Luna and Nightmare Moon are transported to the Capital Wasteland during the final battle against her sister. Join them in their attempt to return home and reclaim her birthright with the help of a girl named Sarah, fresh out of Vault 101.
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3927509
Oh no, the story's not going exactly the way you wanted it! What a disaster!
Grow the hell up, mate. No-one's making you read it.
I like mature stories. Mostly because the author can get away with a lot more, not necessarily sex, but in general.
3927542
Don't worry, the sex is a one time thing (to show on screen). And yes, now I can do more with gore and other things
3927518 When it comes to content, I don't mind, but when the base tag gets changed, that aggravates the hell out of me.
Just think people should make up their mind up before getting so far into the story.
To think a Fallout story would stay teen...DAMN YOU LOTUS!
Don't get me wrong, I like clop, but having that scene felt out of tune with the rest of the story, at least a little. I think that this may have been better as a separate "deleted scene" type chapter, where you have a choice to see the adult scene or just skip past it. Apart from that, I feel that this was a well written chapter, if a little light on substance.
3927564 : I don't mind sex, hell look at my favorites. Actually don't, don't look at them.
3927567
Oh, so the author can't decide to make changes to their stories if they feel they have to?
3927572
I was thinking of it, but in all honesty I'd rather not clutter up the story with 'bonus chapters' (at least until it's over and done with anyways and I can put them all at the bottom). I would like to say that I did mark it very clearly and provided a very clear place to show where it stopped.
Anyways; I'm glad you enjoyed the rest of the chapter even if it was admittedly a little light on substance. On the bright side, I got the Doctor in it (kind of) and no one has noticed yet.
3927589 I'm not saying they can't, they can do whatever they want. But when a story is posted, the tags usually represent how the story is going to be the entire time, or if they don't the author says it is subject to change.
3927605
And where, pray tell, is that a concrete rule set by the site?
And you have no leg to stand on, mate. Not until you write your own fics.
Come on every good story have one or more clop scene, deal with it. And let's be honest fallout reek of sexual tention to the point users make whole mods to add the sex. anyway just skip it if you don't like it, but this one really hit me surprised dint expect it.
3927616 It is not a concrete rule, that's just what I've seen in my own experience's. Anyway, I'm not holding it against the author as its his story and he can do what he wants, and that I have no say about what goes into it at all. The first comment I made was harsh, and I apologize.
I think that's a little over the top on the ignorance. You could pretty much just cut that.
Nightmare likes it gentle and Luna likes it rough? That's hilarious.
So much funny in this, the clop was more like a footnote, a sexy footnote..
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But where's his companion?
I can't wait until they meet Dogmeat. Cause, Dogmeat is The Lonely Wanderer's choice companion. He was in the final cut scene with The Wanderer, and is his/hers most loyal companion till the end. Even with the stuff between Luna and Sarah, Dogmeat hopefully will stay by Sarah's side until her(?) death.
im a little disappointed that there will be no more clop scenes. maybe you could make a separate "story" and post them there?
either way i loved this chapter!
keep up the good work
-dust
3927598 watch u talkin bout willis, how could i not notice the doctor??? but now im wondering why he would need the caps in the first place, he lose his TARDIS or somethin?
also, do you plan to do more with him later on??? hmmm... Hhmmmmmmm. hint hint nudge nudge?
That was just like my first time, except I'm a guy, and she wouldn't stop screaming. I'm all for screamers but when the only words she ever said were 'someone help!' and 'NOOO' it starts to grind on your nerves.
Don't even get me me started on that damn whistle.
3927803
Awesome; great to hear And as for the other part; you'd have to ask Shadow.
3927813
I don't consider him to be the actual Doctor. He's just a traveling doctor who Sarah happened to flag down in her time of need.
I saw this coming for quite a while. Thankfully it was well written. I'll admit it did feel a bit rushed going into the clop, but the rest was good. I think there needed to be a least one scene like this, to show progression in the relationship between the two. Should it have been held back to set up the right moment? Maybe, but nevertheless It was very good and I believe this chapter improves this story. Also, I found this clop unique with the Nightmare/Luna interaction that made it interesting to see how they worked together. Anyway, Can't wait for the next chapter!
3927815
stop
yeah man, its nice to know your doin a good job
continue
heh... uh.... i hope you where just giving her, her first powerful orgasim buddy.
*telephone* hello 911 what is your emergency
3927858
yup, a strange man with a brown overcoat and hair accompanied with a accent like Moriarty's { *cough* Scottish *cough* } that has a blue shining flashlight and was able to tell Sarah that luna would be alright ( but couldn't say why )
yup
yup
yup
yup
3927815
"Phallus of Malice" just make that better/worse
3927702
Well, if he posted a NSFW chapter within a Teen story, the fimfic staff would have a field day. So, not a great idea to leave the rating "Teen" or "Teen/Sex" when you write an explicit scene.
