The sequel to 'Forever yours, never mine.' Set a few years into the future.
Chapters (1)
- Member Since 13th Feb, 2012
- offline last seen Aug 4th, 2012
RosaryOmen
Greetings everypony! I'm just one of the many Aussie bronies who inhabit the internet. Ayup. If I have time/inspiration, I may take requests for fics!
RosaryOmen
Joined 13th Feb, 2012 ·
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Very nice, but the setup could be annoying for some readers, I knew it affected me as well, perhaps you could change it? But you know... whatever you want to do is...fine.
keep on writing though!
Characters were a bit artificial at times. ESPECIALLY RAINBOW DASH, I would never imagine her to just brush off a love confession like that.
Maybe invest a little more time into that, as everything else seemed well based.
282541
The way it was written, with Dashie 'brushing' off the confession was intentional. The endings of both fics are alike, it's just how I wrote them. Perhaps, I'll write a third story to keep all the bronies who just expected me to get them together and live happily ever after, happy.
:282540
What do you mean by the setup? Perhaps some detail would help me figure out how it 'affected you?'
282606
the lines of the story
one line started off very large like this
then this
282652
“Uhm... Rainbow Dash.” Pinkie whispered in the blue pegasus' ear. “C-can I... ask you something in private?” That confused the hell outta me
you should probobly change that because its implying Pinkie wants to talk to dash privately not fluttershy
282714
Oops!
I`ve been under impression this one is a sequel to the other.
Guess not.
288840E
Yeah it is. <_<
288847
It would be amusing if it were so, however. But that would need good reasons for being late. Perpetually late for each other, isn`t that sad? Or hilarious? Or cooky? I forgot which.
288861
It is meant to be sad, I guess some people miss the point.
Looks like I'll be needing to write a third sequel to make the bronies happy.
288974
You could`ve tied both into a singular line.
First, Rainbow Dash is too late. Later, it`s Fluttershy that is too late. The question is, WHAT kind of late it is? Is it a late that can be waited out, of is that a late that is forever?
Yes! I would totally like to see a happy ending! Even if it is a little weird.
You... you... you...
Poor Fluttershy.
It's pretty decent with some minor errors that are easily ignored.
Now my real problem is that you didn't explore the reasons behind the rejection in either story. You just said, 'too late', and left it alone. Go into detail and explain why it's too late. What has changed that Fluttershy/Rainbow Dash are no longer willing to have a relationship? Are they in another relationship? Are they too busy training for Wonderbolts/taking care of rare animals? Don't just have the rejection be 'flat' for lack of a better word.
Also I think these two stories should be combined into one.