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Chapter the First: Captain Monkey Wins World War II1,145 words
Chapter the Second: The Yellow Beast1,153 words
Chapter the Third: Cribbage and Smelly Hammerspace1,492 words
Chapter the Fourth: War of the Apples2,319 words
Chapter the Fifth: Fatty on the Friendship Express2,188 words
Chapter the Sixth: Pridefully Pretentious Prejudiceness2,460 words
Chapter the Seventh: The Ancient Mystic Chapter of No Homers1,307 words
Chapter the Eighth: Ready? Wu Sai Fung Ku!3,062 words
Chapter the Ninth: Spike vs. the Flying Saucer1,109 words

Chapter the Third: Cribbage and Smelly Hammerspace

The six young mares stared at the creature as it continued to run about Sugarcube Corner; screaming all the while.

“Ooh!” exclaimed Pinkie Pie. “Maybe it’s an evil monster that eats ponies’ brains!”

Just as she finished the sentence, Rarity and Fluttershy screamed, while Applejack and Rainbow Dash tensed up.

“Not if we have anything to say about it!” shouted Applejack.

“Just hang on a minute,” said Twilight, “We don’t even know what that thing is!”

“Sorry, Twilight,” said Rainbow Dash, “But there’s a time for thinking, and a time for doing!”

“BUT YOU NEVER THINK!”

The cacophony grew louder as it incorporated Rainbow Dash and Twilight arguing, Applejack unsuccessfully trying to get a word in edgewise, and Fluttershy and Rarity pleading with the monster not to eat their brains.

Then suddenly…

“HEY, YOU!”

Everyone in the room became silent and looked in the direction of the voice, except for the monster, which continued to mindlessly scream in circles. There was Pinkie Pie, standing on her hind legs, her two fore legs holding a pink, frosted cupcake apiece.

“YOU CAN’T EAT MY FRIENDS’ BRAINS, SO EAT THIS!”

Pinkie Pie threw her cupcakes, which sailed right into the gullet of the beast. The yellow monster stopped screaming, gagging on the cupcakes. In a matter of seconds, it was on the floor, unmoving. The six mares slowly approached the downed creature, until their faces were right above its vast form. Twilight turned to Pinkie, who stood next to her.

“Pinkie? What did you just do?”

“I told it that it shouldn’t eat your big juicy brains, so I let it have some delicious sweet cupcakes instead! Look, I think he’s really enjoying them!

The creature wasn’t breathing.

“MMMMMMMMM!!!”

“Why isn’t it moving?” inquired Rainbow Dash.

“I hate to say this, Pinkie,” said Applejack, “But I think it choked on your cupcakes.”

“What do you mean, you hate to say that?! If Pinkie didn’t nail it with those cupcakes, it would’ve eaten our brains!”

“It isn’t just the choking that knocked it out,” said Twilight, who had begun examining the unconscious creature. From what I can gather from my observations and my copy of ‘The Theoretical Application of Emergency Medical Aid to Alien Life Forms…’”

“Wait a minute, where did you get that book?” asked Rainbow Dash, pointing at the 9” by 11” by 3” tome sitting next to Twilight.

“I carry dozens of books with me at all times that would be useful in case of an immediate emergency.”

“Dozens?” said Applejack, “Twilight, we never see you carrying that many books all day, every day.”

“Or all night, every night!” chimed in Pinkie.

“From what I can gather,” said Twilight, ignoring what the others were pointing out, “The main reason this thing fainted is because… it’s pregnant?”

“WHAT?!” they all shouted.

“Oops, silly me, I read the medical chart upside down!” said Twilight, giggling and leaving everybody confused.

“Aw!” said Pinkie Pie in disappointment, “I wanted to throw a baby shower!”

“The real reason it fainted is from… a heart attack.”

“A what?” said Rarity.

“Aw, I think it’s smitten with you, Rarity,” said Applejack.

“Is that why it was pregnant?” asked Pinkie.

Rarity screamed for a second at the horrific prospect, causing Rainbow Dash to fall down in a fit of laughter.

“No, no,” said Twilight, “It’s got nothing to do with love. It’s when your veins don’t pump enough blood to the heart, and heart muscles die or get damaged. It can be deadly!”

“Can it happen to,” Rarity gulped, “Ponies?”

“Yes, but it’s unbelievably rare since it’s a sudden symptom of heart disease, which is incredibly uncommon in Equestria. You have to be incredibly unhealthy to have a heart attack, and usually very old.”

There was a pause of several seconds before Fluttershy asked, with genuine concern in her voice, “Will it be okay?”

“I don’t know,” said Twilight. “We’d better get it over to the Hospital.”