3927868
I was a bit pressed for time. I'm a slow writer and I don't like keeping someone waiting if they need me to write something. I was getting nervous when writing out the details as I knew someone would point out an obvious flaw in it all. I don't mind that, everyone makes mistakes, but, it's just one of those things where you're like "Yeah, that's not how it works."
But I'm a man. My reasoning for female anatomy and how their sexual desires works only goes so far. Can't exactly ask a woman directly, either. But, it's not an excuse.
3927745
As in virgin ignorance or author ignorance? If it's virgin ignorance, the whole thing ed wanted to throw out there was that Luna has not touched herself at all, so, all of this is completely new to her.
If it's author ignorance, then sure. Like I said above: my knowledge can only go so far. I'm not a woman, what do I know besides a few online textbooks?
3927918
Was he Scottish? His accent sounds way more Irish.
Eh, didn't mind it, but if you're going to have it where one can skip over it and not miss much, then maybe you should have any clop as a "chapter" in a side story for those who aren't interested in it. That way those who aren't interested in sex can continue to read the story and those who are can go to the separate story to read it.
3928069
I debated that, but in the end I decided that just having a 1 chapter clop story wasn't really worth it in the long run. But that's just me *shrugs shoulders*.
3928102
So it would have been a oneshot then? Not really that much different from most stories focusing in clop. But in the end it is your decision as the author.
3928227
Thanks. What did you think about the rest of the chapter if you don't mind me asking?
3928268
The rest of the chapter was fine actually and did a good job of showing how emotionally reliant they have become upon each other.
3928274
Great, that's exactly what I was going for
Vaguely reminds me of James's dialogue when you tell him that you blew up Megaton. Anywho, this chapter was... surprising with a dash of satisfying. I was not expecting romance yet nor was I expecting the smexy smex. I was pleasantly surprised. If this was your first attempt at anything erotic, then I applaud you. The rest of the chapter did a nice job of the "afterscrew," but immediately after that it felt sort of rushed.
"Oh, we just fucked, are sweaty and gnarly as your average super mutant, and probably smell like horse sex. Let's go find Dad!"
I dunno, maybe thats just me (probably). Despite that, I feel that this is the strongest chapter since the behemoth incident. The dialogue felt real, if a bit cliché, and Luna's self-doubt allowed for some dynamic development. 8.5/10, sir. Now it's time to take a trip down Tranquility Lane.
3928381
Thanks for the 'in-depth' chapter review, I never get enough of those.
As for Sarah wanting to rush off... that's kind of her character. She's very goal oriented and there are only so many hours of darkness to fly in. Also, it's not like they can take a bath (waste of pure water and Sarah doesn't carry much dirty) Still, you make a point... I think I'll bring that up next chapter
I have been avidly reading this on my phone. I just wanted to drop in and say, I LOVE THIS STORY!!! I don't comment nearly enough, not like in the past, and I feel this story deserves my taking time to express my love for it!
Never stop fighting the good fight!
3927918 Which is fridge brilliance,Because David Tennant,(Aka the overcoat,Suit and trainers doctor)Is scottish
3928274
Wait a second, aren't you supposed to be writing about Luna and a certain wizard? ;)
Good chapter Mr. Ed. I usually don't read clop, but it was there, so I just read through it.
3928030
Luna's ignorance was what I was referring to. How else would she have blushed at Nightmare's earlier innuendo if she was that ignorant?
3929171
But understanding a sexual innuendo is a bit different compared to feeling masturbation for the first time, no?
But, eh, not a big deal.
That was sweet, and I like how you were realistic about the sex, in the sense that because they're both virgins they won't be sex gods. I think it's a bit off that Luna is a virgin though. I mean, she's been alive for thousands of years, and she's never had a chance to get laid? I don't buy it, to be honest.
Also, does this technically count as a threesome?
personally, I have nothing against clop scenes, quite the opposite. But we all know that some hate it, are there any internal hyperlinks to the position on document on this site? you could out one right before that scene, and it would take you an the end of it. I knwo people on Doc's do that.
The clop wasn't really my cup of tea, and I do think it'd be better as a cloptional chapter, but I anticipate the next chapter all the same.
3929316
Different yes, but to get the joke and blush you have to know what the innuendo is referring to. You have to already know what getting wet and having an orgasm are, so Luna getting the jokes without the prerequisite knowledge just doesn't make sense.
It would be like someone making a joke about calculus, the other person laughing (for real, not just to pretend to know), and then the other person later saying he doesn't know what a derivative is.
3929910
I guess that's a fair point.
ed can always edit it out. Not that big of an edit.
Is it bad that my first thought was "Man, Littlepip and Blackjack are gonna be so jealous"?
3931028
Not at all heheheh
I was wondering when you would put 'Romance' and 'sex' tags on it since Luna and Sarah make such an awesome match!
Anyways, I love this story and hope to see more soon!
-XxRUSxX
HOT!!! Luna and Sarah just HOT!!! Also freaking hilarious with the "I wasnt expecting grandchild anyway bit. priceless
Its a great story but u should explain the time difference Cuz its been over 100years in equestrian but something like a month in fallout