvegas as well.
dat sword is broken i want it in fallout 3 in a mod now seriously the carnage it could bring
4502462
Thanks man, I think my editor may have become to immersed in what he was reading...
I can see that Spencer and Luna will be conflicting characters in the near future. You've gone and made a great character, which is awesome, because you're slowly becoming stale with our current trio (take that with a grain of salt, that happens naturally overtime in literature). But, now that Fawkes and Spencer are here, I can tell that things'll be much different. The chapter didn't have any grammatical errors, but I feel like you had an upbeat tone which didn't quite belong. Some of your sentences felt like they were there for comic relief that shouldn't have been used there. "Fawkes being Fawkes..." is the first one I noticed. I understand that Fawkes is resilient, but in the context of a story, jamming in memes, for lack of better term, seems uncreative. Also, I noticed that you didn't really put much into Sarah's conversation with Eden. You really missed an opportunity. Eden is a sentient AI that's been around for centuries, so you really could've dropped subtle hints and gave him depth. Instead, all readers really got was "Eden hate muties. Eden want kill muties."
But, this was a solid chapter none the less. Just try to keep your comedic side in check. There is a time and place for it, but Raven Rock was no such one. Also, embarrass Spencer more; 'tis a fun read. All in all, this chapter gets a Schmault-Tech Bubblehead/10
4502362
HEY! No one is more loyal than Dogmeat. The Sword is second place. Even with Dogmeat not appearing in this story.
4502370
Or maybe he'll break off and have his own wasteland adventures. Maybe he'll visit The Pitt or Point Lookout. Or fight aliens.
Maybe he'll even go by the Scrapyard and be deemed a worthy companion to its Canine guardian.
The second they were outside i was just thinking 'Wait for it and 5.4.3.2.1 and there it is'
An awesome chapter as always i can only hope they don't come across to many issues up till the Purifier. Which reminds me after Project Purity will this go into Broken Steel(or any of the DLC's) before equestria or are you not doing that ?
Anyway keep up the good work and i hope to see another update from you soon
Ciao
4502612
Ah well, I'll do better next time.
It does disappoint me that Sarah, Nim, and Luna are growing stale (though I know that happens to everyone) considering that they're the main characters, of course, with going on 66 chapters I can see why you feel that.
Daybreaker! You came back!
4502372 Ah my mistake. With all the fics I read at the same time they often fuse to form one hufe megafic
And here I hoped... There were a lot of good people in the enclave.
In game, you jave to destroy the base, but here I hoped you would rewrite history in this part.
4502740
If it makes you feel any better, the Brotherhood send Liberty Prime to destroy it if you leave it there anyways.
4502743
Man, this was a fast reply...
I am weird person. I actually like Enclave, but just a pure idea, their leaders are fucked up, but these are just normal "american" people.
The same for that guy in the pit (I forgot name) This guy had I good idea. In my first gameplay, I simlky killed him, I later learned that it is actually possible to side with him, without being seemed as bad. It apply to most games I play, But onlu selescted bosses or classes. (I am fan of any race that is based on hive, those are often made especially gruesome to be viewed as evil, But I like them...
Ps. Did you had any word from that second person who is making that art for you?
4502775
he's been offline for two days now
4502779
ok, thanks for info.
Now I am going to sleep, or trying to, why do people always update their stories when I try to sleep?
Well, that's a good sword!
Awesome Chapter love the ending remind me of the begin of Lone Ranger
anyway have a great derpy day everypony
Well some one pick up the phone. Because I FUCKING CALLED IT!!!
4502666 Damn it, you fuckin did it before me....
4502313 stay golden pony boy.
you know if I was spencer I would try to gain control of the conclave, especially when you take in mind that the only thing the brotherhood has over the conclave is liberty prime.
Very nice. The sword bit was so funny. But I would of still liked to see it in the hands of General Autumn.
I expected Autumn to have her sword at the purifier.
It's like a boomerang!