The six mares tried in vain to lift the portly being, but even without the help of 45 pounds of Sugarcube Corner’s best cakes and confections, it would have been an impossible job. Homer Simpson’s weight comprises of the two-hundred-and-thirty heaviest pounds in existence.

“Why don’t we run back to Sweet Apple Acres and grab some rope?” asked Applejack, after they had failed for the seventh heave-ho, “Come to think of it, as long as we’re there, we could get Big Mac to help us!”

“Sounds like a good idea!” said Twilight, “But one of us should stay here and keep an eye on it.”

“I will,” volunteered Fluttershy.

“Then it’s settled,” said Twilight. “Okay, see you in a bit!”

The five other mares trotted out of Sugarcube Corner, while Fluttershy continued to sit next to the yellow creature.

“You poor thing,” said Fluttershy, patting its round, smooth head. “How could something as helpless as you ever eat our brains?

Suddenly, something caught her eye that caused her heart to skip a beat. Beads of drool were seeping out of the creature’s mouth, despite its lack of consciousness. She could even hear a faint gurgling sound as the drool steadily increased in volume.

“You don’t want to eat my brains… do you?” she squeaked.

“MMMMMM… PINK FROSTING…”

Even a block away, the group of mares could hear Fluttershy’s terrible shriek, causing them to change direction immediately and return from whence they came without a word. They burst back into Sugarcube corner, just as Fluttershy was backing away, shaking in fright, from the monster, now on its feet, which was sporting the most shocking, horrific, vacant stare that anypony had ever seen.

“Please don’t eat my brains, Mr. Monster,” Fluttershy pleaded in what was barely more than a whisper, “I don’t even know if they would taste very good.”

The five mares prepared to attack the creature to defend the defenseless Fluttershy, when suddenly…

“Okay,” said the monster.

You could hear a pin drop after the monster spoke. Silence reigned for about a minute until Twilight Sparkle finally spoke up.

“You can talk?” she asked.

The monster turned around. Then it spoke.

“Are you a talking horse?”

“Actually, I’m a pony; a unicorn, to be specific.”

“Huh. That is very interesting.”

“Thanks…”

“Wait… I’m not drunk, am I?”

“No, I don’t think you’re…”

“Oh my god, what do I do?” thought Homer. “I’m inside a bakery with talking horses! What was Dad’s advice for this situation?”

“Now Homer,” said Abe, “If you ever find yourself inside a bakery with talking horses, never challenge them to a game of cribbage. They’re dirty players. I challenged Seabiscuit to a hot game in ’29. It was during the Blitz, and since we were playing outside, we had to wear little iceboxes on our head to protect us from the radiation. To keep warm beneath the iceboxes, we drank warm molasses cola and munched on hot coals, fresh from the Spirit of St. Louis. Now where was I? Oh, yeah; the game continued for a score of fortnights, and I’ve would’ve beaten him and got the money to pay off old man Pullman, but the filthy cheater had an extra Twelve of Queens up his nose, and play it he did. He walked away with my life savings of fifty-two-and-a-half cents and my childhood sweetheart, Eleanor Roosevelt. We had met in Hollywood, when railroad pictures were all the rage…"

“Why can’t I shut you up in my own head?!” thought Homer furiously.

“…so remember to never tell them your name, because those Huns will poke you something fierce with their schnitzel sticks.”

“Okay, all I have to do is keep quiet,” thought Homer. “Don’t tell them your name. Don’t tell them your name. Don’t tell them your name. Don’t tell them your name. Don’t tell them your…”

“What’s your name?” asked Twilight Sparkle.

“Homer Simpson.”

…

“D’oh!”

“Pleased to meet you, Mr. Simpson,” said Twilight, extending a hoof.

“Oh, did I say Homer Simpson? I meant to say… uh… Omar… Sampson!”

“But you just said…”

“My name’s definitely not Homer Simpson. Bye!”

Homer began to nervously walk towards the door of Sugarcube Corner.

“Wait, Mr. Simpson… Sampson… whatever! You just had a heart attack! You need medical attention!”

“Oh, please,” said Homer. “Nothing’s ever stopped Homer Simpson from going where he’s got to go!”

Homer hit his head on the arch of the doorway, knocking himself out.

Twilight sighed. “Let’s go back to Sweet Apple Acres and get that rope.”

“Let me help you get your books!”

“Thanks, Pinkie,” said Twilight.

Twilight pondered the first interactions with the creature, as Pinkie Pie put her books away to the other ponies’ shock and disgust.

Author's Note:

I'm back with a new chapter, the longest yet!
Why has it taken so long to update?

Four words: THE CLICK OF DEATH.

I haven't recovered my data yet, but I realized that since I only typed out a couple hundred words, waiting any longer to get it back wasn't worth it, so I began the chapter again. I though it turned out magnificently, and I hope you think so, too!

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